Now that the complete admin reins are with me, I have a clearer picture of how betrayed I was/am. I carried the whole team for years while my recent ex-manager was dysfunctional. I worked my ass off. Now I saw how undervalued I am and my team mate from Manila were. Our salaries are really low even when the cost of living in Manila is second to Singapore among the cities in the region. I haven’t gotten a raise in three years. I was so incensed yesterday when I saw that my salary was a little more than half of what the worst performer in the team is getting and his cost of living is lower than mine. And yet my ex-manager kept dumping work on me. I think my ex-manager has a thing against Filipinos.
Of course I ranted to my APAC boss/new manager. I said I worked my ass off for a long time and yet he is getting almost double than me??? My new manager said she just heard about it, meaning she didn’t have a hand in it. Once my new contract comes to me and I still get lower than this guy, I will tell my new manager I’m going to quit and they go fuck themselves.
So during the performance review, I told this slacker dude he doesn’t have any excuse for performing that bad. Considering his supposed experience, he shouldn’t just be covering startups and giving me half-baked stories with no value. I gave him measurable targets and demanded x number of articles a week. I told him that he should be aiming for large caps and grade A investments, not the USD 5m deals, the low-hanging fruits. Don’t tell me you’re running out of companies because yours is a very large market and there are so many things to cover there, from regulatory changes to left and right unicorn deals, I said.
I frankly told him that, “your slacking off for three years is ending. I will be checking up on you every quarter and show you your numbers every month. I expect more quality from you and no more low-hanging fruits.”
He has been giving me a lot of excuses. Every excuse he gives me, I give him a counter-argument. He really has zero excuse. Period.
I’m so angry right now. 🤬🤬🤬
No one is going to fucking undervalue me again.
This feeling of betrayal was similar to the one I had in February when I learned about how the demon J cheated on me, how he undervalued me, how cruel and evil he was. The similar hurt feelings. The anger burning inside me is the same. I told a colleague this morning that this is the problem, I was too nice. I didn’t put a premium on myself, hence, I get this treatment from others.
No wonder I was so much of a mess the past two to three years. I was being fucked over by my ex-manager and by my ex-partner. This is unforgivable. Getting abused like that because I was too nice really does things to your mental health. This is the year I will be looking out for myself first and watch my back for Judases around me.
I will just let God avenge me.
19 Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord.
Presidential bet Manny Pacquiao wants all candidates to stay the course, according to his campaign manager, as Manila Mayor Isko Moreno asked Vice President Leni Robredo to withdraw from the race. #PHVote#WeDecidehttps://t.co/eVmAYtsxkT
I really, really wanted to do house to house campaigning but my number one duty as a Filipino is to abide by journalism ethics. I have to restrain myself like the rest of my colleagues. We can express our political leanings but we cannot actively campaign for any personality as part of our sworn duty to be fair and just.
Speaking of journalists and elections, I just attended this webinar by Twitter for us journalists and the measures they put it place to prevent manipulation of the political discourse by preventing trolls/certain political candidates with well oiled machinery to manipulate public opinion (hello, Facebook!). Since this is a private webinar, I cannot disclose the things they have shared with us except for those they have already shared with the public such as 300 Marcos-related accounts (i.e. troll farms) taken down. This active policing of tweets has incensed Elon Musk so much that he is busy with his hostile takeover bid for Twitter. He is angry that Twitter is muzzling freedom of speech. Well Elon, if you go by Facebook, which has destroyed the Philippines, then I wish you just go to Mars and stay there. Don’t be an instrument in destroying democracies like ours.
Mr Musk has said he believes Twitter is limiting freedom of speech on the platform and he reiterated this at the Vancouver event. He has said his primary motivation would be to expand free speech – a US Constitutional right – on Twitter.
Was busy today with admin work that I barely had time time to edit and no time for writing three stories that I must finish until Wednesday. Because on Thursday, we will be leaving here at 5 am so that we would be in Anilao at around 7:30 am so we can dive early!!! Then work I start working at 10 am.
