Delaying tactics

A magenta peony. Art and photo by CallMeCreation.com

I’ve been pushing back finishing that Sombrero island painting. I’m having a problem with how sunlight strikes violent waves. I am almost getting it with the waves near the boat but the farther the waves are from the boat/from my perspective, the more trouble I have with sunlight reflection/refraction.

You see, painting is like solving a problem; you always get troubled by how light falls on the subject and the perspective—how the lines meet, especially in urban sketching. Rooftops are difficult, especially if the structures have different angles. That’s why painting/drawing is a good way to keep myself occupied because I don’t have to think about things that are troubling me.

Art and photo by CallMeCreation.com

I made a mistake here. I should have left the pencil outline and shouldn’t have used the UniPin liner for the finishing touches.

Art and photo by CallMeCreation.com

I’m a bit unhappy with how this turned out. I’ll try to see if this will grow on me.

Art and photo by CallMeCreation.com

Ok this is better.

Art and photo by CallMeCreation.com

While I wait if the above watercolor painting will be something that I will like later on, I made a sketch of nemophilas or “baby blue eyes”. This is how I saw them/photographed them in May 2017 in Hitachi Kaihin Koen in Ibaraki Prefecture (see photo I used for this blog’s header). I used the darkest pencil I have in my arsenal and would see if I can leave it as is without layering it with a UniPin liner.

Today was a bit rough at work as I was editing non-stop. That problem journo from India was displaying her attitude problem so I had to shoot her down in our email thread. Her ex-officemate in Mumbai (he already left the company) and I were chatting this morning and he told me this journo, R, is exuding “India newsroom vibes” where everyone thinks he/she is the star reporter so they all display similar arrogance. He said, R does not fit in my company because of her attitude problem; our company, M, is not like the usual Indian newsroom. When I showed him how she replies to my emails, he said: Oh wow, how can you have the guts to speak to an editor like that?

“She thinks she’s a goddess. Her BC does not like her and she doesn’t like her BC,” he said. That’s how I ended up editing her. The problem is she doesn’t like to be edited. Her BC keeps rejecting her copies because they are not up to par—still India newsroom-y, this ex-colleague said. So her draft with me reached a fifth iteration and yet she demanded that this should be published right away. I told her firmly that the publication of this article will depend on how polished this is. “As I told you, editing analysis pieces do not take just a day,” I scolded her.

I told my ex-colleague, “And you know how thorough I am with my edits.” Yup, he agreed because I was the one who trained him.

I told my manager in Seoul about this problem journo and she was backing me up in that email thread.

Shooting down biaaaaatches is really tiring. On a Friday. 😣

Meanwhile, my manager finally approved my leave and two weeks from now I will be toasting under the sun. First I will be Pico de Loro then I will be with my bffs in Caliraya. Either we will get the glamping tents or the boathouse. I have yet to book the accommodations. Will have to talk to them tomorrow regarding the schedule.


The past few days I was feeling like shit because of the bad news left and right. I suddenly wanted to have someone hug me and assure me that everything will be all right. I wanted somehow to have a safe place and feel protected when I sleep. That’s all I wanted; I’m a simple person. I never demanded anything else.

But then you know it seems like such things are not for me. Maybe I was made to be this way—independent and strong-willed—because in the end I will always be alone. So I need to toughen up more, especially during the times I feel weak and vulnerable.

No, I shouldn’t let myself be a wilting flower like that because that leads to mistakes. Major mistakes. I just have to be kinder to myself and learn to hug myself to sleep. I don’t want to get hurt like that again. I’ve come soooooooo far from where I’ve been 1.5 years ago.

It’s kinda shitty that it is taking me a long time to completely recover while nobody gives a flying fuck about me. Not him anyway.

Awwww jeez. I must be very tired to be holding a pity party like this on a Friday night.

I just need to rest. Tomorrow will be better.

Anilao sunset and my life-long penchant for winging it

Art and photo by CallMeCreation.com

This sums up my feelings last week.

Meanwhile, my cats are having none of those stresses and are just chilling on my bed while I have my zoom meeting.

I envy my cats. They don’t give a fuck. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

I need to get back to work and ignore this government. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

No more basura days because the month is halfway gone and I need to push the team to chase stories. Myself included. I have an interview tomorrow and I must process my travel plans, book tickets and hotel.

And damn it, the rains are already here! We are having heavy rains in the afternoon everyday. I guess camping in the mountains this coming weekend is already out of the question. I checked the NOAA satellite view, there’s no typhoon or low pressure area; it’s pure southwest monsoon, or what looks like it.

It came really early. Drats.


Went around the village this afternoon for errands and had Twin A’s gear shifter and brakes changed. Hopefully, it won’t rain as meeehhhh, according to weather.com it would be thunderstorms for the rest of the month. So I guess the best bet is to go to my hometown this weekend to bike, even if it’s raining, it’s perfectly fine. I actually like cycling (and playing football) under the rain when I lived there.

We also went to the girls’ school to get their report cards. I’m happy to say that their GWAs are above 90. They have a fighting chance to pass the UP high exam. They need to have this kind of GWA from 5th Grade to first two quarters of 6th Grade and high entrance test scores to pass. I’m keeping my fingers crossed.

