This is the one of my two favorite views at Himeji Castle Garden. I tried the wet-on-wet technique and it’s hard reining in the colors running down the paper. It doesn’t help that I’m only working on a 5×7 watercolor paper.
I’ll let this dry and I’ll see later today if I need to fix some parts.
I still can’t sleep. 😩
As I said yesterday, I will pick myself up today. Art has helped me channel my anger into something more productive. I chose a difficult subject so I can concentrate on it and in the end it was all worth it.
I sketched in between editing stories. It took me almost an hour to finish the pencil sketch because there were so many adjustments. I was debating whether I do a wet-in-wet or layering. I decided on layering so it took me several hours to finish this because I needed each layer to be dry before I do darker coloring.
I really have to master wet-in-wet to produce a smoother color gradation. In the meantime, wet-in-dry layering would suffice.
I’m excited with what I can do when I have the Kuretake Gansai Tambi. 🥰
I took it easy today, edited only a couple of stories and did not exert effort to write my own (I’ll do that next week). So I played with my cats more.
I haven’t attempted drawing my cats. If I do draw my cats, I’ll make them into cartoons 😄
Meanwhile, my new 10-year passport arrived and I’m stuck with that ugly passport photo for a decade. The good thing is I can now fly to Singapore once I get the go signal from my bosses. Our company is already implementing return-to-office (RTO) in phases so it would take a while before I can fly to our different offices. Except for HK as its government (or Beijing for that matter) is still having delusions that they can keep up with the zero-Covid policy. My colleague in Shanghai was complaining to me that he had to cut short work yesterday to shop for supplies because they’re going to have another lockdown and mass testing.
In a related development, I had been looped in the entire communication thread of another platform in our company and it seems like I have another reporter placed under my wing. He was the one who I had helped with raising funds for his daughter’s hospitalization and burial. So today I gave him two assignments to pursue and gave him the agencies he needs to talk to, the questions, the angles to pursue. It seems like I need to co-write that story with him.
I have to attend a lot of conferences and meet people so I can be in the loop when it comes to the topics published by that platform since I will be straddling two titles now.
So my plan to go to National Art Museum and Intramuros is thwarted as the girls will be spending the weekend with their dad. I think I’ll just take advantage of their absence by staying home, catch up on some sleep, and finish pending tasks like the curtain panels that I should be finishing but had just been stewing on my other table for 10,000 years. My girls asked me why do I keep on beautifying the apartment when we’re moving soon anyway? I said as long as we’re here, I want my environment to be pretty and enjoyable. I mean, I’ve been through hell and back (and back). Might as well make myself happy now and not wait until when we’re in our new home. I planted morning glory seeds and now they have grown and soon the plants will be creeping on the trellis and the courtyard will be filled with flowers. I have no idea what the colors will be. It doesn’t matter; I will leave them here when we move.
We live in the NOW, not for the tomorrow, not for yesterday. So might as well make myself happy now even if it means I would be dismantling everything soon when we move. I have exactly 12 months to enjoy what I have created here.
I should remind myself that I do not live in the yesterday as well, that he already belongs in the past and he should no longer hurt me. But I can’t help it that at times I get angry that he gave me so much hell.
I hope I no longer experience basura days and I no longer get triggered. I will no longer talk about him with friends. I don’t know if I could avoid this with my shrink though.
I’ll just cook for my friend K tomorrow. It makes me happy that somebody else is happy with my cooking. Love in a pot.
I’m not myself today. I edited 6 stories, I think, while doing some admin stuff. It was supposed to be ok but I wasn’t. I should have just let this be a basura day but I worked my ass off even after publishing two stories yesterday.
I felt ugly and fat today. I feel inconsequential. I just want to lay on a hammock and let this feeling fade away.
Being triggered so much last night reminded me that I should be kinder to myself. I need to put these feelings on paper, with color. Just to let this all out. I’m not good with drawing and painting but it’s an outlet that is different from my day job. Cheaper than photography too.
I clicked. Yes, I finally bought that Kuretake Gansai Tambi. I justified the expense as necessary for my mental health. And that #1 brush.
