On the second day

This year’s theme is self-love.

Last year was just brutal and I couldn’t define what it was but it was an uphill battle. Thank God for supportive friends, some of whom had to literally drag me out of the house to join the living.

So as part of this year’s theme, I’m celebrating the things that made me who I am.

My gallery wall. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
My photos and my watercolors. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
When I was in high school I experimented with a Chinese paint brush. My control was dismal but at least I tried. Photo and art by CallMeCreation.com

I ran out of picture frames so I guess I would have to order online from Ikea.ph instead of going there again. I have a lot of photos I can print and hang. Or I can paint again with watercolors. But I’m super rusty. It has been 25 years since I have picked up a watercolor brush. I’m not good but at least I’m enjoying it. I’m not even aiming to have an exhibit like my sister but this is just something for my own home. Some of the better watercolors I did in high school were given away to classmates.

I’ll take photography seriously again, just like when I was in college. I didn’t invest in DSLRs because I know how time-consuming photography is as a hobby to justify the expensive equipment. And time is something I didn’t have for decades. For now I’ll use what I have–my cellphone and my Fujifilm XQ1–until I can say that I can now commit time before I step up and buy myself a mirrorless Fujifilm, which I find to be the best when it comes to low-light photography. I’ve worked with Canons, I had a Nikon, and two Olympus cameras but I find Fuji to be the best when it comes to color rendering and low light scenes. I have yet to try a Lumix. I’ve read about Hasselblads when I was still fooling around with films because those are the go-to cameras for medium formats–for book covers and posters. But those things are out of reach of the general public, especially now in digital. I’ve only seen a Hasselblad in a studio for portrait photography.

I lost all my Lomography cameras 😔 I had a Holga and I still had a black abd white film stuck in there when I left it in the old house. All that is left of my Lomo stuff is the 135 film converter. 😕

Rose tea to stave off colds. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

I’ve been imbibing copious amounts of tea as I’ve been feeling under the weather. I might have contracted the girls’ colds so I took 500 mg of vitamin C, Neozep every 8 hrs, and a lot of bed rest. I slept early last night and slept some more after lunch. So far it has worked but I’m refraining from going out because this may turn out to be the dreaded omicron variant. It can’t hurt to be paranoid; look at what happened last year when I thought what the girls had was just an ordinary flu turned out to be Covid that knocked me down.

There is this Gwyneth Chua from US who broke her quarantine stay to party in Poblacion, Makati. She was positive for Covid and has infected 15 people whom she had dinner with or partied with. Stupid, stupid privileged asshole. And Twitter has the receipts. As it turns out, she studies at De La Salle University and Lasallians are now disowning her.

https://manilastandard.net/news/314026121/woman-cuts-quarantine-to-party-15-test-positive.html

Now, we’re back to a higher restriction due to tripling of cases in the last three days. Another lockdown to stem another Covid wave is not far behind. 😩

Picking my brain

I don’t feel ok.

Just had a session with my doctor this evening and i feel like my brain was drilled open and the things that I had been burying were hauled out. The things I keep suppressing burst out like a geyser.

It’s not your fault, she said. Stop whipping yourself. Give your self some credit. Be kind to yourself. He was just the wrong person. It’s not your fault; it’s just you had a lot of love to give–that’s all. You have to love yourself more, she said.

“Did he apologize to you?”

“No, not really. It’s a ‘sorry’ that went along the lines of ‘Sorry, it’s just that.’ But not really apology for hurting me. For using me. For his treatment of me towards the end that sent me over the edge,” I told my doctor. “But I have to reconcile with myself that I will never get that so I deal with it. I have to accept that I won’t get answers. You don’t get closure from someone else; you get your closure from within yourself.”

“What are you doing to get out of your episodes?”

“During lockdowns I couldn’t do anything much. Not even go biking to clear my head. Then I got Covid that further trapped me indoors and in my brain. Now that I can drive, I can see friends from way back. Those who knew me before shit had hit the fan. That’s why I’m going back to my roots; to what I was–to who I really am. To the things that made me like myself. It’s my way of loving myself,” I said.

“Good that you are able to pick yourself up now,” she said.

She then lowered my dosage of the anti-anxiety med, which may have been causing me to get sleepy more than necessary. She asked me if I could already sleep on nights I’m off it (because I now take it once every two nights). I said yes, I think so I can now.

I no longer wake up every hour, I said. Covid was bad; I was asleep 75% of the time but it was good that I made up for the months I haven’t been sleeping. It felt good,” I remarked.

Nap time. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

Just like today, I was joined by my cats during my after lunch sleep. I always get sleepy by midday. Because of this I will just take my anti-anxiety med once every three days.

But my anti-depressant will still be there during my entire 12-month therapy. Hopefully I won’t have triggers by then. I wish the things that hurt me and had killed me over and over will just be a bad dream.

First time in a long time

Somewhere in UP Diliman. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

The government loosened the mobility restrictions to Alert Level 2 in Metro Manila starting yesterday so children can finally go out of homes and visit parks. We went out this afternoon so the girls can ride their bikes here in UPD for the first time in so many months. I still didn’t bike; I’m still gauging my strength so I just walked, did laps, and stretches.

