I have a friend from college who  suddenly died two days ago. I sought a common friend at 5:30 am today to ask what happened. She said common friend was diagnosed with leukemia on 10 April and was admitted immediately to the ICU. He died on the 15th.

He didn’t stand a chance. It was too fast, like he wasn’t even given a chance to have treatment. His wife posted on Facebook (I checked after I learned) that her husband wanted to live and was fighting hard. I’m so sorry, C, rest in peace. You don’t have to hurt anymore.

I guess his leukemia didn’t present symptoms until it was already too advanced. I researched and learned that this happens to adults with chronic myelogenous leukemia. This common friend told me that this is a wakeup call for us in our age group to have ourselves checked regularly.

This jolted me. I finally decided that I won’t join the out-of-town data analytics training in early May and instead I should spend part of my annual personal time off for medical checkups. I ghosted my gynecologist for a year in 2023 after my tests showed I was fine. I should go back and have to re-do my pap smear and all tests that constitute an executive checkup. I should get another gastroenterologist because my previous one didn’t care a fig about me. My CT scan last December showed an inflamed fatty liver and pancreas. Another friend told me that unhealthy liver can be reversed but once the pancreas is hit—it’s gonna be tough. Women who have polycystic ovary syndrome (which I had known I have since high school) have a higher risk of developing pancreatic cancer or insulin resistance.

I shouldn’t leave everything to chance. Because as I wrote here before, genetics is shit. Even though lymphoma is generally regarded not genetic (but I doubt it because my grandpa and his daughter, my aunt, both died of it), there may be gene mutations that I may have inherited. I don’t want to leave my children motherless at this stage. I should have myself screened regularly.

I have already abstained from alcohol and too much stimulants like caffeine as they have been triggering my gastric problems. Plus it’s healthier. I’ve been controlling consumption of red meat. I haven’t been grilling steak or porkchops as often as I did in the past.

This is a wakeup call.

I had a call early this evening to prep my panelists for next week. Why do I feel like I asked the wrong questions and I looked like a dweeb? Maybe because the guide questions set before me were dumb and I was grasping for the middle ground. At the end of the call, I finally figured out what they want to talk and argue about. But I still felt like a dweeb and I hate that.

I also feel like I need to change something with my background. I’m not sure if I look like I’m in a home office and not a bedroom. I don’t like having virtual backgrounds because they make me look like I’m floating in space and not a real person. I can’t turn around my table because of limited space.

I’ve been sending emails requesting for interviews and most have responded positively. However, scheduling is a bitch. All of my online interviews will look like this (above).