When the war comes closer to home

How devastating it is for innocent families to flee their homes for an uncertain future because of one man’s greed.

In my own little way I’m helping a refugee family remotely by helping the dad with his work as he is now under my wing as they escaped to one of the markets I’m in charge of. I gave him all the leads I was working on and in the following days I will be introducing him to some of my sources.

We don’t know how long this war will last. I hope not long.


So i tried the initial wash and the washing itself is challenging because the colors just stay in place. So no, gansai colors aren’t meant for washes. They should be for layering only.

Second layering. Art and photo by CallMeCreation.com

This sketch is done on an A5 sketchbook and you could only imagine how small those kois are. It’s difficult coloring them without messing them up.

Third and fourth layering. Art and photo by CallMeCreation.com

I’m just letting this completely dry and I’ll pencil over some grass and bushes and make an outline of the azaleas.

UPDATE

With pencil-over. Art and photo by CallMeCreation.com

All I can say is, gansai colors are very hard to control.

I know now what this is best for: flowers.


While I was drawing, Breaking Benjamin was playing and it was the song “I will Not Bow”. It was the song that strengthened my resolve to keep fighting everyday when my girls were on life support when they were born. I played it everyday while driving to the hospital for a month.

It’s now my anthem; I will keep fighting and I will survive this. I will no longer break. He will no longer break me.

Fall

Now the dark begins to rise
Save your breath, it’s far from over
Leave the lost and dead behind
Now’s your chance to run for cover

I don’t wanna change the world
I just wanna leave it colder
Light the fuse and burn it up
Take the path that leads to nowhere

All is lost again
But I’m not giving in

I will not bow
I will not break
I will shut the world away
I will not fall
I will not fade
I will take your breath away

Fall

Watch the end through dying eyes
Now the dark is taking over
Show me where forever dies
Take the fall and run to Heaven

All is lost again
But I’m not giving in

I will not bow
I will not break
I will shut the world away
I will not fall
I will not fade
I will take your breath away

And I’ll survive, paranoid
I have lost the will to change
And I’m not proud, cold-blooded fake
I will shut the world away

I will not bow
I will not break
I will shut the world away
I will not fall
I will not fade
I will take your breath away

And I’ll survive; paranoid
I have lost the will to change
And I’m not proud, cold-blooded fake
I will shut the world away

Fall

Lupang Hinirang in unison

https://youtu.be/_TZAiluBw5A

Hearing this many people sing the national anthem in unison made my skin crawl. A lot of my friends and even my sister said that being there was surreal, something that you would only experience in extraordinary times.

That’s why when they said (social media is abuzz) that the next grand rally will be in Makati, along Ayala Avenue on 30 April, I told my sister we should book a room in Manila Peninsula for two nights to have a good view and at the same time my mom can also experience this.

I was asking my friend from my old TV network if the Makati venue and date is confirmed (he’s covering all campaign sorties/rallies of Leni nationwide), he said we can only know a week before the event because this is only arranged by the volunteers.

So let’s see if I can book with free cancellation, just in case they change.

UPDATE: It’s Paseo de Roxas, Makati


Today was so hot that my Twin A bought me an ice cream cone ❤️ while I was working this noon.

Selecta ice cream. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

And it’s still March. It would be a lot hotter in the coming weeks. I’m already melting.

I don’t know how I spent the rest of my day but the time flew fast and I didn’t even do much. I just edited one story and for the life of me I could not figure out what else I did. Mostly admin tasks that really eat up my Mondays.

I just cooked egg drop soup with mishua and leeks for K and sent it with the Himeji Castle Gardens gate sketch tonight. He said he gets bloated with certain foods after his surgery but he can slowly take in rice in the form of rice porridge.

Tomorrow I think I’ll do bulalo since I bought beef shanks. I will make a clean soup out of this and lots and lots of veggies. I’ll cook it for 4 hrs on high or 8 hrs on low on the slow cooker.


The board under my desk’s drawer became loose so I had to repair it. I had to take out a lot of stuff and among the found stuff lurking in there were plastic pictures of Spirited Away and My Neighbor Totoro I bought from Donguri Republic in Taipei in 2016. It’s only now that I was able to frame it after hoarding frames from Ikea yesterday.

Chihiro no Sen. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
My Neighbor Totoro. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

It took me 6 years to have this framed and see it up. 😂 At least it would be there to lift my spirits when I am having a basura day.

I created a sanctuary here. When the world throws shit at you, you can retreat to your sanctuary and be surrounded by things that you love. That is the essence of home. Home is a place where your heart can rest, soothe your ruffled feathers, and feel protected. This is the first real home I had since I left my hometown. I never felt safe and really comfortable in all the houses that I lived when I got married. I never considered those houses mine because I never had a say in those houses. This apartment was truly a sanctuary for me, even if it’s just a rental. I created this home with my own hands.


