I will quit caring about this job. I think I’m burning out.
Today was a shitty day. I don’t have the strength to write about it. It’s just…😡
I’ll just tune out after six. That’s it. I’ve been pushing myself too far and hard the past few months. I shouldn’t. Even if I’m out there to prove something, what will it bring me? Nothing. I don’t get gold coins for being extra.
So that’s it. I log on in the morning, do my job, then log off at 6 pm.
This is laughable. It has become a “blockbuster hit” because Imee Marcos bought all the tickets and gave them away to schools and government agencies.
Damn.
“It’s clear that they were trying to evoke sympathy, that we were supposed to feel sorry for them,” said Miguel Reyes, a University of the Philippines researcher who has studied the Marcos regime and the family…
…The film’s release comes just a month before the country marks the 50th anniversary of the declaration of Marcos’ martial law next month, which will likely put the old regime’s brutal legacy in focus.
All the more we need to educate the public about the crimes the Marcoses committed and brought the country down on its knees.
My children are better than most of the adults in this country. They had been researching on their own about the Manila Film Center tragedy, Archimedes Trajano, and Boyet and Primitivo Mijares. They did it without prodding from me. They did it on their own volition; they were curious why I am so against the Marcoses. They were watching video clips. These are just some of the thousands of stories that are out there to tell the truth about this family.
This crappy movie was just bizarre.
To continue with today’s theme—shit—here we have a story about sewerage woes in UK beaches.
This is the reason I never went back to Boracay. My last trip there was in 2009 and that trip wasn’t enjoyable because of this above ⬆. People who go there to see and be seen don’t realize they are swimming in their own crap. My mom (who is an expert on this) said the mere presence of algal bloom on the shores of Boracay every summer is indicative of the high nutrient content (i.e. sewerage). This is the same reason she never went back.
For an underwater enthusiast like me, there are much better alternatives to Boracay. However, people flock there to see and be seen. To party. To have sex (in the case of my gay friend K). To be able to say, yeah, we are in Boracay, like it was a badge of honor.
No thank you. I don’t want to swim in sewerage water.
I was tempted by my friend B to stay with her last summer because of the kite surfing part. But naahhhh. I was better off diving in Anilao.
To cap off this day, here’s some reality check:
And all I can say is when you’re 40, you no longer give a crap and you dig an underground lair for yourself and be content like a mole.
I am thinking twice about going to S.Korea this October. A lot of people I know now have Covid and the cases are rising exponentially again. The girls said their dad has Covid since his sister and her entire family caught it on their way back from Switzerland.
Some friends and colleagues abroad are sick with Covid. My cousin in Ireland and her husband got hit, too.
The positivity rate does not tell the whole picture because a lot of people I know just used antigen test kits at home so these positive cases via antigen don’t get reported to DOH as they just elect to self-isolate.
Today just broke me.
Too many things going on and this added to my busy-ness. I was uploading a digest, I had to chase after a deal that I had been after for months years will soon be announced (either tomorrow or early next week). At the same time, I am tracking some news across the region, which my team and I are trying to piece together. And on top of that I was editing three stories at the same time…To my annoyance these were badly written ones, with missing context or ownership structures are not explained well, details missing, etc. It really tested my patience.
On top of this, I was having an argument with our company database keeper in London. I told her we cannot have the UK entity of the global company that is based in Luxembourg to represent the whole group because that is just the UK entity. The one who made the deal is not the UK entity but the Asia one and since we don’t have the proper company record for the Asian entity of the private equity firm, we must use the global one, which is the Luxembourg one. BUT NHOOOOOOOO! These guys in our London office are UK-centric—thinking that the world revolves around them—so we must use the UK entity. WHAT THE FUCK?! The funds used in the deal are Asia-specific funds, therefore, using the UK entity, with its own UK-EU funds, is legally wrong. Why can’t they understand that???
My boss in our Seoul office said I shouldn’t reply anymore because it was not going anywhere. I replied that I no longer have the energy to do so, yeah I will let it end there. And if the global entity sues, I will show them the long email thread of our argument.
By 4 pm I was so exhausted that I fell asleep despite drinking teh tarik. Caffeine was not enough to keep me alive. I woke up 2 hrs after and ordered pizza for dinner.
