Tag Archives: freediving

HOT! HOT! HOT!

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I swear the Philippines may have carved out itself from Earth and made its own orbit closer to the sun. It has been freaking hot this week that I’ve been looking at possible staycation venues just to cool off.

Anilao Awari Bay Resort. April 2019. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

But I remembered that we still have the reservation at Blue Ribbon from last year so I asked management if we could book it on 17-19 April. I shortly got an email from them confirming the dates.

Wheeeeeeeeee!

So I could dive in the morning, then have breakfast, then work. Then dive again in the afternoon to take a break from work. Lovely. ❤️❤️❤️ I need to order the diving donut and new freediving flippers soon. ❤️❤️❤️

In Maricaban Island, Batangas. May 2019. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

But before this, maybe I can book a room at Twin Lakes Hotel in Tagaytay to be able to have a cooler break this month before the AGM season starts after Holy Week. Face-to-face meetings are back so I may have to physically attend some of those.

I should also book succeeding Anilao trips early. Oh wait, I still have a Boracay trip with B. 🤪

Twin I said one of the reasons why she doesn’t want to live in Singapore is that there are no coral reefs there that we can go to in a heartbeat. Yep, that’s true. Only jellyfish in Palawan Beach 😂 Or you have to go to Indonesia to have a proper beach getaway.

In the throes of my anxiety attack because of that painting that was sent to me early last month, I ordered something from Shopee to make me feel a bit better, like a love letter to myself: a made-to-order planner cover for only PHP 600. It’s PU leather so it’s cheaper than the real leather version of this, which is around PHP 1,600. I think I will order that later. But this one still looks good and looks sturdy.

Tadah! Maroon (color of UP) side by side with the plastic ring binder planner that it will replace. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

I’ve been a planner junkie since elementary. I feel more organized if I jot things down and not rely so much on electronic calendars (they’re for alarms only for me).

Gold hardware. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

The manufacturer gave me a choice of colors for the cover and the hardware. I figured to get myself my school color and gold hardware to match. It looks lovely and I think this will hold up better than the Filofax Domino I bought from Kinokuniya in Singapore (always my first stop after dumping my stuff at my hotel whenever I fly in). That one was a bad binder as it got frayed within a short amount of time. So much for its advertised leather cover 🤨.

Planner pages. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

I make my own planner pages because I could customize it. I download it from this blog that I’ve been following for years since it also offers pages for Midori Travelers Notebooks (which I searched for in Osaka). The Filofax fillers are hard to come by in Manila plus they’re more expensive here compared to the ones I buy in Singapore.

The numpad from Mofii that I ordered from Lazada also arrived today. I discovered I could not work without a numpad since I do a lot of computations for work. 😂 very ironic for somebody who evaded Math courses in college. But I deal with a lot of financial reports and doing simple financial ratios are easier with a numpad.

Pink! Photo by CallMeCreation.com

I really don’t like pink but I was forced to get this to match my raspberry Logitech keyboard.

My colleague in Shanghai has been telling me that he has been feeling angry and betrayed by his manager who hasn’t been responding to him, especially now that he needs to renew his working visa. He has been all over the place a few days ago and didn’t feel like working. I said you owe yourself basura days because we are not robots and there are just times that we are not 100% up to the task. We should excuse ourselves when we don’t feel like it. I told him I learned this from one of my bffs who lost her daughter to placenta abruptio when she was giving birth. She suffered from depression after that and in her grief, she allowed herself to slide during some days when depression strikes and her thoughts go back to the events that led to the death of her precious daughter. She just couldn’t comprehend the death and she was the one who told me that we need to accept that there are just things we could not find answers for. So she allotted basura days for her mental health.

She also told me to treat myself once in a while and create our own happiness.

So I told my colleague, this has been the one I’ve been doing for over a year now—just accept there are basura days and just make up for it the following day. So yesterday was my garbage day and now I’m still doing the digest that I need to publish tomorrow. And I’ve been treating myself to simple things like what I’ve been buying for myself to make me feel better or make me inspired to do my work, like my keyboard, my planner, the materials for my urban sketching. Then tomorrow I will be going out to work, do some urban sketching in between, talk to fellow journos before the start of the presscon, just interact with the outside world so I won’t live in my head anymore.

My colleague said he will adopt my strategies.

We gotta create our own pockets of happiness because sometimes the world is unfair. Self-love, because sometimes the world is harsh.

BINGO!

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One of my Twitter followers called me up on my phone and told me that there are open slots for passport renewal at DFA (because I had been asking DFA on Twitter when they would be opening slots). I quickly checked and fired up three browsers (Chrome, Firefox, and Edge) so I can try three different locations. After clicking for more than an hour (refresh, refresh, search, refresh), I finally was able to book at Robinsons Novaliches next week!

