Solo

My girls were just fetched by their dad and I’m home alone with the cats. It’s not a strange feeling because I was like this exactly a year ago except that then I was locked up in my room crying my eyes out. This time I will be cleaning like crazy and finishing all my DIY projects, like repainting the top closets and the closets in the next room. Maybe tomorrow I’ll start missing the girls.

I’m scared for my girls though because there’s a low pressure area building up near Guam and that may hit the Visayas again. I pray that it won’t be as severe as Typhoon Rai. But that dang thing looks massive.

Satellite image courtesy of US National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration.

I started using NOAA when somebody taught me that surfers in the Philippines use this to monitor where and when the big waves will be. I used this when we did a vigil before Super Typhoon Haiyan made its landfall on Guian, Eastern Samar–a popular surf town. When I was on the ground doing my reporting, we were aiming to get to Guian but I was already too tired jumping from Leyte and Samar that week, driving for several hundreds of km each day. The farthest I got to in Samar was the town of Marabut, which was flattened to the ground.

Marabut’s poblacion, where homes and public buildings were left with no roofs. The people hid in caves. (2013) Photo by CallMeCreation.com

When Super Typhoon Rai made its first landfall a few days ago, it was on Dinagat Islands and Siargao, another popular surfing island-town. The video below shows how strong Typhoon Rai was, destroying the sports complex where evacuees were taking shelter.

Lord, have me mercy on us all.


I was too lazy to cook today so this is what we had for brunch. In the photo is my brunch while the girls had rice instead of yakisoba. And the soy sauce is half chili oil; the girls don’t like that. I was too lazy to cook this evening so I resorted to easy samgyupsal and veggies for me and the girls.

Lazy cook. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

I don’t have the patience now to cook one-pot dishes because I was cleaning non-stop because my landlady’s handyman was fixing the regular problem of leaking roof.

I only have until 2023 to suffer this old apartment…Wheeeee!

New old books from my friend B. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

Tsundoku strikes again!

My friend, who just came back from Singapore to spend the Christmas here, sent me her old books as she was cleaning their condo while in home quarantine. Of course, I welcomed the books. I would spend my free time this holiday break reading these and those that I had hoarded in the past. Tee hee!

My problem now is I have too many books to move again.

I had been spending my idle time scrolling through Pinterest and Instagram for bookshelf/office ideas to house my books. I still have a lot of them in my mom’s house and I’m afraid they would be dumped on me once I move in my flat.

Disaster fatigue

I’m taking a break from disaster news. I know I’m very privileged to have this opportunity to tune out while millions of Filipinos are struggling without water, food, and shelter. During times like this, we miss ABS-CBN because they have the widest reach nationwide via their regional stations. They are the first in the field whenever we have calamities like this, bringing news nationwide. Now it’s like we have a news blackout and only we get live feed via FB live from VP Robredo since she has been on the ground after Typhoon Odette passed through Visayas and Mindanao. Duterte deprived the Filipinos of this link just because of his pettiness.

Chibi Rurouni Kenshin. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

I received this chibi action figure for Christmas. I searched high and low in Akihabara for any Rurouni Kenshin items when I was there in 2017 but couldn’t find any. According to my colleague in our Tokyo office, stores in Akihabara sell merchandise from anime currently on air. They do have old stuff like Pokemon and Dragon Ball to cater to foreign tourists but Rurouni Kenshin is considered niche for vendors.

Photo by CallMeCreation.com

I grilled these for lunch today, part of my stash that I’ve been keeping in my new larger freezer. I have several kilos of wagyu beef that I will grill on New Year. The girls will be flying with their dad to his hometown on Wednesday so I’ll just save the grand cooking on New Year’s Eve.

After this we ran some errands and had late lunch/early dinner at Max’s.

Photo by CallMeCreation.com

Arroz caldo for me this rainy day.

Photo by CallMeCreation.com

After the girls leave tomorrow night (their flight is 6 am Wed), I may consider volunteering for relief ops in Robredo’s campaign center along Katipunan. They really need help given the devastation that the typhoon wrought in Vis-Min area.

Central and Southern Philippines need us

This is reminiscent of Typhoon Haiyan, a Category 5 typhoon that ravaged central Philippines in 2013. I covered the disaster and drove down to ground zero where there was so much death and destruction. I had PTSD after that coverage and it is known in the journalism community that covering disasters is also like being in a war zone. It messes up your brain.

We did our grocery shopping tonight for our household and for the victims of Typhoon Odette (which became Cat 5 upon landfall in Siargao). I bought boxes of Century Tuna, boxes of instant cup noodles, boxes of rubbing alcohol, packs of 3-in-1 coffee, sachets of shampoo and toothpaste, bottles of mineral water.

Photo by CallMeCreation.com

Based on my experience covering disasters, victims in evacuation sites do not have the means to cook. At most all they may have are sources of hot water so ready-to-eat stuff like canned tuna and cup noodles are best during the first few days after a disaster. Hygiene kits are also important. Clean water is also a priority.

Then the girls and I went straight to Leni Robredo Volunteer Center to drop off our donations.

Some of our donations. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
Photo by CallMeCreation.com
Sacks of rice. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
Volunteer orientation. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
My girls. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

I couldn’t volunteer because Ate C already left for Tacloban today and her grandpa’s house was destroyed by the typhoon so she needed to be there to help in rebuilding it. Although the girls could already fend for themselves, I fear accidents may happen like microwaving metallic objects 🤦🏻‍♀️

They wouldn’t push through with the trip to their paternal grandpa given the dire situation in Visayas. They don’t have power there because a lot of transmission lines are down. Many vehicles are stranded at the ports and the seas are still violent. Cebu and Siargao airports are destroyed. I fear for a friend in Cebu, I hope he and his family are ok.

