Now it has begun

The demonization of media and the legitimization of disinformation peddlers like Think*ng P*noy and M*rk L*pez has started. The more that we will get harassed, the more that we will be suppressed by this government. This red-tagger is now more empowered to call us communists that will automatically put us in the shoot-to-kill order of the military and the police.

How can you even feel safe in this kind of environment? In the US, the level of harassment of newsmen is not as dire as in the Philippines, where journalist killings are as rampant as in war zones in other countries.

He is now threatening the media owners that, hey, ABS-CBN will not be an isolated case anymore.

The incoming Sec Gen of the National Economic and Development Authority is a nice guy and I often had bets with him about the outcome of GDP numbers every quarter when I used to cover the macroeconomy. However, this does not negate the fact that he used to work with Marcos Jr when the latter was the governor of Ilocos Norte and I doubt his capacity to say no to shenanigans as he is more if a “yes” man more often than not.

This is the reason why my brother is/was invited to be an undersecretary under this administration. This guy and my brother have almost the same specialization and they had worked together on my brother’s doctoral dissertation. My older sister and I already expressed our disgust if he accepts the offer.

My mom was offered a director position to head a unit at the Department of Science and Technology. But the papers would have to be signed by Jr so my mom declined and said she’s already deaf but in truth she cannot stomach working under Marcos. She said two candidates for National Scientist declined the award because Jr has to present them the award. That’s how reviled he is.


Meanwhile, I got so frustrated this morning because I got disturbed by a journo in India last night. She was the one asking me for favors and yet she’s the one who appears to be more demanding than my own reporters. 🙄 She thinks that editing analysis articles is a piece of cake.

Learning to say no.

I had a journo messaging me at 8 pm asking to discuss her analysis piece. I said no, we will discuss tomorrow since I have children to attend to now.

A content editor was asking many simple questions about a story I edited, I asked, can you address your concerns to the journalist who wrote this? It is 11 pm and I am already in bed.

I have started turning off my Microsoft Teams because they always mistake I am available 24/7. Is there a way that makes Teams put you on an “away” mode automatically at a certain time? I have no problems with emails because I can ignore them. But instant messaging is really intrusive.

my FB post

And I spent most of my day today dealing with that story.

Boundaries. We need boundaries. I hate co-workers nagging me during off-hours for work-related matters. I’m no machine! All bosses should also know how to stop this bad habit like their staff is working 24/7. Ghad, we’re not slaves!


STRESS RELIEF

#catloaf. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

This is not a perfect cat loaf as Sushi’s front paw is showing. I can’t resist squishing them when they’re in a complete cat loaf position. I don’t know why. They evoke squishy stuffed toys of my youth?

Photo from comfortzone.com

My cats had been my stress absorber since my erst-while babies are all grown up, so by substitution my cats are now my babies.

Ain’t this the truth?!

Another stress-buster for me is scrolling through IG, looking at drawings, figuring out how I can do a similar thing. I learn by looking at their step-by-step posts.

I also browse through Amazon before sleeping and check out prices of Daniel Smith and Rembrandt watercolors and Lazada for Holbein sets. As if the prices would change 🙄 These friggin’ brands are sooooo expensive and yet…I want them. I know the joy of jumping from student grade to almost-artist-grade and they’re miles apart. What more if I get to use artist-grade colors? 🥰 I couldn’t bring myself to buy Rembrandt because that thing costs USD 180!

Maybe when I’m good enough to exhibit, I will brave it and spend PHP 9,000+ for a tin of watercolors. 😶

I will buy this as a gift to myself. I’ve reached my quota of gifts to myself (new piano, computer keyboard), maybe I will do this in December???

Or or or…maybe when I go to Japan I will buy myself a huge set of Holbein watercolors and all the pens I could cart away in my bag.

In the meantime, let me browse through e-commerce sites for these babies until I fall asleep. 😂

Neko x gato x cat x pusa

Kimchi. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

Sometimes I often find myself wishing to be just a cat that can stretch out and not give a flying fuck about what is happening to the world. Like today. My mistake was I opened my Twitter and doom-scrolled. And found that there were two things that made me question if there is really intelligent life on earth.