My head is pounding now, damn this headache. My psychiatrist’s secretary has not yet confirmed my schedule. I think this is a withdrawal symptom from stopping alprazolam ahead of schedule. I keep forgetting to take that thing. Maybe because I’ve been very calm the past few weeks that I keep forgetting that I still have to cure my anxiety. I haven’t been triggered since March and that’s a good thing and I hope it stays this way.
This is what I get for giving too much of myself to a man who doesn’t deserve me. Never again. Yeah, I’m hormonal right now and I’m angry again.
Meanwhile, aside from art, my other sources of serotonin are:
Kittykats keeping me company! Photo by CallMeCreation.com Making our rooms cuter by installing shades to make the lighting cozier. Photo by CallMeCreation.comMy gallery wall. Look at the cat on the stairs on the upper part of the photo 😄 Photo by CallMeCreation.com
A lot of people online (myself included) have declared that the male presidential aspirants have lost their balls/eggs with their stupid press conference today. If I were the journo covering this event, I would be cursing up to the high heavens for disturbing my day off.
We witnessed them scrambling their eggs on national TV on Easter Sunday. Yuck.
The nerve of these men. They probably have received orders from Bong-bong Marcos to tell Leni this absurd thing because he is already so threatened. Those who are politically savvy know that Marcos (ultimately, Gloria Macapagal Arroyo) is behind why these men are running for president—to divide the votes among those who do not like Marcos.
Only three weeks away. This is the most important election I have witnessed, save for the snap elections of 1985 that led to the Edsa Revolution because Ferdinand Marcos Sr cheated.
Another widow is running against a Marcos. And this Marcos is also threatened big time so he is employing all the dirty tactics to bring his demon of a family back to Malacanang.
But this time, the widow is not a clueless housewife. She is very capable and has a good head on her shoulders.
I’m scared.
Since it’s the end of Lenten Season, we had red meat today.
Korean barbecue for dinner. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
As I planned, today is a lazy day—Not actually. I did some carpentry job as it’s Twin A’s turn to have her table repaired. Good thing I already bought the Fixa cordless electric screwdriver from Ikea so I can reinforce the table with its existing screws and new screw.
It’s taking forever to charge though.Photo by CallMeCreation.com
I love my my Bosch impact drill but it’s too heavy and powerful for small jobs like screwdriving because you need two hands to operate it. Plus it’s not cordless so it’s cumbersome to use for furniture repair or assembly. But it’s perfect for heavy duty jobs drilling through masonry like when I am attaching curtain rods and shower heads.
I have now in my Lazada cart a cordless drill (for light jobs) and a jigsaw. One day I will have my own workshop/studio where I can confine all my DIYs and art projects. But one thing at a time. In the meantime, I will let those power tools stew in my online cart because I blew my budget this month because I bought too many frames. In true artist (wanna-be) fashion, I am surrounded by frames and art materials.
Photo by CallMeCreation.com
Speaking of art materials, my mechanical pencils were delivered. The Staedtler one has 0.5 B leads while the Monami one has 0.5 HB leads. I can get away without outlining drawings using micron pens if I use B lead. For situations that I need to erase the sketch, I use the HB.
Staedtler mechanical pencil. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
Meanwhile, this crazy initial practice sketch of Manila Cathedral is driving me nuts all because I took the photo from a weird angle.
Photo by CallMeCreation.com
This is why architecture and engineering students are never without their mechanical pencils. It’s annoying to constantly sharpen your pencils for drawing things like the one above.
Because I’m the queen of procrastination, I diverted myself into doing a manga-inspired drawing because I’m stumped with this Manila Cathedral one.
Another Himeji Castle Gardens scene. Art and photo by CallMeCreation.com
And because I am swimming in frames, I decided to give these manga-inspired drawings some dignity by putting them in cheap Fiskbo frames. I made the matting myself because, why not? I no longer have walls to accommodate these so they would be given away.
