Author Archives: admin

Queen of procrastination

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Kimchi occupying the best seat in the house. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

I don’t understand myself; the entire day I was just procrastinating and I couldn’t push myself to write the trend/analysis piece due this week. I spent almost the entire day reading the Alexander McQueen/John Galliano biographies (still not done with the book) and the reviews of Prince Harry’s tell-all book, Spare (<<< it is so talked about that even The Economist weighed in, that’s why I started reading about it).

It was only at 8:30 pm did I begin finishing the trend/analysis piece. By 10:30 pm I was done.

Writers do have strange writing hours. I’m not one to write during the early hours. However, there are some writers who are so disciplined that they can block time for writing (like JK Rowling). When I was still in the faster news cycle phase (during my newspaper and online news/TV network days), I could sit down and write in a snap. Not so much nowadays. Age? Or maybe because I have a slower news cycle; the things I write are no longer the by-the-hour kind of stories.

I’ve had some wins today. My APAC boss agreed with my 8-point action plan for staffing and salary review. FINALLY, there will be a salary review and we would have raises. It was a gutsy move on my part and I was in danger of alienating my bosses. Internship for undergrads has not been successful at the parent company-level so I may have an uphill battle regarding this item. I have to check out the hiring process for graduating communication students in SG, among other things.

As for the jarring events of today, the diesel engine calibration center where I brought my car yesterday called me. I have to fork out PHP 50k for the overhaul of my engine (after having a calibration two years ago, in January 2021). I brought my car to Ishimoto (which is advertised as a specialist in Japanese diesel engines), thinking that they would do a thorough job. As far as I know Isuzu’s diesel pumps are made by Bosch, so might as well go to the brand specialist. I thought of having my car’s diesel engine re-calibrated because its exhaust has become black again and I don’t want to flunk my emission test prior to registering my car with the Land Transportation Office.

Along A. Bonifacio Drive in QC, near Balintawak. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

But there you go, I will be 50k poorer. It was like being punched in the stomach since I’m still periodically writing checks to my contractor. I am scheduled to issue another check this month 🥴

Hopefully, the next re-calibration will be done after five years, not two years. Initial reason given to me by the secretary is that usually engines like mine are overhauled when these get fed with contaminated diesel. I told her, it’s annoying because I only load it with the higher end diesel like the Petron Turbo or Shell V-Power Diesel after the 2021 calibration (even during the height of the diesel price spikes). 😤

I would get the full picture once I claim my car on Friday when I talk to the engine mechanic.

For some reason that I haven’t asked yet, a friend sent me this hugot this morning:

I told her, it was a hard lesson I learned in the past two years. This is why I learned to love myself more. To listen to myself more, and never second-guess myself anymore. I told her, this is why I adopted the things written in this card below:

There is something fundamentally wrong with how media and literature portray love. Like making yourself into a doormat will give you happiness, bring you to happily ever after. Like there is something noble about continuously fighting for love when that person will never love you back, when he didn’t in the first place.

Wrong. There are things that you just have to give up on and this above is one of those.

To regain my self-confidence and reinforce this self-love, I am reminding myself this quote everyday:

I am more than what he thought I was. I am worth more than what I thought I was worth. I may be lacking in some departments but that shouldn’t diminish who I am and what I offer. Too bad, he didn’t see that before because I can be more as I mature and learn.

To the person who I will meet in the future, I will be a rose that will bloom if I am loved for the sum of my parts, no ifs and buts. I will be the sun to his clouds; I will be rain to his desert. I will be the brightest star in his darkest nights, the moonlight that will lead him back home.

I will be his home.

Some day.

But not yet today.

The art of writing

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I’m obsessed with stationery since elementary. I don’t know what it is about writing that has gotten me hooked on it. Maybe because I often lived inside my head and the only way to get myself out of it is through writing.

I’m talking about the physical aspect of writing, you know, the pen and paper kind. Writing on a computer makes it efficient and but pen and paper makes the act deliberate and in a way, calming. I used to doodle a lot in my notebooks back then, drawing embellishments on pages, writing with different fonts, making artistic signage.