So one lawyer got tired of all Marcos supporters harassing all opposition people so he wrote the central bank about the “legendary” Tallano Gold that they claimed made the Marcoses rich (and not from stealing from national coffers, which the whole world knows about). So he got a proper document disproving it. To shut up Marcos supporters and tell them no, Jr will not distribute the gold, and no, he will not “save” the Philippines using the legendary Tallano gold.

The signature of the general counsel was redacted for his protection, the letter/email sender said.

I told my friend who heads one of the units in the communications arm at BSP about this. She then forwarded this to their lawyers so that they can come up with a public/press release addressing this. Some banking reporters are already inquiring about this as well.

The idiocy is never-ending.

I don’t want to dignify the other heart-attack-inducing malicious thing involving a Cebu Pacific pilot, who is spreading lies, so I’m not recording it here. Even if Cebu Pacific already issued a statement regarding this, that pilot is not stopping. I sent screencaps and time stamps of his stupid comments (and is not remorseful of his lies) to the crisis PR head of the airline. A privacy lawyer already said that he is liable for his statements, aside from being libelous, it violates aviation protocols/privacy laws.

I should totally withdraw from from social media—but I catch my fast international markets news on Twitter. So how now? 🙄

A high school classmate who runs a travel company offered to shelter me if I find things unbearable. She sent me this photo of one of her tours. She said I can stay in one island in El Nido for a day and hop to the next islands in the next few days. Sounds like heaven.

El Nido, Palawan. My classmate’s photo.

I told her I will take that offer when the time comes. It’s just the timing is all wrong. So many things happening at work this time. I had to reject an application for a reporter position in Singapore because he/she is abroad and getting employment passes in Singapore is difficult at this time (or forever). So I need to have coffee dates with prospects so I can poach them. Annoying. My request for travel next month is not yet approved by HQ. I need to book my accommodation and flights now. I hate this system that my company imposed now, which makes things a lot slower. Before, the buck stops in HK so approvals are easier.

I just want to curl up and be a cat.

Later I will tackle this if I’m in the mood.

Art and photo by CallMeCreation.com

Can’t sleep.

I don’t know why. I thought I have already gone back to Philippine Standard Time after our Anilao trip. I even slept before 11 pm last night after I had a 1.5-hr deep tissue massage. Now I’m back to my former sleepless state.

It’s almost 4 am. I’m still alive. I’m so dead.

This

A video shot by my sister-in-law who watched the UP vs Ateneo game live

We all had a very bad week (and bad next six years or so). But at least the UP Men’s Basketball Team gave us something to be happy about last night.

First championship since 1986.

And in 1986 a woman led the people to oust a Marcos. You know, hope springs eternal. I have a feeling Junior will not finish his term.

I’ve been supporting the UP Men’s for decades as a former Maroons player myself (football) with an ex-bf who was also a UP basketball player. My sister was also a Maroons, playing volleyball in the WNCAA. I know the struggles of UP athletes—underfunded but full of fighting spirit. And to win the basketball championship—the most watched and anticipated UAAP event—after 36 years of struggling is super sweet.


My friends and I had dinner and drinks in Makati last night. Three of us are international news wire editors and one is a former reporter who is now a mid-level government official. We all covered the Treasury at the same time so we had this deep bond that spanned more than 15 years. What was supposed to be an election crying session turned into a laugh trip dinner and drinks. We hardly talked about the election and we just picked up where we left off when we had our last get-together dinner in March last year.

Since K had his appendix taken out a few months ago, he told us about his experience and the lingering horrific pain of having a catheter pulled out. 🤣 We three women agreed that catheter pain is what we remembered most during our own surgeries. Catheter > epidural needle. 🤣 I told them that pain relievers don’t work on me and I have a weird relationship with anesthesia. My dentist is forever frustrated with that. Even my anesthesiologist was surprised and alarmed when I was awake, talking, and still felt “something” during my gall bladder operation. I clearly remember asking her, “Why am I still alive?” when I wanted to ask why I was still awake 🤣 she hiked my anesthesia to put me back to sleep. When I woke up from surgery, I was on a higher dosage morphine drip.