I put them in frames temporarily so that the cats wouldn’t be able to destroy them. The Baguio trees would be given to Kr while the flowers would be hung downstairs until I produce better ones.
UPDATE: I couldn’t sleep
My gay friend, K, told me he’s in Makati Med for a burst appendix. He should’ve told me earlier so I could’ve visited him. He said it’s ok, he was in a lot of pain anyway. I told him I’m gonna send him home cooked food when he comes home to his condo. He says he loves my cooking and was delighted. I’ll throw in a Chinese botanical drawing to cheer him up. He has been very supportive of my art therapy.
I have a lot of friends, I have to remind myself. They love me and I love them. I should count my blessings.
This feeling should fade away. Tomorrow will be better. I’ll just have to adjust and work somewhere else probably.
Maybe on Saturday we can go to National Art Museum and then to Intramuros. Have lunch or dinner along Manila Bay.
This clip makes you think Metro Manila is ok. 😶 So deceptive.
“O my gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad! He’s a fuck boi!” my bff, L, told me today after I related to her what happened and the things I learned during the entire month of February—the reason why I was missing in action.
“Yeah, that’s why I’m into art therapy now. One sketch/painting a day. It helps me a lot along with the medication,” I said.
“Medication helps a lot if you’ve gone through something heavy like that,” said this friend who lost her daughter to placenta abruptio. She knows grief.
“Wait, he went after a transwoman???” She exclaimed after showing her the FB profile of the slut. I told her that making my children as an excuse for breaking up with me was bullshit from the very start.
“No, she’s a woman,” I said.
“But she looks like a gay person! If she didn’t have dyed hair, she looks like the lady who’s selling bananas at our street corner,” she pointed out.
“She’s a woman. And they fuck each other on the bed sheets I gave him. On the sofa cover I bought him. Basically all the stuff in his condo I bought for him.”
“Gurrrrrrrrrrrlllllll. I’m so sorry you have to go through this. My baby is now more awake at daytime so I had been busy. I wasn’t there for you,” L exclaimed.
“It’s ok. I have my support system here. Plus intensive art therapy.”
He has another one after moving out of the condo we had leased together, I told L. And chasing others as well at the same time, I told her. She knows how extensive my network is. I don’t want to know anymore.
“What a fuck boi. I’m sorry,” she said. “No wonder you keep buying a lot of Ikea frames,” she added.
“Now you know why I no longer trust people. That’s why I’m coming back home.”
Before this conversation with L, I had dreamed about him that’s why I got so triggered and kept waking up every hour until 7 am today. I have to take alprazolam tonight to help me sleep.
I’m so triggered today that I’m attempting do a more complicated Chinese botanical painting on a 5×7 watercolor paper that would require 100% concentration so it doesn’t leave me headspace to think about other things.
I’m so triggered that I would click on that button to buy that Kuretake Gansai Tambi after I finish this thing above.
UPDATE
I’m so triggered that I doubt I would be sleeping tonight so I would be making two small watercolor paintings. I’m so triggered that I just want to sleep and wake up in 2023 and not remember anything.
I want this nightmare to end.
It took me an hour and 15 mins to reach my destination today using Skyway 3. I like that infrastructure although it means at least PHP 400 of toll fee roundtrip. It does cut my trip to Manila or Makati by half. I also like driving on that newly opened elevated highway because the view makes you think Metro Manila is sane. The views of the buildings in Makati, Ortigas and BGC are pretty, especially in the afternoon when the sun turns orange. Since I’m driving, I couldn’t stop and take a picture.
Here we are, back to our old ways but with a bit of a distance. This is an ambush interview of the newly appointed president of a company that I’ve been covering for 15 years now. I got two stories from this coverage. The leads were ok, but not that great. At least my diesel and effort were not wasted.
I still have it…charming execs into telling me stuff that they shouldn’t and the next day they would be receiving calls from my readers after my article had dropped into their inboxes. Hahaha! Oh well, dressing up and putting on make-up does wonders.