This morning I pulled my lazy butt out of bed to cook brunch. I had been very spoiled by Grab Food for a couple of weekends now so now I must flex my muscles in the kitchen.

I made baked ham with cheese, which I learned from Imamu Room’s cooking vlog on Youtube. Then the usual tamagoyaki, rice with furikake, zucchini tempura, and miso soup.

Brunch today. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
Fire engine red. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

This is the first time I also used the new microwave oven to defrost the ham. It’s cute but smaller than my old Whirlpool. Oh well, I’m shallow like that.

And yes, Kimchi still hates me. She runs away and hides from me. I still have to endure her grumpiness for a few more days because she needs to complete her antibiotic round, anti-hairball/antacid and the supplements.

Still grumpy cat. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

Weekends are too short.

When introversion is an advantage

It’s a good thing I love my room or else I would have gone stir crazy by now. This is my 11th/12th day of isolation and all I have with me are my cats for company. I miss hugging my girls but I have to be careful just in case what they had initially was not Covid (but I seriously doubt that was not Covid because I got it from them). So being an introvert is an advantage during these times of isolation and hunkering down in place because we have logged 23,000+ new cases today again. I could amuse myself and live in this 10 (or 15?) sqm room and not feel resentful. Having 400+Mbps of internet is also a God-send during these trying times.

My kitties. They’re just happy being with me in the same room. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

We survived the weeks by ordering food via Grab and ordering groceries through the Puregold app. I love Puregold! They assign you a personal shopper and they call you when they don’t have stocks of the items you wanted and they call you again when the orders are ready for payment and delivery. It was so seamless. Now I just have to figure out how to buy fresh vegetables and fruits via this vendor on Facebook whose store is in Nepa Q Mart. I also need to figure out how to have the Monterey Community Market to deliver to me.

I learned that Southstar Drug delivers the next day, which is much better than Mercury Drug–my orders from that store never came.

I am also so thankful that we didn’t live in a condo. I would have gone bonkers with all that confinement if we spent the pandemic in a condo. Here in this apartment complex at least we have a small courtyard in front of our front door where we could sun ourselves if we wanted to.

Once I get out of Covid isolation and get better, I will fix my container garden and add plastic vegetable pots in our kitchen/cooking area that gets great natural light. I will tack them on the walls. Or have some in hanging planters.

Meanwhile, my kids are now regularly doing chores since one househelp left my household because she got pregnant and went to live with her boyfriend. Twin I can now cook simple stuff like instant noodles and fried egg. She and Twin A now regularly wash dishes and clean up after themselves. Twin A used to be very messy and her spot was a pigsty. When we transferred her computer desk under the stairs to be nearer to her sister, she cleaned up and matured a bit. In a blink of an eye they would be teenagers soon.

I’m thankful that it’s just the four of us right now (my girls and I and one househelp). Covid is manageable this way.

Headed for disaster

Our new COVID-19 daily case has hit an all-time high of almost 22,500 today and yet the government will be loosening the lockdown. Even in my hometown all hospitals are already at capacity and can no longer accept patients.

We are really headed for disaster. The overpriced purchase of face shields could have been diverted to buying more remdesivir and tocilizumab for hospitals in dire need of it. The government goons decided that we are better off with granular lockdowns without proper contact tracing (Duque even admitted to Senate that the govt contact tracing app is useless) and mass testing. COVID swab tests are so expensive, even for the middle class.

Malaysia and the Philippines are in a contest now for who got it worse.


As for my girls, their fevers had gone down today and they were able to attend their online class. I had them take paracetamol when they had headaches tonight but their temperatures didn’t go beyond sinat so I wasn’t that worried. I need more data to gather before I schedule a tele-consult with a pediatrician tomorrow. I was kind of panicking at 2 am this morning when I woke up to check one of my girls and thought about having us all tested for COVID.

To cheer us up today, our books I bought from Big Bad Wolf in June finally arrived.

Photo by CallMeCreation.com

They’re enjoying Horrible Histories. I am reading that now, too. Fascinating horrible stuff.


I’m slowly recovering and was able to co-write a time-sensitive story today about Philippine Airlines’ bankruptcy. Last week was a struggle for me because I couldn’t write. Or even transcribe an interview. Meds made me lethargic and I kept on sleeping during odd hours. At least I started the week right today, despite the lack of proper sleep because I was watching over my sick girls.

Over the weekend, a high school friend invited me to join them on their Youtube talk show, which started off like a podcast about nothing in particular that ended up as an interview platform about anything under the sun. They added me because all of them are guys–most of whom were my friends from way back high school or post-college when we played in a band. They needed a female co-host to sort of balance the show. And I think they chose me because of my interviewing skills. They were drinking buddies at some point 10-20 years ago.

