I like Tori Amos’ covers of well-known rock songs. She gives them more depth and female angst. Here is my simplified version of her Nirvana cover, Smells Like Teen Spirit. I couldn’t match Tori’s piano playing because I’m lazy and I want the easier way 🤣
Smells Like Teen Spirit
On the perky side of life, here is my version of Sweet Child of Mine by Guns N’ Roses. A staple during my high school days.
I kept playing the piano to cool down after my 7+ km walk tonight. Yep I just rested for two days and back again on the saddle.
It took me a little bit longer today because I didn’t pressure myself. But I think I didn’t change my pace that much since I still average 15 mins per km.
When the girls were much younger, this path was their playground. They pretended to go on a journey, like in Pokemon, climbed trees and explored the winding paths. Photo by CallMeCreation.comI wanted to catch the sunset again. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
Yes, I did say I didn’t want to post anything political or anything to do with current events but of course I couldn’t help it.
Who else could it be??? Like as if any Korean presidential candidate would be as brash as this… Or I could be wrong 🙄 But then the most obvious candidate is…TADAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!
Your guess is as good as mine.
Meanwhile….
The top rice importers in the world 1) China; 2) PHILIPPINES
And hellooooooo! Who is the concurrent agriculture secretary? The president who could not even make head nor tail of the economy and government.
👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏
Bravo! Bravo!
And this government cut the budget for health; we no longer have budget for Covid vaccines and support for cancer patients. All went to the confidential funds of the Department of Education Secretary, who is the Vice President, and should not have confidential funds because what does she need “intel” funds for as education secretary? Then the office of the president has billions in unwarranted “confidential funds” that can be disbursed without state auditing.
👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏
*Sigh* I shouldn’t have clicked on Twitter. 🙄
My desk on Friday night chaos. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
Been busy emailing people for meetings in Singapore in November so I can have my trip approved by London. Kinda stupid that I had to justify my trip to my own office. As if I’m there to have a holiday. 🙄 Good thing the people I reached out to were very willing to meet me and have already ordered their secretaries to send me an email invite to table the meetings.
I need to book my hotel and flights next week since the rates are already going up.
Because I was attending to these things, I wasn’t able to get off my table and to start walking again at 4pm. I opted to have indoor workout, which I’m not really a fan of. The usual core exercises and dumbbell workouts. Then stretches.
After planking.
I can’t NOT have exercise these days because I love home cooking. Just look at this!
Instant Pot 45 min kare-kare swimming in peanut sauce. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
Fall-off-the-bone beef kare-kare in 45 minutes. This is part if the xxx number of kilos of beef I bought from my hometown. It’s cartilaginous but it just melted. The peanut sauce became peanut soup since it is pressure cooked, no steam escaped/no evaporation, hence, the sauce remained watery instead of transforming into a gooey sauce. I remedied this by plopping more Reese peanut butter…ah well. Lesson learned. But the kare-kare is excellent. *Chef’s kiss* 👌😘
And to cap off the weekend, here is 12-year-old Yoyoka, wowing me again with her wicked drumming skills in 1970s classic heavy rock. She’s just one year older than my girls and yet her mastery of the instrument is that of a 45-year-old professional drummer.
I’m glad that heavy rock is still alive and kicking in Japan and has not been swallowed up by Kpop/Jpop. Japan has always produced very skilled guitarists and bassists, especially women bassists, like Madoon who complements Yoyoka here.
Monoral was in heavy rotation in my iPod a decade ago.
Speaking of bassist, the best bassist for me is Billy Sheehan >>> he’s a big part why I loved Mr. Big. He could make the instrument really sing and compete with the lead guitars in terms of melodies. And with Yoyoka’s drumming, it was ear candy.
My kids are starting to appreciate some of my music now that they started listening to Up Dharma Down and Radiohead. We’re on Spotify family plan so they have started to discover music on their own. However, I don’t think they’re ready for nu metal like Korn and P.O.D. but they have an entire lifetime of listening to discover those.
Oh Up Dharma Down…smooth jazz fusion music on a Friday night. I miss them and there’s a huge void when they disbanded. I’ve only seen them live once 😥 but Armi Millare is still there creating beautiful music and she provided me with the most poignant soundtrack of my life.
