The last hurrah before turning into a slave again

Art and photo by CallMeCreation.com

Again, I didn’t have the patience to do sketches before watercoloring. I just stayed loose because I’m lazy and I was just going with the flow, with what I’m feeling. I just followed where the water was going.

I wish I could be like that in real life. However, I can’t because I’m in charge of the lives of two people who are completely dependent on me. I have to be organized and responsible so I won’t fuck up their lives and end up therapy. The only time I can be loose and free is when I watercolor like this. Even when I travel, I say “whatever, I’ll just go with whatever I feel like,” but in truth there are a lot of planning involved there. I’m just not rigid.

So this is my last hurrah before I go back to work tomorrow. Put my nose on the grinding stone again. Then pack our little things in between so I can drive these stuff to my house in bits and pieces…

Speaking of my house, my contractor gave me the bill for the construction work for my laundry area and a separate bill for the waterworks i.e. pressure tanks, etc. I hope these are the last of it because anything more than that means I would have to draw down on my moneymarket UITF. 🤦🏻‍♀️ Good thing I still have enough free cash/retained earnings to tide me by without touching my investments again.

It’s hard to adult.

Happy Easter!

Since I had my brain rested, I was able to make fresh art again.

Art and photo by CallMeCreation.com
Art and photo by CallMeCreation.com
Art and photo by CallMeCreation.com
Art and photo by CallMeCreation.com
Art and photo by CallMeCreation.com

I’ll probably make more complicated ones tomorrow.

Broken cat and a heat gun

My cat must be broken. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

I snuggled with my cat, Sushi, before I had that call with my APAC head this afternoon. We leveled off and I told her that I was so close to quitting, among other things that I had to tell her, like I was being poached by another publication and that competitors are also hiring all over for Southeast Asia so there is always a threat that

Anyway, that is that. I just have to struggle with nobody in Singapore office, at least for the next six months or so. That means I would have to travel there frequently.

I relaxed a bit today so stomach acids are less bothersome today so I have no diarrhea. Hopefully, this continues so I won’t be harassed when I travel next week.

Meanwhile, my heat gun finally arrived.

This heat gun makes my life easier. Art and photo by CallMeCreation.com

I don’t have to wait overnight for my watercolors to dry completely. The drawback here is that the hot air from the heat gun pushes the liquid too much so it makes the color marks look messy.

Recreated the Metro Manila view from Padi’s Point Antipolo. Art and photo by CallMeCreation.com

I have to practice using the heat gun. It tends to wash out some colors so I need to layer a lot.

I’m not happy with this one. Art and photo by CallMeCreation.com

More practice. More practice. More practice.

Signals

My body was full of knotted muscles so I had booked a two-hour Zennya massage last night. At the end of the session I was already snoring so I just went straight to bed and forgot about everything else.

Today, I was bombarded with edits (which was fine) and hiring chores/issues (which was not fine) that I had suffered through diarrhea the entire day due to too much stomach acids. I think I had been going to the bathroom 10x already. It seems like my proton pump inhibitor (esomeprazole) is not doing its job. If by next week I’ll still be like this (geez I’m in Singapore 🤦‍♀️), then it seems like I need to have that endoscopy to see whether I already have peptic ulcers.

I think I need to decompress for a bit.

Photo by CallMeCreation.com

Let’s see what I can come up with later.


This is why I bought a heat gun from Lazada last night. A small desk fan cannot dry washes in an instant. Art and photo by CallMeCreation.com
Yes, I repeated an old image. Art and photo by CallMeCreation,com

I redid this Binangonan sunset that I drew last year. This time, I did not resort to using fine liners to define plants and I am now more light-handed when it comes to sky colors compared to the first drawing. This paper is still very wet so I will just revisit this tomorrow when it’s completely dry.

Why did I do this?

Nothing. Just to track my progress when it comes to technique i.e. showing the opacity and how to do reflections on water. The first time I did this, Laguna Lake didn’t look like a lake at all; it was just a muddy valley. Now at least there’s a semblance of water reflecting the sky. I also mixed cadmium yellow + cobalt violet and cadmium orange + cobalt violet to produce different browns for the lake shore that would go with sunset and the lake. For the other part of the lake, it was a mixture of imperial violet + blue gray deep of varying degrees. Using the pre-mixed browns and grays made my first drawing muddy and it lacked opacity that is needed when sunlight changes every second. Watching other artists on Instagram is helping me to rely less on pre-mixed colors and create my own.

This is still ugly in my eyes so I need to continue improving this. Probably next year.

No Umbrella

My image of No Umbrella by Cynthia Alexander. Art and Photo by CallMeCreation.com

I was listening to Cynthia Alexander’s live rendition of her No Umbrella on Youtube when I suddenly had the urge to make a quick watercolor wash of what I always imagined that song’s imagery in my head. It’s always UP Diliman, under the trees, along the academic oval. I first heard the song in 2002. For twenty years I always thought this song would happen to me in UP Diliman.

Talk about self-fulfilling prophecy.

It really didn’t happen exactly like this but it’s more of me walking alone under the rain when before I walked with somebody under some drizzle inside the campus.

No Umbrella

I remember
Walking in the rain
No umbrella
With your arms around me
How can I forget
That was the last time

I saw you
Waving down a taxi
Getting on without me
And you’re sorry
How can I forget
That was the last time

You’re sorry
You’re sorry
Sorry, sorry

I remember
Somewhere in the rain
The man without a face
It was you
You were quiet
I knew what you were thinking but
You couldn’t say it
Letting go of the feeling
Things ain’t what they are now
Rain is falling no umbrella
I remember you

You’re sorry
You’re sorry
Sorry, sorry

You’re sorry
You’re sorry
You’re sorry
You’re sorry
You’re sooooorry

You are sorrier
You are sorrier
You are sorrier
Made you sorrier
Sorry

I think a visit to Art Whale tomorrow is in order. I need a tube of white gouache and a mopping brush.

It’s one of those days

Hiding in a corner. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

It’s just one of those days when I just want to rock back and forth and hug myself. Things are not ok and I don’t want pretend that I’m fine by masking how I feel.

As my bosses said, don’t carry the weight of the world on your shoulders. Drop everything and just concentrate on one task.

I’m not fine. I’m overwhelmed.

I’m not fine. I’m tired.

I’m not fine, I’m sad. I feel alone.

Art and photo by CallMeCreation.com

Maybe tomorrow will be better. Maybe I will get some answers. Maybe I just need some assurance that it will be all right.

I’m not broken yet.

Art and photo by CallMeCreation.com

Art and photo by CallMeCreation.com
Art and photo by CallMeCreation.com