Armageddon came early

On the first day of 2023, the Philippines fucked it up.

Screengrab from FlightRadar24

A technical glitch at the Ninoy Aquino International Airport yesterday has closed the Philippines off from the rest of the world. Nobody could come in and out. All flights were cancelled/delayed until today. Our Manila reporter is stuck somewhere in the province and she’s still not sure if her flight tomorrow night will push through.

I am part of this department’s group chat and nobody from the government could shed light immediately what was going on 🤦‍♀️. Talk about competence. Ghad.

Anyway, this has long been overdue. The redevelopment/modernization of this airport has been in the PPP list since forever but the Duterte administration ditched all unsolicited proposals from the private sector to improve the Philippines’ main gateway to favor San Miguel’s Bulacan Airport, which is very out of the way, and Sangley Airport in Cavite, which requires more infrastructure development (read: impassable narrow roads) to be of any use. I’ve written about it so many times over so many years.

Now this administration has been sending conflicting messages to the world; camp 1 says no, NAIA will no longer be redeveloped because we already have two airports in the works (well, they won’t be operational until 2032), while camp 2 says, it is already up for bidding. <<<< This was the last story I wrote in November and I was ahead of everybody else in publishing that the bids will be opened up this first quarter, with the TOR being drafted with help of ADB.

This is why we’re so fucked up. Too much self-interest reigning over what is good for the country. If only they had let this redevelopment push through in 2016, we already would have had a better and functional international airport by this time. Six years had passed = enough time for construction. This fucked up airport has four terminals disconnected from each other. If you’re flying in from abroad and have a connecting flight to the provinces in another terminal, better make sure you have enough time to make the transfers because you have to hail taxis or whatnot to transfer you to another terminal. No fucking sky trains.

I see some friends on social media ranting that they are still stuck and couldn’t come back home.

Good job, Philippines, good job. 👏👏👏👏👏👏


Kimchi’s gift. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

I drifted off to sleep very early last night and I just found myself surrounded by cats at midnight. Then at around 6:30-ish, I woke up with Kimchi’s favorite toy on my bed, as if she was offering it to me. She and Sushi occasionally give me love offerings like small dead rats 🙀 back when the other unit was harboring too many pests that they cross over to my unit.

Thank God I am moving out. I don’t have to deal with pests, messy neighbors, and inconvenient parking situation.

Speaking of moving out, my girls and I went to Wilcon Home Depot after getting cat supplies at Tiendesitas to buy proper curtain rods and curtain rod brackets, shower curtain rods, shower curtains, towel bar, toilet paper holder, bathroom hooks, and behind-the-door bedroom hooks. I chose the expensive brands as these were made of matte stainless steel, feel solid, and will last for an eternity or until I get tired of them and have them replaced.

My girls and their shopping cart. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

I was about to chuck a Birke toilet paper holder into the cart when Twin A said, “MOMMY, WHY ARE YOU BUYING A TOILET PAPER HOLDER FOR ONE THOUSAND PESOS?! We just buy it in Ikea, it’s much cheaper.”

But I want this stainless steel beauty. 😟

So ok, I changed it to the cheaper Pozzi one to appease her. But I didn’t relent with the other fixtures because they all must go with the Hamden, Birke, Kohler, or Grohe ones that my contractor bought (pre-approved by me).

We were looking at tubs and I really, really want this upright soaking tub:

But it won’t fit in my shower area to have a bath/shower combo. I also did away with the glass enclosure because based on the few condo bathrooms that I’ve seen and used (mostly with J), it’s hard to remove the water stains when you have hard water. Using acid (citric acid from lemons or acetic acid from vinegar) to cut the water stains don’t work if they have already set in. Plus it’s too much work to wipe down the glass enclosure every time you take a shower. A good shower curtain will be a better option since you just chuck it in the washing machine and you’re done. Plus you can have more artistic choices with shower curtains. I can even commission a local artist to create a shower curtain on polyester fabric cloth.

I still have to complete my shopping before everything becomes permanent e.g. tiling work.

