Category Archives: personal

To fight another day

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“Courage will now be your best defence against the storm that is at hand-—that and such hope as I bring.”

― J.R.R. Tolkien, The Return of the King
Gandalf

I had sent messages to older friends who were high ranking government officials, CEOs, and VPs who were imprisoned during martial law. I asked for forgiveness, said sorry and that I never thought I would see another Marcos presidency.

One of them said:

“Hi CallMeCreation. Thank you for your touching note. Life is just the way it is. We fight a good fight, sometimes we lose and sometimes we win. The important thing is we don’t lose the will to fight. To fight for a better future. Am pretty sure those who stood with their conviction during Martial law understand that it will be a continuing advocacy for a better PH. Thanks again.”

The other one said: There’s nothing to forgive. We just need to continue to help our country.

My tears couldn’t stop flowing. This is the only election that I was emotionally invested in and the only one I truly cared about because it is pivotal. Now we are on our road to hell.

I just attended a briefing on private equity deals in Southeast Asia this morning. The speaker said (paraphrased):

The Philippines has never been the first port of call when it comes to private equity deals (compared to Singapore, Indonesia). As for the impact of the latest political developments on FDI, FFI…your guess is as good as mine.

This is as bad as it gets. The other webinar I attended this afternoon was about renewable energy in Southeast Asia and of course they had to discuss the Philippine market. The panelists had an embarrassed laugh of some sort and one of them said, “There’s a new president now but he’s not exactly new as they had been controlling the Philippines for years now…” and then they said they do not know in what direction the policies will go.

Well, because he doesn’t have any platform. He doesn’t have any plans. Nothing.

And today the Philippines received its first investment downgrade. It would soon be a series of downgrades.

Screenshot of the PSE today.

Even the Philippine Stock Exchange couldn’t handle the madness today. The market fell 3% at some point today and is now in bear territory (I think). The website crashed and for an hour it was like that.

My siblings (two economists) and I were chatting about the macroeconomic implications and my sister asked what is the possibility of us entering stagflation.

I said:

“There are too many headwinds. The companies are holding out on expansion, no growth seen in the private sector. The companies we interviewed said there are new orders, no new product launches, only core products. They’re holding cash because that’s the one they will use to buy raw materials as it is risky to borrow for capex due to climbing interest rates. We are heading for stagflation. Liquidity is the best policy. This is why I’m not buying a new car and will just have the Crosswind have cosmetic repairs since it’s not the best time to have a mortgage. I don’t know how long the BSP can keep keep its monetary policy stance when the USTr is rising, the peso is weakening.“

“Good luck to Filipino consumers because of the high commodity prices in the world market…palm oil, grains…because of supply chain disruptions. Even if you keep importing rice to lower the cost to fulfill BBM’s campaign promise of PHP 20/kilo rice, you have to remember we’re not the world’s biggest importer of rice (ergo we cannot dictate the price)—it’s China and it’s hoarding supplies. The run up in palm oil prices is a result of the protectionist stance of Indonesia because they banned palm oil exports to keep local prices stable. All countries are being protectionist now due to supply issues.“

Soon there will be capital flight.

This is scary. The vote for Leni is not just for ego and not just to fight Marcos’ evil reign. It is also the fight for investor confidence, better macroeconomic policies.

It’s just so sad that all the things I fought for all my life have come to naught. I taught high school students in Mindoro so they can enter UP, climbed mountains in Batangas to fight for farmers’ lands, climbed mountains for indigenous people so they can have a better shot in life… Cambridge Analytica, Facebook, and Tiktok took that all away.

It’s exhausting.

Many will lose their jobs, many will go hungry. But of course, they do not understand the implications of what they did. You tried to explain to them, but then they just have thrown dirt at your face and accuse you of elitism and “respect my opinion” shit.

Now they’re bringing you down with them.

It was a struggle editing today. I cried. I slept. Tried to finish tasks at hand. I need a mental health break (because you know, heartbreak is heartbreak) but I can’t because I’m a manager and I can’t just be a wuss.

