My mom was 46 when I was 16, in my last year in high school. I thought my parents had it all figured out by then. They were old in my eyes.

Now that I’m in that same season, I realize my parents were still groping their way into the world when they were 46, raising hormonal and cranky teenagers (in the case of my brother, a young adult) while they were confronting so much turbulence coming from all fronts. We were already living in that house where my mom still lives in. I am now staring at the same sampaloc tree that I used to stare at from my window when I was 16.

I must be doing something right as my kids have more empathy for me than I had for my parents at that same age. Or maybe I’m just an obnoxious kid then.

I’ve been waiting for hours at my gynecologist’s clinic. Three hours to be exact.

My doctor was called to an emergency so my waiting time took longer than usual. But I decided to just wait it out because I may no longer have a free day to have my yearly check up.

My endocrinologist’s clinic days are full so the earliest appointment that I could get is on 3 Nov. I would have to wrangle some free hours that day so I could have a new Rx for my diabetes meds. As of June, my blood sugar is still at the borderline but I haven’t been exercising that much so I’m kinda scared that I may have sabotaged my future and I may have crossed the line.

Oh Lord, I hope not!

I have a myoma.

Nothing to worry about, my gynecologist said, as it is still small and when I reach menopause that may shrink. We just have to monitor that it doesn’t grow and cause abnormal bleeding or pain.

I also have cysts on my breast but so far they are benign. My paternal aunt’s breast cancer that eventually killed her is not alarming yet but I need to do annual mammograms and transV ultrasounds just for monitoring. It would have been worrisome if the breast cancer is from my maternal side.

But she was alarmed about my brother’s small polyps in his colon. It was discovered during his executive check up. The doctors said they’re not doing anything yet, but that needs close monitoring given that my maternal uncle is battling colon cancer now and his chemo is not yet done.

Belatedly, I learned a cousin from my mother’s side also has colon cancer but I think she’s done with the surgery and chemo.

So my gynecologist wrote an endorsement letter to a gastroentorologist so I can have a colon cancer screening.

I should do this tomorrow by getting an appointment ASAP.

It’s just I’m jumping from creative pursuit to another so I don’t burn out of my moneymaking creative endeavor.

Today is the beginning of my personal time off so I will try to start sketching again and play the piano. I will refrain from writing anything, if I can help it, except maybe write here on my blog.

Writing pulls out every essence of my being so it’s not much of a surprise that I get drained every few months. My last PTO was in June and by September I felt like I was already running on empty.

I need to pull away and turn off my tap because I no longer have anything to give.

Life is good when outside forces don’t intrude into my peace.

I’m alone at home as my kids are out with friends. Twin I has a gig in a bar and Twin A is watching with my bff’s kid, who is also a friend of my twins.

I’m past my prime. It’s their turn and I’m just here to cultivate their talents and potential. ❤️

I was caught off guard yesterday that when I got back home from buying veggies and gimbap from the Korean mart, it was already very dark. I took the jeep at 5 pm and after my errands were done, I thought I was out for 2 hrs because it was already dark. Nope, it was only 6 pm.

Mid-autumn festivals are done and we’re getting closer to winter. We don’t have that here but we in the tropics can feel that the days are getting shorter.

I can feel my body craving rest, the instinct to hibernate until sunny days are back again. Exhaustion is taking over so much that I will take PTO next week for my birthday.

I haven’t fully recovered yet from whatever virus struck me last week that caused me to sleep the entire weekend. My veggie shopping last night left me so tired that dinner for me and my kids consisted of only gimbap.

I’m so freaking tired. I just want to cry. I worked from 9 am to almost 8 pm nonstop, pandering to the demands of the editor from the land of bubblegum pop.

I don’t want to write a data piece again. Not in a very long time. I didn’t even volunteer for that assignment; she just shoved it to me and I didn’t have a chance to say no. That’s the only thing I worked on the entire week and in the end that thing got flipped over its head.

I also got my rejection letter from the rival company. Oh well.

I wonder where God is taking me. Like everything I applied for closed their doors on me. My bff a few minutes ago was explaining to me the unhappy process of how my own undergrad department passed me over for someone the academic committee of our college (which she is a member of) didn’t want. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I’m over it. I mean I’m semi glad that I didn’t get the post or else I would be so poor right now as an academic.

The consulting gig that I’m taking would depend on so many factors that are out of my hands. If successful, I can get as much as half of my current salary every month just for one project. If I manage to bring in more, there’s a potential that I could earn double my current salary.

But again, it depends on so many factors that I’m not counting on it.

I wonder where I’m headed.

I never knew or even had an inkling that Billy Corgan is a Christian. And even comfortable talking about his belief.

And here we are, the famous and infamous frontman of the Smashing. Pumpkins, who warred openly with D’arcy Wretzky and finally made peace with James Iha, is a Christian. 😱

Billy Corgan is now in the company of Dave Mustaine as the unlikely Christian rockstars of the planet.

Dave Mustaine (ex-Metallica, founder of Megadeth) is also openly talking about his Christian faith. How he came from witchcraft to Christianity. The Dave Mustaine who had traded barbs with James Hetfield and Lars Ulrich. The Dave Mustaine who was a raving lunatic when drunk. That Dave Mustaine.

And of course, Alice Cooper. Shock rocker Alice Cooper. Son of a preacher. The Alice Cooper who threw a live chicken at the audience, and that same audience who promptly defeathered and beheaded that live chicken at a show. 😬 Yes, that Alice Cooper. He teaches at Sunday school. 😉

And of course, Bono a.k.a. Paul Hewson of U2. He has been outspoken  about Christianity for quite a while.

As someone who comes from a land torn apart by religion (Protestants vs Catholics), he doesn’t shy away from the subject. But he has a more non-chalant attitude when talking about Christianity compared to Dave Mustaine.

And oh! Don’t forget about Brian “Head” Welch from Korn. I have his book about his conversion and overcoming his addictions after becoming a Christian. Pretty cool dude. I also subscribe to his belief that nothing in this world is just coincidence.

You see, God chooses the broken, the flawed, the sinner, to spread the Gospel. Just like Paul, who was a Christian killer, these people have become the unlikely spokespersons for the faith. They’re more flawed than anyone of us or holier than anyone of us. God doesn’t care.

I thought Fossil leather bags are really animal hide. I bought an overpriced one from Tangs in Singapore a few years ago before the pandemic.

The bag itself is intact and is made of real leather (I think) but the crossbody strap and the top handles — they’re a different story. They started to flake in the cold PICC halls.

And I was running around an international conference, chasing after millionaires and billionaires with a flaking bag over my shoulder. 🤦🏻‍♀️ Le pauvre!

So after three days of freezing and jumping from one auditorium to another, I ended up very sick. I could have gotten home yesterday at lunch but I was waiting for an official of another ASEAN member to interview.

But I got stood up. 🙄

Staff said he got sick.

Oh boy, you should have told me earlier. I’m sick, too, and I wanted to go home and sleep on my own bed. On the way home, I was blowing my nose into my tissues while driving. It took superhuman effort not to fall asleep at the wheel. 🤧

My body has yet to recover. I’m really sick. 😷🫩