I’ve been so disconnected to this place for a long time. Maybe because I wanted to stay away from my family while I was with J. I distanced myself from my home because I didn’t know at that time what lies ahead. Where will my future be? So I was already training myself to detach from the safe and familiar.

I walked this morning around the campus for some exercise and to buy fresh milk (the real fresh milk) and some yoghurt. I walked through the former “dirt road” adjacent to our high school’s former building.

This complex is now occupied by the Math Department and my high school transferred off-campus to a new building complex. This fire exit was my escape from the oppressive Literature class when I was in my third year in high school. The teacher that used to handle that class had put me down so much that I never once forgotten how bad I really felt when she did that. I was compared to my siblings and she basically said I didn’t amount to anything compared to them.

So guess what, Ms. A? It seemed like amounted to SOMETHING that you didn’t even imagine I could ever be.

This side is just a third of our high school building (now Math Dept). This quadrangle was where bands used to jam. The concrete stage can no longer be seen because of the overgrown weeds. There’s a sign outside of this complex that says this will be reconstructed (or torn down???) to give way to the new Registrar building.

I walked around this oval because it was a nice morning.

This classroom was where I had one of my least favorite subjects of my life, Plane Trigonometry. I hated it with a passion.

During my undergrad years, this was the Humanities Building and its steps were once the hangout of the Communication Arts majors, who happened to be (more often than not) the rich kids of the campus or those who are also more fashionable and the party kids. Mere mortals like me back then wouldn’t dare sit on these steps. Like “hey, you can’t sit here. You’re not as cool as the rest of us.” I used to sit on the benches inside while waiting for my next class. More often than not, those were occupied by the social science majors, not as hoity-toity as the CommArts people.

I literally grew up here. After classes in elementary, I would walk from my school to go to my mom’s office or lab here to wait for her so we can go home together (back when we lived off-campus). I played every afternoon here and the field beside this was where I used to play with the children of other faculty members. We used to catch dragonflies and play with freshly cut grass there. Now the molecular biology building sits there.

In my undergrad years, I used to sit on these steps and also on the concrete benches around this wing because I had a lot of biology subjects then (I thought of pursuing environmental science journalism, that’s why I majored in science communication then). I also waited for my crush to pass by every Tues and Thurs at 3 pm. He was a biology major. My friends and I would wait at these steps so I could have a glimpse of him. Hahahaha! I don’t know if he was one of my mom’s students but most of the pre-med students didn’t take her courses.

There are three four wings in this building complex: the biology institute, plant pathology, entomology/zoology, and molecular bio. I ran around the corridors of these wings when I was a kid and I remember encountering pressure cooker-type autoclaves outside the labs, hissing angrily at me. I was often afraid the clamps would suddenly pop and hit me on my face or temple when the steam became too much for them to handle. Until today I am still afraid of autoclaves.

In between the wings were gardens. I used to play pretend here, like it was my secret garden and I was in my own fantasy world, weaving stories inside my head while I waited for my mom to finish with work. It’s quite disheartening to see this fall into this state. Well, what can you expect after two years of no one going in here?

It’s nice going down the memory lane today. All these reminded of me why I called this home. Why I feel safe here and why I also think my girls will be freer here. Today I let Twin A walk around the campus by herself. It’s about time anyway.

That’s why my older sister felt at home in Brisbane, in UQ campus. She said the vibes are similar and both are laid back. People here are more outdoorsy, like in UQ.