Art and photo by CallMeCreation.com
The yellow bell that I did the other day is framed and will also be given to my mom. Since I liked this one, I scanned it, printed it, and hung it near the kitchen sink to replace my old cross-stitch project. Not bad.
Art and photo by CallMeCreation.com
I don’t know if my hobby is cheaper than my sister’s because I keep buying frames. Oh but wait…she keeps having her acrylic paintings framed professionally so…I think hers is more expensive. Her paints are also more expensive on a by-inch/cm basis. While my watercolors are expensive (and I will be buying more expensive ones because they do make a lot of difference), they last forever because I’m not painting on huge canvases like my sister does. The painting that hangs above my bed headboard and the painting of farmers near my stairs are already too big for me.
I should also try to get back to pencils and charcoal. 🤔
Ah, I should sleep earlier. I have an interview at 10 am. Then a call at 11 and 2 pm. The 2 pm one is with Twitter—they selected me among the many local journos for their experimental program for this election. I wonder what this would be. 🤔🤔🤔
To start the day, I cooked egg fried rice (with dried seaweed and Vienna sausage) and special egg drop soup for us.
Photo by CallMeCreation.comPhoto by CallMeCreation.com
We didn’t bring our bikes to Intramuros because 1) it was going to rain; 2) it was too hot. We first went to Fort Santiago because it was the nearest spot near our parking area. When you’re in Intramuros, you go on foot because parking areas are few and far between so better stay where you are parked. I covered the Department of Finance for years and the Bureau of Treasury was just right there, plus my old newspaper’s office was just spitting distance so I know how hard it is to find parking space there. I was always in danger of being towed by the Manila Traffic officers everyday when I parked around the area.
Anyway, it was a lovely afternoon to visit so I can help my kids strengthen their Araling Panglipunan (Social Studies) knowledge without using rote learning system, plus I want them to see two of the oldest churches in Manila.
Photo by CallMeCreation.com
I think the last time I was here was a decade ago when my mom received an award and the ceremony was held here.
The moat that demarcates the ancient/pre-hispanic fort of the old rajah of Manila. Photo by CallMeCreation.comOne day I will have the patience to sketch this. Photo by CallMeCreation.comThe old supplies warehouse of the Spanish military. Photo by CallMeCreation.comRajah Sulayman Theater (the old military school and where the prison cell of Jose Rizal was located). Photo by CallMeCreation.comMedia Naranja (“half orange”), the top of the most gruesome dungeons I’ve seen. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
Media Naranja is also the area where the ships of the Galleon trade (Manila-Mexico) stopped, if I got it right. If you look down through grills of this courtyard, you will see the prison cells below. It was an inhumane prison because there were openings on the side that allowed the water from Pasig River to flow through when the tide was high. The prisoners would be soaked, if they were lucky. If there was a storm, they would drown.
Fort Santiago fell into the hands of the Japanese and Media Naranja was where 600 Filipino and American prisoners of war were found, already decomposing.
Underneath this cross is the mass grave of the 600 prisoners of war left to die in the dungeons. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
This is the first time I’ve seen the dungeons after 1987 when we had a field trip here. The last time I was here in Media Naranja was when I was with my cousins from the US but the dungeons were under construction because it was already crumbling so I wasn’t able to show them these.
The feeling I had when the girls and I entered the dungeons was similar to the one I had when I was in Corregidor in 2007. It was heavy. The air was oppressive, not just physically.
The tiny entrance to the dungeons. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
Right off the bat, the heaviness was all around me. If you’re claustrophobic, better not go inside. It’s also eerie and macabre.
The cells of the prisoners. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
They had photographs of how the American military found the 600 decomposing prisoners when Manila was liberated from the Japanese.
