Just another slow Sunday. I decided to cook tinola instead of buying from the weekend market because it was gloomy, rainy, and cold. I didn’t want to go out.

I spent my whole morning just savoring the stillness of my home. Unlike last Sunday when I was out of sorts, this morning is like a dream — slow, luxurious, and uncomplicated.

Romanticizing my days makes my anxiety-inducing job tolerable these days.

Last Saturday when I drove to my parents’ hometown, I thought that a quick roadtrip would help me breathe and forget about work. So I gladly drove my brood the following day for lunch in Caliraya so I can kick out the thought of my horrid editor from the land of bubblegum pop.

I just need to create little pockets of sunshine to help me stay literally sane.

Human Nature (from Thriller album) is my favorite Michael Jackson song, with Man In the Mirror (from Bad album) as a runner up. I just learned tonight that it was composed and partly written by Steve Porcaro of Toto!

And bonus fact: Steve Lukather, also from Toto, provided the lovely guitars to the track.

Another fun fact: Steve Lukather has played guitar for 2000 recorded songs — a very prolific sessionist. Jeff Porcaro (whose Porcaro shuffle has troubled many drummers), also from Toto, has also been a session drummer for many recording artists and he was in demand because he has great groove. He was on the speed dial of many producers.

And here’s Human Nature in its unadulterated form. This song has been sampled so many times that I always forget how the original sounded like.

Was just in my bed for the last 48 hrs or so. Been suffering from flu with diarrhea. My head is pounding and all I did was sleep.

I drove to an expo at the World Trade Center on Wednesday and I did my best hunting for people to interview. I was supposed to go to SM Mall of Asia to write but once I was in my car, all I could think about was my bed and how lovely it is to lie down and rest. I ditched the idea of going to MOA and drove straight home.

By 4:30 pm I was already home. I hopped on my bed and never left because by evening I was already feverish.

The following day was worse. I was slipping in and out of consciousness and dreamed weird dreams while I nursed my fevers. I also had a bit of asthma attack so I had my nebulizer at the foot of my bed.

I don’t remember how I fed myself but somehow I was able to. I just ordered Grab for dinner for me and my kids when they arrived from school in the evening.

Then my diarrhea started. 🤦🏻‍♀️

My head still felt heavy this morning but I was already breathing normally and the fever is gone. I prepared my work desk but the pull of my bed was stronger. I had to sleep.

I tried working in the afternoon, so I refiled two stories that were left hanging last week. One made the cut while one is still left in editing hell.

I managed to cook dinner while suffering from body aches, headache, and diarrhea.

I just want t sleep 😭

My 2026 started badly that I couldn’t help but feel it’s going to be like that for the rest of the year. It’s a downer.

So yesterday I prayed for survival for this month of February. I don’t want another shitshow. Going to Anilao every weekend to decompress is not realistic given the scheduling and booking problems.

I have to carve out little moments of calm to survive.

I attended a family function yesterday and learned about the plans for our ancestral home. My cousin built a 4-storey commercial building near the municipal hall and his parents will live on the 3F after transfering from our ancestral home. He said the old house and lot, which they painstakingly renovated and expanded, is too noisy now as it is next to the highway. Well, he has a point; it’s not an ideal place for senior citizens to live in anymore.

The sad part is that they plan to demolish the house and all the structures around it (including my grandpa’s beloved kitchen) to make it into a commercial establishment.

My bestie cousin told me if we only (other cousins) had money, we could buy that family property instead of erasing all the footprints of our ancestors.

It’s nostalgia vs capitalism. Can we live with just nostalgia? I don’t know. My gut tells me we should at least try to buy it from my cousins.

However, we aren’t going to live in it so what’s the point?

Meanwhile, the home of my grandparents on my father’s side is still untouched. No one is living there and it stands there as a museum of sorts for that side of the family. My uncle who built it already retired and is living in a commercial establishment a kilometer or two from that house. He said he didn’t want to live there alone and do all the renovations because it was too bothersome.

I asked if I could at least scrounge through the old stuff I could preserve, like my dad’s old stuff.

However, I don’t have the time to do that. 😶

My father would have thrown a fit at the state of the house now. I mean it’s alright but you know that it’s like a haunted house, hosting the ghosts of the past while having no future.

Again, can we live with just the memories and remain in its stillness?

It has been a rough week.

I think half of my problem with that editor from the land of bubblegum pop is miscommunication. English is not her strong suit so 1) the tone is very harsh maybe because her first language is harsh or not polite, 2) she thinks I’m stupid for always misunderstanding her 3) she is harsh by nature.

So many lines are crossed. My skin jumps when I see her in my emails and chats.

Anyway, I’m just buying time. I’m figuring a way out. If I don’t get the two jobs I applied for, then I will have to figure out how to get two consulting contracts.

It’s the weekend; I’m driving to Batangas tomorrow and then to Caliraya on Sunday. To drive the cobwebs away.

Went back to civilization today to interview (I got two!) and to schedule several prospects. I need to draft three stories tomorrow to meet minimum requirement while on edit duty. I don’t know what supernatural powers I must activate to survive that.

I submitted my application to two jobs last night. I got so frustrated with my editor from the land of bubblegum pop, who held up two of my stories and rejected one. My cortisol went through the roof yesterday.

I can’t go on like this.

I mean, I quit being a team leader because I thought that was the source of all my anxiety and depression.

Nope.

It’s her.

And if I get either one of those two jobs, I must hire a driver because it’s an office-bound role.

Goodbye. It has been a good 12 years.

But if I don’t get either one, then I must endure bit more. 😵‍💫