Twin A last night asked me, “Mommy, can I be a lawyer?”
Me: Of course, yes!
Twin A: I want run for president like Leni. I want to be a lawyer and help the poor farmers who do not have homes, just like Leni.
And there I was, crying yesterday, losing hope, feeling betrayed and defeated. Thinking of giving up on my country.
And here is my child, giving me a reason not to give up.
My other child, Twin I, had been reading up on the Marcoses and she is now on the part where Imee Marcos–the current senator and head of the senate committee on elections (surprise surprise!)–had the young Archimedes Trajano killed in 1977 because he dared to speak out. She said she is annoyed with Imee Marcos that she’s so plastic and that she had the temerity to tell the court and Trajano’s mother that, “It’s none of your business.”
Yesterday, they have started the old practice of using guns to instill fear into the hearts of those who have opposed Marcos 50 years ago. They are now soon going to start the witch-hunt among us journalists.
JUST IN: It was reported earlier today that several of our student-athletes were stopped by the police on their way back to the campus, simply because of their affiliation with the University of the Philippines as an institution.
— UP Fight Club | #FiredUP🔥 (@upmaroonclub) May 10, 2022
I was so heartbroken yesterday, I cried myself to sleep. I talked to my mom this morning and she said:
“We are living in dangerous times right now. The media is the next to be targeted. Come home here and we will talk about your Plan A, Plan B, and Plan C because your profession is a threat to them. We have to continue to fight. Our mistake then was we became complacent after 1986, but the Marcoses had been plotting this for decades. We became complacent that’s why we had all those missteps after 1986. This is the time for us to regroup and fight a tougher battle.”
My older colleagues who were stringers for international publications during the Marcos era were covering business at that time as well. It doesn’t mean that since I am an international correspondent, I’m already shielded. State sequestration of private corporations—just like what Duterte threatened to do with Manila Water and Maynilad—is within my purview. Every journalist now is threatened, as they had been back then. Look at what BBM did to Lian Buan.
At least I know if something happens to me, my brother and my older sister can take in my daughters.
My essay about Marcos and Radiowealth will remain where it is. I will not delete it—because it is the truth.
Marcos has not yet been sworn in but the nightmare is already starting.
Leni x Kiko Grand Rally at Ayala cor Paseo de Roxas at 6 pm. Photo by Roby Alampay via Twitter
Since I knew it’s going to be difficult with kids in tow, we opted to have a biking campaign around the village and UP campus.
Washing our bikes. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
First we washed our bikes and oiled them. We went to the vulcanizing shop and bike shop to change the interior tube of Twin A’s front wheel.
In solidarity with the people in Makati. Photo by CallMeCreation.comRested here for a bit. Then the girls did some speed biking until it was too dark to do it.Photo by CallMeCreation.comWater break. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
Something’s wrong with the gear shifter in Twin A’s bike so I’m going to have it replaced tomorrow before we bike to another venue.
We had dinner at Rodic’s near Bahay ng Alumni. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
We were looking for the street food vendor near Oblation but it was already very dark and we couldn’t see them. We proceeded to Rodic’s near Bahay ng Alumni and had a quick dinner. The ambulant vendor-kid there was appealing to us to buy his heavy rice-based snacks. I felt bad so I bought one and I gave it to the other kid who was begging for food. Then the vendor-kid gave me Leni stickers. I gave him more money in exchange for the stickers.
Photo by CallMeCreation.com
We went around the community this afternoon and evening with this.
Screencap of a video by a friend.
I wanted to be there but as a mother of asthmatic kids, I cannot compromise their health by contracting Covid. I hope they’re all safe.
Yesterday, National Artist for Music Ryan Cayabyab initiated a flash mob at PowerPlant Mall in Rockewell. I am loving that artists are lending their talent for Leni.
I already paid for the girls’ school tuition this afternoon. Writing the check and handing that amount to the school cashier every May is always a leap of faith.
They will be having a hybrid setup where the children will be divided into batches: some kids will be physically in school on MW while the others are at home; then they will be at home for T-TH while the others will be in school. Thank you for small mercies like this because my kids are tired of online school. I would have been tired too if I were in their shoes.