Our conversations have changed from year to year and now we’re talking about hospitalizations and health. Gee, we’re old 😂

K asked me how I was since my anxiety attack in Feb. I said I’m already fine and that recognizing and accepting that J was just truly evil that’s why I went through all that shit is part of my healing process. And art therapy. I may not yet be healed but I’m much better—to the extent I had been off alprazolam for more than a month.

We were like Cinderella and had to break up the party at 12 midnight. Three of us are moms while K has a strict sleep and gym schedule.

These friends keep me sane ❤️

TGIF! Photo by CallMeCreation.com

A LOVE LETTER TO MYSELF

(I posted this on Facebook to console myself and friends who are weeping and asking me to have a drink with them. I am on everyone’s speed dial when they needed somebody to drink with. So tomorrow night I may be breaking my sobriety.)

Had a conversation/chat this morning about the grand scheme of things and we touched on Vico. I’m not a Pasig voter and I left Pasig after Ondoy. Many people are cancelling Vico Sotto for staying silent about Leni and all that. I think Leni knows where Vico stands. They even had a photo together when they met. She understands that Vico needs to be pragmatic. Vico’s concern is to clean the system first. It’s hard to work with a rotten system that’s why his first steps are: 1) remove all Eusebio’s henchmen in Pasig City Hall and make his slate of councilors win; 2) then once they’re singing one tune, they can clean from inside out.

Because change doesn’t happen overnight. It doesn’t start with one person. You attack the system. You clean the system, starting from the inside. This was demonstrated in the movie and real-life situation shown in the movie Spotlight. Marty Baron said, “You don’t start with individuals, you go after the system.” It’s long and arduous. But think about it, the rotten system we had been working with has been there for decades. It’s hard to break. But you know it’s the system that you have to break first.

If you want change, start with where you are. Small wins. Now I understand why Leni didn’t win. Based on the posts of Joey Salceda, Leni knows but it was worth a shot. That’s why she’s calm, Her face is open and bright. She didn’t concede first for us because we’re still hurting.

Just the same she didn’t use the pandemic to campaign and make herself look strong; she just quietly did her job. Many people said that’s one of Leni’s big faults; but she was being pragmatic. The country needed a functioning VP, not as President candidate, at that time. You see if she used the pandemic to make herself more prominent, no one would donate to the OVP since they would think she is just politicking. Bayanihan Konsulta was a success because people believed it wasn’t politics, just pure service.

We cannot fault Leni or the people behind the campaign for this loss. The Marcoses had been planning this for decades. Since 1992 when FVR allowed them to come back. FVR is a cousin of the Marcoses. We just started 5 months ago.

I believe in what Bishop Rey, Diocese of Imus said that God “sent Leni to make us realize that there is innate goodness in the Filipino…that God never meant for Leni to win. Her mission was to waken us up.”

nature love flowers plant
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

God let the Romans invade Europe. You know why? He used a sinful Paul, a Roman, to be his instrument. So that Christianity can spread. And that’s what the Romans did. The Romans pillaged countries. They were “bad”. But that’s how God used the Romans to spread Christianity. He used Paul, who writes well and used Latin, the lingua franca of that time.

I think that’s how I’m looking at this tragedy. It’s hard to accept but if we work according to God’s timing, we will be better in the end.

The Philippines has to be brought down to its knees before it can build a truly clean and functional system and how we behave and how we treat our brethren while the country falls–that’s the challenge for us. That’s why the Rosas movement was formed to show us we can do so much in such as short time. What more if we have thought this through and planned it well—that we can be decent to one another and we can feed those who do not have anything at all.

Just think about it, no one went hungry in those Leni rallies. If we put that into a bigger movement, no one in the Philippines will go hungry while Marcos destroys the country. The enemy is dirty. Demon moves. If not Leni, there would be somebody else who can ride and play this game with the demons. Leni has showed us what we can do. Trust in God’s provident hands, all in His own timing.