I found my Sony Walkman mp3 player and I got to hear my playlist that had so much history for me on my Edifier speaker. 8 GB worth of songs. At this moment I’m listening to Porter Robinson‘s Shelter and before that was Yoko Kanno x Aoi Teshima’s Because. These songs brought me back to the a time and space I thought things were just right. When I was happy.

These songs also tugged at my heartstrings when I was broken.

When we transfer to our new home, I will have the freedom to play music as loud as I want. I don’t have to deal with neighbors. Especially when I play Soundgarden 😄


It’s that time of the month that I have to deal with finances. This is the amount of receipts that I have to tally and check where my money went.

Too many receipts. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

I don’t throw away receipts quickly because I need to check them and record them on my daily diary to track spending. I have an Excel file of my monthly budget and I have to adhere to it. That’s how I get to have room for spending for frivolous things because I have earmarked xx amount for “fun money”. Sometimes I go overboard (like this month) but I have enough wiggle room as not to destroy my monthly spending.

When I was growing up, I often saw my mom hunched over the tocador (Spanish – dressing table) with a calculator and a little notebook, balancing the household budget. She’s very careful with money, which I think I and my older sister inherited. Whatever I spent for the month, it has to come from somewhere i had budgeted. This is the reason why I have many bank accounts—I treat them like my wallets where I distribute my income, including investments.

I’m teaching my children self-control and they are somewhat successful with it. They hold off spending the money they received from aunts/uncles (they just received advanced birthday money from their paternal aunt and uncle) when they are saving for something bigger, like the rollerblades that Twin I wants. For the little things they want like milktea via Food Panda/Grab or stationery from Shopee, they use their chore money (money they earned for doing chores). At least they know the value of the money they’re spending. When they pick up an item from the grocery store or mall, they equate it to how many hours they will spending on doing chores just buying that thing. That’s time value.

You got to start them young. That’s how my mom taught me while I was growing up.

Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned

You Ought To Know – Alanis Morisette

I want you to know, that I am happy for you
I wish nothing but the best for you both
An older version of me
Is she perverted like me?
Would she go down on you in a theater?
Does she speak eloquently
And would she have your baby?
I’m sure she’d make a really excellent mother

‘Cause the love that you gave that we made
Wasn’t able to make it enough for you
To be open wide, no
And every time you speak her name
Does she know how you told me
You’d hold me until you died
‘Til you died, but you’re still alive

And I’m here, to remind you
Of the mess you left when you went away
It’s not fair, to deny me
Of the cross I bear that you gave to me
You, you, you oughta know

You seem very well, things look peaceful
I’m not quite as well, I thought you should know
Did you forget about me, Mr. Duplicity?
I hate to bug you in the middle of dinner
It was a slap in the face
How quickly I was replaced
And are you thinking of me when you fuck her?

‘Cause the love that you gave that we made
Wasn’t able to make it enough for you
To be open wide, no
And every time you speak her name
Does she know how you told me
You’d hold me until you died
‘Til you died, but you’re still alive

And I’m here, to remind you
Of the mess you left when you went away
It’s not fair, to deny me
Of the cross I bear that you gave to me
You, you, you oughta know

‘Cause the joke that you laid in the bed
That was me and I’m not gonna fade
As soon as you close your eyes, and you know it
And every time I scratch my nails
Down someone else’s back I hope you feel it
Well, can you feel it?

Well I’m here, to remind you
Of the mess you left when you went away
It’s not fair, to deny me
Of the cross I bear that you gave to me
You, you, you oughta know

Well I’m here, to remind you
Of the mess you left when you went away
It’s not fair, to deny me
Of the cross I bear that you gave to me
You, you, you oughta know

Well, not really quickly replaced. I was cheated on. There you go. I am so fucking angry right now.

Coward

Bongbong Marcos won’t attend forum for presidential bets, says KBP prexy

FILE PHOTO: Ferdinand “Bongbong” Marcos Jr. INQUIRER FILES

He has never participated in any public forum that is not scripted or not assured that he would be coddled. Because he is a stupid coward who does not have anything to say. Because he is an empty, drug-addled vessel.

And his social media trolls will just demonize media and blame us for our biases.

How do we battle these devils of disinformation and lies? How do we convince voters that he shouldn’t lead us? How how how how???

I want to raze the Philippines to the ground if he wins. OMG that would be a nightmare.


Meanwhile, my doctor said we will be going back to once every three nights of alprazolam because of my sleeping issues. She says a lot of her patients who had Covid still have sleep problems, too. I can take melatonin in-between to help me get my sleeping hours back to normal again. It is really affecting my productivity.

I told her it feels like I’m operating in a different timezone.

She was alarmed when I told her that I always get awakened at 3 am or 5 am despite sleeping at 2 am and that time a week or two ago when I slept at 7 am because I was really struggling with falling asleep even without triggers. I told her I don’t understand why I have this problem when I no longer feel the same kind of J-triggered anxiety like before or I don’t have anxiety like I used to. Despite what I wrote yesterday, I slept undisturbed until 7:30 am last night until this morning because I was on alprazolam. I wasn’t triggered. Before, my sleep was very disturbed even after taking alprazolam because/whenever I got triggered. So this is an improvement.