I remember when I was their age, I needed to keep my GWA above 90 as well but my internal target was 92-95. Sometimes I messed up, sometimes I hit the target…But I don’t remember studying as much as my classmates who were also in the honor roll. Like they even had pie charts of their daily study schedule whereas I was just winging it 🤣. I guess if I really studied hard back then I would have been one of the “bright kids” that the teachers loved. But that wasn’t me. I had too many things going on (extra-curricular activities and socializing) that’s why I was always distracted.

Of course, I won’t tell my kids this. 😂

And when I got to UP high, I told my parents I promise I will pass the UP College Admission Test, but let me have fun in high school. So I did. I was just an average kid among the the “bright” ones because I wanted to be just that. I didn’t want to bother with being on top of the class because… I don’t know. I wanted to pursue other things like theater, glee club, sports, and social life. I was a popular kid back then but I wasn’t cool enough to be the “It” girl.

I was qualified to take the Advanced English class but I skipped the screening exam one summer because I was vacationing with my cousins in our parents’ hometown. Well, it turned out ok in the end because none in our batch’s Advanced English became writers or journalists. I think it boils down to grit and guts + skills in pursuing such goals. So in the end I didn’t lose much for not being in any advanced classes before but I had rich life experiences. Like I missed screening exams but that summer (and the following summers) we hiked regularly on the mountain to have a beautiful view of Taal Lake and West Philippine Sea whenever we were bored, bathed in a pool of spring water, we made lifelong friends with the children of our parents’ neighbors and classmates, reconnected with distant relatives, and grew closer to our grandparents, aunts and uncles. We had so many escapades that I wouldn’t exchange for any academic recognition when I was in high school.

I only got back to being serious with my academics when I was in college. I think that was the only time I did study, but I still didn’t have good study habits because I loved winging it since I still had a lot going on. I remember going around campus with just a ballpen and a steno notebook. I only had a few pesos in my pocket. I was a good note-taker but my notes were chronologically ordered. A normal human being would arrange it according to subject/course, but not me. So my classmates got confused when they photocopied my notes 😂 Little did they know I typed my notes into word documents at home and saved them into little diskettes in rainbow colors. I think that’s how I studied back then, that’s how I can afford to wing it.

I also remember going around campus in loose jeans, tank top, baseball cap and hard ground football boots like the one below so I don’t have to bring too much when I played in the field every afternoon.

I deliberately dressed like a boy because I was trying to be low key, to stave off male attention. I had been the subject of jealousy among some female classmates (spreading rumors and lies) because one heartthrob kept sticking with me because he found my company more enjoyable because there was no pretension on my part. I knew he wasn’t interested in me because he was courting a really girly girl on campus. It was just he was a theater major in the Philippine High School for the Arts (which could have been my track if I pursued it), we both watched Beavis and Butthead and Daria on MTV, and liked the same music, books, and movies. It was just… What can I say? The attention from other people was overwhelming. I also learned that there were guys who watched our scrimmage in the football field every afternoon because… I was really uncomfortable with that. So for a year I pretended I was a boy so I can continue with my carefree life.

Sloth day

After this horrible week, I deserve to be a sloth. My model creatures are my cats. I envy my cats in this regard.

Sushi’s favorite place is always above my head. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

I cooked for a bit, simple but hearty almondigas. This is similar to the Spanish or Mexican albondigas but the difference is the Spanish/Mexican one has tomatoes/tomato sauce. One pot dish that is perfect for sloth day.

I wanted to express my sorrow again in some form so I tried a sad sunset. But then again I need more practice blending complementary colors with analogous ones. Watercolors are really unforgiving.

Art and photo by CallMeCreation.com
Art and photo by CallMeCreation.com

I’m waiting for this to dry up again. Drying times take hours so in between I sleep. Then layer again.

Still far from being done. Need to blend the muddy colors. Art and photo by CallMeCreation.com

Let’s see what this looks like later. I may end up just making pink peonies and be heartbroken all over again.

You know, life goes on

Back to cleaning my room. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

After writing Love Letter to Myself and seeing my friends yesterday, I felt much better. The Philippines is still fucked up but at least I’m not alone in feeling this way. A group of journos will be meeting for dinner next week so we would be able to prepare for the riskier environment we would be operating in. I guess we have to do this more often because the government is hostile to us, plus people allied with the government and incoming administration had been red-tagging various institutions like UP and Adarna Books (a publisher of children’s books????? Damn it!)

But we have to function normally. Life goes on…albeit we are more threatened now. And fucked up. I have said that twice.

So back to regular programming. Back to doing household chores and cooking.

We went to Tiendesitas to buy cat supplies and check out swimming gear but we ended up with more cycling wear and accessories (new helmets and bike lock). Well the girls got rash guards but no adult size for me. I guess I would have to go to Speedo for my own swimming gear.

Ah Decathlon, the bane of my existence. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

I’m looking at camping grounds now so we can go next week before the rains become more frequent. I need to push through with this as I would be flying to Singapore on the first weekend of June because the following days I would be attending a 3-day conference and I need to meet some of my sources.