Wohoooo! Hopefully it would be painless. When Singapore finally opens up (no quarantine requirements), I can finally fly there and fix things that should be fixed. And meet my sources. And I should be using my Japan Visa soon since it would expire by next year.

One down, one more to go: Car registration. I need to secure a slot online, which I read was like another Hunger Games–similar to securing a slot at DFA.

In the meantime, I would be bringing the male white feral cat that this compound has been taking care of to PAWS for neutering. My neighbor caught him now in our kitty isolation cage so he can fast and I can easily bring him to PAWS tomorrow morning. Hope everything goes smoothly.

The Ukraine crisis is wreaking havoc on everything right now. For a 100% oil importing country like the Philippines, this would spell a rapid rise in core inflation. Supply disruptions of food and durable goods plus high transport cost would drag the purchasing power of people down. Waaaaay down. That’s why I should be judicious in driving because I haven’t seen the price of premium diesel climb this high, not even during the oil price shock of 2008 when every major corporation in the country had to revise its assumptions and earnings/growth projections. Logistics problems caused by the pandemic have yet to be untangled and here we go, we now have more geopolitical tensions to throw a monkey wrench into the economic recovery of developing countries like ours.

I have to think about this while pursuing stories and I should remind my team that this should be foremost in their minds right now.

At Starbucks. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

A quick sketch of yesterday’s work session with our Manila reporter at Starbucks in High Street. My efforts are still subpar so I need to practice some more. Since it would be a holiday on Friday, the girls and I are thinking of going to UP or probably La Mesa Dam if it won’t rain so I can practice sketching while they go biking. We can probably have a picnic.

My sister-in-law is telling me that she wants to go to the beach before the entire country descends on every available seaside in the coming weeks. I looked at Agoda for some resorts in Anilao and saw some vacant rooms in two resorts. She’s still thinking about it because she has three boys she wants to drag with her. My brother, being a lazy driver, wouldn’t come so I would be hauling them all off. I need to buy new freediving flippers and the doughnut if we would push through.

I think yesterday’s torrential rain would be the last and the hot and dry season would be coming up. I need to check the camp sites as well so we can schedule our long-delayed camping trip.

I hope no more curve balls. I’m trying my best to get out of this funk. I’m trying my best to heal well. Oh, God, I’m trying.

It’s 2:39 am and there’s this invisible hand from out of nowhere that suddenly squeezes my heart. I want to cry but I’ve run out of tears. I’m tired of this. I couldn’t hate because it still involves feelings and he’s not worthy of that. I just want to be apathetic. That’s the ultimate goal, apathy.

Vitamin Sea

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Anilao, Mabini, Batangas. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

Old and fresh wounds have opened up and as expected, I had trouble sleeping despite taking alprazolam. I hate this. I thought I’m done with this. I thought I’m mending. I thought I’m going to be alright. I thought wrong.

I’m still so, so far. A little thank you sends so many bitter memories and feelings. I’m like this broken vase that keeps cracking, breaking, and repairing itself with little bits and pieces of whatever could be salvaged.

I hope I’m not a zombie by Monday since Asian markets will be back again. Inflation concerns are creeping up. I should be alert and scoop up FMETF when it dips. I have US-East Asia de-SPAC stories to write. I have a lot of things to write 🤦🏻‍♀️

I want a huge dose of Vitamin sea now but I have to be careful. I checked with Blue Ribbon yesterday if my reservation for last year is still intact; they said it’s there and I just have to tell them when I will have the 4D-3N reservation. Probably we’ll go there when the winds are kinder and the diving sites are much pleasant. I would have to buy the doughnut and diving buoy. I should buy those fins meant for free dives, too. How about underwater camera???

By June probably we can go to Bohol (if resorts are already operating) or Moalboal for the sardine run. The girls suggested Palawan for my solo trip to refresh me. They know everything that’s why they are rallying behind me.

Do the things that I love to banish this pain. Do the things that make me ME and not feel small when others seem to lead shinier lives. I’m not like that. I like contemplative activities, as well as the outdoors, but I also like creating a home. I like taking care of others. K said he misses my cooking so I said we’ll have barbeque outside my apartment with other friends. Just no talk of his sexcapades with his one-night-stand boylets or else my neighbors will be scandalized.

Photo by CallMeCreation.com

I finished one panel. Two panels more for the girls’ bedroom. Then I will tackle the curtains for the living room.