My handwriting is bad nowadays because I scribble roughly as I am always in a rush. But when I am just taking down notes during conferences, my handwriting is neat. My colleague was amused that i also have schematic diagrams in my notes.

I loved sending letters as well. I wrote an article about the lost art of letter writing for 2bU!, Philippine Daily Inquirer when I was still in college. I kept penpals then, both girls or boys. Not everything had to be romantic, you know. I kept in touch with my cousins via letters even though we can call each other on landlines (no cellphones then). I sent friends greeting cards.

This documentary by NHK World shows the reason why I spend too much time in Japanese stationery stores. The care and obsession they have with pens, paper, and coloring materials make their products one of the best out there in the market. The markers like Uni, Pigma Micron, and Copic are the choice of artists worldwide. Pilot has always been my favorite pen.

Now I want to have those glass pens shown in this documentary ❤️. I haven’t started with calligraphy pens and fountain pens because I know I will be spending a lot of money on them once I get hooked. A lot of writers have this loving relationship with their pens and paper. My former colleague has a Lamy obsession and he spends so much money on fountain pens and expensive notebooks. Butch Dalisay is a known collector of vintage fountain pens.

I haven’t visited Kinokuniya at Mitsukoshi in BGC yet because 1) I haven’t had time yet; and 2) I may just get disappointed with their current offerings because I was told there is not much yet to see there.

Oh dear, don’t let me add calligraphy into my things to do…

Speaking of writing, I wrote a long email to my bosses as I want to proceed now with the offboarding process for my colleague who has just resigned. My manager told me to submit to HR to process it and she asked what do I suggest for staffing/hiring. I guess London didn’t want to make a counter-offer because how can they match a salary jump of more than 50% when they cannot offer it to the rest of the team? How would that make me feel as well???

I sent a long email comprised of action items (from number 1 to 8), that they should seriously consider because we ran out of people in Singapore, because they are so stingy.

From the tone of my email, I think they would sense that I am already frustrated with the situation, that I would soon quit.

Not yet though. I need to settle in my new home first then I take action. I just needed this promotion so I can have more leverage when it comes to salary negotiation in my next job. I have no idea what that will be but my patience is already wearing thin with my current situation.

Probably I need to do some fasting tomorrow so I can concentrate on praying for guidance. My mind is full of cobwebs now because of this staffing issue, on top of the editorial work that I must hurdle.

Smile even if your brain is hurting. My back is so tensed now. Sushi sharing my pain.

To cheer me up, our global editor emailed us all last night, announcing the best stories we produced worldwide. I was one of those reporters mentioned as I led the team in producing a series of reports about this particular story for 52 months since we scooped this thing in 2018 until it came to fruition late last year. We were always ahead of competition.

I still have my mojo.

This is the reason why I still couldn’t leave for a long time—I’m enjoying what I do. Plus the flexibility of not being in the office (heck, I can work at the beach if I can, which I did several times). But then I know I should earn more.

Maybe there’s a happy compromise somewhere?

I just realized, I want to enjoy a slower life in my new house. My new life.

I don’t know how I would be able to reach a compromise between higher pay and doing what I love to do.

I think this is the third coat of paint for the girls’ room. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

I don’t know. I think my head is splitting now.

The stars would align, maybe? I should follow my own advice I gave a friend a week ago: you will know it’s just right when it falls on your lap and you are able to get it without so much of a resistance. Like everything just aligned for you to have it.

Just like this house; it was all smooth-sailing. I never imagined I could build my house in two years since I mused about it in December 2020 when I was so broken. I am meant to have this house and meant to go back home.

So ok, I just have to believe that there is a happy compromise somewhere.

Chaos

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Driving along Skyway 3 from south going to direction of Nagtahan, I saw a long convoy of Philippine National Police – Special Action Forces. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

Yesterday was rife with tense undercurrent as memos coming from various Philippine National Police (PNP) camps/regional offices started surfacing in group chats and private messages like this below.

This was sent to me by a friend asking if this was true.
A long convoy of Philippine National Police – Special Action Force. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

So I had to ask my network of national beat reporters regarding this. One of them said PNP held a press conference and of course they denied that this was not true. The Armed Forces of the Philippines (AFP) also denied such thing in a press release.