And since I was already out—on the other side of Metro Manila to be precise—I might as well take advantage and make the most of my fuel expense. I went to Ikea to buy more frames. Yes, frames. Because they’re cheap and they make my drawings look ok. That’s my form of self-love: a belief in my ability even if it’s not really good 😂🤣 and not be the first one to diss myself.
Why didn’t I just order online? Well I have a low EQ and I don’t want to wait for my shipment. But I think after today’s exhaustion, I would have to learn how to wait.
My reporter-friend M who covered the event with me this morning told me he really can’t do watercolors because he lacks the patience because they’re delicate. He says acrylics are easier for him. And for that alone, he would gladly pay for my cherry blossoms if I sell because of my effort, he said.
Well, he is right; doing those cherry blossoms really tested my patience and brush control. I didn’t go beyond brush #4. That’s how small it is.
Speaking of brush control, I really needed a #1 watercolor brush for delicate coloring so I went to Art Bar in SM Mall of Asia. Unfortunately, that branch already closed. So on the way home, I dropped by Art Bar Q. Ave and searched for that elusive brush. Errr, it was like PHP 300. No way because I could buy that online for 1/3 of the price. So I just bought some 5×7 watercolor papers (200 gsm) for my botanicals series and called it a day. I would just have to order online.
I also searched for Kuretake Gansai Tambi set because they’re almost on a par with Winsor & Newton artist’s line for a fraction of the price, according to the artists I follow online. Art Bar is already out of stock since last month so I have to search online. I’m excited to use this one.
When I go back to Japan, I would again be spending hours choosing art materials and stationery in Maruzen. The last time I went to their big Osaka branch, I was there for three hours, choosing pens and notebooks. Like they have gazillions of Pilot Fixion pens and Dr. Grip. I had been going around Tokyo and Osaka looking for art materials or stationery because the Japanese really make good stuff (like the Sakura Pigma Micron pens, Uni Pin [Mitsubishi] and Pilot). Maruzen and Loft are safe bets and you’ll be buying more stuff than planned—my credit card can tell you that. I bought my Travelers Notebook from Loft. That’s why if I’m not scheduled to go to Japan, I get my art and stationery fix at Takashimaya (specifically at Kinokuniya) in Singapore several times a year. Now that Nomura Real Estate and GT Capital (Federal Land) have a JV partnership to build a Mitsukoshi Department Store in BGC, I hopefully don’t have to fly to be able to buy these stuff abroad. The Shin Kong Mitsukoshi in Taipei was a downer though. I don’t like that department store.
Speaking of traveling, my Singapore colleague and I were talking about trips to Europe. She asked me what my first destination would be, I said Spain would be first because of the food, art, and the language. First stop is Madrid, then Barcelona, then Granada (because of architecture). Some friends hiked in Spain but since I would be traveling solo, it’s not recommended for me. Before the war in Ukraine, I would have liked to visit Prague, Czech Republic because of the architecture and museums. I’m a boring traveler, I know. However, a friend who visited Prague told me it might not be safe for me being alone there. Let’s see.
But before that, I need to make sure the workload is ok when we do our transition by next month or in May. I don’t want to be gallivanting in Europe while the team is left hanging. Maybe I should limit my trips to Asia this year and wait for things to settle down first. So in that case, I would be going to S. Korea and Japan for non-work-related trips. The rest of Southeast Asia would be work-related.
Oh. I still don’t have my passport yet. 🙄
On a related note, my friend M (the one who told me he wants to buy my sakura) and I talked about not leaving the Philippines and stuff. Because I told him that I would be transferring to my home province after I turned down the relocation to Singapore and he said, yeah, you really don’t need to be there. He said he likes to travel quite a lot (and we follow each other’s travel IGs and it was his IG that propelled me to have that instant trip to Hitachi). But he’s not really hot about migrating since all he needed are here in this country. I guess I can see where he’s coming from since he’s one of those reporters who really didn’t need to work as a reporter. Meaning he’s rich and he’s just living off his investments and family money/business. Journalism is more of a hobby to him. He said it looks weird that he’s one of the few Filipinos who doesn’t want to migrate. I said, it’s not weird. If your heart is really not into it, why follow the trend? Those who want to migrate want a better life and your life is already comfortable here so why rock the boat and just suffer homesickness? Maybe he felt pressured by others to do so that’s why he’s telling me this while he gave me a lift in his car to my parking area (which was very far from our venue today).
