I was dead until 12 noon today. I just slept. I woke up because I was hungry and I forgot that today is the political rally of Leni Robredo-Kiko Pangilinan at Ortigas Center.
My sister and a lot of my friends are out there. I was thinking whether I should try to join but then we still have Covid.
According to friends, at least 140k people joined.
LOOK: Night drone shots of #Pasiglaban rally for VP Leni Robredo and Sen Kiko Pangilinan. Authorities estimate number of attendees at 90,000 as of 7pm. pic.twitter.com/IWfoMOXVNw
I would have loved to be there but I’m scared of getting Covid again. I got Covid even I was fully vaccinated. But I’m happy that a lot of people are coming out supporting the opposition.
Marcos will make sure that there will be cheating on May 9.
Hmm I should contact PPCRV and see what I can do to help at HQ.
The reason I was asleep half of the day was because of this.
I really need a drafting table. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
I was drawing until 3 am. First off, I cut the watrcolor drawing I did that is no longer working for me. I did that to recycle the 300 gsm watercolor paper.
Photo by CallMeCreation.comThe back is still useable. Photo by CallMeCreation.comI checked the proper perspective. Photo by CallMeCreation.com I applied what I’ve learned from Domestika. Art and photo by CallMeCreation.com Did the initial coloring. Art and photo by CallMeCreation.com Himeji Castle Gardens. Art and photo by CallMeCreation.com
This sketch will go to my friend K as a get well present along with the food I’m gonna send tomorrow.
Since I didn’t go to the rally tonight, my girls and I just went to Ikea to buy their chairs because the ones I bought from Ofix are beyond help. The girls’ backs are suffering and the chairs are really falling apart.
Cart is full 😋 photo by CallMeCreation.com
I also bought bins to corral my sewing stuff and painting stuff, a floor lamp for the living room, and lots and lots of frames.
Then we went to SM Department Store to buy the girls their birthday T-shirt dresses. The clothes I bought them a few months ago can barely fit them now. 😩 They grow up really fast.
Got home at 10 pm. We had to take C5 because of the huge traffic jam caused by the Leni rally at Ortigas.
As I said yesterday, I will pick myself up today. Art has helped me channel my anger into something more productive. I chose a difficult subject so I can concentrate on it and in the end it was all worth it.
It took me almost an hour to finish the pencil sketch. Art and photo by CallMeCreatiion.com
I sketched in between editing stories. It took me almost an hour to finish the pencil sketch because there were so many adjustments. I was debating whether I do a wet-in-wet or layering. I decided on layering so it took me several hours to finish this because I needed each layer to be dry before I do darker coloring.
Making slow progress. Art and photo by CallMeCreation.com
I really have to master wet-in-wet to produce a smoother color gradation. In the meantime, wet-in-dry layering would suffice.
I’m happy with the results. Art and photo by CallMeCreation.com
I’m excited with what I can do when I have the Kuretake Gansai Tambi. 🥰
I took it easy today, edited only a couple of stories and did not exert effort to write my own (I’ll do that next week). So I played with my cats more.
Kimchi trying to be cute. Photo by CallMeCreation.comShe continued to beg for some petting. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
I haven’t attempted drawing my cats. If I do draw my cats, I’ll make them into cartoons 😄
Meanwhile, my new 10-year passport arrived and I’m stuck with that ugly passport photo for a decade. The good thing is I can now fly to Singapore once I get the go signal from my bosses. Our company is already implementing return-to-office (RTO) in phases so it would take a while before I can fly to our different offices. Except for HK as its government (or Beijing for that matter) is still having delusions that they can keep up with the zero-Covid policy. My colleague in Shanghai was complaining to me that he had to cut short work yesterday to shop for supplies because they’re going to have another lockdown and mass testing.
In a related development, I had been looped in the entire communication thread of another platform in our company and it seems like I have another reporter placed under my wing. He was the one who I had helped with raising funds for his daughter’s hospitalization and burial. So today I gave him two assignments to pursue and gave him the agencies he needs to talk to, the questions, the angles to pursue. It seems like I need to co-write that story with him.
I have to attend a lot of conferences and meet people so I can be in the loop when it comes to the topics published by that platform since I will be straddling two titles now.