However, my source inside AFP said the resignations were true as the senior officers got disgruntled with the flip-flopping of Marcos.

LOOK: Military welcomes Andres Centino as AFP chief – again

A fellow reporter and I were throwing theories at each other, thinking about the power struggle between Duterte (whose AFP Chief was Centino and was a holdover) and Marcos (Bacarra is Marcos’ appointee who got unseated by Centino again).

One of the messages passed on to me by a reporter said:

From a lawyer na anak ng retired general

-What is not fake, is the fact that the AFP CS, Lt Gen Bacarro, has just been replaced by Gen Centino. Gen Centino the CS AFP carried over from PRRD’s administration, was earlier replaced by Lt Gen Bacarro, who was appointed as CS AFP, by BBM in August 2022. Bacarro was scheduled to retire on Sept 2022, but because of the new law fixing the term of the CS AFP to 3 years, Bacarro’s term as CS was until Aug 2025. However, Bacarro could not be promoted to 4-star general as Centino, a 4-star general, was set to retire on Feb 2023, and under the law, the AFP should only have one 4-star general. Hence, the anomaly of a 3-star CS, with a 4-star general-former CS on floating status until his February 2023. Then after the New Year, Centino who is not yet retireable, is surprisingly appointed by BBM to his former post as CS AFP, replacing Bacarro. Parang pawardy-wardy ang galaw ng gobyerno. So what gives?

And one of the national defense veteran reporters in my network said:

The last message sent to me was this.

The facts:

  • there was a memo from the PNP about destabilization in the AFP which required them to be on red alert. The memo was pulled out same day.
  • 3 DND USecs resigned the other day
  • Bacarro was compulsory retired and Centino was placed back as CSAFP
    Allegation:
  • unrest and destabilization in the AFP
    Theory:
  • PNP sowing misinformation to redirect the current issue (request for mass courtesy resignation of all Colonels & generals of the PNP) away from them.

Some of my friends and my even my sister said, let them implode so that both Marcos and Duterte camps destroy each other and the Philippines will benefit. We’ll just eat our popcorns while we see the meltdown.

Never have I experience this kind of negligent government that just let the prices of onions and other basic vegetables go nuts (PHP 750/kg of onions!) while the harvests up north get stuck and are not transported down here in the south to stabilize prizes. Because Marcos never cared about such things anyway. He’s just in this for the perks of the presidency as the entire family gets diplomatic immunity as they were not able to travel for decades due to the conviction handed down to them by international courts. He’s now preparing to travel to Switzerland to attend the World Economic Forum, an event that he does not even understand. He’s just there for the junket trip.

My little haul tonight from my suki UP veggie vendor. This is ridiculous. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

My PHP 740 only got this much of veggies and this does not include onions because there are no onions available! Lord, how are the poor feeding themselves?!

Yesterday, I just wrote here that I’m staying in this country because I’m happy here but staying means I’m forever having this toxic relationship with the Philippines. Like I’m not leaving because of some messianic thing, being a journalist with a higher calling shit, etc etc.

It’s stupid, really. I don’t know what I’m doing but this is shit, man. If all of the people like me leave (educated, with a voice, have the means to change things), who will be left to help in nation-building? My maid, who will be finishing her college education in 2024 with my financial help, would be able to lift her family out of poverty, since I pledged that I would be supporting her education until she graduates even if we’re going to part ways by May.

This is just like what my parents did for my nanny, who finished college, got a job at the university as a tech staff with my parents’ help. She was able to help her parents send siblings to school, went home to her province, went to school again and got a permanent position in her local government unit. She was able to send her kids to UP and both are already professionals while she is now the head of the local registry in their LGU. Not only that she was lifted out of poverty, but it had a multiplier effect so her extended family also got out of extreme poverty since she sent her siblings to school and was able to buy land for farming.

You see, small things like this make a difference. What I’m doing for my maid now is just one of the many we’re doing for our fellow countrymen. I also have a platform; I can help change things, small things, little by little.

Fuck it! I don’t know why I’m justifying to myself my decision to stay in this wretched country. I guess I’m so bothered by the opinion of others who have no idea how I was raised.

But then, my guilt towards my children is eating me up alive.