I never thought I would see Makati filled with a million people with one color. I thought it will only be in 1983 and 1986—but in 5 months we were able to mobilize people. Singing one song. It’s like a miracle in this darkness, right? It doesn’t have to end with Leni. What we should do now is mobilize above-ground and underground movement—may above-ground ops, and black ops. It’s painful to say but this is the only way because these people don’t play fair. Just look at how they hijacked the elections. The odds were stacked against us.

Why did this happen? Maybe to give us food for thought? I don’t know. I’m still processing this. It’s like stream of consciousness.

Now people are thinking why did Edsa1986 fail? Just like what my mother said yesterday, we became complacent. We thought that’s the end all, and be all. No, it’s not. Freedom and democracy–it is an ongoing fight, you don’t keep your guard down.

We need to go through this so we can learn that change doesn’t start in the middle, but we include those who are in the fringes of the society. The work for change should be at the bottom and at the top and meet in the middle. To help and be with those who are in the fringes. Pedagogy of the Oppressed. It should not be “let me educate you.” But instead, let’s educate ourselves about the plight of those who were misinformed, who believed lies because they no longer had anything to believe in.

Grassroots movement, that’s where Leni and Chel Diokno came from. As long as all of us are not moving to help those who are in the bottom of the pyramid, we will always be like this. This is why Leni campaigned so hard in the provinces. It’s not only because she needs to win but to tell the people, hey we have not forgotten you.

She may not have won but at least she gave hope to those people that there is someone who will listen to them.

Now the challenge to me now is: am I listening to those at the bottom of the pyramid or my line is “let me educate you”?

PS. I wrote this so I can process things that I did not initially understand, not because I want to lecture people. I needed to understand so I can plot my next steps because I’m just starting with the role in this long battle.

Liwanag sa dilim

Light amidst the darkness.

That is what my daughters are right now.

Twin A last night asked me, “Mommy, can I be a lawyer?”

Me: Of course, yes!

Twin A: I want run for president like Leni. I want to be a lawyer and help the poor farmers who do not have homes, just like Leni.

And there I was, crying yesterday, losing hope, feeling betrayed and defeated. Thinking of giving up on my country.

And here is my child, giving me a reason not to give up.

My other child, Twin I, had been reading up on the Marcoses and she is now on the part where Imee Marcos–the current senator and head of the senate committee on elections (surprise surprise!)–had the young Archimedes Trajano killed in 1977 because he dared to speak out. She said she is annoyed with Imee Marcos that she’s so plastic and that she had the temerity to tell the court and Trajano’s mother that, “It’s none of your business.”

Yesterday, they have started the old practice of using guns to instill fear into the hearts of those who have opposed Marcos 50 years ago. They are now soon going to start the witch-hunt among us journalists.

I was so heartbroken yesterday, I cried myself to sleep. I talked to my mom this morning and she said:

“We are living in dangerous times right now. The media is the next to be targeted. Come home here and we will talk about your Plan A, Plan B, and Plan C because your profession is a threat to them. We have to continue to fight. Our mistake then was we became complacent after 1986, but the Marcoses had been plotting this for decades. We became complacent that’s why we had all those missteps after 1986. This is the time for us to regroup and fight a tougher battle.”

My older colleagues who were stringers for international publications during the Marcos era were covering business at that time as well. It doesn’t mean that since I am an international correspondent, I’m already shielded. State sequestration of private corporations—just like what Duterte threatened to do with Manila Water and Maynilad—is within my purview. Every journalist now is threatened, as they had been back then. Look at what BBM did to Lian Buan.

At least I know if something happens to me, my brother and my older sister can take in my daughters.

My essay about Marcos and Radiowealth will remain where it is. I will not delete it—because it is the truth.

Marcos has not yet been sworn in but the nightmare is already starting.

To fight another day

“Courage will now be your best defence against the storm that is at hand-—that and such hope as I bring.”

― J.R.R. Tolkien, The Return of the King
Gandalf

I had sent messages to older friends who were high ranking government officials, CEOs, and VPs who were imprisoned during martial law. I asked for forgiveness, said sorry and that I never thought I would see another Marcos presidency.