So my plan to go to National Art Museum and Intramuros is thwarted as the girls will be spending the weekend with their dad. I think I’ll just take advantage of their absence by staying home, catch up on some sleep, and finish pending tasks like the curtain panels that I should be finishing but had just been stewing on my other table for 10,000 years. My girls asked me why do I keep on beautifying the apartment when we’re moving soon anyway? I said as long as we’re here, I want my environment to be pretty and enjoyable. I mean, I’ve been through hell and back (and back). Might as well make myself happy now and not wait until when we’re in our new home. I planted morning glory seeds and now they have grown and soon the plants will be creeping on the trellis and the courtyard will be filled with flowers. I have no idea what the colors will be. It doesn’t matter; I will leave them here when we move.
We live in the NOW, not for the tomorrow, not for yesterday. So might as well make myself happy now even if it means I would be dismantling everything soon when we move. I have exactly 12 months to enjoy what I have created here.
I should remind myself that I do not live in the yesterday as well, that he already belongs in the past and he should no longer hurt me. But I can’t help it that at times I get angry that he gave me so much hell.
I hope I no longer experience basura days and I no longer get triggered. I will no longer talk about him with friends. I don’t know if I could avoid this with my shrink though.
I’ll just cook for my friend K tomorrow. It makes me happy that somebody else is happy with my cooking. Love in a pot.
I’m not myself today. I edited 6 stories, I think, while doing some admin stuff. It was supposed to be ok but I wasn’t. I should have just let this be a basura day but I worked my ass off even after publishing two stories yesterday.
I felt ugly and fat today. I feel inconsequential. I just want to lay on a hammock and let this feeling fade away.
Being triggered so much last night reminded me that I should be kinder to myself. I need to put these feelings on paper, with color. Just to let this all out. I’m not good with drawing and painting but it’s an outlet that is different from my day job. Cheaper than photography too.
I clicked. Yes, I finally bought that Kuretake Gansai Tambi. I justified the expense as necessary for my mental health. And that #1 brush.
Art and photo by CallMeCreation.com
I put them in frames temporarily so that the cats wouldn’t be able to destroy them. The Baguio trees would be given to Kr while the flowers would be hung downstairs until I produce better ones.
UPDATE: I couldn’t sleep
Art and photo by CallMeCreation.comI used paintbrush #000 and it’s freaking hard! Art and photo by CallMeCreation.com
My gay friend, K, told me he’s in Makati Med for a burst appendix. He should’ve told me earlier so I could’ve visited him. He said it’s ok, he was in a lot of pain anyway. I told him I’m gonna send him home cooked food when he comes home to his condo. He says he loves my cooking and was delighted. I’ll throw in a Chinese botanical drawing to cheer him up. He has been very supportive of my art therapy.
I have a lot of friends, I have to remind myself. They love me and I love them. I should count my blessings.
This feeling should fade away. Tomorrow will be better. I’ll just have to adjust and work somewhere else probably.
Maybe on Saturday we can go to National Art Museum and then to Intramuros. Have lunch or dinner along Manila Bay.
This clip makes you think Metro Manila is ok. 😶 So deceptive.
“O my gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad! He’s a fuck boi!” my bff, L, told me today after I related to her what happened and the things I learned during the entire month of February—the reason why I was missing in action.
“Yeah, that’s why I’m into art therapy now. One sketch/painting a day. It helps me a lot along with the medication,” I said.
“Medication helps a lot if you’ve gone through something heavy like that,” said this friend who lost her daughter to placenta abruptio. She knows grief.
“Wait, he went after a transwoman???” She exclaimed after showing her the FB profile of the slut. I told her that making my children as an excuse for breaking up with me was bullshit from the very start.
“No, she’s a woman,” I said.
“But she looks like a gay person! If she didn’t have dyed hair, she looks like the lady who’s selling bananas at our street corner,” she pointed out.
“She’s a woman. And they fuck each other on the bed sheets I gave him. On the sofa cover I bought him. Basically all the stuff in his condo I bought for him.”
“Gurrrrrrrrrrrlllllll. I’m so sorry you have to go through this. My baby is now more awake at daytime so I had been busy. I wasn’t there for you,” L exclaimed.
“It’s ok. I have my support system here. Plus intensive art therapy.”
He has another one after moving out of the condo we had leased together, I told L. And chasing others as well at the same time, I told her. She knows how extensive my network is. I don’t want to know anymore.
“What a fuck boi. I’m sorry,” she said. “No wonder you keep buying a lot of Ikea frames,” she added.
“Now you know why I no longer trust people. That’s why I’m coming back home.”
Before this conversation with L, I had dreamed about him that’s why I got so triggered and kept waking up every hour until 7 am today. I have to take alprazolam tonight to help me sleep.