Tiny house

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There it goes. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

I fell asleep last night earlier than normal. I no longer know what normal is since getting out of therapy. I no longer have insomia and I feel more rested now when I sleep, unlike in the past two fucking years.

Anyway, I must have slept with my phone in my hand because I was chatting with my colleague on WhatsApp regarding her resignation and transfer to another company. More of that later. I must have been already dead to the world before 10 pm. I accidentally left my door open and my fairy lights were still on. Got woken up at 6 am because Kimchi was asking for breakfast.

This induced me to sleep earlier. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

We left for my hometown at 7:30 am today and arrived by 9 am. Went straight to my tiny house. It’s already a house!

I need to have the jackfruit tree trimmed for more light.

My contractor and I had a discussion regarding the addition of bracketless shelves because I want stuff off the very limited floor space.

The ceiling lamps we bought look good in the bathroom. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

They haven’t tiled yet as they are chipping away at the wall to accomodate the pipes from the kitchen sink.

Worker setting up the kitchen sink pipes. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
The pullout wire drawers. In the upper part would be the pullout dish rack and cutlery drawer. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
All my light switches match my ceiling lamps. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
And my power outlets have USB chargers. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
My overhead lights. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
A spot for my mini-washing machine. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

And here is my daughter, showing off the huge rainshower head and comparing it to her face for scale.

Photo by CallMeCreation.com in my bright bedroom

I have one extra curtain rod and toilet paper holder that I need to return to Wilcon and have it exchanged for a TV wall bracket.

So my colleague corrected me when I did the Self-Assessment tool for E-pass/S-pass. I entered the wrong figure, it should have been SGD 10,400 and not 10,000. When I did that, I qualified for an E-pass.

But then that means our company would only give me the minimum 10.4k so I can transfer to SG. I said, NO WAY! I’m not going to survive with that low pay with two children. Frankly, I’m not that gung-ho about transfering to SG anyway, I told my colleague. “Why would I even lower my standard of living, like cramming ourselves in a studio because that is all I could afford with a 10.4k salary, for a company that is not looking after my welfare?!”

My own house vs a studio apartment for SGD 2k. 😶

The thing here is, she thinks that SG is the end-all-and-be-all for me since she is trying to apply for permanent residency, as well as other Filipinos she knows (like our office staff, S). I told her if our company would replace me with somebody who is willing to be transferred to SG, it’s ok with me. There are other jobs out there. I said Bloomberg editors for economy, speed desk, and emerging markets are in Manila because they don’t want to be transferred to SG. As my friend, K, said, he felt that his SG-based manager was lonely when he visited her there. Overall, SG is a lonely place, he said.

My colleague told me that her parents transferred to HK from China even though they are comfortable in the mainland and suffered hardships in HK to give their children a better future. I said, I’m not in that position, I’m a single parent and stability is my priority. Maybe if they stayed in China, she wouldn’t have the English language skills she has now. But it’s different with my kids.

But then, I am now doubting whether I’m short-changing my girls…

In any case, as a single parent, I won’t be able to focus on my kids if we’re in SG because I would be working myself to the ground because 1) I need to earn more since we’re gonna be crammed in a studio apartment; 2) they would be enrolled in a substandard international school because I cannot afford the mid-priced ones; 3) we will not be able to afford leisure trips or other luxuries because cost of living is realy high.

This Quora comment is already two years old. Many things have changed, especially with the accelerating inflation rate.

My colleague is only looking at it from the perspective of a single person. In HK, her parents were entitled to free healthcare and free education for children. In SG I’m not entitled to those and I pointed it out to her. She agreed that free healthcare and education are less of a burden, not only for families with children but for retirees as well.

Maybe because I’m so adamant at staying put (but not staying put in the current company) because I already found my ikigai.


I don’t know, life is too short to be always finding your place in this world, to be always floating, not belonging anywhere. Life is too short to always be struggling. Period. If you found your peace, then stay. I discovered my balance just recently after emerging from therapy, let me enjoy it for a while.

My peace is always disturbed by other people’s opinions that I may be short-changing my children by not going abroad and giving them the opportunities presented by living there. I’m always guilt-ridden because of that.

But I’m happy here.

