Category Archives: on the job

I am so done

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Stress level hit the roof before I signed off from work tonight. I received an email from HR regarding the contracts of my reporters and damn, here we go again…

I emailed my managers and asked them, why are we back here? If this keeps on cropping up, I will lose people. I also would be put in a precarious position and if push comes to shove, a competitor will love to have me and this company will just eat my dust.

Thank God for cats. They help me get rid of stress, albeit temporarily. They lower my blood pressure.

Here is Kimchi judging me again while I do my stretching. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
And then she proceeds to mock me. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

I don’t know how people can last long in this job. I remember an erstwhile bureau chief quit and asked to be demoted because she said she could not keep up. She just had a baby and there was no way she could balance being a mom, wife, and bureau chief. The only two good things about my situation is that I can work from home and I don’t have a partner. The rest are crap—in the sense that I manage the second largest if not the largest of newsroom in APAC just by the number of reporters I have. Moreover, I must be on top of the situation in 11 markets—five of them are very active whereas the others have only one or two markets (Aus and NZ) that they cover. I must monitor 11 laws/rules and regulations, 11 political situations with their own idiosyncrasies and only two markets use English as an official language—the rest are incomprehensible. AND YET I could not travel freely to these markets; I have yet to test the waters and push the envelope.

This day is just…😤

Meanwhile, a little victory due to our pushback against this Bible-thumping liar, history revisionist, and overall bitch apologist of the Marcoses.

And here are the feedback of some sellers. A friend who has a store on Shopee says this is all true. She lost customers. If there would be orders, it would be for an PHP80-item, hardly a thing that would move the needle. All the big spenders are gone. Nothing happened during 10-10 sale. She says she’s stuck with a high inventory and she couldn’t open a TikTok store or an IG store because that requires regular content. She has no room in her life for content since she’s taking care of her baby. She said this is not a matter of life and death for her since she’s just doing this as a “passive” income (her definition) since her active source of income is her online job. This boycott really hurts the sellers who are relying on Shopee for their main source of income.

Another stress-reliever of mine is planning my house.

Updated floorplan of my tiny house. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

I probably have my dimensions wrong again since I’m not working on grid paper. But this is the latest layout that my contractor and I have agreen on. Just this morning, we reduced the width of the girls’ bedroom. I’m not entirely sure if I got the girls’ doorway right because I just based this on my conversation and gesticulation of my contractor i.e. there would be a corner there for their door and for my closet. But I couldn’t understand how my closet would not block their doorway. I must have misunderstood something. Anyway, I would be able to see once the partitions are up next week.

My girls prefer to have this shelving unit in their room instead of a full-blown closet because they want shelves and more shelves for stuff and books, not clothes. I have already bought them drawers for their clothes.

Photo from ikea.ph

On Friday I will pick up in Paranaque the Rockwool insulation/soundproofing for some dry wall partition to deliver to my construction site. That was an extra expense (around 22k) but I want this done well. If I can have granite kitchen countertops, why not have a soundproof partition wall?

This is how my future home looks like viewed from space…

Our houses according to Google Earth.

Yup, that entire forest at the back is my view. I will clear some of that in the near future when I’m ready to have my vegetable beds. That red encircled part of the red duplex is mine—at least the second floor part. On the extreme left in the yellow circle is the garage but that would be extended to be a communal garage to accommodate two SUVs and a sedan.

Let’s see on Friday if the house is already taking shape.

Defeated

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I don’t feel good right now. An article I had labored over is being questioned by a guy who has been in this job only for a year. 🙄

I’m tired because I had been editing until 7:45 pm. My brain is already fried. Then I get an email from somebody in New York about the wisdom of the story I wrote.

Just like last night, I was disturbed by an editor who asked me “do we publish this kind of stories?” I said yes, since the time I joined in 2014. I was hired to do this kind of stories because there’s plenty of this in my market and no one specializes in it.

I just want to scream.

Maybe I need to rest. Like rest for a long, long time.

My boss just sent us our numbers for 3Q22 and I’m on the top 3 most productive person in APAC. No wonder I’m so tired.