I’m so triggered today that I’m attempting do a more complicated Chinese botanical painting on a 5×7 watercolor paper that would require 100% concentration so it doesn’t leave me headspace to think about other things.
Half of the drawing. This would be full-on botanical. Art and photo by CallMeCreation.com
I’m so triggered that I would click on that button to buy that Kuretake Gansai Tambi after I finish this thing above.
UPDATE
Turn your anger into more productive things. Art and photo by CallMeCreation.com
I’m so triggered that I doubt I would be sleeping tonight so I would be making two small watercolor paintings. I’m so triggered that I just want to sleep and wake up in 2023 and not remember anything.
U.S., Europe ban on Russian products and delayed Iran nuclear talks spark fears
A friend posted on Instagram the cost of filling up his SUV. It’s more than PHP 3,000 = the cost of a new tire. Another friend posted that Grab Car costs PHP 500 from Mandaluyong to QC.
It’s really getting out of hand. By tomorrow, gas would increase by at least PHP 5 a liter. It’s going to be a nightmare for basic goods and services.
When Nikkei dropped this morning, I was able to buy ETFs in a momentary dip and it climbed back up before the market closed. Good for my portfolio, bad for the rest of the country overall.
I would be attending a webinar tomorrow by another global investment bank about this Ukraine crisis and how it is affecting ASEAN. At the same time, I have a regional conference to attend tomorrow until Friday and I’m still figuring it out how to split myself into three persons since I also have a press conference on Wednesday and a couple of deadlines.
I was craving for fish. And sushi. So I made some for our dinner.
I finally bought again a bamboo rolling mat. Photo by CallMeCreation.comMaguro sashimi. I bought frozen tuna from SaveMore last week. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
I made a dip with soy sauce and roasted ginger and wasabe. Mmmmmmmm 🥰 I seared the surface of the tuna on a hot pan but it’s still raw inside.
For those who did not like raw tuna, I made Spam-egg rice rolls.
Now I ran out of ingredients to make gimbap/maki on a whim. I always must have these ingredients on hand if I suddenly craved for such. I also have on my Lazada cart dashi powder and I’m still searching for bonito flakes so I can make other Japanese dishes. I still have a tub of soybean paste for soups.
Kimchi keeping me from working this morning. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
So my cats wouldn’t want me to work. This morning Kimchi kept me from opening my notebooks and I was about to lead a meeting in a few minutes after this photo was taken. Such an obnoxious cat.
All they want to do is hang out with Mommy. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
They just want my attention. 😂 Just like the girls.
Spoke with my shrink an hour ago or so and I related the latest hiccup in my psychotherapy (i.e. the painting and the subsequent anxiety attack that ensued). She said she is keeping the current dosage of my alprazolam because she is unsure whether another similar incident would occur in the very near future that could send me into a tizzy and derail my recovery. I told her about my propensity for buying stuff to make me feel better. She said it’s ok as long as it’s under control. When she says “under control”, it’s relative to how bipolar people spend—when they’re in their mania stage (very happy), they would spend so much that they would run their credit card to the maximum credit limit. In my case, it’s the opposite; I soothe my hurt feelings (very down on serotonin) to boost my morale and I’m not spending much vis a vis my income.
She says just continue with my art therapy and always have my support system so when I get derailed I won’t sink. She also said she is validating my feelings towards the incident and I have a very good reason for feeling that way. She said it is very understandable. And she says it’s very strange that after 14 months he sends something like that when I am already trying to live my own life so it’s hard to gauge what the intention was/is. Hence, she is keeping the same dosage for my meds because the situation is unpredictable and we wouldn’t know if I would have another anxiety attack if I get triggered again for some reason. She also recommended that I go out regularly to distract me and have a healthy relationship with society.
Probably I’ll go out on Thursday or Friday and work in some coffee shop under the trees. There used to be a coffee shop at Vargas Museum in UP where I worked from time to time. Or I’ll book a diving session at Dive Plunge Club to release energy.
Gas is very expensive. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
This is a horror story all too real. I feel bad for the jeep, taxi, Grab and all delivery guys out there who are very reliant on gas for their livelihood. The middle class is already hurting too but it’s the little guys who are bleeding right now.
Aside from food costs, some bourgeoisie concerns are hitting me right now. The price of cat little went up by PHP 50 per 10 L so it’s now PHP 300. It’s a 17% increase. Cat food (Special Cat by Monge) rose by I think PHP 10-20 per kg. Earlier I was thinking of going to Cartimar Pet Center in Pasay to get wholesale prices but I decided against it because it is 12 km away from my house. But now that the prices have shot up, I think going to Pasay is going to be worth it in the end.