I woke up before 7 am since I had a lot of work piling up on me. However, I got distracted by a lot of keyboards on my desk so…I cleaned them. As in I took them apart and cleaned them with Wipeout and each keycap was brushed… The Miniso bluetooth keyboard will be given to my younger sister while I roadtest the 61-key mechanical keyboard for today.
I just ordered new keycaps for the latter. Just because. Maybe I should change the switches to cherry or buy a sound dampener…Let’s see if the blue switches would grow on me.
Then I attended our weekly bureau chief-commercial team calls while I cleaned the keyboards…and it’s non-stop editing and admin work from thereon. It’s already 10:17 pm and I’m still not done with the edits.
I worked at our office on my last day in Singapore and managed to still meet my colleague friend at the last minute she came into our office. She helped me load my luggage when my Grab Car arrived at our building’s driveway.
I was so tired when I arrived in Manila and I had to pick up my car at ParkNFly and drive for 1.5 hrs to my hometown. I even had to tweak my speech and slept at around 4 am.
So sleeeepppyyyyyyy.
The sablay is an indigenous clothing material worn like a sash on formal occasions. Woven into this garment are the baybayin (indigenous script) for UP, which in Tagalog is pronounced as U-Pa.
We were the last batch of UP graduates who had worn the mortar and toga for graduation. The batches that came after us had to wear the sablay, which I prefer because it’s not as hot and it looks more elegant. When I was conferred with my master’s degree, I had the chance to wear the sablay but I just borrowed it because I thought I will no longer wear it.
How wonderfully wrong I was.
Who would have thought that I would be speaking before graduating students 22 years after?
During my time, only the honor graduates were given the privilege to wear this pin.
But I was not allowed to wear the sablay when I was there because I was wearing black. LOL. I already forgotten the dress code.
I was a bit afraid that my speech was too…blunt. Very me. Too much of an activist. But then the Chancellor said the same thing. The class valedictorian (first summa cum laude of the college) said the same thing. Some parents have liked my speech. Faculty members thanked me for saying it. Some parents had their photos taken with me instead of being offended.
My mom was proud of me and sent a copy of my speech to her friends. She said my dad in heaven would have been so proud for standing up again for what is right.
College of xxx Testimonial
3 August 2022
Chancellor xxx, Dean xxxx, colleagues, staff, and the graduates. Magandang umaga, maupay na aga, maayong buntag sa inyong tanan.
Any foreign students here? Can I speak in Tagalog?
First of all, palakpakan natin ang mga guro natin na ginapang din ang paggraduate nyo. Ramdam ko ang hirap nila dahil nagturo din ako ng ilang semesters sa UP Diliman, sa College of Mass Communication. Sobrang hirap magturo. Natutulog ako literal na napapaligiran ng chinechekan na mga test papers at articles na ginegradean. In the end hindi kinaya ng katawang lupa ko so tumigil na muna ako magpanggap. So ang tagumpay ng mga magsisipagtapos ngayon ay tagumpay din ng mga guro ninyo.
I just came from a 10-day trip, visiting my regional headquarters in Singapore—which is technically my office—which I haven’t seen for three years. I was busy networking and talking for days to people from all over Asia, Europe and North America about the global economy and where we’re headed in the next 12 months.
I manage reporters from all around Southeast Asia, edit stories from all around Asia Pacific, and literally run alongside the president of Hitachi and CEO of Cargill to get exclusives from them. Pre-Covid, I hop from one city to another because of my job. I report about mergers and acquisitions, billion-dollar deals even before such news hit Bloomberg and Reuters.
Sounds glamorous, right?
But I’m not here to talk about that. I’m here to talk about an ugly and inconvenient truth.
What I do now is soooo far from where I had been 22 years ago, when I was just like you, trying my best to look adult, which Gen Z people call adulting, but basically still bewildered as to what I would be doing for the rest of my life. I was getting out of my comfort zone. Tambay lang naman ako ng DevCom lobby nun eh—ay mali, ng BioSci pala para sumilay.
At that time, I also wanted to kick myself because I was only 0.05 away from being a cum laude graduate at that time. All I had was a pin from being a Natatanging Pahinungod.