Later today or tomorrow when I’m feeling much better, I will tackle the container garden. Seeing flowers make me happy. I like working with my hands, be it cooking, gardening or crafting. But I also like having battle of wits with CEOs for mental calisthenics. Putting a lot of platitudes on a social media profile only makes one look shallow. I’d rather have cerebral swordfights with these guys and earn their respect. During my last interview, the CEO of a firm abroad told me he enjoyed our conversation because I get it.

Hmm, maybe I should have a side gig interviewing people on TV. I can probably pitch…

Photo by CallMeCreation.com
Photo by CallMeCreation.com
Photo by CallMeCreation.com

I will get through this. One day there will be no more pain. I will look back when I’m 60 and say, yeah, I’ve lived a good life: raised my kids, have good friends, did the things I love and not chase shallowness and illusions. And yeah, libraries have the books I wrote.

One day, no more pain. Oh God, it hurts right now.

It’s 5:39 am. It seems like meeting daylight is a regular thing for me now.

I’ve come to hate the night. What used to be a time that offers rest and tranquility is now a time of chaos and restlessness. I can’t take alprazolam again because it’s a controlled substance, therefore, addictive. For goodness’ sake, it’s a tranquilizer!

When will this end? Haven’t I carried this cross long enough? I wish I could snap my fingers and boom–it’s gone. No, it doesn’t work that way.

I’m trying. I’m really trying.

If loving unconditionally means long-term suffering like this, then I no longer choose to love like that ever. I am really swearing off this thing called love. It’s just for my girls and the cats, that’s it. God, I can’t take this anymore.

Of mockery and terrifying Twitter threads

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First off, I am incensed, even though I already expected this, that the Dutertes are mocking the electoral process. As I mentioned here before, Bong Go and Ronald “Bato” dela Rosa are just placeholders for Sara Duterte and her running mate until Nov 15, the deadline for any changes in the certificate of candidacy. It is yet to be revealed who will give way between her and Bong Bong Marcos. There are talks that it was Duterte (or former president Gloria Macapagal Arroyo, the mastermind behind Sara) who floated the tax evasion conviction of Marcos Jr to the public so he would be forced to slide down and give way to Sara Duterte. His conviction makes him ineligible to run for any office.

Whatever. This means the Marcos apologists and DDS would be divided. But then this would be a very dirty election, with China intervening again. They’ve already shown their endorsement of Marcos Jr. Remember the “7-hr glitch” during the 2019 elections? State Grid Corp of China owns 40% of the National Grid Corp of the Philippines (NGCP). The Chinese entry was done during the Macapagal Arroyo Administration. It was also during her rule that the ZTE corruption scandal broke out. See the network of evil here?

Incidentally, NGCP is required under the law to list on PSE for transparency because it a monopoly. And guess what? They refused to do so and found a loophole in the law. It’s the Filipino shareholders who did a reverse takeover of a shell company and is making a follow-on offering, some kind of share swap so it would appear that NGCP would become a listed entity because it now has become a subsidiary of a listed company. After structuring the deal, JP Morgan resigned as one of the joint global coordinators for the deal. The Chinese shareholders would not be exposed at all and there is still no transparency. The Energy Regulatory Commission (ERC) allowed it. When I was pursuing the story, I asked ERC about the spirit of the law and would they allow this as per EPIRA law? They couldn’t comment, saying they haven’t seen the IPO filing yet at that time.

At the end of thw day, it’s still the Dutertes/Marcoses/Arroyos who are running the show, having this unholy alliance with the Xi Jinping.

I had a terrifying night last night. I read this Twitter thread about cave diving in rivers and the open sea and the tweets and story links made me feel like I was suffocating. One Reddit entry described nitrogen narcosis so succinctly that I felt as if I was the one suffocating.

As a freediver, albeit amateur, some of my worst nightmares are running out of breath, currents that could sweep me away or under, and nitrogen narcosis, if not the bends, when scuba diving.

Nitrogen narcosis is one of the reasons why I didn’t want to go scuba diving even if my sister went for certification. Another reason was the bends. There are only two decompression chambers here in the Philippines as far as I know. One is in Subic and the other is in Cebu. If I would need decompression in Anilao, I would be dead.

I did not finish this video of a reckless Russian-Israeli diver who attempted to go under the arch at the Blue Hole off the coast of Egypt, in the Red Sea. It was horrifying.

https://youtu.be/YhPdB5fxKA0

He was not a technical diver, he was ill-equipped because he was carrying one ordinary tank of breathing gas, plus his gear was too heavy for the compression that he experienced at great depths, which prevented him to ascend. Add to his confusion is his apparent nitrogen narcosis.