Forward march

One of the fountains I bought from Farmers. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

My kids and I welcomed 2023 with our neighbors and we shared sparklers, fountains and fire crackers.

It’s kinda bittersweet. This is the last new year’s eve with the neighbors. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

My girls enjoyed the evening, which was capped by viewing the fireworks of central QC from our neighbor’s roofdeck.

360-degree view of fireworks in central QC. Video by CallMeCreation.com

So for 2023, we will be embarking on a new adventure… Sort of. We’re going back to the place where my girls were born and where I grew up. Very familiar ground and yet it’s full of uncertainties. I will be in danger of making my world smaller because I will be back to my old stomping grounds. I’m in danger of regressing and throttling the growth that I had painstakingly nurtured. I’m scared of stunting.

But I’m doing this for my kids. They will benefit from growing up in a more protected and unpolluted environment. They’re now the priority, it’s no longer about me.

I say, I need to go forward, march to the tune of the band, and hope for the best. This new year will be a transition period for me, not only because I’m moving houses; I feel there’s a bigger shift that’s going to happen. I don’t know what exactly that is.

I’m out of therapy for 6 months now and 2023 will be a new start for me. I’ve been held back for two years and it was like I was loitering around purgatory longer than I should.

What will I be targeting to do this year?

  • More diving; it will be easier since travel time will be cut because I would already be in the south
  • Learn kiteboarding in Boracay
  • Go to Moalboal or Coron
  • Go surfing in Siargao, La Union, Zambales, or Baler.
  • Go camping again with my kids either in Caliraya again or Tanay, Rizal
  • Prepare for travel to Morocco or Spain in 2024; in the meantime I will bring my kids and mom to Singapore since it’s the easiest place when I have a brood to herd.
  • Travel to the Bangkok, Hi Chi Minh, and Phnom Penh for work.
  • Push for promotion of my two or three reporters
  • Build my small homestead
  • Start court proceedings for my annulment as I’m already out of therapy. I can finally battle it out in court

I’m sleepy.

Wishes

At JB Music Store in Araneta Center, Cubao. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

Twin I finally bought her acoustic guitar that she has been wishing for half a year. She saved up her weekly allowance and her Christmas money and deposited everything in her Maya e-wallet/bank account. She had applied for a Maya debit card and got it a week or two ago. Today she proudly used her very own debit card to purchase her guitar.

I was the one who chose the guitar (a mid-priced Fernando) and it sounded good, even better than the RJ guitar I tried at the Guitar Center in Mall of Asia.

Good luck to your future callouses! Photo by CallMeCreation.com

After the guitar business, we went to Farmers Market to buy fruits and veggies for tonight’s media noche feast. I’m supposed to grill some marinated porkchops later.

Then off we went to buy sparklers/fireworks. Over PHP 2000 worth of them.

At Parolan, Farmers Market, Araneta Center, Cubao. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

Of course, for maximum noise, we bought horns for the three of us.

Toy horns for PHP 50 apiece. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

Went back to Gateway Mall where we parked to buy a cake from Conti’s. However, they ran out of cakes. 😑

Let me nap first…


Burgers and pork chop for dinner. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
Drinks after cooking. Whew!

Growing exponentially

Our enormous shopping bag and Twin A. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

My girls are growing exponentially.

They have already outgrown their new clothes–even if the ones we bought already had been one size bigger–only a few months after we bought them. 🥴 We culled the clothes that no longer fit (and there were a lot) and I realized that we needed to buy new of everything, from underwear to pants.

So went clothes shopping again today.

We just took Grab because my car was stuck in the garage because our neighbor’s other car was behind it and the entire family was out. There was no way I can get it out. Good thing that traffic was light; it only took us 10-15 mins from our apartment to the nearest SM.

Late lunch-early dinner of sukiyaki at Botejyu. I don’t know why they serve kimchi but, ok, if that’s how you roll, then fine. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

I told my mom a few days ago about this constant growth spurts and said, “Oh yes. That stage where children are growing like blow-up balloons.” Her tone was like “glad I’m no longer in your shoes haha.”

