I fell asleep last night earlier than normal. I no longer know what normal is since getting out of therapy. I no longer have insomia and I feel more rested now when I sleep, unlike in the past two fucking years.

Anyway, I must have slept with my phone in my hand because I was chatting with my colleague on WhatsApp regarding her resignation and transfer to another company. More of that later. I must have been already dead to the world before 10 pm. I accidentally left my door open and my fairy lights were still on. Got woken up at 6 am because Kimchi was asking for breakfast.

We left for my hometown at 7:30 am today and arrived by 9 am. Went straight to my tiny house. It’s already a house!

My contractor and I had a discussion regarding the addition of bracketless shelves because I want stuff off the very limited floor space.

They haven’t tiled yet as they are chipping away at the wall to accomodate the pipes from the kitchen sink.

And here is my daughter, showing off the huge rainshower head and comparing it to her face for scale.

I have one extra curtain rod and toilet paper holder that I need to return to Wilcon and have it exchanged for a TV wall bracket.

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So my colleague corrected me when I did the Self-Assessment tool for E-pass/S-pass. I entered the wrong figure, it should have been SGD 10,400 and not 10,000. When I did that, I qualified for an E-pass.

But then that means our company would only give me the minimum 10.4k so I can transfer to SG. I said, NO WAY! I’m not going to survive with that low pay with two children. Frankly, I’m not that gung-ho about transfering to SG anyway, I told my colleague. “Why would I even lower my standard of living, like cramming ourselves in a studio because that is all I could afford with a 10.4k salary, for a company that is not looking after my welfare?!”

My own house vs a studio apartment for SGD 2k. 😶

The thing here is, she thinks that SG is the end-all-and-be-all for me since she is trying to apply for permanent residency, as well as other Filipinos she knows (like our office staff, S). I told her if our company would replace me with somebody who is willing to be transferred to SG, it’s ok with me. There are other jobs out there. I said Bloomberg editors for economy, speed desk, and emerging markets are in Manila because they don’t want to be transferred to SG. As my friend, K, said, he felt that his SG-based manager was lonely when he visited her there. Overall, SG is a lonely place, he said.

My colleague told me that her parents transferred to HK from China even though they are comfortable in the mainland and suffered hardships in HK to give their children a better future. I said, I’m not in that position, I’m a single parent and stability is my priority. Maybe if they stayed in China, she wouldn’t have the English language skills she has now. But it’s different with my kids.

But then, I am now doubting whether I’m short-changing my girls…

In any case, as a single parent, I won’t be able to focus on my kids if we’re in SG because I would be working myself to the ground because 1) I need to earn more since we’re gonna be crammed in a studio apartment; 2) they would be enrolled in a substandard international school because I cannot afford the mid-priced ones; 3) we will not be able to afford leisure trips or other luxuries because cost of living is realy high.

This Quora comment is already two years old. Many things have changed, especially with the accelerating inflation rate.

My colleague is only looking at it from the perspective of a single person. In HK, her parents were entitled to free healthcare and free education for children. In SG I’m not entitled to those and I pointed it out to her. She agreed that free healthcare and education are less of a burden, not only for families with children but for retirees as well.

Maybe because I’m so adamant at staying put (but not staying put in the current company) because I already found my ikigai.

I don’t know, life is too short to be always finding your place in this world, to be always floating, not belonging anywhere. Life is too short to always be struggling. Period. If you found your peace, then stay. I discovered my balance just recently after emerging from therapy, let me enjoy it for a while.

My peace is always disturbed by other people’s opinions that I may be short-changing my children by not going abroad and giving them the opportunities presented by living there. I’m always guilt-ridden because of that.

But I’m happy here.

I don’t know what’s right or wrong.