It is what it is

I got a little bit triggered today because of some short video I watched. Then I got to view this video, which is like an affirmation that my life just sucked in the past because I didn’t know any better. I met the wrong people, chasing their approval when I shouldn’t be.

Come to think of it, they’re not that special. They were special for me because I made them special in my eyes and I made myself believe that. Otherwise they’re just like any other guy/s out there.

I want to write about so many things about this subject, especially this last partner I had. But it is what it is. It is exactly a year ago this week or last week when I realized I was a big mess and decided to seek professional help.

What progress I had made! Thanks to my therapist, I sorted myself out. But it was a long and difficult process. 1 year and 8 months ago, I couldn’t imagine how it is to be where I am right now. I wondered if ever I could even reach this stage. I should love myself more for getting past that horrible stage.

Now I just need affirmative words/reminders like the one I posted above from Instagram to remind me that it’s not me—they’re just the wrong people. No matter how much bending backwards I do, it will never make a dent. They just don’t and won’t ever love me.

And if someone is the RIGHT person, he will seek me out. He will find me, even if I will soon hide myself at the foot of the mountain in my hometown, he will find me.

If not, it’s fine. At least I’m going to be happy with the life I am building for myself and the girls.


Folded gimbap. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
Korean breakfast for the girls. I wasn’t able to include the miso soup with seaweed and mushrooms in the photo. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
British breakfast of eggs and beans on toast for me. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

I had more energy today so I decided to cook brunch. Didn’t attempt go out today because I have no idea if I could.

Will do another antigen test in a few hours.

Tomorrow is the girls’ mock entrance exam. Must sleep now to prepare them tomorrow.

Quiet quitting

Still working past 9 pm. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

When my body says it must rest, I should heed.

But no, I didn’t. I still took an edit and now I’m paying the price. It’s already past 9 pm and I’m still editing a story that needed an overhaul. Stupid me. I exacerbated my headaches.

Why did I take that edit? Because my stupid company doesn’t plan to hire more editors. Because of the Great Resignation, we lost 2 bureau chief/senior editors, 2 junior editor-reporters, and one first editor. They haven’t been replaced. So we remaining editors have been working overtime and if one of us gets sick or goes on holiday, there would be long queue of stories for editing.

No, I shouldn’t be taking on more jobs because the company is being stupid.

“Quiet quitting doesn’t actually involve quitting. Instead, it has been deemed a response to hustle culture and burnout; employees are “quitting” going above and beyond and declining to do tasks they are not being paid for...

...”For employers that are dealing with workers who may be exhibiting signs of quiet quitting, Zitron has one simple message for them: Pay them for extra work…”

npr.org

Enough is enough. I’m sick. I’m tired. I shouldn’t be picking up the slack.

I don’t have a fever but I’m inexplicably tired. I wanted to sleep but couldn’t because I spent almost 12 hours sleeping. I couldn’t drive myself to get an RT PCR because my mental faculties aren’t present and I may just kill myself. Home service costs PHP 4,500—expensive for something that is just to confirm/refute the result of my antigen test this morning.

As per US CDC protocol:

A single, negative antigen test result does not rule out infection. To best detect infection, a negative antigen test should be repeated at least 48 hours apart (known as serial testing).

So I will just test myself again on early Sunday. For tomorrow I will just sleep. I will just order GrabFood for us since Saturday is Ate C’s day off.

This may just be ordinary flu and my body is just signalling to me that I should stop pushing myself too hard at work. My company doesn’t care for me anyway.

Quiet quitting.

Take that to heart.

Negative

Negative is good.

I was supposed to go out at 6 pm to do some grocery shopping but I was feeling sick. By 6:30 I was already in bed. 11 hrs later I woke up and did the test. Headache and feverish feeling gone but my body still aches. Throat is still scratchy too.

I can order grocery online but how can I continue with my LTO car registration today?

Kidnappings and organ harvesting come closer to home

This was sent to me by my older sister as she warned us siblings about two recent attempted abduction cases in our small hometown. And to think I had allowed Twin A this weekend to walk alone to buy something just outside the campus.

The case above is one abduction attempt near the university campus.

This is the recent video of the interview with the victim, she was relating to the barangay officials how she avoided being forced into a white van.

This other one was yesterday:

This one is just today.

Before the pandemic, there was a spate of reports about white vans abducting children and these were linked to rape/organ harvesting. This can just be urban legends but there were reports of children’s corpses found along creeks without major organs.

