I didn’t know I was that exhausted yesterday because I slept with my lights and PC still on. It was a terrible way to end the week.
Our CEO had a townhall meeting with us in APAC and I couldn’t help but raise the question about hiring. I told him I have zero reporter in Singapore and it is ridiculous that they are not prioritizing it and are prefering to hire freelancers instead of fulltime reporters.
I got scolded by my APAC boss, like you shouldn’t tell him that we are preferring freelancers over regular hires.
Then we had a call with our cameras on and she said what happened to you? You look terrible! I said yes, I’m so stressed and I really don’t understand your point.
So it seems like they did their own hiring and already submitted their choice for an editor/reporter in Singapore with the management and it has been stuck there for 3 months. And they didn’t tell me. So what’s this all about telling me in January to double down, drop everything to do hiring and replace my colleague who left then all of a sudden they tell me we can only do freelancers?!
My cat must be broken. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
I snuggled with my cat, Sushi, before I had that call with my APAC head this afternoon. We leveled off and I told her that I was so close to quitting, among other things that I had to tell her, like I was being poached by another publication and that competitors are also hiring all over for Southeast Asia so there is always a threat that
Anyway, that is that. I just have to struggle with nobody in Singapore office, at least for the next six months or so. That means I would have to travel there frequently.
I relaxed a bit today so stomach acids are less bothersome today so I have no diarrhea. Hopefully, this continues so I won’t be harassed when I travel next week.
Meanwhile, my heat gun finally arrived.
This heat gun makes my life easier. Art and photo by CallMeCreation.com
I don’t have to wait overnight for my watercolors to dry completely. The drawback here is that the hot air from the heat gun pushes the liquid too much so it makes the color marks look messy.
Recreated the Metro Manila view from Padi’s Point Antipolo. Art and photo by CallMeCreation.com
I have to practice using the heat gun. It tends to wash out some colors so I need to layer a lot.
I’m not happy with this one. Art and photo by CallMeCreation.com
My body was full of knotted muscles so I had booked a two-hour Zennya massage last night. At the end of the session I was already snoring so I just went straight to bed and forgot about everything else.
Today, I was bombarded with edits (which was fine) and hiring chores/issues (which was not fine) that I had suffered through diarrhea the entire day due to too much stomach acids. I think I had been going to the bathroom 10x already. It seems like my proton pump inhibitor (esomeprazole) is not doing its job. If by next week I’ll still be like this (geez I’m in Singapore 🤦♀️), then it seems like I need to have that endoscopy to see whether I already have peptic ulcers.
I think I need to decompress for a bit.
Photo by CallMeCreation.com
Let’s see what I can come up with later.
This is why I bought a heat gun from Lazada last night. A small desk fan cannot dry washes in an instant. Art and photo by CallMeCreation.com
Yes, I repeated an old image. Art and photo by CallMeCreation,com
I redid this Binangonan sunset that I drew last year. This time, I did not resort to using fine liners to define plants and I am now more light-handed when it comes to sky colors compared to the first drawing. This paper is still very wet so I will just revisit this tomorrow when it’s completely dry.
Why did I do this?
Nothing. Just to track my progress when it comes to technique i.e. showing the opacity and how to do reflections on water. The first time I did this, Laguna Lake didn’t look like a lake at all; it was just a muddy valley. Now at least there’s a semblance of water reflecting the sky. I also mixed cadmium yellow + cobalt violet and cadmium orange + cobalt violet to produce different browns for the lake shore that would go with sunset and the lake. For the other part of the lake, it was a mixture of imperial violet + blue gray deep of varying degrees. Using the pre-mixed browns and grays made my first drawing muddy and it lacked opacity that is needed when sunlight changes every second. Watching other artists on Instagram is helping me to rely less on pre-mixed colors and create my own.
This is still ugly in my eyes so I need to continue improving this. Probably next year.
Nah. This is just a fancy type of red grape juice from Spain. If I let it ferment in my fridge for a couple of years, I think it will become red wine. Until I get cleared by my GI specialist whom I would see on Thursday, I won’t drink any form of alcohol. But playing pretend helped me to get through today.
Photo by CallMeCreation.com
I know it’s bad to have meals in front of the computer but here I am, violating that rule.
Cold soba with tsuyu (from my Mitsukoshi stash) and kimchi for a vegetarian dinner. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
I really needed a lot of help to get me focused on the task at hand today. It’s like pulling a tooth. At least I was able to push out another story today, co-written by two other colleagues. All I did today is 1) beg for the son/child of owner (COO) of a Southeast Asia conglomerate to grant me an interview but he demanded an F2F one so I need to fly to Singapore for that; 2) interview a candidate and administer tests to other candidates; 3) respond to a thousand emails. But I never got around to finishing that story today when I should have.
I am paralyzed. I can’t write anymore.
It was just like in 2014 when I quit my local news job and in 2021 when I was swimming in the depths of my depression.