My little ladies.

I’m so thankful that I can provide for their needs as a solo parent. I get zero financial help from their dad.


THIS! This!

I’m just thankful I survived this year, just like I did in 2021, when I was just holding on. This year was a vast improvement over 2021 but it was still a struggle. I had to confront so much trauma to the point I had to continue taking tranquilizers to stabilize my trauma-induced anxiety. So that I could sleep. Staying weekends by the seaside and by the forest (my hometown) helped adjust my body clock as well. I had so much unpacking to do the entire 2022.

I remember in December 2020, around this time (specifically, I wrote on 26th of December) that I don’t know where I was going, but it’s ok.

It’s ok not to know what’s at the end of the bridge. For me it’s the journey over the bridge that’s most important. Make every little thing count. Enjoy the beauty in the simplest things: Preparing meals for my family. Watching sunsets. Watching the sunlight being filtered by my bedroom curtain while I am tucked between the sheets. Hearing my children’s squeals of laughter. Being by the sea and under the sea. Going up hills and mountains. Walking among flowers in Hitachi. Going to onsens. Taking hours-long train rides to somewhere. Discovering the best teppanyaki in the middle of nowhere in rural Japan. Walking around UP Diliman campus. Petting my cats. Sipping coffee in a coffee shop while I write or watch people. Writing.

Two years after, my words still hold true. I don’t know where I’m going but it’s ok. I am enjoying the simplest things still. I am enjoying the domesticity and at the same time I am still excited by my work: meeting new people, being challenged intellectually, and learning new things everyday. I’m not getting rich but I have more than enough. At least I have a home now and building more permanence for my kids. I am giving them a sense of belonging, like a warm hug that greets you every time you come home from roaming around. So that they will have roots and something to anchor them when they drift away from me someday. Even when I’m gone, they will still have a home and it’s theirs. No one can take that away from them. They will have always somewhere to come home to when they need to hide and lick their wounds and retrace their steps back into the wide world.

I wrote on 27 December that my simple dream was to build a small house or a cottage by the sea.

Anyway, I still hold that dream of living small by the sea. I’ve always wanted to live by the sea or by the mountains (I grew up by the foot of Mt. Makiling so it makes sense). Since I was a child, we always went to the beach at least once a year. My love for the sea is coupled with my interest in snorkeling and now freediving.

I never wanted to live in a big house. I’m a simple provinciana girl who just wants to manage a small but comfortable household; a small homestead growing our own food and keeping a few animals. I want to live sustainably. A cottage by the sea is perfect. I never tire of sunsets by the sea; it’s one of the most beautiful things to witness in life. Staring at the horizon, wondering what’s beyond it. Hearing the splash of water against the shore is calming at night, rocking me to sleep.

I am fulfilling that dream now. It’s not by the sea, though, but it can come later. At least I have checked that one item on my list. One step at a time.

This year I rediscovered that I could still draw. I wish the circumstances were different, of how I went back to it but…oh well. 🤷‍♀️

Am I healed? Not yet, I guess. I’m still angry. But I’m healthier in a way that I no longer get triggered (*fingers crossed*). I haven’t cried since February. And I promised myself I never will cry over that person. Ever.

So this year I climbed the ladder. Do I want it? I don’t know. Well, the pay raise was nice but I’m still severely underpaid compared to peers in the same position (thank you, ex-boss, for suppressing me like that). I’m still fighting for it, though. Let’s see how I can push the envelope this coming review.

laughing businesswoman working in office with laptop
Photo by Andrea Piacquadio on Pexels.com

What will I do next year? I don’t know.

I just need to keep happy, healthy, and sane. Everything else will follow.

Emigration

This article from the Financial Times and the comments section made me think real hard about emigration. I always knew at the back of my head this is one of the the reasons why I haven’t emigrated while the rest of the middle class Filipinos (well about half) have done so. My sister also said the same that’s why she opted to fly back home instead of staying in Australia.

