I only bought flowers and had my daughter, Twin A, and my youngest nephew bring the flowers to my father’s niche in our parish’s columbarium. I haven’t visited him in a while.

I don’t know why I don’t visit his remains as I should. Maybe because I know he is not there. Maybe I buy flowers as a token, as a reminder to myself that I still remember him. That I remember him almost everyday. The flowers were not really for him, I guess.

I haven’t gone out today, All Souls’ Day, which is our equivalent of El Dia de los Muertos. During my parents’ youth, they celebrate it on Nov 2 and all cemetry visits happen on that date. Nov. 1 is for All Saints’ Day or Todos los Santos so this is celebrated in Catholic church with a special mass.

But nowadays, we commemorate our departed loved ones on Nov 1 because normally Nov 2 is when we go back to work. Sometimes if the government is generous, it declares Nov 2 a special non-working holiday.

I guess I savored my long weekend by staying home because I will be hauling my ass off to work again tomorrow. Better sleep and not waste gas.

Before the long weekend, I attended a gala night hoping I can get stories. I just borrowed a dress because I don’t want to spend for an event that I am not assured of any ROI. It was not flattering at all… but what can I do?! Beggars can’t be choosers.

Anyway, I’m happy I got two very thin stories, but hey — at least I didn’t go home empty-handed. It allowed me to almost reach my monthly quota (I was one story short). I can excuse myself for falling short since I had a one-week personal time off.

So what did I do during the long weekend? Basically nothing. I lined some three-year-old sketches like this one below.

I didn’t want to spend much. Life is hard nowadays and businesses feel it. Read/listen to this interview with a florist, this economic downturn is worse than what we experienced during the pandemic.

Thank you, Trump for destroying the global economy.

And the dotard will be flying here for the ASEAN Summit, which I will be covering for an entire week. 🤦🏻‍♀️

Dang! The entire Metro Manila will be locked down. When Obama was here for APEC in 2015, Metro Manila traffic was paralyzed because they locked down Pasay, Manila, and some parts of Makati because the events were scattered — PICC, World Trade Center, Entertainment City, and some Makati hotels.

I need to rest some more. 😭

Speaking of… I think I got Covid when I got sick during my coverage of the ASEAN Energy Forum. I didn’t have fever but I was so weak and my asthma didn’t go away for two weeks. The Friday after our coverage, I met with a friend and he later told me he got sick with Covid right after our meeting. 🤦🏻‍♀️ I also infected Kr after our ASEAN Energy coverage. She was sick the following week — that week when editor from the land of bubblegum pop was torturing me. Kr said her body hasn’t fully recovered from that terrible flu but she decided to push through with her surfing trip to Baler. When I told her it might have been Covid, she said it now makes sense why she felt  weak weeks after.

And here we are, we’re going to subject ourselves again to huge petri dishes that are the ASEAN Summit and related meetings. 😭

Undas is not really Catholic in origin.

I took my kids, nephews and mom to this restaurant in the middle of nowhere that serves good food at Manila prices yesterday.

While waiting for our food to arrive, I drew. I knew there would be no cellular signal so I’ve come prepared.

After that very late lunch, we headed to the church in Liliw to park so my girls can buy shoes and sandals.

We got home past 5:30 pm, bellies full and satisfied with shoe purchases. I didn’t buy for myself since my feet require more cushion and heel support. Ageing, you know. If only I could conduct business on my On Cloud sneakers, I would.

At 11 pm, I was still cleaning my kitchen after a marathon cooking session. I made 4 kg of potato salad to go with the steaks I’m grilling now.

Why am I punishing myself like this? I don’t know. Food is my love language and I just want to feed my extended family on my birthday, which is technically tomorrow.

I don’t want to be bothered on the day of my birthday so I did the feeding program today. Tomorrow I just want to stay in bed until it’s time for my spa appointment with my mom.

But I have a job interview tomorrow morning. Well, it’s not really a fulltime job; it’s a side gig. The partner of the firm that I have a sort of working relationship referred me to this company that’s going to call me tomorrow. They’re looking for a writer with investment and finance background and they couldn’t find someone suitable. I told the partner that I need to talk to them first before I commit because I don’t know if they expected fixed hours from me (they’re from a different time zone).

I don’t want to think about work on my break but let’s see if this is a good opportunity.

In the meantime, I realized during this break that I hate my job because I’m dreading going back on Monday. All because of that editor from the land of bubblegum pop. Why are the people from that country assholes?

And tried to release some creativity because I’m already dead inside. Work already killed my creativity. It has made me numb and transformed me into a mass of nerves and anxiety.

I spent an hour in this spot, until the light faded. All I had with me was my dinky portable brush that wasn’t good for washes.

I also did a sketch at the doctor’s clinic yesterday while waiting for my turn. I tried to practice my perspective sketching without drawing a grid.

I think I still need to draw grids.

The paper on this sketchbook is terrible for watercolors but I need to consume everything and finish this as a challenge. I started this in 2022 and four years after I have yet to finish half of the book.

My mom was 46 when I was 16, in my last year in high school. I thought my parents had it all figured out by then. They were old in my eyes.

Now that I’m in that same season, I realize my parents were still groping their way into the world when they were 46, raising hormonal and cranky teenagers (in the case of my brother, a young adult) while they were confronting so much turbulence coming from all fronts. We were already living in that house where my mom still lives in. I am now staring at the same sampaloc tree that I used to stare at from my window when I was 16.

I must be doing something right as my kids have more empathy for me than I had for my parents at that same age. Or maybe I’m just an obnoxious kid then.

I’ve been waiting for hours at my gynecologist’s clinic. Three hours to be exact.

My doctor was called to an emergency so my waiting time took longer than usual. But I decided to just wait it out because I may no longer have a free day to have my yearly check up.

My endocrinologist’s clinic days are full so the earliest appointment that I could get is on 3 Nov. I would have to wrangle some free hours that day so I could have a new Rx for my diabetes meds. As of June, my blood sugar is still at the borderline but I haven’t been exercising that much so I’m kinda scared that I may have sabotaged my future and I may have crossed the line.

Oh Lord, I hope not!

I have a myoma.

Nothing to worry about, my gynecologist said, as it is still small and when I reach menopause that may shrink. We just have to monitor that it doesn’t grow and cause abnormal bleeding or pain.

I also have cysts on my breast but so far they are benign. My paternal aunt’s breast cancer that eventually killed her is not alarming yet but I need to do annual mammograms and transV ultrasounds just for monitoring. It would have been worrisome if the breast cancer is from my maternal side.

But she was alarmed about my brother’s small polyps in his colon. It was discovered during his executive check up. The doctors said they’re not doing anything yet, but that needs close monitoring given that my maternal uncle is battling colon cancer now and his chemo is not yet done.

Belatedly, I learned a cousin from my mother’s side also has colon cancer but I think she’s done with the surgery and chemo.

So my gynecologist wrote an endorsement letter to a gastroentorologist so I can have a colon cancer screening.

I should do this tomorrow by getting an appointment ASAP.