This incident with J chasing the kid in my circle has slowly peeled off the blinders that has taken a hold of me for years. Maybe he wasn’t really a nice guy after all.

I remember him asking me the week we first got together if I thought he was with me because I am a journalist of xxx that would give him advantage. I said no, it didn’t enter my mind. Now, I am doubting myself and his intentions toward me then.

I’m confused. Like it shattered my core belief and everything I thought was the truth then.

Was everything a lie?

I can’t believe he could sink that loooowwww, pursuing that kid 🤦🏻‍♀️. I had held him in very high esteem, even during his most difficult time the last time he was in the US. I even admired him for toughing it out there. But now?

But maybe I was wrong about everything.

Maybe I fell in love with the person I thought he was and believed it. Maybe he was just like any other mercenary out there taking advantage of vulnerable people like me. And he’s still out there looking for another victim. Just like that kid.

This is giving me a headache. My emotions are in a turmoil. I don’t know what to feel. It’s as if I’m going through grief again but this time I am grieving over his death… The death of a person I thought he was.