I have also paid for their high school entrance exam review tonight. They will have the sessions starting June every weekday afternoon and by August through September they will be having it every Sunday, for 4 hrs every morning until noon.
Alongside that are their regular Kumon sessions.
Twin I complained that they already have too much on their plate. I told them that was nothing when I was their age. I had high school entrance exam review classes, Math tutorial, Sunday (Catholic Church) school, and Rondalla practices, piano lessons, and goodness knows what else. I rode public transport through all of these. I didn’t complain because it was expected of me and there’s this unspoken pressure that 1) must always be an honor student; 2) must pass UP high school and UP (college) or else I will fail my parents and bring them shame since my brother topped those exams; my older siblings always graduated with honors, if not valedictorian. I was not given a choice not to pass those exams. I was not given a choice not to be an honor student.
It was not an option.
My kids are luckier because they know I have a Plan B. My parents had no Plan B for me then. It was taboo. I was the only one among my siblings who didn’t take the Philippine Science High School exam because right off the bat I knew I will not pursue a science career. My other choice then was Philippine High School for the Arts but I was confused whether I would be pursuing theater then or creative writing so in the end I didn’t take the screenings, but I already had in my hand the application forms. In the end I just rested my entire future in one entrance exam and it was only now that I realized that I would have been truly fucked if I didn’t pass UP high. My mom said, just a few years ago, that she was confident that her children would pass. I just don’t know where she got the confidence that I would.
My kids are now pressured to choose what their career paths would be–Twin I came to me one night and told me she doesn’t know what high school track she should pursue. I told them they could be whatever they want. They wouldn’t know what they wanted to do in life even after they graduate from college. I told them some friends keep reinventing themselves 20 years after. So they shouldn’t lose their hair trying to figure out what they wanted to do because things change.
I was the rare person who knew at 16 what she wanted to do for the rest of her life. Twenty-six years after, I’m still doing it and I have no regrets.
This song by Sam Smith is so apt for me right now. I used to always downgrade myself, thinking that I didn’t deserve so and so things, this person, this…Blame it on low self-esteem growing up. It took me 40 years to realize that no, I’m not so bad after all. That I’m ok. Sometimes more than ok. If only I knew what I know now back when I was in my 20s, I could’ve saved me a lot of heartache and sorrow.
But then adulting is like that, isn’t it?
Have you ever felt like being somebody else? Feeling like the mirror isn’t good for your health? Every day I’m tryin’ not to hate myself But lately, it’s not hurtin’ like it did before Maybe I am learning how to love me moreIt used to burn Every insult, every word But it helped me learn (yeah) Self-worth I had to earn So I tried every night To sit with sorrow And eventually, it set me freeHave you ever felt like being somebody else? Feeling like the mirror isn’t good for your health? Every day I’m tryin’ not to hate myself But lately, it’s not hurtin’ like it did before Maybe I am learning how to love me moreJust a little bit (love me more) Just a little bit (love me more) Oh, no (love me more) Just a little bit (love me more)I used to cry myself to sleep at night I’d blame the sky when the mess was in my mind I couldn’t see, I couldn’t breathe So I sat with sorrow And eventually, it set me freeHave you ever felt like being somebody else? Feeling like the mirror isn’t good for your health? (If you have, let me hear you right now) Every day I’m tryin’ not to hate myself (yeah, yeah, yeah) But lately, it’s not hurtin’ like it did before (sweet child) Maybe I am learning how to love me moreJust a little bit (love me more) Just a little bit (love me more) Oh, I’m gonna try to (love me more) With a little bit of love (love me more)Love me more Love me more (just a little bit) Love me more (love me more) Love me moreOh, gonna love me more (gonna love me more) Oh, gonna love me more (yeah, yeah, yeah) Oh, gonna love me more (gonna love me more) (Oh) oh, gonna love me more
This is me while working, my cat Sushi joining me in my press conference.