I moved around furniture in my room, trying to figure out how I can best accommodate my piano that has been stuck in the huge closet with no purpose. I’m not getting my money’s worth if it’s just hidden there. Well, after some huffing and puffing, I reverted to the previous set-up and adjusted my worktable and the Ikea drawer.
A little bit tighter now. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
This set-up works for now; that area was dead space anyway. I tried playing for an hour and I think this will do for now. I mean I will just roll away from my desk to my piano to de-stress.
Prior to this room reconfiguring, I washed the girls’ old running shoes using the mini washing machine. I will give these away when we go home to my mom’s this coming weekend. They turned out clean! Yey! I no longer need to brush shoes manually. I am getting my money’s worth from this tiny machine. I now always have clean rags and foot mats.
Sushi ruining my bag. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
My cats are happy that I’m home the entire day. They have this separation anxiety that I find endearing; but I have mixed feelings regarding this when it comes to humans. Good thing my girls outgrew this because it causes me anxiety; there’s always this guilty feeling that I need to come home soon or I always had to bring them with me wherever I go. I couldn’t have my “Me” time.
same thing now with my cats. When my girls tell me that my cats are waiting for me in my room and they don’t leave my room because they miss me, I couldn’t help feel that I needed to come home immediately. Sushi especially has this weird separation anxiety. They told me that while I was away in Singapore, Sushi never left my room and she rarely went down to hang at the living room or elsewhere. She just stayed in my room and slept. I told them not to wash my bedsheets until I arrive so that my cats can still smell me and be comforted.
They always wait outside my bedroom door everyday and wait for me to open it so that they can sleep with me. But of course I don’t want them inside my room when I retire for the night because of their 3 am or 4 am zoomies.
I guess they’re joining me tonight.
I’d rather have cats sleep with me than have somebody who disdains me and was just forced to share my bed because he had nowhere else to go.
I texted the car shop and the chief mechanic said they couldn’t do the paint job yet because it has been raining the past few weeks, which I completely understand.
Lord, please give me at least two dry days so my car paint job will be done. I don’t know how long I can stay like this, not being able to drive to places, even do a big grocery shop.
Meanwhile, my neighbors had Mochi/Whitey cremated today.
Goodbye, Kitty, love. Photo c/o my neighbor.
With paw print and glass for the ashes. Photo c/o my neighbor.
It was just so heartbreaking that he held on so we can be with him at the last moment before he let go his last breath.
I really do love cats. When I was growing up until my first job, I thought I was more of a dog person and my salary just went to pay for my dogs’ vet bills. Now that I’m older, I think my temperament matches more with cats. I’m an ambivert but my introverted side appreciates my cats’ aloofness and pretension that they do not care about me but in truth they’re really nuts about me. 😂
Like this lovely critter here. She again offered me another dead mouse outside my bedroom door.
Sushi, who is fond of giving me love offerings.
She had been making noise outside my bedroom yesterday morning, made sure I wake up so I can let her in my room. But when I opened my door, she refused to enter. I wondered why she went through all the hoops to wake me up then she’s not going inside my room 🤔 Only when I saw the dead mouse and acknowledged it did Sushi finally saunter into my room with a smug face. 🐱
I screeched and asked Ate C to clean up the crime/crime scene.
We don’t harbor pests in this apartment but because our neighbors in the next unit are really messy people, they already have a rat colony there and some of them had crossed over here. Hence, Sushi’s new preoccupation.
Their landlord inspected their apartment recently and saw that leftover Jollibee meals were on the kitchen counter with small rats circling around these. 🤢 That’s how disgusting they are.
I couldn’t put rat killers around my unit because of my curious cats. That’s what my other neighbors suspected that killed Mochi/Whitey. 😢 I’m still figuring how I could get rid of the pests without harming my fluffies.
Meanwhile, I don’t have anything else to keep me occupied today so I spent the evening learning to sing one song. 🤣🤣🤣🤣 Ghad, I’m so boring.