I don’t know what’s right or wrong.

Had dinner in a Korean restaurant before leaving for QC. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
Coffee, so I won’t fall asleep at the wheel. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

I just want to do this

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Kimchi wanting some pets this afternoon. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

The entire day was spent chatting back and forth with my colleague who is resigning, my APAC boss, and my manager. The annoying thing is that my manager was blaming me for not flagging the issue about my colleague’s e-pass always being challenged by MoM. I wanted to lash at my manager but I just said, I HAD BEEN PUSHING for this since Day 1 I took over! You guys had known about this ever since she transferred to Singapore.

APAC boss was more reasonable and she acknowledges that colleague was underpaid.

They’re making a counter-offer.

Stupid. Why only do that now?!

My colleague’s transfer to another more well-known company is already a done deal. She told my manager, when she asked how much is she going to get paid in the new company, my colleague said: more than 50%.

It’s so annoying and mentally exhausting trying to explain to them where the company has been wrong about us, about Singapore, about everything else in this region.

Latest eligibility requirements for an E-pass from MoM.

When I took the Self-Assessment Test for E-pass, the minimum pay for my rank, age, and educational attainment is SGD 13k. That’s just the minimum and of course you can’t go just the minimum if you want a stress-free e-pass application/renewal. One well-known competitor has been offering 14-20k, another less well-known one is offering SGD 15k for an editor (and not a bureau chief). So my company has to level off with market rates, otherwise MoM would say, just hire a local if you don’t want to spend so much for an import.

That’s why a big global bank decided to keep their internal editorial positions in HK because it was just expensive for them to hire in SG and they couldn’t get talented local ones.

And SGD 15k a month is not a lot if you have dependents given the expensive education, housing (SGD 4.5k for an HDB flat), and general cost of living in Singapore.

My head was bleeding by afternoon. I had to take a nap to ease the tension on my back muscles. I was supposed to draft two articles today but that noble intention just flew out of the window.

Fuck it.

I will request for an across-the-board pay hikes in my region.

Median salary increase budgets across industries next year are forecast at 6.8% for Indonesia, 5.1% for Malaysia, 6% for the Philippines, 4.7% for Singapore, 5.1% for Thailand and 7.9% for Vietnam, according to New York Stock Exchange-listed services company Aon. All figures exceed 2022 rates except for Malaysia’s, which is flat.

If they fire me because I’m just fighting for my people’s welfare, then fuck you, employer!

And there she goes

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high angle photo of woman looking upset in front of silver laptop
Photo by Yan Krukau on Pexels.com

My colleague, the best that I have in my team, finally tendered her resignation letter. She will stay on until the 27th. It’s supposed to be Feb but she will use her remaining leave credits that she carried over from last year so she will just cut short her stay.

My bosses told me to hold my horses and not accept. They will make a counter-offer.

I told my immediate manager that nah, she won’t. I’ve been raising this issue about promotion and raises since I took over but they wouldn’t listen. I asked for her promotion the moment I assumed my new role, but I was told her name wasn’t in the list of those who will get raises/promotion. Actually, all the names I submitted didn’t get any promotion.

And now my manager is blaming me for not flagging. I told you several times already, I said.

Even the reporter herself told me that she told my manager about it.

They just didn’t listen.

If your company doesn’t value you, walk away. The problem with other managers is that they will only realize their folly when the die has already cast.

Of course, since I already knew that this was coming, I am just calmly taking it now and absorbing it. But it still hurts and also there’s a panicking voice inside me that is screaming, WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU GOING TO DO NOW?! You don’t have a reporter in Singapore!

I’m trying to be calm and collected. I have no idea what to do now. Shall I fly to Singapore next week and start having coffee dates? My bosses should realize they pay peanuts and no one with good experience would really jump into this role. There’s a dearth of talent in Singapore and we could only get foreigners for this role, which would require a hefty salary given that the MoM has hiked the minimum pay for non-executive/non-investor foreign workers. Even the rivals I talked to last November aren’t from Singapore—they’re all transplants.

OK, breathe in, breathe out.

I am now plotting all the conferences that I need to attend in Southeast Asia. It seems like I will be traveling every month. Oh shit.