Photo by CallMeCreation.com
The weekend is soon here. Saturday we will stick near our apartment because there will be a gigantic traffic jam as people will be gathering in Makati CBD, and the stage for the Leni x Kiko Grand Rally will be located at Ayala Ave cor Paseo de Roxas. I think this will attract one million people and will spill over to Edsa. The whole of Makati CBD will be clogged—there will be a domino effect so everything else is going to be frozen.
I wanted to go there, but my hotel reservations came a week earlier and I don’t have room in my budget this month for another staycation in the CBD area. My sister said it’s difficult to attend these rallies because you have no place to pee, it’s hot, and parking is a nightmare. My fear of Covid is winning over my FOMO (fear of missing out). My kids and I will just probably bike around with Leni x Kiko posters all over us.
And these text spams by Marcos? I fight back…
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I enjoy trolling them.
A week from now, Filipinos will determine if we sink or rise from this disaster. I’m scared. I’m anxious but I’m hopeful.
The surveys that had been coming in are flawed. Several statisticians from UP and the former head of the National Statistics Coordination Board (NSCB, now part of the Philippine Statistics Administration) have already pointed out the methodology flaws of those surveys that they were structured to favor the class D which tended to favor Marcos.
Horror of horrors, in 7 out of the 17 regions, there are more registered voters for May 2022 than the population 18 years or over!!! The percentage of “over-registration” ranged from at least 1 percent to at most 11 percent. How on earth could this have happened?
Dr. Romulo Virola
Pulse Asia (PA) overrepresented those who did not reach college representing more than 78 percent of the PA sample and almost 70 percent of the PSA 2015 Census of Population and consequently underrepresented those who did:
Sampling bias by Pulse Asia, according to Dr. Virola
Meanwhile, I was arguing on Twitter with a Filipino journo based abroad for his crass words today. He has no idea what it is to be on the ground here. Now.
I can’t keep my words from flowing. The last time I couldn’t, I went viral on social media.
I was talking to my taxi driver this evening about Leni. Just one conversion is already a good one. Doing 10 conversions makes a world of difference.
Because I’m fighting for the future of my children. It’s not just for me or about me, unlike those people who are voting for Marcos who just say, I’m voting for him because I like him better than “lutang” (floating) Leni.
We are doing our best to change the mindset of the majority of the electorate who are not reached by social media and proper education.
Go mom! Photo by ArtCave
Here’s my mom yesterday talking to some rural folk somewhere in the middle of a farming community in the province, campaigning for Leni. Giving a talk and leading focus group discussions. There are millions of her doing this, volunteer on the ground campaigning, house-to-house visits to persuade people, correcting false information and propaganda.
Bills,bills,bills. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
It’s that time of the month again when I have to record/tally my expenses or trace where my money went. I always pay my credit cards in full every month. I don’t want consumer debt hanging over my head and I always make sure I have savings and petty cash for unexpected stuff like this:
Eyeglasses for us all. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
I lost my new eyeglasses. I don’t know where and how but I just couldn’t find it anymore. I had been wearing contact lenses the entire weekend and it’s only yesterday that I discovered my eyeglasses were missing.
Since I couldn’t live with wearing contacts full-time, I immediately went to my optometrist to have new eyeglasses made. I also had my girls’ and Ate C’s eyes checked. It’s not surprising they have astigmatism because of the amount of screen time we all had the past two years…so I had four pairs of eyeglasses made (Ooohh boy they’re not cheap!). Only Twin A’s were ready tonight and the rest will be picked up on Saturday because I ordered ultra thin lenses for us.
My girls will now join their four-eyed kuyas. 😁
Chasing each other with booger (eewww). Photo by CallMeCreation.com
My cats missed me. When we arrived home at 1:30 am today, my cats were all over me. Then they settled on my bed while I unpacked and searched all around for my missing eyeglasses. I slept at 4 am and I woke up at 9 am with my cats still in my bed. ❤️
SushiKimchiThey missed me! Photo by CallMeCreation.com
Today Southeast Asia is dead: Eid’l Fitr celebrations across Southeast Asia while Vietnam celebrates its liberation with a holiday that began April 30 until tomorrow. I had been sending requests for interviews again and I think I have several lined up for this week.