Torture chambers. Photo by CallMeCreation.comI don’t know why this lady wants her photo taken with such gruesome reminder. 🙄 Photo by CallMeCreation.comTiny entrances and exits in the dungeons. Photo by CallMeCreation.comYou really have to squeeze through this exit to escape the heaviness of the area. Its aura was sad and dark.View of Quezon Bridge atop the dungeons/Media NaranjaThe stairs leading to the top of the walls. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
You can climb the walls of Fort Santiago and it was made that way for the guards to patrol the area. My mom told me it was where she and my father had their dates when they were in college 🤣. My father’s campus was south of Manila and my mom’s campus was north of Manila so this is some kind of halfway for them. When I told my kids this story, they were like, whaaaaat? Hahaha! The top of the walls were already made into a park but they couldn’t imagine how it looked like up there because they were too lazy to climb.
View of Manila Cathedral dome and the bell tower of San Agustin Church. Photo by CallMeCreation.comResting first while watching pigeons do their synchronized flights. Photo by CallMeCreation.comOur Lady of Guadalupe Chapel within the walls of Fort Santiago. Photo by CallMeCreation.comArt installation (a cross) leading to Our Lady of Guadalupe. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
We walked out of Fort Santiago towards Manila Cathedral. I wasn’t able to get a good photo of the facade of the church that I can use to practice sketching parts of Intramuros.
Photo by CallMeCreation.com
We couldn’t enter the church because the temperature reader registered my body heat at 37.5. I was so hot at that time and was sweating a lot, hence, the reading. The guard didn’t let me in. Oh well.
Just a glimpse. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
So in the classic Hispanic arrangement of plazas, adjacent to the church should be an administrator’s building. In this case, it was the Palacio del Gobernador, the residence of the Governor-General before an earthquake destroyed it in the 19th century. After that, the Spanish governor-general lived in Malacanang Palace along Pasig River and it has been the residence of whoever is the head of the Philippine government until today.
Palacio del Gobernador. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
I know this building very well because it used to house the Bureau of Treasury (BTr) and I covered the Treasury bill auctions here every Monday and Wednesday—the event that determines the benchmark interest rates in the country. In 2018, BTr transferred to the Ayuntamiento de Manila (Manila City Hall), just right across the plaza after the reconstruction of the building was finished.
Ayuntamiento de Manila. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
They were able to reconstruct this well. It is very pretty inside and the last time I was here was in August 2018 when I hosted an economic briefing that was televised.
We no longer went to San Agustin Church because it was already late and it was about to rain. There’s always the next time. Rizal Museum was closed, as well as the other notable museums like Balay Tsinoy and Casa Manila because it’s Black Saturday. San Agustin Church also has its own museum. I also wanted to show the girls the old site of Ateneo de Manila and University of Santo Tomas but it was already getting dark and big fat raindrops were already pelting the windshield of my car.
While driving out of Intramuros, I showed the girls the old and present offices of the newspaper I used to work for. I told them Intramuros was like home to me for almost 6 years.
I drove along Roxas Boulevard and showed the girls where the notorious dolomite beach was. Then we proceeded to SM Mall of Asia because we needed to buy Twin A a new mattress since her current one is already giving her backaches because it was already sagging. I know that it was substandard because it was the foam that came with the bunk bed. The girls also wanted to buy something from SM Department store with their birthday money.
It was a nice day out.
Tomorrow later today, Easter Sunday, the girls will resume their review while I will be spending the entire day drawing or sleeping because Monday will be hectic with back-to-back-to-back calls.
The carroza of the Santo Entierro (dead Jesus). Photo by CallMeCreation.com
We went to UP today because the girls finished late with their review. We didn’t have enough time to go to Intramuros before the sun sets, so we just decided to have long walks for exercise in UP–the nearest open space. Since today is Good Friday, we were just in time for the carroza procession of the statues of saints in black and the Santo Entierro (dead Jesus). Traditionally there would be a mass before 3 pm afterwhich the Catholic church will go dark after the last carroza enters the church gates after the procession.
We watched this kind of procession in Pampanga in 2019 when we went to see the actual crucifixion of a man, which aas his annual panata (pledge).
There, the long procession with the grieving Mary at my back. Photo by CallMeCreation.comWhile my girls ran into the sunset. Photo by CallMeCreation.comCris-crossed the UP Lagoon. Photo by CallMeCreation.comAnd had their leisurely walk at the academic oval. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
They stationed themselves at the amphitheater while I had one lap around the oval to have my exercise.