I was trying to hug my cats but those critters are useless as emotional supprt animals 😑

Kimchi being a pompous ass here after running away from me. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

My kids hugged me but they’re too busy with their own stuff. I didn’t tell them that I just needed some affection because everything went bad today. It’s not good to burden them with my emotional needs. That’s not what my kids are for. Children who are made to shoulder the happiness of their parent/s become broken human beings.

I just have to hug myself today.

I have 100 things on my to-do list but I couldn’t strike off any of them because I no longer have the energy to do them.

Out of whack hormones and sheer exhaustion, this is all what it is. Hopefully, tomorrow will be better.

I will just cry tonight. I just don’t know why I have to but it will make me feel better.

Hormones gone haywire

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As I wrote yesterday, my hormones go haywire during my period. Just like today. I have this mind-bending headache that I had to sleep more than necessary. I had to take naps in between editing. My body just wouldn’t cooperate–it’s like I’m coming down with flu only it doesn’t involve the upper respiratory system. It’s like I’m just dragging my body; I just want to curl up in bed and sleep.

I envy Sushi. She can just spend the day like that. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

But work I must. I was on editing duty today and had no choice but to fix broken stories…One particular story from India today pushed my buttons. Rather than suffer a long back and forth email thread with the writer, I just rewrote the thing so that we would be over and done with it. My editing queue was long; I also had to attend a conference and write my own story today.

An infrastructure forum that I covered this morning. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

All in all, it was a tiring Monday and I already want the weekend to come. Weekends are too short.

I can’t wait for my vacation leave to start.

Some PR friends did cheer me up today with this. although it’s 2 weeks too early for a birthday cake. And I’m supposed to limit my calorie intake. 😝

Photo by CallMeCreation.com

It was yummy though. 😁

It satisfied my need for sugar, which can run low during menstrual period.

I’m tired.

My 15th year attending this event

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16 years covering the business beat. 15 years attending this event at the central bank and chasing all these CEOs, bankers, company owners, conglomerate owners…

Driving to the central bank this afternoon.

I could feel age catching up with me. I could no longer chase them as I used to. I used to target everybody but this time I only talked to the familar and dear ones.

Every year I also receive collectors’ items from the central bank. Only a few of us are given these. Back in 2006, I had one entire mat of uncut 20-peso bill signed by former central bank governors. Sadly, one of them passed only a few months or a year after he signed it.

Photo by CallMeCreation.com
Photo by CallMeCreation.com
See-through bill. Can’t remember if it was the SGD 100 bill was similar to this. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

They also gave us some prints from the BSP art collection. I can have these framed for my tiny house.

An Arturo Luz print. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
A Juan Senson print. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

I’m tired. I gave four reporters a ride home tonight and dropped them at their doorsteps in different parts of QC.

Bracing for super typhoon

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Cooked this from scratch before we lose power tonight. Then we will resort to time-saving, ready to cook marinated stuff I bought from Monterey today when shit hits the fan.

Meatballs in gravy. Secret ingredient: lots of nutmeg. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

Apprently, I haven’t been reading the weather maps well. Typhoon Karding hasn’t made landfall yet.

PAGASA and JWC had upgraded Typhoon Karding into a super typhoon after it crossed the Philippine Sea—notorious for its warm waters—that fueled its strength before landfall. It is yet to cross Metro Manila now at 2 pm but the periphery of the typhoon is already felt with the deceptively calm rain we are experiencing now.

If Signal #4 is already raised here, then Karding is about as strong as Typhoon Glenda or Milenyo, two typhoons that knocked out power in Metro Manila for at least a week. Milenyo was in 2006 when I experienced walking from the Department of Finance to my newspaper’s office because there were no public utility vehicles. There was no power anywhere and as a reporter, I still needed to file my stories whatever the circumstances. The bigger the catastrophe, the more we must work and be on the ground.

Then the unlearned still brand us as paid hacks and useless 😑

Glenda was in 2014, when the girls were still babies. That was challenging. Right after Glenda passed, Metro Manila was freaking hot and humid—a guarantee that would send babies crying at night because it was so uncomfortable. We had to go to Araneta Center to charge our gadgets, in my case my laptop, and have some air-conditioning. Power was out for more than a week and I still had to file stories.

