Pseudoangiomatous Stromal Hyperplasia (PASH). That’s what my cousin had, not cysts. She has been recovering at home for four days now after her surgery. She had them removed because one of them had been growing and it started to hurt. She just removed her binders but it still hurt, she said.

I think at some point I got it when I was in college or right after college. It was quite a scare because my gynecologist had to refer me to an oncologist just to be sure but her initial findings told me these were lesions caused by hormones. I no longer remember what tests I had because I ejected them from my memory since it was quite a tense episode. The oncologist concurred that the lumps were lesions and were likely to disappear with my menstrual cycle—as my gynecologist had initially told me.

I never had a normal cycle and until now my hormones are often off. I have PCOS and it was already a miracle that I even got pregnant. Ah well, I had to go through hormone therapy just to have my girls. I always tell them that they were chosen because I had to work with my doctor to have them—my way of telling them that I already wanted them even before they came. (So girls, if you are already reading this because I’m already in the great beyond, know the difficulties I had gone through just to have you).

“Women with PCOS are twice as likely as women without the condition to deliver their baby prematurely. They’re also at greater risk for miscarriage, high blood pressure, and gestational diabetes (19).”

Healthline

There you go. Having twins raises the probability of premature birth, but having PCOS almost made it a certainty. I bled twice while I was pregnant and I had to work from home eventually at 5 mos because my doctor said I will lose the twins if I didn’t stop traveling. I had to take a pill to keep the girls and stop bleeding. She even told me to not climb the stairs. But what can I do? My ex-husband was cruel; he didn’t want to help with the chores to the point we had a fight and he threatened to leave the house. We didn’t have a maid at that time and imagine this: I was heavily pregnant and I was still mopping the floor. I decided to go home to my mom and spend the last trimester with her so I will be well fed (and didn’t have to order fastfood because I was too tired to cook), I didn’t have to clean, and I would be nearer the hospital and my OB.

Anyway, fast-forward, even if my sex life had been a desert after having the girls and after J lost interest in me 6 mos before we broke up, I still had to take birth control pills because if I didn’t, I wouldn’t have my period for six months or more. That happened when I was in high school and college and that time when I finally had my period after several months without having any, my body was racked with pain that I had to be confined to my bed. I bled like a pig while I was curled up and cried myself to sleep because 500mg of mefanemic acid sometimes couldn’t relieve the pain. After getting pregnant and giving birth, my dysmenorrhea became tolerable but hormonal changes are still wild that’s why I always felt sick (my headaches were enough to crack my skull) during my periods.

That’s why I have high tolerance for pain. All my life I had been in pain physically and emotionally.

Another reason why I couldn’t lose weight is because of insulin resistance due to PCOS. It doesn’t help that diabetes runs in the family.

Hence, I must continue with my workouts even if my body doesn’t want to cooperate.

When we were in Tiendesitas yesterday, we stopped by Decathlon to buy myself a new pair of dumb bells and moisture-wicking shirts. To motivate me to continue with my workouts. I can’t stop now—once I have diabetes, my days are numbered.