Photo by CallMeCreation.com
Then we stayed at Quezon Hall so I can do my stretchings until the sun went down.
Photo by CallMeCreation.comPhoto by CallMeCreation.com
Tonight they’re staying with their dad and will just come back in the morning to clean their bikes so we can drive to Intramuros or Baywalk and bike there.
My exercise was short so I continued my workout at home.
This is a reminder that I can still reach my foot from behind. More yoga please! Photo by CallMeCreation.com
My yoga mat is still dirty I ought to clean it tomorrow. But my freshly vacuumed bedroom floor will do for now.
More muscles! Photo by CallMeCreation.com
This is a love letter to myself (and my girls when they get to read this in the future), reminder that I should take care of my body not because I need to attract men but to make me feel good and to protect myself from non-communicable diseases. Diabetes runs in my family and my father died of diabetes complications. I don’t post such photos on social media but posting this on my nameless blog is like an accountability to myself and for my girls to read when I’m already gone.
So tomorrow, Sabado de Gloria, we clean and oil our bikes and off we go to the Old City to see old churches. All the saints’ statues and even the cross will be draped in black cloth until the Easter salubong (Mary Magdelene meeting the Risen Christ) at dawn.
Here is Kimchi this morning, taking a nap with me. Squishy. 🐱🐾
Photo by CallMeCreation.com
Here is me a few hours later after giving her and Sushi a bath.
Photo by CallMeCreation.com
They hissed their way out of the towels when they were being dried. Sushi in particular wanted to kill us and acted like she’s dying at the same time.
Murderous cats. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
It’s Maundy Thursday today, (and in the Christian calendar) it’s when Jesus washed the feet of his disciples. It was His act of humility and service and his demonstration that we must love one another and that there is no ranking in God’s love.
“I have given you an example, that you should do as I have done to you” (John 13:15).
Love hurts. Love is humility. Love is service. There shouldn’t be any hierarchy in love because—I don’t know, you just love. I would die for my children if it means I could save them. Just as Jesus died for us to save us, without any hierarchy of who among us he loved the most.
I loved even though I hurt, thinking that love could turn a heart of stone softer. However, there are just some things that love can’t conquer so I just leave it up to Him. I did not seek revenge but instead I sought peace because it’s hard to live with so much hatred. In the end, it will just be up to God.
17 Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. 18 If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. 19 Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord. 20 On the contrary: “If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.” 21 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.
Romans 12:17-21
card from worldchallenge.org
We didn’t go yet to Intramuros because the girls aren’t finished studying for their finals on Monday until Wednesday next week. They should clean their bikes tomorrow morning so we can go in the afternoon. Friends had been posting on Facebook that the provinces are clogged and the traffic even going to Quezon Province is intolerable. A classmate of my girls said it took them 9 hrs of driving to Baguio.
This is the reason why I love staying in Metro Manila during Holy Week. The roads are clear and we can just do cartwheels in the middle of Makati CBD 😂
In the meantime, I transplanted some of my flowers and sowed some petunia seeds.
I hope they don’t die. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
So far so good. My existing flowering plants are doing ok.
Photo by CallMeCreation.comThe morning glory that I transplanted to a hanging planter because it is starting to grow vines. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
And finally, I now have a yellow bell! I had been looking for this plant for a long time because this one creeps along walls and fences. By next year, this will be ready to be transplanted in my new house and creep along the wire fence that we had erected between our lot and the neighbor’s. I can make a trellis out of yellow bells.
Photo by CallMeCreation.com
Now that I’m done doing manual labor, my creative side is itching right now. I want to order more watercolors. I held back and just ordered Staedtler mechanical pencils because it’s easier to sketch with it and not bother sharpening my pencil all the time. I’m now impatiently waiting for it.
Makeshift easel. Photo by CallMeCreation.comYellow bell.Art and photo by CallMeCreation.comArt and photo by CallMeCreation.comArt and photo by CallMeCreation.com