Edsa is such a nutcase even on Sundays. Road repairs were left unfinished, causing major roadblocks that choked Edsa near Ortigas area. Now I remember why I don’t want to go back.
But I want to sleep in my own bed. *Sigh* Hopefully next year I don’t have to confront Edsa daily.
We should have been at home by 1:09 pm but I decided to drop by SM Makati to grab stuff that would keep the girls occupied now that their classes are over. They have their birthday money to use for whatever so they were free to buy even useless things.
Then we decided to eat out and not bother cooking at home. After four days of resort food, we had some comfort food.
Gyoza. Photo by CallMeCreation.com Salmon roll. Photo by CallMeCreation.comDemolished. She’s so proud of herself.Photo by CallMeCreation.comHer comfort food. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
I’ve been trying to book Zennya massage 💆 but couldn’t find any available therapist. I think I may have to walk to the nearby spa to have my diving-induced body aches attended to. I’m too tired to bother now. Tomorrow I will be so busy (I have to drive all the way to Conrad Hotel) to attend a stockholders meeting and press conference. No time for massage. 😔
I had my consultation with my shrink yesterday (via Google Meet) and she said I’m making good progress now that I can handle myself without alprazolam. The stress and anger I had when I discovered the unfair treatment at work didn’t cause me the same level of anxiety as much as J did, so I didn’t have to take alprazolam. I’ve been handling work-related stress and anger for 22 years so in the grand scheme of things it has been inconsequential compared to the triggering effect J has on me.
Because of my progress, my shrink said we would only meet every other month. Great! My shrink was happy that I was finally happy. When we were talking, she saw I was dripping wet as I just came onshore from my dive that afternoon. She said it was good that I am finally doing things that I loved to do and was no longer living inside my head. I was no longer stuck. She said I have already entered the stabilization phase.
I hope there would be no more triggers. But just in case my shrink said if something happens like in February, I shouldn’t wait two months before I talk to her—I need to schedule a session with her, ASAP.
To start the day, I cooked egg fried rice (with dried seaweed and Vienna sausage) and special egg drop soup for us.
Photo by CallMeCreation.comPhoto by CallMeCreation.com
We didn’t bring our bikes to Intramuros because 1) it was going to rain; 2) it was too hot. We first went to Fort Santiago because it was the nearest spot near our parking area. When you’re in Intramuros, you go on foot because parking areas are few and far between so better stay where you are parked. I covered the Department of Finance for years and the Bureau of Treasury was just right there, plus my old newspaper’s office was just spitting distance so I know how hard it is to find parking space there. I was always in danger of being towed by the Manila Traffic officers everyday when I parked around the area.
Anyway, it was a lovely afternoon to visit so I can help my kids strengthen their Araling Panglipunan (Social Studies) knowledge without using rote learning system, plus I want them to see two of the oldest churches in Manila.
Photo by CallMeCreation.com
I think the last time I was here was a decade ago when my mom received an award and the ceremony was held here.
The moat that demarcates the ancient/pre-hispanic fort of the old rajah of Manila. Photo by CallMeCreation.comOne day I will have the patience to sketch this. Photo by CallMeCreation.comThe old supplies warehouse of the Spanish military. Photo by CallMeCreation.comRajah Sulayman Theater (the old military school and where the prison cell of Jose Rizal was located). Photo by CallMeCreation.comMedia Naranja (“half orange”), the top of the most gruesome dungeons I’ve seen. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
Media Naranja is also the area where the ships of the Galleon trade (Manila-Mexico) stopped, if I got it right. If you look down through grills of this courtyard, you will see the prison cells below. It was an inhumane prison because there were openings on the side that allowed the water from Pasig River to flow through when the tide was high. The prisoners would be soaked, if they were lucky. If there was a storm, they would drown.
Fort Santiago fell into the hands of the Japanese and Media Naranja was where 600 Filipino and American prisoners of war were found, already decomposing.
Underneath this cross is the mass grave of the 600 prisoners of war left to die in the dungeons. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
This is the first time I’ve seen the dungeons after 1987 when we had a field trip here. The last time I was here in Media Naranja was when I was with my cousins from the US but the dungeons were under construction because it was already crumbling so I wasn’t able to show them these.