I remember my therapist telling me it’s anxiety that kills my creativity so I keep pushing away tasks and procrastinate so much that I end up with too many backlogs. It’s anxiety that is keeping me from doing the very basic of things that used to be second nature to me.
I just had a chat with another bureau chief from another region and he is in the same boat: this hiring and staff shortage are killing us. It’s not our jobs to be HR managers. He was told to poach from other departments because we are freeze-hiring. And he tried some analysts for the journo gig but in the end, one analyst/journo candidate cried when he submitted his writing test. It turns out he can’t write. My colleague/fellow bureau chief said it was easier for him to rewrite the whole thing instead of editing it. It was that bad.
We are already too stretched. When I told him, “I said there’s no way I can hire the “quality” candidates they’re looking for,” he told me he almost burst out laughing in the coffee shop where he was working. Because the top people think we’re in the same league as the big media companies that candidates would make a beeline for us. Or that we can poach from them and the candidates would just come running to us and jump ship.
They’re so delusional.
It’s so taxing. I’m tired. He’s tired. All of us are.
We have lost many headcount and yet we are pressured to keep productivity and engagement at the same level. This is ridiculous.
Oh God, please me help write tomorrow. I can’t go on like this–the fight, flight, or freeze response to stress.
And then there are the nasty people who feel so entitled that they think it is imperative that we make a story about them or their company. They pester us for coverage when there are more important things to cover/more interesting things to feature/write about. Then when we can’t give them the immediate response, they turn nasty. HEY, WE DO NOT OWE YOU ANYTHING! If we do not return your correspondence in two months, that means your story is not compelling. Don’t harass us or throw us some attitude.
I remember a friend telling me about the same situation with a guy who pestered them for coverage for months. She granted that interview to shut him up after he showed an attitude. She told me no more interviews/favors to that person from now on.
X-mark, she said.
Some people can be so…
Hello! We’re not a free billboard for ads.
It’s only Tuesday but it feels like it has already been an eternity.
I could not pick up a pencil to draw. I’m drained emotionally. There’s just too much anger towards management. I just hope we can get through this desert. This is already too frustrating. We love what we do but this is just getting more ridiculous.
To relax myself. A Sting concertbefore I go to sleep. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
I’ve come to dread Mondays since January. Today, however, was a bit easier for me ever since I told my boss I need to go easy on the hiring. If they start harping on it again, then I have to say something that they don’t want to hear.
Meanwhile, I was able to book 3 days, 2 night stay in a hotel in Ortigas for the Holy Week. I decided to do a staycation for that long weekend to 1) get away from this apartment for a bit; and 2) celebrate the twins’ birthday in advance. We can cool off in the pool without getting stuck in traffic because Metro Manila will flush out the rest of humanity during these dates. Good luck to everyone who will attempt to go out of town during the Holy Week. May the odds be in your favor. 😂
Once I’m settled in my new house after mid-May, damn it, I will go diving again. All my disposable income had been funneled into my tiny house and I have deprived myself of beach vacations for months.
My last dive, which wasn’t that great. Photo by Twin A.
I would love to bring the girls to Palawan before they start 7th Grade in their new school. I’ll just use my miles to shave off the cost of their plane tickets. I have a high school classmate who runs her Coron tours in which you can wake up to a new island every morning for a week. Or I can do a DIY island hopping for me and my girls.
It’s past 9 pm and I’m currently listening to a webinar for our company about my current journalism specialization.
And about personal branding.
It’s all about the compelling story. No one will listen to you if you don’t have a story to tell.
Photo by CallMeCreation.com
Because in our world today, no one will really pay attention to you–as a job-hunter, as a potential employer, as a buyer, as a company founder doing fundraising, or an investment banker or consultant–if you do not have a good brand. I used to abhor journalists or bankers who have been doing self-promotion. I always thought that it’s about the craft, your work, or your deal that should speak for yourself.
Apparently it’s not enough.
Yes, of course you should have impeccable and high quality track record–not the half-finished this or that, not the empty/padded resume. You should have the solid background as your anchor but more than that, you should control the narrative—your narrative. You have to be an expert of something so that when you talk, they will listen.
My work week has been better than the previous one in the sense that my anxiety level has gone down. I have received two CVs already and I should do more outreach. I should also reach out to our talent acquisition team but I must get the OK of my bosses, who are still on a Lunar New Year break.
I was relaxed even if edits came flooding my mailbox. I’m happier doing this than trawling LinkedIn for possible candidates for at least three positions I’m trying to fill up before 1H23 ends. Or else the hiring window may close since majority of MNCs right now are freeze-hiring at the moment or are laying off.
The strings during the intro—it’s eargasm. Makes me want to watch Sting in March but damn, it’s sold out!
I’m looking at the concert calendar and only Sting stands out. Sting > Harry Styles. The rest are K-Pop concerts.