I worked through my heartbreak for 15 months. How many heartbreaks can I take? How much more can I endure? How many dark tunnels must I walk through?

Whenever I get upset, I go back to my favorite books for comfort.

‘But in the end it’s only a passing thing, this shadow; even darkness must pass.’ – Samwise Gamgee

J.R.R. Tolkien
Art and photo by CallMeCreation.com

How?

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This is like 18 Dec 2020 all over again.

How to go on? I can’t see clearly, it’s like walking through a very dark tunnel and no light at the end yet. It’s like there’s no end.

We are going to be Sri Lanka.

It’s really, really painful right now. I kept waking every hour. My head is splitting. I can’t work. I need to escape somewhere and collect myself.

My sister is leaving the country soon. The reality is I can’t. I need to be home to take care of my mom.

I can’t see my future. It’s very dark. My poor children. 😔

In solidarity

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Leni x Kiko Grand Rally at Ayala cor Paseo de Roxas at 6 pm. Photo by Roby Alampay via Twitter

Since I knew it’s going to be difficult with kids in tow, we opted to have a biking campaign around the village and UP campus.

Washing our bikes. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

First we washed our bikes and oiled them. We went to the vulcanizing shop and bike shop to change the interior tube of Twin A’s front wheel.

In solidarity with the people in Makati. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
Rested here for a bit. Then the girls did some speed biking until it was too dark to do it. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
Water break. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

Something’s wrong with the gear shifter in Twin A’s bike so I’m going to have it replaced tomorrow before we bike to another venue.

We had dinner at Rodic’s near Bahay ng Alumni. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

We were looking for the street food vendor near Oblation but it was already very dark and we couldn’t see them. We proceeded to Rodic’s near Bahay ng Alumni and had a quick dinner. The ambulant vendor-kid there was appealing to us to buy his heavy rice-based snacks. I felt bad so I bought one and I gave it to the other kid who was begging for food. Then the vendor-kid gave me Leni stickers. I gave him more money in exchange for the stickers.

Photo by CallMeCreation.com

We went around the community this afternoon and evening with this.

Screencap of a video by a friend.

I wanted to be there but as a mother of asthmatic kids, I cannot compromise their health by contracting Covid. I hope they’re all safe.

Yesterday, National Artist for Music Ryan Cayabyab initiated a flash mob at PowerPlant Mall in Rockewell. I am loving that artists are lending their talent for Leni.

…

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You know there are days you just want to lay in a fetal position and hug yourself.

Today is one of those days.

I’m not strong. I get lonely.

Quick night out with friends

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Rose. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

Some friends from the industry messaged me earlier tonight that they were at the Vietnamese restaurant near my apartment. In two minutes I was there. I had dinner of chicken pho and then we proceeded to the wine cellar a block away and they had a few glasses of rose while I had a sip (because I really can’t drink).

It was nice seeing them again in person. The last time we had virtual drinks was in August when we were talking about that girl that J was chasing. Anyway, we were talking about what happened to me in February (the painting that was sent to me, the cheating discovery, etc) and my road to recovery now. M, who was the only guy in the group tonight and the chauffeur, said my story was so wild and he said that I was a strong person to have endured such kind of treatment.

Then we talked about our anxieties and stresses. Like Mdz, she is so stressed about her boss who is not that bright and she’s looking for another job; Lou, who was so stressed with what happened yesterday during her first face-to-face coverage and then her story didn’t come out because of office politics; and M, who is so stressed with his new boss that he already wanted to quit the newspaper business and just figure out his next move. He’s rich anyway so he can afford not to have a plan B. So the three of them just said they would want to open a business and M would be the financier. <<< This is the type of talk among friends who are already weary with life. They’re all single so why not???

I invited these friends for dinner or lunch at home; we can grill something and I will cook a full set meal. I still have wine. Mdz said she will bring wine, M said he’ll bring the steak, and Lou will bring whatever. I’ll just have to plan it. Perhaps the weekend after the elections. Maybe we will all commit harakiri if BBM wins.