I’m thinking of going back to Mount Purro Nature Reserve for river trekking and camping or at UCM Adventure Park in San Mateo to watch the stars and city lights.

Camping at UCM Adventure Park.

But I think Phillip’s Sanctuary is a better bet because there are more activities like river kayaking and rafting.

Hoping that we have a clear weekend ahead.

To fight another day

“Courage will now be your best defence against the storm that is at hand-—that and such hope as I bring.”

― J.R.R. Tolkien, The Return of the King
Gandalf

I had sent messages to older friends who were high ranking government officials, CEOs, and VPs who were imprisoned during martial law. I asked for forgiveness, said sorry and that I never thought I would see another Marcos presidency.

One of them said:

Hi CallMeCreation. Thank you for your touching note. Life is just the way it is. We fight a good fight, sometimes we lose and sometimes we win. The important thing is we don’t lose the will to fight. To fight for a better future. Am pretty sure those who stood with their conviction during Martial law understand that it will be a continuing advocacy for a better PH. Thanks again.”

The other one said: There’s nothing to forgive. We just need to continue to help our country.

My tears couldn’t stop flowing. This is the only election that I was emotionally invested in and the only one I truly cared about because it is pivotal. Now we are on our road to hell.


I just attended a briefing on private equity deals in Southeast Asia this morning. The speaker said (paraphrased):

The Philippines has never been the first port of call when it comes to private equity deals (compared to Singapore, Indonesia). As for the impact of the latest political developments on FDI, FFI…your guess is as good as mine.

This is as bad as it gets. The other webinar I attended this afternoon was about renewable energy in Southeast Asia and of course they had to discuss the Philippine market. The panelists had an embarrassed laugh of some sort and one of them said, “There’s a new president now but he’s not exactly new as they had been controlling the Philippines for years now…” and then they said they do not know in what direction the policies will go.

Well, because he doesn’t have any platform. He doesn’t have any plans. Nothing.

And today the Philippines received its first investment downgrade. It would soon be a series of downgrades.

Screenshot of the PSE today.

Even the Philippine Stock Exchange couldn’t handle the madness today. The market fell 3% at some point today and is now in bear territory (I think). The website crashed and for an hour it was like that.

My siblings (two economists) and I were chatting about the macroeconomic implications and my sister asked what is the possibility of us entering stagflation.

I said:

There are too many headwinds. The companies are holding out on expansion, no growth seen in the private sector. The companies we interviewed said there are new orders, no new product launches, only core products. They’re holding cash because that’s the one they will use to buy raw materials as it is risky to borrow for capex due to climbing interest rates. We are heading for stagflation. Liquidity is the best policy. This is why I’m not buying a new car and will just have the Crosswind have cosmetic repairs since it’s not the best time to have a mortgage. I don’t know how long the BSP can keep keep its monetary policy stance when the USTr is rising, the peso is weakening.

Good luck to Filipino consumers because of the high commodity prices in the world market…palm oil, grains…because of supply chain disruptions. Even if you keep importing rice to lower the cost to fulfill BBM’s campaign promise of PHP 20/kilo rice, you have to remember we’re not the world’s biggest importer of rice (ergo we cannot dictate the price)—it’s China and it’s hoarding supplies. The run up in palm oil prices is a result of the protectionist stance of Indonesia because they banned palm oil exports to keep local prices stable. All countries are being protectionist now due to supply issues.

Soon there will be capital flight.

This is scary. The vote for Leni is not just for ego and not just to fight Marcos’ evil reign. It is also the fight for investor confidence, better macroeconomic policies.

It’s just so sad that all the things I fought for all my life have come to naught. I taught high school students in Mindoro so they can enter UP, climbed mountains in Batangas to fight for farmers’ lands, climbed mountains for indigenous people so they can have a better shot in life… Cambridge Analytica, Facebook, and Tiktok took that all away.

It’s exhausting.

Many will lose their jobs, many will go hungry. But of course, they do not understand the implications of what they did. You tried to explain to them, but then they just have thrown dirt at your face and accuse you of elitism and “respect my opinion” shit.

Now they’re bringing you down with them.

It was a struggle editing today. I cried. I slept. Tried to finish tasks at hand. I need a mental health break (because you know, heartbreak is heartbreak) but I can’t because I’m a manager and I can’t just be a wuss.

I worked through my heartbreak for 15 months. How many heartbreaks can I take? How much more can I endure? How many dark tunnels must I walk through?

Whenever I get upset, I go back to my favorite books for comfort.

‘But in the end it’s only a passing thing, this shadow; even darkness must pass.’ – Samwise Gamgee

J.R.R. Tolkien
Art and photo by CallMeCreation.com

How?

This is like 18 Dec 2020 all over again.

How to go on? I can’t see clearly, it’s like walking through a very dark tunnel and no light at the end yet. It’s like there’s no end.

We are going to be Sri Lanka.

It’s really, really painful right now. I kept waking every hour. My head is splitting. I can’t work. I need to escape somewhere and collect myself.

My sister is leaving the country soon. The reality is I can’t. I need to be home to take care of my mom.

I can’t see my future. It’s very dark. My poor children. 😔