I think I’m going to be shocked by the prices of veggies on Tuesday when I go to UP to buy our weekly supply.
Yes, I bought a new laser pointer to drive the cats crazy again. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
Having pets is expensive and it’s a life-long commitment. You don’t get a dog or a cat just because—and then give it away or resell it because you’re moving away or you grew tired of them. That’s just too cruel. The pets bond with you. These cats look to me as their mommy (a hairless mommy cat) and being abandoned by a second time would truly break their hearts. Last night Kimchi was waiting for us by the window when we arrived from Makati.
Their scratching post that I just repaired tonight. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
It’s like being a parent to real kids. You provide them with a stimulating environment so they can thrive. That’s the reason why I don’t want to get a dog in the city. I want my dogs to roam around freely in my yard and they can run whenever they want. When I still lived in my hometown, it was not a problem since they had like 200 sqm of front and backyard all to themselves. Vets are plenty since the College of Veterinary Medicine is just right there. The dean was my friend’s mom so getting treatment at the vet hospital was not difficult. I had a number of vet friends that I can call for pet medical emergencies.
When I was about to submit my application to UP, my dad urged me to consider taking vetmed since I had a menagerie and he thought it’s where my interests lie. I briefly thought about it but I could not imagine dealing with animals day in and day out vs writing and chasing stories 24/7. I chose the latter. Plus I don’t like organic chemistry and there was no way I can avoid it when I take vetmed. If it’s any consolation, my mom also struggled with organic chemistry in her undergrad years. She took it twice. I aced my general chemistry during my undergrad but anything beyond that did not make sense to me. That’s why I struggled with some parts of limnology when we got to the part of hydrogen sulfide toxicity levels and fish kills because I couldn’t map out properly the chemical reactions especially in aquaculture-heavy bodies of water where the rate of eutrophication is high. I understand the concept but when we go to the nitty-gritty of it…hah! Computing for dissolved oxygen at the bottom of Taal Lake was a nightmare for me in one particular exam where I failed.
Anyway, I digressed.
I’m finding ways now how to reduce the sodium content of my cats’ food so I tried buying chicken necks and boiled them for the cats. The two critters just sniffed at it and trotted off. They like fried fish though. Our Manila reporter’s dog had surgery last week because of kidney stones. Some vet friends said some pet foods have high sodium content so sometimes it helps if we vary the food of our pets.
Ms Butingting strikes again.
I thought the bluetooth hardware of this old gaming laptop was a goner. I searched for solutions on the interwebs and experimented with some software updates…in the process I lost connection for my dual screen monitors…IN THE END IT PAID OFF. I have my Bluetooth connection back. And the monitors back as well. I was afraid I would have to open the laptop and search if there was a physical disconnection somewhere. 😰 Whew! I was able to solve it. No need to rush having a new desktop computer assembled when we have semiconductor supply issues now.
While I was driving to and from Tiendesitas this afternoon and evening, I was thinking that I really don’t have to enroll/take reviews to get a CIIA if I’m not too keen on shifting industries. I would just make myself miserable just because I want to be busy to recover from a heartbreak. I could just enroll in art classes and go back to photography to distract myself. My colleague-friend said she took CFA exams because she figured she can’t be a journalist forever if she wants to stay in Singapore and not go back home to HK (because there’s really nothing to go back home to there now) and it was a good way to be productive to recover from Jaded.
Meanwhile, I could just become a communications consultant while immersing myself again in the academe—if needed—since I know this industry like the back of my hand. I already have some kind of expertise in it now and at this age, I cannot be a half-baked something. Like a Jill-of-all-trades, master of nothing.
My older sister just had a short course with a known local visual artist and there you go—she was able to mount an exhibit in 2018. She didn’t change careers (she’s still an economist with a PhD in a related niche industry) but going into visual arts provided her some kind of extension of her personality. I could just do that.
I could do pottery classes. I liked Ugu Bigyan’s ceramics when I first visited his place in 2000. I think it’s one art form that could reduce me to tears if I try to learn it.
I’ll just dabble in different art forms to keep me busy. I’ll just try to be Rajiv Surendra and try my hand at everything that looks interesting. Then build an art studio/workshop at my backyard when we finally settle into my hometown.
Yeah, I don’t have to take CIIA just because it sounds cool. I didn’t care for titles anyway.