Ocean – Lady Antebellum
At least this is better than trying to amuse myself by chatting with strangers, like what some friends suggested since they themselves are currently doing the Bumble thing. Especially this lawyer friend of mine who has been in the dating circuit in Singapore. She went through so many scrapes now because of Bumble and it seems like she hasn’t learned anything.
Anyway, I still can’t do that because I just discovered that I am not completely out of the woods yet i.e. I still want love and attention, which is fatal as this would lead me to the wrong person/people. So better I keep to myself until I become numb and heartless.
Maybe I would be able to do that dating thing when I am already nonchalant about everything, which I doubt I would be. Ergo, no. I would not be able to do it.
My best gay friend, K, and I often exchange Spotify songs or playlists. When I discover a new song that I’m totally into, I will send him the link to that song on Spotify.
So last year, most of the songs I shared with him were from my “Broken” playlist. When we had that Christmas lunch in Glorietta, we mashed up our playlists and we discovered we’re both fond of Original Pilipino Music (OPM), particularly Ben & Ben and Ebe Dancel. Strangely, we both listen to Lewis Capaldi.
Nowadays, what I’m sharing with him are songs from my “Chill Hits” and I’m totally into LANY now and Lauv. For some reason I can’t explain.
I’m making a lot of progress in terms of my mental and emotional state as my playlists can attest. From playing the saddest fucking songs of heart brokenness to listening to chill music that I enjoyed by the beach just recently. When I hear LANY’s Dancing in the Kitchen, I often find myself dancing in my seat.
Another friend said music saved him from depression. I said the same and I’ve blogged about it here. Music (and art in general) has saved me many, many times. It brings me to a place that only I can reach through the music that seeps into my consciousness.
I remember exchanging tapes and CDs with my college friend whom I had a falling out with later (and he recently reached out to me on IG, as I blogged here a few months ago). He lent me his Tony Rich Project album since at that time I was so into Soul and R&B and I wasn’t able to return it to him because he became weird (as I related in my past blog entry how he became weird). I think that tape is still at my mom’s place, inside those plastic bins of memories.
I’m happy to report that these days my tendency is to play more electronic dance music (EDM) than listen to Armi Millare, whom I played to death in 2021.
My drives are more tolerable with music playing in the background and I am singing along. I remember feeling constricted when I drive with J next to me and being grumpy. He doesn’t like noise. Such a curmudgeon. It’s hard when it’s a long drive, like when going to Los Banos hot springs or Tagaytay (for spur-of-the-moment dinner at Balay Dako) or Anilao, and I don’t have music to keep me from falling asleep on the wheel.
Come to think of it, he was always grumpy and complains a lot and I’m always the punching bag.
Anyway, good now that I can play whatever I want. And my kids cannot complain because I am the driver, I get to choose the music. 🤣
But every now and then I still play my “Broken” playlist, just to feel a twinge of sadness but generally to congratulate myself that I can listen to the entire playlist without tearing up.
Am I getting better? Yes, definitely. It took a long time but yes, I made it. I can look back and say, I’ve done it. I’ve come so far. I’ve come so, so far…
And as a graduation gift to myself, I’m dancing in my room naked with this song in the background.
I already paid for the girls’ school tuition this afternoon. Writing the check and handing that amount to the school cashier every May is always a leap of faith.
They will be having a hybrid setup where the children will be divided into batches: some kids will be physically in school on MW while the others are at home; then they will be at home for T-TH while the others will be in school. Thank you for small mercies like this because my kids are tired of online school. I would have been tired too if I were in their shoes.
I have also paid for their high school entrance exam review tonight. They will have the sessions starting June every weekday afternoon and by August through September they will be having it every Sunday, for 4 hrs every morning until noon.
Alongside that are their regular Kumon sessions.
Twin I complained that they already have too much on their plate. I told them that was nothing when I was their age. I had high school entrance exam review classes, Math tutorial, Sunday (Catholic Church) school, and Rondalla practices, piano lessons, and goodness knows what else. I rode public transport through all of these. I didn’t complain because it was expected of me and there’s this unspoken pressure that 1) must always be an honor student; 2) must pass UP high school and UP (college) or else I will fail my parents and bring them shame since my brother topped those exams; my older siblings always graduated with honors, if not valedictorian. I was not given a choice not to pass those exams. I was not given a choice not to be an honor student.