Bohol is devastated. No clear idea how Panglao is now but that island is so flat that I expect that everything was washed out. My heart breaks for that little paradise.

Panglao island. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

I will be donating again after my salary is deposited before Christmas.

https://www.instagram.com/therealangellocsin/p/CXlmz6QlFYf/?utm_medium=copy_link

First death anniversary

Nabe.Photo by CallMeCreation.com

We made ourselves happy by going to Bijin Nabe at Greenhills. It’s still delicious like the last time we have been there two years ago. The last time the girls went there was with J and they barely ate the hotpot and just went for the karaage. This time they got so full–mushrooms, radish, and all–from eating too much of the the hotpot that we couldn’t finish the extra collagen soup and ramen so we had them packed for takeout.

Mmmm. Chicken and its collagen soup. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

Then we proceeded to the gadgets section of the Theater Mall to do business.

Selling my iPad 7 and having my iPad 9 installed with a tempered glass screen protector. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

We went around Virra Mall to look for keyboards but it turned out that they were too expensive for Twin A. She had self-restraint and didn’t want to spend on something she really doesn’t need. She’s saving up for a camera.

We were so preoccupied that I almost forgot that today is my first death anniversary. I only got reminded of it when a friend from high school was telling me she is breaking up with her partner because he could not commit, saying some stupid thing like being traumatized by the soon to be ex-wife. (I don’t understand why he couldn’t divorce his wife when divorce is not that hard to get in Singapore unlike here where there is no divorce and annulment takes years to be granted, if you have enough money).

I told her it’s hogwash. I was in the same boat as this guy is but I never made an excuse like that when in fact I am really traumatized by my ex and that marriage. But I gave my all and didn’t hold back. I loved J unconditionally and did not hesitate with committing. It was he who didn’t want to commit.

I told my friend that he didn’t love her enough. Better walk away.

She said yeah, he didn’t want to put a label on whatever they had. He neither wanted to commit. She said, what are we, fuck buddies?

Looks like it, I said. Then I told her:

R was an instrument for you to realize what was important to you just as God showed me what kind of love I deserve. The unconditional love I gave J is the kind of love that I should have and not just the loose change that I received from him and from the girls’ dad. Because I grew up not knowing what a healthy love looks like. So in a way God let J into my life to make me realize that even if I forever remain single, it’s ok. Because I learned now what unconditional love is. It just so happened it was me who gave it instead of receiving it.

It’s kinda sad, right? But I’m still healing, a year after. It still hurts, I have to admit but I know it always will. It’s just a matter of managing that hurt and the degree by which I will allow myself to be affected by it.

He has moved on a long time ago. He started messaging that girl in April, so I was told. Four months after we broke up. How convenient.

I hope I won’t get triggered after today. I’m so tired of riding this roller coaster ride of emotions.

I’m getting better. I will be ok.

Dreaming of books

I wish I have a huge wall in my future flat to house a big bookshelf like this. But I have to content myself with a few shelves scattered all over the place because I need to prioritize windows over the need for bookshelves. Light vs books. We’re not even talking about keeping the flat cool because the two rooms and main living area would be airconditioned.

But for a writer/editor, not having enough books in my house is hurting my brain 😜 They’re sort of my security blanket. My escape from this uncertain world. They were my friends when I withdrew from society.

I’ve swapped our rooms so it makes more sense. But when I showed this to the girls, they protested and they want me to bring back the loft beds and want the smaller room so that there would be less area to clean. 🤷🏻‍♀️ Well then, if that’s what they want, I will swap again and retain the original plan drawn by the contractor. I will have a bigger cave all to myself.

My fridge finally arrived and it’s much bigger than my old one. Twin A, who is over 4 ft or nearly 5 ft, stood beside it. The freezer has 3 shelves so it’s roomy enough and it can fit a month’s worth of meat and fish and other frozen food. I can finally lessen the frequency of my grocery run.

Photo by CallMeCreation.com
Photo by CallMeCreation.com

Tomorrow is Greenhills day so I can sell my iPhone and iPad 7 as I got myself a new iPad 9, 256GB. I can look at keyboards and pen for the iPad so I can also make it my alternative laptop when I travel–for emergencies. I’ve experienced traveling for my holiday and some work emergency sprung up because some deal is closing or whatnot. I don’t want to be lugging around a heavy laptop when I go to the beach or I go roaming in Vietnam or Cambodia.

I need to cheer myself up because tomorrow midnight will be my first death anniversary.

The universe is giving back to me

Christmas tree at the lobby of EDSA Shangri-la Manila. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

I attended my first face-to-face presscon this afternoon in almost two years. Two years. That long. I no longer know how it is to meet new CEOs–I forgot to bring my business cards. I got a nice story out of that and more.

Since I will be on leave starting this Friday, the new meetings I will be having are already lined up for January. I will be having a very busy 2022.

I’m blessed this year despite the hardships I’ve been through, physically, emotionally, and mentally. Good things have been coming my way. ❤️

I don’t know if this is escitalopram talking but I find life nowadays peaceful. Life is beautiful.

One day I’ll look back on 2020-2021 and tell myself, Yeah you survived that.

Someday I will be ok.