So my plan to do a podcast with friends has sort of come into fruition. However, instead of a just a podcast, this is a live Youtube video show that requires me to face the camera and be presentable. Anyway, a podcast or a video talk show is one of my personal goals, including keeping this blog alive (albeit private), so I have other things aside from work that I could pay attention to.

I think I will be on air by November.

Balang araw, makakalimutan din kita.

It seems like there’s no end

Delta is just getting started. Then here comes Lambda, which researchers say is more worrisome as this seems to be more resistant to existing vaccines right now. The DOH today announced that it’s finally here and the fact that the UP-Philippine Genome Center’s tests are late, that variant could be anywhere now attacking everyone. Even Israel, the most vaccinated country in the world, has acknowledged that their preferred vaccines, BioNT/Pfizer could not hold up against Delta so now they’re having people vaccinated with boosters. How can we even face off Delta and Lambda with Sinovac when most of us only had that choice? Then people are not even rallying, crying foul over the PHP 67bn “lost” by DOH. Most of the vaccines that we have here are donated; we could still not account for the loans that were supposed to buy vaccines.

Everything is so messed up right now.

Last year, I was exaggerating to friends and co-workers that I will only be able to go back to our office in Singapore in 2023. It seems like it’s coming true. I don’t see any ending to this yet.


My kids, meanwhile, are so bored out of their skulls and I can’t blame them for trying out new stunts. The books I ordered from Big Bad Wolf are still stuck at Customs, while the Nancy Drew book I just bought from Carousell would still have to be shipped.

So here’s my daughter, Twin I, sleeping a la Harry Potter in that “secret reading room” (a big closet that seems to have no real purpose). Just because.

Photo by CallMeCreation.com

I’m suffering from abdominal cramps and body aches because of my period but I had to get out of the house because we ran out of vegetables. I was half-afraid that I wouldn’t be allowed to go inside UP to buy from the vegetable stall inside the campus. Good thing I was wrong. Being able to get inside the campus and being around trees felt good.

Then I went to buy tea for me and the girls near Bahay ng Alumni, as a treat for being able to go out after 10 days.

Photo by CallMeCreation.com

And since I was already up and about, I took the opportunity to have my car washed after weeks, if not months, of letting it get dirty because it was raining non-stop.

Photo by CallMeCreation.com

If the lockdown is lifted by the time I am on leave from work, then I need to attend to the under chassis again and have it checked (just for safety, 16-year-old cars have a looooootttt of wear-and-tear issues). Then have its aircon cleaned. Gee, it sounds exactly like what I did last year when I went on leave, the same month.

Elections

I would also have to reactivate my voter’s ID with the Commission on Elections (Comelec) during my leave because I have skipped several elections as I was working on election days. I probably got delisted.

But this is one election where every single vote would count so I would exert extra effort. Gotta vote out Duterte and his minions.

Speaking of elections, I was invited by the chair of the Parish Pastoral Council for Responsible Voting (PPCRV) to join them at their headquarters on election week. Well, she volunteered me to join them (LOL!). That’s why I have to move my voting precinct from my hometown to QC so it would be feasible for me. PPCRV and the National Citizens Movement for Free Elections (Namfrel) have worked with Comelec in the past as the citizen’s arm–as watchdogs–every elections. However, the two of them have become toothless last elections because–I don’t know… They get drowned out by the DDS on social media. I don’t know what happened there–no protests or batting of eyelash when the 7-hour glitch happened that allowed the nincompoop senators to enter the magic 12 and none from the opposition got a place.

Anyway, I had always volunteered for the PPCRV ever since I was legally allowed to vote. I remember then that it was PPCRV-Namfrel, but then somewhere along the way the two groups had a falling out.

Anyway, it was just PPCRV that was left working with the Catholic Church. Why was I working with the Catholic Church? Well our house is literally spitting distance from our parish. It was convenient. On election day, I would be assigned to one remote precinct to oversee the literal counting of votes because I had a car and I can drive. I had with me a physical spreadsheet to record the votes and sent the numbers via text messages (analog phones, yes) to the command center, usually at the parish office next to our house and that’s where my mom was stationed. She usually also volunteered for PPCRV (both of us were given PPCRV shirts to wear on election day so that Comelec officials would allow us to witness vote counting). These are then recorded in the lone computer at the center and then the data are sent to the national command center in Metro Manila. If I remember it right, they had at one time stationed themselves at La Salle Greenhills. Yes, this was pre-automation, when every ballot box could physically be stolen. In rural areas, there were many instances of politicians’ private armies stealing the ballot boxes or ambushing the vehicles that were carrying the ballot boxes to the Comelec center of a province.

I wasn’t able to volunteer during the 2016 presidential elections because I was already working for my current company, which doesn’t care for our national elections, so it was supposed to be business as usual for me. Ditto during the 2019 elections, plus I couldn’t leave J stranded at home so that is that.

Now let’s see how next year’s elections would be. Myla told me I would be stationed at the national HQ because she needs journalists there. Or so her pitch to me was that. I can’t remember now what she said.

Come to think of it, I had always volunteered for so many causes that I don’t remember how I am able to accomplish other things. I’m all over the place.