One of them said:

Hi CallMeCreation. Thank you for your touching note. Life is just the way it is. We fight a good fight, sometimes we lose and sometimes we win. The important thing is we don’t lose the will to fight. To fight for a better future. Am pretty sure those who stood with their conviction during Martial law understand that it will be a continuing advocacy for a better PH. Thanks again.”

The other one said: There’s nothing to forgive. We just need to continue to help our country.

My tears couldn’t stop flowing. This is the only election that I was emotionally invested in and the only one I truly cared about because it is pivotal. Now we are on our road to hell.


I just attended a briefing on private equity deals in Southeast Asia this morning. The speaker said (paraphrased):

The Philippines has never been the first port of call when it comes to private equity deals (compared to Singapore, Indonesia). As for the impact of the latest political developments on FDI, FFI…your guess is as good as mine.

This is as bad as it gets. The other webinar I attended this afternoon was about renewable energy in Southeast Asia and of course they had to discuss the Philippine market. The panelists had an embarrassed laugh of some sort and one of them said, “There’s a new president now but he’s not exactly new as they had been controlling the Philippines for years now…” and then they said they do not know in what direction the policies will go.

Well, because he doesn’t have any platform. He doesn’t have any plans. Nothing.

And today the Philippines received its first investment downgrade. It would soon be a series of downgrades.

Screenshot of the PSE today.

Even the Philippine Stock Exchange couldn’t handle the madness today. The market fell 3% at some point today and is now in bear territory (I think). The website crashed and for an hour it was like that.

My siblings (two economists) and I were chatting about the macroeconomic implications and my sister asked what is the possibility of us entering stagflation.

I said:

There are too many headwinds. The companies are holding out on expansion, no growth seen in the private sector. The companies we interviewed said there are new orders, no new product launches, only core products. They’re holding cash because that’s the one they will use to buy raw materials as it is risky to borrow for capex due to climbing interest rates. We are heading for stagflation. Liquidity is the best policy. This is why I’m not buying a new car and will just have the Crosswind have cosmetic repairs since it’s not the best time to have a mortgage. I don’t know how long the BSP can keep keep its monetary policy stance when the USTr is rising, the peso is weakening.

Good luck to Filipino consumers because of the high commodity prices in the world market…palm oil, grains…because of supply chain disruptions. Even if you keep importing rice to lower the cost to fulfill BBM’s campaign promise of PHP 20/kilo rice, you have to remember we’re not the world’s biggest importer of rice (ergo we cannot dictate the price)—it’s China and it’s hoarding supplies. The run up in palm oil prices is a result of the protectionist stance of Indonesia because they banned palm oil exports to keep local prices stable. All countries are being protectionist now due to supply issues.

Soon there will be capital flight.

This is scary. The vote for Leni is not just for ego and not just to fight Marcos’ evil reign. It is also the fight for investor confidence, better macroeconomic policies.

It’s just so sad that all the things I fought for all my life have come to naught. I taught high school students in Mindoro so they can enter UP, climbed mountains in Batangas to fight for farmers’ lands, climbed mountains for indigenous people so they can have a better shot in life… Cambridge Analytica, Facebook, and Tiktok took that all away.

It’s exhausting.

Many will lose their jobs, many will go hungry. But of course, they do not understand the implications of what they did. You tried to explain to them, but then they just have thrown dirt at your face and accuse you of elitism and “respect my opinion” shit.

Now they’re bringing you down with them.

It was a struggle editing today. I cried. I slept. Tried to finish tasks at hand. I need a mental health break (because you know, heartbreak is heartbreak) but I can’t because I’m a manager and I can’t just be a wuss.

I worked through my heartbreak for 15 months. How many heartbreaks can I take? How much more can I endure? How many dark tunnels must I walk through?

Whenever I get upset, I go back to my favorite books for comfort.

‘But in the end it’s only a passing thing, this shadow; even darkness must pass.’ – Samwise Gamgee

J.R.R. Tolkien
Art and photo by CallMeCreation.com