Twin I helping me shop for supplies. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

Twin I and I went out for our supplies run before Typhoon Karding hits us. Right now it is taking its time ravaging Quezon Province. 😔

Back to making curtains. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

I’ve also brought out my hobbies that won’t require power, like sewing curtains and sketching/painting.

I’m writing about these things so when I’m already gone, my girls will know what to do upon reading blog entries such as this.

Also posting this link to an IG reel that hit me hard. This is for my girls as well. If they feel like they are being treated like a human appliance, they should pack up and leave. They shouldn’t sink to my level; I who groveled at the feet of men who treated me badly.

So my children, if you’re reading this now that I’ve gone to the great beyond, then remember this: be always prepared before a calamity. It doesn’t hurt to be extra vigilant. If the typhoon passes without destroying Metro Manila, it’s good. Do not treat your prep work as wasted effort.

Second point: do not stay in a relationship because you are expected to. Once your partner treats you like a maid or human appliance, LEAVE! You don’t deserve to be treated like that.

That’s why I think I will end up as a cat lady. It’s only my cats who love me like this. Sushi slept on my pillows all day. We slept together this afternoon and this evening she’s at the foot of my bed, still sleeping. She doesn’t let me out of her sight. ❤️

Far from being chill Friday

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Chamomile tea to calm my frayed nerves. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

I edited a lot of stories today 😩 which left me mentally exhausted. I promised myself that I would walk 8k today but the weather had other plans.

It rained. 😑

But I needed to burn some calories or else I will become as big as a house again. Indoor workout again.

I need to shrink my arms and my pregnant-looking tummy.

I’m also cutting down on carbs. It’s hard though. I’m getting hungry at night.

My lovelies. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

If I don’t instill discipline in me, I will become that chonky Kimchi. It was so wrong to introduce her to snacks. Now she demands it in the morning whenever I come down to go to the bathroom. The leash I bought the last time was small so I think I need to buy the dog body leash for Kimchi and the normal cat body leash for Sushi. We need to train them to walk outdoors so they will be ready when we transport them when we move to our new house. Plus Kimchi needed the exercise.

Tomorrow I will have drinks with my journo friend who went on medical leave for three months after the trip to the ER. He didn’t know what was wrong with him when one day his BP shot up and he had to be brought to the ER. Upon arriving there his BP and everything else became normal. He says that his BP has become wild in the past few months… And he hates his job now.

Like zero fucks given to his job.

The last time we talked face to face he has been complaining to me about his direct manager and how he hates doing what he was good at before.

I told him he those are anxiety attacks and I was like that a few years ago. I frequently had palpitations, chest tightening and pain, and strong urge to puke. One time I was driving and I had one of those episodes that I willed my way into driving to the nearest ER. I thought I was having a heart attack. I was cleared when my ECG showed it wasn’t a heart attack; iy was heart burn/GERD. A friend of my sister said I had exhibited anxiety attack symptoms. That’s how bad my situation was when the girls’ dad and I had lived under the same roof but led different lives. When I had taken myself out of the situation, my anxiety attacks stopped.

I need to convince this friend that no job is worth dying for. He has to quit. He has been telling me over and over he wanted to quit and will just put up his own business (he’s loaded anyway). So pep talk is what he needed. I told him last Wednesday when we saw each other in BGC that he doesn’t look good and he looks like he needs to rest for a few months. His colleague (and also my friend) from the same media entity also quit recently and it seemed like he is burned out. He (second friend) told me he is just loafing around and will soon go to Peru to unwind. There must be something wrong with their management now, methinks. Reporters are just getting burned out at the same time. 🤔

It’s a terrible, terrible feeling. I had been in that position before. When stress and anxiety are taking a toll on your health, you should just quit. There’s nothing wrong with quitting. When the current situation is no longer working for you, cut your losses. Stop and reassess your situation, realign your goals if needed. Plan an escape route. After you have figured out what you needed to do and what you wanted to do, then re-engage with the world.

Your mental health is at stake here. This eventually would bleed into your physical health and all aches and pains will become psychosomatic.

As my sister said, quit while you still have your dignity intact. Because if you keep pushing beyond what your mental state can take, you will make a mess of yourself and destroy your reputation in the process.

Save yourself.

I am a living testament of quitting-before-I-fuck-up. So far it turned out pretty well for me.

So now I wonder if we can go to that wine bar we went to…