The feeling I had when the girls and I entered the dungeons was similar to the one I had when I was in Corregidor in 2007. It was heavy. The air was oppressive, not just physically.
The tiny entrance to the dungeons. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
Right off the bat, the heaviness was all around me. If you’re claustrophobic, better not go inside. It’s also eerie and macabre.
The cells of the prisoners. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
They had photographs of how the American military found the 600 decomposing prisoners when Manila was liberated from the Japanese.
Torture chambers. Photo by CallMeCreation.comI don’t know why this lady wants her photo taken with such gruesome reminder. 🙄 Photo by CallMeCreation.comTiny entrances and exits in the dungeons. Photo by CallMeCreation.comYou really have to squeeze through this exit to escape the heaviness of the area. Its aura was sad and dark.View of Quezon Bridge atop the dungeons/Media NaranjaThe stairs leading to the top of the walls. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
You can climb the walls of Fort Santiago and it was made that way for the guards to patrol the area. My mom told me it was where she and my father had their dates when they were in college 🤣. My father’s campus was south of Manila and my mom’s campus was north of Manila so this is some kind of halfway for them. When I told my kids this story, they were like, whaaaaat? Hahaha! The top of the walls were already made into a park but they couldn’t imagine how it looked like up there because they were too lazy to climb.
View of Manila Cathedral dome and the bell tower of San Agustin Church. Photo by CallMeCreation.comResting first while watching pigeons do their synchronized flights. Photo by CallMeCreation.comOur Lady of Guadalupe Chapel within the walls of Fort Santiago. Photo by CallMeCreation.comArt installation (a cross) leading to Our Lady of Guadalupe. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
We walked out of Fort Santiago towards Manila Cathedral. I wasn’t able to get a good photo of the facade of the church that I can use to practice sketching parts of Intramuros.
Photo by CallMeCreation.com
We couldn’t enter the church because the temperature reader registered my body heat at 37.5. I was so hot at that time and was sweating a lot, hence, the reading. The guard didn’t let me in. Oh well.
Just a glimpse. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
So in the classic Hispanic arrangement of plazas, adjacent to the church should be an administrator’s building. In this case, it was the Palacio del Gobernador, the residence of the Governor-General before an earthquake destroyed it in the 19th century. After that, the Spanish governor-general lived in Malacanang Palace along Pasig River and it has been the residence of whoever is the head of the Philippine government until today.
Palacio del Gobernador. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
I know this building very well because it used to house the Bureau of Treasury (BTr) and I covered the Treasury bill auctions here every Monday and Wednesday—the event that determines the benchmark interest rates in the country. In 2018, BTr transferred to the Ayuntamiento de Manila (Manila City Hall), just right across the plaza after the reconstruction of the building was finished.
Ayuntamiento de Manila. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
They were able to reconstruct this well. It is very pretty inside and the last time I was here was in August 2018 when I hosted an economic briefing that was televised.
We no longer went to San Agustin Church because it was already late and it was about to rain. There’s always the next time. Rizal Museum was closed, as well as the other notable museums like Balay Tsinoy and Casa Manila because it’s Black Saturday. San Agustin Church also has its own museum. I also wanted to show the girls the old site of Ateneo de Manila and University of Santo Tomas but it was already getting dark and big fat raindrops were already pelting the windshield of my car.
While driving out of Intramuros, I showed the girls the old and present offices of the newspaper I used to work for. I told them Intramuros was like home to me for almost 6 years.
I drove along Roxas Boulevard and showed the girls where the notorious dolomite beach was. Then we proceeded to SM Mall of Asia because we needed to buy Twin A a new mattress since her current one is already giving her backaches because it was already sagging. I know that it was substandard because it was the foam that came with the bunk bed. The girls also wanted to buy something from SM Department store with their birthday money.
It was a nice day out.
Tomorrow later today, Easter Sunday, the girls will resume their review while I will be spending the entire day drawing or sleeping because Monday will be hectic with back-to-back-to-back calls.