It was not an option.
My kids are luckier because they know I have a Plan B. My parents had no Plan B for me then. It was taboo. I was the only one among my siblings who didn’t take the Philippine Science High School exam because right off the bat I knew I will not pursue a science career. My other choice then was Philippine High School for the Arts but I was confused whether I would be pursuing theater then or creative writing so in the end I didn’t take the screenings, but I already had in my hand the application forms. In the end I just rested my entire future in one entrance exam and it was only now that I realized that I would have been truly fucked if I didn’t pass UP high. My mom said, just a few years ago, that she was confident that her children would pass. I just don’t know where she got the confidence that I would.
My kids are now pressured to choose what their career paths would be–Twin I came to me one night and told me she doesn’t know what high school track she should pursue. I told them they could be whatever they want. They wouldn’t know what they wanted to do in life even after they graduate from college. I told them some friends keep reinventing themselves 20 years after. So they shouldn’t lose their hair trying to figure out what they wanted to do because things change.
I was the rare person who knew at 16 what she wanted to do for the rest of her life. Twenty-six years after, I’m still doing it and I have no regrets.
This song by Sam Smith is so apt for me right now. I used to always downgrade myself, thinking that I didn’t deserve so and so things, this person, this…Blame it on low self-esteem growing up. It took me 40 years to realize that no, I’m not so bad after all. That I’m ok. Sometimes more than ok. If only I knew what I know now back when I was in my 20s, I could’ve saved me a lot of heartache and sorrow.
But then adulting is like that, isn’t it?
Have you ever felt like being somebody else? Feeling like the mirror isn’t good for your health? Every day I’m tryin’ not to hate myself But lately, it’s not hurtin’ like it did before Maybe I am learning how to love me moreIt used to burn Every insult, every word But it helped me learn (yeah) Self-worth I had to earn So I tried every night To sit with sorrow And eventually, it set me freeHave you ever felt like being somebody else? Feeling like the mirror isn’t good for your health? Every day I’m tryin’ not to hate myself But lately, it’s not hurtin’ like it did before Maybe I am learning how to love me moreJust a little bit (love me more) Just a little bit (love me more) Oh, no (love me more) Just a little bit (love me more)I used to cry myself to sleep at night I’d blame the sky when the mess was in my mind I couldn’t see, I couldn’t breathe So I sat with sorrow And eventually, it set me freeHave you ever felt like being somebody else? Feeling like the mirror isn’t good for your health? (If you have, let me hear you right now) Every day I’m tryin’ not to hate myself (yeah, yeah, yeah) But lately, it’s not hurtin’ like it did before (sweet child) Maybe I am learning how to love me moreJust a little bit (love me more) Just a little bit (love me more) Oh, I’m gonna try to (love me more) With a little bit of love (love me more)Love me more Love me more (just a little bit) Love me more (love me more) Love me moreOh, gonna love me more (gonna love me more) Oh, gonna love me more (yeah, yeah, yeah) Oh, gonna love me more (gonna love me more) (Oh) oh, gonna love me more
This is me while working, my cat Sushi joining me in my press conference.
Photo by CallMeCreation.com
The weekend is soon here. Saturday we will stick near our apartment because there will be a gigantic traffic jam as people will be gathering in Makati CBD, and the stage for the Leni x Kiko Grand Rally will be located at Ayala Ave cor Paseo de Roxas. I think this will attract one million people and will spill over to Edsa. The whole of Makati CBD will be clogged—there will be a domino effect so everything else is going to be frozen.
I wanted to go there, but my hotel reservations came a week earlier and I don’t have room in my budget this month for another staycation in the CBD area. My sister said it’s difficult to attend these rallies because you have no place to pee, it’s hot, and parking is a nightmare. My fear of Covid is winning over my FOMO (fear of missing out). My kids and I will just probably bike around with Leni x Kiko posters all over us.
And these text spams by Marcos? I fight back…
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I enjoy trolling them.