One of the arguments is émigrés do eat up resources of the natives and some are being priced out of their native land. Such thing is happening in Barcelona (a victim of over-tourism as well) and some parts of UK (London in particular, where rich HK and mainland Chinese have been buying flats for Plan B). My sister said that while racism in Australia is not as bad as when my father was there for his graduate studies, there is still some kind of resentment towards émigrés, especially the Chinese (for various reasons) because of the said reason above. She said she can’t blame them because she would feel the same if she were in their shoes.

In this FT article, the columnist said Netherlands is busting at the seams. Productivity is low due to government incentives, with many Dutch opting to work part-time while no one wanted blue-collar work (service staff in HORECA sector, airport, etc) for the price being offered. Why work 40 hrs when you can do 20? Importing more blue-collar workers is not an option given that migration is a touchy issue in the EU. Brexit comes to mind. The Netherlands has a tight housing market since the Dutch do not build up, which is ironic in a country that is continuously battling the North Sea and always under threat of being engulfed especially now with melting glaciers from Greenland. Just like any port city, Amsterdam is getting denser. Some in the comments section have pointed out that Singapore, Hong Kong, and Tokyo are handling the population density by building up, which cities like Amsterdam and London are not willing to do. Aye, there’s the rub.

The FT writer said that there are farmlands that can be claimed for housing elsewhere in Netherlands but people said why would we give up land that has been feeding us and allowing us to export our produce? They have a point. They said that in order for Singapore to grow and accommodate its population, it has foregone the ability to produce its own food and is importing almost everything it consumes. But then, are the Dutch willing to go in that direction? Of course not.

high rise buildings during night time photo
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

I then remembered my conversation with a Singapore-based friend about the Singaporean affliction of kiasu, the selfishness due to fear of missing out. It’s annoying as hell and this is exacerbated by racism towards Asians they deemed inferior to them. I told my friend that this kiasu was probably borne out of the fact that they had to fight for the very limited resources that they have. And here we are, Filipinos who also want to have a piece of those very limited resources. They would be/are really, really be pissed off with us, who keep on voting for shit government and now we want to escape our hellhole to burden the natives with our demand for the same limited resources. That’s why they are keeping us out by putting a very high price tag for everything that we foreigners would need. A colleague from HK who migrated to Singapore with her husband (who was being transplanted by his company) said the rental apartments for foreigners are ridiculous. She wouldn’t find apartments below SGD 4,500, her realtor said. Public schools are not for foreigners as well so you need to fork out at least SGD 30k a year per child for private/international school tuition. This colleague–who recently left my company for higher pay and work visa issues because our HR is very narrow-minded–couldn’t do anything but bite the bullet.

The AVP of this company I had lunch with last week said that when Marcos won last year, he and his wife immediately thought about leaving the country and weighed their options regarding migration. Their choice was Canada. But then the wife, who has a private driver for her daily commute to her workplace, wouldn’t be able to have her maids and driver when they move to Canada. They would be doing every menial task that she didn’t have to do here. They have a relatively affluent life here in Manila; they can tour Europe on business class (the wife refuses to travel coach) and buy shit out of the luxury stores in Europe (i.e. shopping for many expensive bags), her husband says. So they are staying put here for now.

This brings me now to my talk with my journo friend, M. Like the typical affluent Filipino whose family is financially and politically connected, he didn’t have to work like mad to afford his lifestyle since he can just receive dividends from family business, etc. His mom flies to Switzerland because she just feels like hiking the Alps, that kind of thing. But M does work to prove to the family he is unlike the rest of them. Anyway, he said there is little incentive for him to migrate because he leads a relatively comfortable life. Why would I fight for the resources in other countries that I can have here, he asked. He has a point.

This is a complex conundrum that is forever tugging at the back of my mind. Am I being selfish for not thinking about the future of my children since I am not offering them the world? Just because I don’t want to struggle since I am comfortable where I am now? I know that my degrees from the best university here do not mean anything abroad; in fact they look down on it because my university is still lagging behind everybody else (my Singapore-based friend said). Would I want to subject kids to the same kind of predicament?