I said, don’t worry; there’s two of us who feel the same way.
Kr asked me if I could sketch her Baguio pine trees as seen from Camp John Hay. Lucky that I took a lot of photos of CJH when we spent Christmas there in 2017 and 2018.
The interview went well and my mom (who watched) said I was able to explain the concepts clearly. I told her it is how I taught my students in UP when I was still teaching that’s why I was able to break it down well. The point is, fact-checking is a good initiative but it doesn’t reach the masses, especially the rural poor. The D and E markets make up the bulk of the Philippine electorate and most of them do not have access to the Internet and so they do not have means to pay for data, or even a smart phone. Fact-checking only happens online and it has yet to reach the TV and radio—still the most accessible form of mass media in the Philippines.
As I said, media literacy teaches consumers of media messages how to be critical of the information fed by these entities and be conscious of the political economy involved there. Media ownership and their biases affect the delivery of the message and the content.
Like for example this tabloid; it is owned by the Romualdezes and everyone knows they are relatives of the Marcoses since Imelda is a Romualdez. It’s not surprising all the contents are anti-Leni Robredo and pro-Duterte. It features fake news (“hakot [crowd] for hire”) and all negative news about her campign/party.
Meanwhile, Manila Bulletin (which is known to support the establishment) tweeted an erroneous news because it echoed what Marcos’ team claimed. People on Twitter fact-checked the newspaper and said Las Pinas only has 600,000 citizens and how can half a million people—almost all of its citizens be at the rally?
Meanwhile, ABS-CBN published a third-party estimate of the number of people who actually attended the rally in Las Pinas, which in truth only reached 5,000
This is what I’m talking about why there is a need for media literacy. People should not be just mindless consumers of media. Misinformation and propaganda abound in traditional media and social media. Knowing how to be critical is important given democracy is at stake.
However, another hurdle to the critical thinking of consumers of mass media is the “echo chamber” effect that social media have on people, especially those who follow groups and “influencers/bloggers” who espouse disinformation and other lies (i.e. Thinking Pinoy, Mocha Uson, etc but of course I didn’t mention these names on air). I told the hosts this morning the challenge now is how to penetrate these echo chambers so the cycle of misinformation and propaganda can be broken. One of the things I said that could work are the methods employed in social marketing, especially the grassroots approach. I noted that this is one of the methods that the volunteers of one of the presidential candidates have been implementing such as door-to-door engagement of people on the ground, employing community participation in their information dissemination and marketing. Of course I cannot say it on air but we all understood each other that what I’m talking about was Leni. I told them about the AKAP principle (Awareness, Knowledge, Attitude, and Practice) and which form of communication could be more effective in this kind of social marketing that people must do during the campaign season and to fight misinformation and propaganda.
There were many points that I was able to share with them but it’s too long to write it down here.
This was shown live on the local cable TV channel and on FB Live.
Tomorrow I will be driving to Manila to attend an event and then probably work in Makati after. On Wednesday I would be having a call also with one of our Eastern European evacuee-reporter who will be put under my watch as they relocated to Southeast Asia. This would be challenging because of language barriers and the kind of market that he would be covering in the interim. This week is full of conferences and press briefings and I don’t know how I would be able to do much drawing in between.
Tonight I tried sketching cherry blossoms and a stray yellow bell or a similar flower to practice botanical watercoloring. It helps me control my brush and my heavy-handedness when it comes to coloring. Chinese botanical paintings are delicate so I need to do more of these. Drawing and painting tiny cherry blossoms are hard especially that I only devoted 5×8 inches of area in this watercolor paper.
I can do an entire series of this and give it to my mom. I put the one I did yesterday in one of my extra Ikea frames, so it would look neater to cover the watercolor smudges around the image. Hah. I can give this to my mom and the one on top when I go home maybe before Holy Week.
I should buy more frames. Hmmmm…