So there you go, I’m still on tranquilizers when I’m supposed to be off it by now and only the antidepressant escitalopram is supposed to remain. *sigh* So the whole of February is trying to be normal and hopefully by March I’m back on Singapore/Manila timezone (GMT 8+).

Here are my colleagues who are with me during my zombie moments:

Cat and Chonky cat. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

Speaking of colleagues, I chatted with my outgoing APAC boss (who is supposed to be on terminal leave since yesterday) and told me she already submitted to the global head the promotions and raises for colleagues I recommended, and for mine as well.

Then the incoming APAC boss told me that I don’t have to be in Singapore. Yey. So I just have to wait for the call from the global office about my appointment and my manager’s reassignment to HQ. Once these become official, I will start planning trips to markets where there are no quarantine requirements (Thailand comes to mind). I have yet to wait for Singapore to welcome tourists from Manila. I really have no idea how our new office looks like as I was told we have transferred to a new building, several train stations away from our last office, ergo, different zip code.

We have also transferred buildings in Hong Kong. With the way things are in HK right now (zero-covid policy), I doubt if I would be flying there in the next 24 months.

Our old HK office. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
The ampao that my former APAC boss gave my girls for 2019 Lunar New Year. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

To cap this unproductive day, here’s Florence Welch of Florence + The Machine. If God would grant me a great voice, I would ask Him for Florence’s or Anne Wilson’s of Heart.

Hopefully the dog days are over.

Sunday, rainy Sunday

Can’t resist. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

The three of us are sneezing because of allergies. Here is the culprit. I should know better than to bring a huge flowering plant indoors but I couldn’t resist buying this pretty thing again. The violet one was a gift to my mom but she killed it by negligence. *sigh*

I was high on antihistamines again so I slept for 3 hours, I think.

We didn’t have anything on the agenda today but I suddenly had the urge to look for candlesticks. Because why not?

We went to a Japanese surplus shop along Kamuning Road and found a lot of knick knacks and expensive dishware there (Givenchy anyone?). The girls and I went for the vinatage cameras.

Vintage video camera. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

I would have loved to investigate the old film cameras there but it’s too time-consuming because they were too many.

Film cameras. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

A little more browsing and we were done. We were sneezing despite the double mask because it was a bit dusty in there.

Then we went to the antique shop next door. Kamuning Road was dotted with second-hand shops a few years ago but now it dwindled to a handful of them in this spot near EDSA. One shopkeeper said he was helping one store close down because of the pandemic so he was selling items at 50% discount. I loved the mini crystal chandelier there and some pendant lights (both not pictured) but I literally still don’t have a ceiling to put it. The girls asked me where would I put it? I said in the bathroom. “What?!” they exclaimed. I said I wanted to try the industrial bohemian style, if it makes sense, for our flat that is yet to be constructed.

The front of an antique store in Kamuning. Photo by

I ended up not getting anything.

Then I searched for wooden crates (to elevate my pots/plants) along Commonwealth Ave but I couldn’t find any. I don’t know why I keep chasing something so trivial. It’s probably the feeling of being locked up…

I just ended the day singing my lungs out.

Ah red days. How I hate thee.

As Still As a Photograph – Cacai Velsquez

I used to say that I’d readily swim
The seven seas for you
Now, I can’t reach the shore
I used to say that only I held the key to your heart
Now, I can’t find the door


Slowly fading like a painting on your wall
Yet as clear as the sound of your laugh
Forever captured in my mind you’ll remain
As still as a photograph


My shoes are now worn from walking too far
Still farther I go,
My hands are so tired from hiding the scar
Still I refuse to show
And though I know that it’s wrong,
You’re still my concern
Like a thorn in my side,
It’s hard to be strong
When you’ve nowhere to turn
When you’ve nowhere to hide


Slowly fading like a painting on your wall
Yet as clear as the sound of your laugh
Forever captured in my mind you’ll remain
As still as a photograph
As still as a photograph

And though the wound burns, it’s mine to keep
To hold in my arms,
And to sing me to sleep,
For it’s all that I have,
I now realize,
The memory lives when reality dies
When reality dies

Slowly fading like a painting on your wall
Yet as clear as the sound of your laugh
Forever captured in my mind you’ll remain
As still as a photograph

Slowly fading like a painting on your wall
Yet as clear as the sound of your laugh
Forever captured in my mind you’ll remain
As still as a photograph
As still as a photograph
As still as a photograph
As still as a photograph

Homesick

As part of “my learn two songs a day on the piano” challenge, I learned three songs tonight but I’m only uploading this one now. This is the only song I liked from Dua Lipa, which I have on my Spotify. Excuse the errors because I only learned this an hour or two before uploading.

Because we’re stuck again inside our homes and I’m still recovering from colds.