According to the grapevine the kidnapped children/harvested organs are flown to China, given that the amount of money rich parents pay to save their only child (as a result of one-child policy before they loosened it) is astronomical. Although this has not been established yet, there are anecdotal evidence of organ harvesting happening in provinces before Covid.

The Philippines has an international reputation as one of the global hotspots for organ trafficking. In 2007, it was named as one of the organ-exporting countries in the World Health Organisation’s (WHO) report, along with India, Pakistan, China, Egypt and Colombia.

Channel News Asia: Kidney for sale: Inside Philippines’ illegal organ trade

Similar reports were published in Latin America, with adults being kidnapped and organs harvested. The United Nations has been after this grisly crime, but these reports are largely ignored as they are relegated to urban legend status.

Philippine Senate has investigated the alarming rate of child kidnappings related to organ harvesting but it has gone nowhere. It only died down a bit because of Covid but now they’re back.

I had been keeping my old phone and a basic smart phone in my drawer to give my girls after they take the entrance exams. But because of these alarming reports, I immediately gave the phones to the girls today so I can track them down (through a geo-location app) and have a means to call them, especially when I’m away. Well, that was the main reason why I was set to give them phones: they would soon be junior high schoolers and they would be commuting to school on their own. I’d rather have peace of mind that the girls have some kind of protection and I can monitor them than worry about the negative effects of mobile phones. They are already more mature now—a far cry from what they were when J met them in 2018. They are more responsible now and are easier to discipline. Without prodding from me, they had been doing study groups with their friends remotely and I can hear/watch them during some of their study sessions.

They also had been working hard on their review school.

I think it’s time that they can be given phones so I can call them every now and then. Or they can call me if something was amiss.

I will also buy them pepper sprays, stun guns, and whistles (as a high school classmate suggested) that they should always bring in their bags or pockets.


Meanwhile, it’s traditional for mainstream media to report about the problems of public school education every time the school year starts. I had produced special reports about these when I was still working for a newspaper. But I went beyond the usual classroom shortage and ill-equipped teachers. I focused on indigenous people and the lack of support from the national government and the malnutrition among Filipino school children. I also reported about the high worm infestation among school children in the Philippines and my research brought me to UNDP to talk/write about this.

I reported such things not to antagonize the Department of Education but to shed light on a systemic problem.

These journalists who shined on the misguided focus of Sara Duterte (bringing back ROTC instead of addressing the lack of facilities and learning resources, really???) are now getting attacked. It prompted me to defend them on Twitter.

Being a journalist in this country in the time of Duterte and Marcos is really a dangerous job. Not only security-wise but also our mental health hangs on a balance. Our jobs require us to be active on social media but then being on social media kills us softly.

And here we go again:

Marcos and his cronies are really out there to kill ABS-CBN.

It’s so stressful today. I wish I could just shut out the world and not read news but that’s impossible because I’m in the business of news production and I always have to be on top of all important news not only in the Philippines, but also in Asia. Like we have upcoming national elections in Malaysia while Softbank is set to exit Alibaba. I start the day reading general and business news (I have two subscriptions) and checking Twitter for breaking news.

By 12 noon I’m already a mass of nerves.

Thank goodness for my comical cats.

I’m about to check out from Lazada/Shopee some pepper sprays, stun guns, whistles, mechanical keyboards, and key caps 😂

Better quality of life for less

This is exactly why we’re moving out of Metro Manila. This carmageddon will never end.

I am currently working now in my future bedroom, my laptop propped on a portable table. I have sketched a new layout for my flat and added the measurements of the Pax cabinets I will be ordering from Ikea for my wardrobe. I hear the wind agitating the trees, amid the relatively peaceful environment, and it makes these photos above more horrifying for me.

I will be driving through this Bedlam tonight.

This morning I walked under a drizzle to buy beef at a much cheaper price compared to those sold in supermarkets in Manila because 1) the cow that was butchered was under the university R&D and extension office i.e. it is not meant for commercial sale (she just happened to have an accident, like a broken leg so she had to be culled); 2) it was a milking cow (hybrid Holstein), part of the cattle that the university keeps under the Institute of Animal Science to produce dairy products under its extension program.