But then, despite the academic limitations, I am still competitive abroad, in my field at least. I couldn’t say the same for my kids when it’s their turn. I don’t know what is right or wrong now.

However, if let’s say I move to the US (because I can for my job), would I be able to afford sending them to college without them having to deal with debilitating student loans? Would they be able to cope with the feeling of displacement? Would I be able to closely watch over them as a single parent? Would I be able to afford housing without working two jobs because my work entails that I need to be in financial/business centers where resources are limited? For me to afford a home as a single mom, I have to locate myself in Hicksville (as my cousin calls rural backwater America), which is worse than being stuck here in the Philippines, methinks.

Maybe, just maybe, this is for the best in the meantime. They can emigrate after they graduate from college by applying for scholarships abroad for graduate studies. We have finite resources but here I can have those resources that I am rightfully entitled to. And I have a voice here that I can use to fight for equality and equity among the people to have access to those resources so we don’t have to develop the kiasu attitude.


Merry Christmas!

I celebrated with the cats. Had been video-calling my kids every now and then so they won’t feel abandoned. But I don’t think they have issues spending Christmas away from me since we are stuck together everyday anyway.

They’re trying to talk to Kimchi.

I had wine again to make me fall asleep.

Christmas drink.
After. Wohoo!

But nope, I still ended up sewing a curtain panel to make me sleepy. I went to bed at almost 3 am. I realized I must finish more curtains because I only have 5 months before I move out. I want to have curtains up in our tiny house when we move in. They say it makes it feel like home immediately.

My dainty felling stitch. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

My kids at least have better food than I do. My sisters ordered lots of dishes for Christmas eve while I am going to have the chicken cordon bleu that my neighbor gave me. The era of slaving away in the kitchen for Christmas dinner and Christmas day festivities is long gone. After my father died, we just celebrated Christmas out of town, the first of which was spent in a beach resort. The pandemic forced my mom and my sisters to spend Christmas at home.

As for me, I had to cook today. I wanted fluffier rice so I cooked it in this claypot.

I must look for a bigger claypot for general cooking because rice is lovelier this way.

Photo by CallMeCreation.com

Back again

Back in the city. 😑 Photo by CallMeCreation.com

If it weren’t for my cats, I won’t be rushing back to the city tonight. But then I miss my bed. There’s nothing like sleeping in your own bed, customized according to your preference and sleeping habit/s.

My room is almost finished. We still need to finish the metal works for the security grills and screens. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
I think they will put another coat of white paint before they start sanding my wooden floor to its natural color and then stain. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

Everyday I’m closer to having a home of my own. ❤️ A home that is customized according to how we live and I can change it however I want without having to deal with another entity who would object to my plans.

I had everything painted flat white so artworks would pop out. This clinical look can also be softened with curtains, beddings, books, or tchotchkes (if my cats will not destroy them). I still have the woven runner from Zamboanga/Sulu that I’m still figuring if it’s better to hang it like a tapestry or have it framed.

Kitchen viewed from the girls’ room. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

Still no upper cabinets yet since the lower cabinets are complicated. I have a pullout garbage disposal unit under the sink.

They haven’t tiled the bathroom yet. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

I could still hear the grinder cutting tiles outside. But I think all the tile work will be done by end of the month.

I had worked on the documents that I need to submit for my application for a new Meralco line and for a new water line. Our water utility people will be coming over on Monday to check the water pressure and configure if I would still need a water pressure pump and tank and if I do, what horsepower and how many cubic meters are needed.

After I got my barangay certificate of residency, I went to the mountain bypass road to buy my friend from my old TV network bird of paradise plants. The ones I gave him last year died because they were battered by winds on their condo balcony.

Photo by CallMeCreation.com
Photo by CallMeCreation.com

And I went to the flower vendors along the national highway to buy my mom her favorite flowers.

Lilium Casa Blanca. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

Because my mom deserves flowers everyday. Always.