Being out in the deep blue sea can disorient you; you don’t know which way is up or down. I felt that when we were in Balicasag in Bohol when I attempted to dive away from the seawall and be suspended in the big blue open sea. It was surreal. It would be more terrifying if you were like 30 m deeper, when the light is already faint.

I was scared for J at that time as he kept on diving along the seawall, deeper and deeper. When he did that, I just hovered above so I can easily pull him up if gets caught in an undercurrent along the seawall or if he blacks out. One of the dangers of freediving, aside from running out of breath, is blacking out from the quick ascent from the deep or when surfacing. Many professional freedivers have died of it.

That’s why I wanted to be certified as a freediver so I would be properly trained in ascents and breathing. I would also know what are the other protocols, such as having a knife with me on my weight belt so I can free myself from entanglement or from predators.

However, after reading the stories of cave divers and underwater sinkholes…

Balicasag island, Bohol. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

Dreaming small

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He once wanted to live in a cottage by the sea. I no longer know if this is still true. I lost sight of what he wanted. What his dreams have evolved into. He retreated from me as if he disdains me.

From our balcony in Anilao, Mabini, Batangas. Photo by callmecreation.com

Anyway, I still hold that dream of living small by the sea. I’ve always wanted to live by the sea or by the mountains (I grew up by the foot of Mt. Makiling so it makes sense). Since I was a child, we always went to the beach at least once a year. My love for the sea is coupled with my interest in snorkeling and now freediving.

I never wanted to live in a big house. I’m a simple provinciana girl who just wants to manage a small but comfortable household; a small homestead growing our own food and keeping a few animals. I want to live sustainably. A cottage by the sea is perfect. I never tire of sunsets by the sea; it’s one of the most beautiful things to witness in life. Staring at the horizon, wondering what’s beyond it. Hearing the splash of water against the shore is calming at night, rocking me to sleep.

Ever since highschool, I’ve been fascinated with small interior design. Until now I watch Youtube videos of small homes. Like I’m preparing myself for a future in a small cottage by the sea. Simple life in the province. A condo in the city for business.

Dreaming small.

Where to?

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Bridge going to Pili Drive, UP Los Baños. Photo by callmercreation.com

Where I am headed? I don’t know. It doesn’t matter.

I’m a goal-oriented person, that’s why I am where I am today. However, life fucks up, right? So I’ve learned in the past 20 years that it’s nice to have goals but it’s not the end all and be all of life. The goals set you on a course and help you weed out what works and what doesn’t. It lets you have boundaries. Like I only took jobs that would lead me to a journalism career. After journalism, who knows? It’s ok not to know. But at least now I know I may not go into investment banking (I was invited once or twice) because seeking mandates is tough. Chasing mandates is not as enjoyable as chasing stories. The money sucks in journalism but so far it is allowing me to support five people (my two nannies, me, and my girls). Let’s see how I would be able to increase income without having to jump into investment banking. I may go into business, but I don’t know if I still have the energy to run a business like we did before. Consultancy probably is the way to go…damn it. I don’t have a PhD. And I certainly will not pursue a PhD at this stage because scholarships abroad have an age limit of 36 or 37 years old. But I have earned my stripes and may need to earn more before or during a consultancy gig. Not really sure how this will work out but that’s the beauty of it. It may just fall on my lap one of these days and it will sort itself out.

That journey may not necessarily mean it’s only here in the Philippines. My girls and I may end up somewhere else. Who knows? But that’s the beauty of it. It’s the openness to possibilities that makes life beautiful.

It’s ok not to know what’s at the end of the bridge. For me it’s the journey over the bridge that’s most important. Make every little thing count. Enjoy the beauty in the simplest things: Preparing meals for my family. Watching sunsets. Watching the sunlight being filtered by my bedroom curtain while I am tucked between the sheets. Hearing my children’s squeals of laughter. Being by the sea and under the sea. Going up hills and mountains. Walking among flowers in Hitachi. Going to onsens. Taking hours-long train rides to somewhere. Discovering the best teppanyaki in the middle of nowhere in rural Japan. Walking around UP Diliman campus. Petting my cats. Sipping coffee in a coffee shop while I write or watch people. Writing.

Is it the pursuit of happiness? Umm, probably not. Happiness may be incidental, something that happens. You cannot be constantly happy because life fucks up. And chasing happiness is…fucked up as well. Maybe the best thing I can think of right now is the pursuit of contentment. Being content is not equal to being mediocre. Contentment may be reaching a high bar that you have set for yourself. But never being content may be equal to unhappiness and may launch you into this endless pursuit of nothingness.

So where do I go from here? I don’t know. And it’s ok.