My father used to have his office here for many years. This building is only one of the few that remained intact after World War 2. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
At least 2 kg of high quality beef inside this cooler. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
My lovely view while waiting for my beef. Mount Makiling is obscured by rain clouds. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
Walking back home, I saw this vegan and vegetarian restaurant next to the football field. This used to be an artillery building during World War 2 so it’s built like a bunker. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
I rested for a bit so I can savor the feeling of being in the football field where I spent endless hours playing the sport that I once loved so much. It’s so peaceful. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
So sweaty. With Baker Hall in the background. Behind me is the one-storey building where I buy our fresh milk bottles and yogourt everyday since Friday. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
Carabao’s milk. Yum. I didn’t buy mozzarella cheese because…I’m still thinking about our menu for the rest of the week. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

After expending 160 kcal from my early morning walk, I gained it back by having breakfast. LOL.

I started the day early and worked in a better mood than usual. Monday.

I’m romanticizing life here now because I’m not yet living here again full-time. But so far my stress and anger from last week had ebbed and my early morning walks helped a lot in regulating my mood.

To be continued…

Hero

Was Ninoy a hero?

He was a spark.

His assassination was a miscalculation on the Marcoses’ part.

He knew he was going to be killed the moment he steps on Philippine soil. But I guess, it was a carefully calculated move on his part.

Primitivo Mijares knew he will be killed writing that book.

He was a spark.

Everyone who got imprisoned and/or killed were sparks.

And when you have multiple sparks then the gasoline tank tips over… You have hell.

Apparently that hell wasn’t enough to burn the Marcoses. Lucifer kicked them out because he will be without a throne if they lingered more.

So now we have them back.

Today we commemorate the assassination of Ninoy at the Manila International Airport (now Ninoy Aquino International Airport). This government wants to change its name back to MIA as part of their historical revisionism. Those who are not poisoned by the Marcoses and their money remember.


At 6:30 am this morning my older sister and I walked to one of the subdivisions outside the university campus to buy food from the pop-up weekend market.

Good thing it didn’t rain. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
I guess our eyes were hungrier than our stomachs. We bought a lot. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
We bought some sourdough bread and sourdough pizza. They were pricey but good. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
Also bought some green products like handmade soaps, shampoo bars and reusable feminine pads for me and the girls. I started using cloth napkins last year but the shampoo bars was just a new thing for me. After using one of Human Nature’s shampoo bars for two weeks, I noticed that my hairfall was lesser compared to when I was still using the Korean shampoo I regularly bought. I hope that this will solve my thinning hair problem. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

After taking our haul back home (burning around 175 kcal), we walked towards the heart of the campus to buy fresh milk and yoghurt again. I saw these mushroom chips but my goodness, this will make uric acid shoot through the roof.

I love mushrooms but my joints don’t like them. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
Unkept front yard. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

My mother is quite ambitious. Once upon a time she was on an orchid shopping binge, buying all the orchids she fancied and had them mounted on driftwood to mimic the natural habitat of epiphytes. But then she’s really not a gardener so she just left it to the househelp to maintain it for her. However, gardening is not a priority in this household.

Even though this side of my mom’s property is not included in my future domain, I told my mom I am commandeering this garden because none of her 3 other children are exhibiting any interest in it. No one protested. They can’t even bothered by it. My sisters do not even like having animals to take care of.

I will plant a lot of roses, yellow bells, and other ornamental plants. Edible plants will be planted in between, like herbs and some salad greens.

The garden that will be legally mine will be this:

Cicadas are having a concert
I went to the balcony to sketch while I listened to the cicadas and other forest sounds. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
The light was already dying. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
I couldn’t finish because mosquitoes were already eating me alive. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

The following are part of my photo dump from yesterday:

If you’re late for class, this becomes the walkway of shame if you were an underclassman. The high school seniors’ classrooms were just on the right side of this walkway. Most seniors I knew back then often looked out the windows when bored. Which was often. 🤣 But if you happened to be a high school senior yourself, your classmates/batchmates would clap their hands and rain you with catcalls. 😂😂😂
This, my friends, is the walkway to my home. I was so naive before. Some boys would walk beside me and chat while I was going home…and it would take some time before I realized I was “being walked home” by a boy. Hahahaha! Some would ask if they could go under my umbrella because they didn’t bring any. One day a boy I was crushing on often walked me home, especially after theater rehearsals… He is now a happy gay man. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I knew something was wrong. I had always been a fairy godmother. HOHOHOHOHO! I just don’t know why gay men were/are still attracted to me. LOL.