Prior to the message and the dinner and drinks with them, the girls and I went to Gateway to get our glasses. The style and brand (Ann Taylor) of my glasses were the same with minor changes. But I still miss my old glasses because this new one doesn’t sit on the bridge of my nose well like the old one did. Anyway, I’m glad it’s here so I can draw again.

Photo by CallMeCreation.com

Tomorrow we’ll go biking with our Leni T-shrts, baller and watches in solidarity with those who will be at the Grand rally in Makati.

A week away

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A week from now, Filipinos will determine if we sink or rise from this disaster. I’m scared. I’m anxious but I’m hopeful.

The surveys that had been coming in are flawed. Several statisticians from UP and the former head of the National Statistics Coordination Board (NSCB, now part of the Philippine Statistics Administration) have already pointed out the methodology flaws of those surveys that they were structured to favor the class D which tended to favor Marcos.

Horror of horrors, in 7 out of the 17 regions, there are more registered voters for May 2022 than the population 18 years or over!!! The percentage of “over-registration” ranged from at least 1 percent to at most 11 percent. How on earth could this have happened?

Dr. Romulo Virola

Pulse Asia (PA) overrepresented those who did not reach college representing more than 78 percent of the PA sample and almost 70 percent of the PSA 2015 Census of Population and consequently underrepresented those who did:

Romulo Virola
Sampling bias by Pulse Asia, according to Dr. Virola

Meanwhile, I was arguing on Twitter with a Filipino journo based abroad for his crass words today. He has no idea what it is to be on the ground here. Now.

I can’t keep my words from flowing. The last time I couldn’t, I went viral on social media.

I was talking to my taxi driver this evening about Leni. Just one conversion is already a good one. Doing 10 conversions makes a world of difference.

Because I’m fighting for the future of my children. It’s not just for me or about me, unlike those people who are voting for Marcos who just say, I’m voting for him because I like him better than “lutang” (floating) Leni.

We are doing our best to change the mindset of the majority of the electorate who are not reached by social media and proper education.

Go mom! Photo by ArtCave

Here’s my mom yesterday talking to some rural folk somewhere in the middle of a farming community in the province, campaigning for Leni. Giving a talk and leading focus group discussions. There are millions of her doing this, volunteer on the ground campaigning, house-to-house visits to persuade people, correcting false information and propaganda.

Bills, bills,bills. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

It’s that time of the month again when I have to record/tally my expenses or trace where my money went. I always pay my credit cards in full every month. I don’t want consumer debt hanging over my head and I always make sure I have savings and petty cash for unexpected stuff like this:

Eyeglasses for us all. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

I lost my new eyeglasses. I don’t know where and how but I just couldn’t find it anymore. I had been wearing contact lenses the entire weekend and it’s only yesterday that I discovered my eyeglasses were missing.

Since I couldn’t live with wearing contacts full-time, I immediately went to my optometrist to have new eyeglasses made. I also had my girls’ and Ate C’s eyes checked. It’s not surprising they have astigmatism because of the amount of screen time we all had the past two years…so I had four pairs of eyeglasses made (Ooohh boy they’re not cheap!). Only Twin A’s were ready tonight and the rest will be picked up on Saturday because I ordered ultra thin lenses for us.

My girls will now join their four-eyed kuyas. 😁

Chasing each other with booger (eewww). Photo by CallMeCreation.com

My cats missed me. When we arrived home at 1:30 am today, my cats were all over me. Then they settled on my bed while I unpacked and searched all around for my missing eyeglasses. I slept at 4 am and I woke up at 9 am with my cats still in my bed. ❤️

Sushi
Kimchi
They missed me! Photo by CallMeCreation.com

Today Southeast Asia is dead: Eid’l Fitr celebrations across Southeast Asia while Vietnam celebrates its liberation with a holiday that began April 30 until tomorrow. I had been sending requests for interviews again and I think I have several lined up for this week.

I must finish writing three stories tomorrow. 😑

I haven’t had time to draw 😥