But little did I know that moment at the CDC testimonial in April 2000 would chart the road I that will be treading for more than two decades.
You see, I did not become cum laude because I failed my SocSci 2 course. I kept walking out of that class because my teacher kept on exulting the greatness of Ferdinand Marcos Sr, how brilliant he was, every chance that she got. Yeah, we would be talking about Machiavelli’s the “end justifies the means” then she would interject that Martial Law was necessary at that time. You could only imagine my eye rolls and probably my eyeballs were already in a different dimension whenever she did this.
She said there was no human rights violation during his 20-year reign. I kept walking out of that class and I was sitting in front. Eh maldita ako. I made sure I showed my displeasure on my face. I kept raising my hand to dispute her claims, like that the people wanted a plebiscite as shown in newspaper pictures. And I’m a newspaper person…hello! I told her that was a sham photo; my mom said it was a moment when people were asked who wanted free rice. Of course, the hungry poor people raised their hands and said, “Ako! Ako! (Me, me!)”. Et voila! The photo was used to spin and twist truth.
Sounds familiar, right?
As for her claims about human rights violation? I told her that my uncle, Nick Atienza (then chairperson of the Kabataang Makabayan) suffered one of the most horrible tortures at Fort Bonifacio but lived to tell the tale. That shut her up.
As a footnote, former BSP Deputy Governor Diwa Guinigundo later told me that Nick was just three cells away from him and every night he could hear the military henchmen torturing my uncle and his screams of pain. Tinotroso nila siya sa pader, yun ang term na ginamit ni Gov Diwa. He said he wondered how Nick even survived.
Anyway, I told my adviser that time that I was in trouble, and I needed to drop SocSci 2. She said dropping would cost me my Latin honors. So I stuck with it.
So long story short, that teacher gave me a 4 and wanted me to take a remedial exam, which I told the Social Science Dept Chair at that time, the late Dwight Diestro, that this was very wrong because I passed all her exams. Instead subjecting myself to the mercy of that horrible human being of a teacher—who reminded me now of Dolores Umbridge—I decided to take SocSci2 AGAIN. And that that didn’t make things better.
I told my parents about this problem, but instead of getting admonished, my father told me one of the most important lessons in my life:
It’s better to not get honors for standing up for the truth instead of accepting lies just to get good grades. It’s difficult to go against the system even if you are right; remember that you must be brave because this is always a lonely fight.
Yes, Latin honors can get you through the doors easier and I congratulate you for your hard work. I was once there. You get the plum entry positions and can demand a better entry salary if you can. At that time, I was frustrated. I could not tell prospective employers that I was 0.05 away from being cum laude. You don’t say that in job interviews. It’s either you are a UP cum laude or not. That is that.
But you know, it will only matter in your first job. Integrity will be with you for the rest of your life and it is the most important thing that you shouldn’t lose, whether you land in mainstream media, development work, or other communication ventures.
And I tell you 22 years after, that moment at the CDC testimonial still resonates with me. What being a Natatanging Pahinungod means; and it turned out to be more important to me than that Latin honors. Because my fight for the people at the grassroots continues to this day. Pahinungod = to offer oneself. This is not outreach where you come from a different place to reach out to those who are at a lower level than you. Because pahinungod is being with them, opening up yourself to them.
Ang trabaho ko ay ang ipaglaban ang nasa laylayan at ang puno ng aking pagkatao. As a journalist, as a parent, as daughter, sister, friend, as a Filipino.
My fight for those without voices and for the truth have been my guiding principle in my entire career as a local journalist and as a journalist for Asia Pacific. It’s a lonely fight. It’s a dangerous fight.
I was trolled for speaking out against a government agency that harbored well-known “mother” trolls that keep farms. My trade organization didn’t fight for me even when I took up the cudgels for some of their officials who were being treated unfairly by that government agency. I was told that some government officials didn’t want to attend the business conference organized by that trade group because we (specifically me) were anti-Duterte. I was later kicked out of that trade organization since I am a liability.
I wrote an essay about how the Marcoses brought down the country’s economy by cronyism and it went viral, which exposed me to more online harassment and threats of rape and whatnot.
But I stood my ground. I always remember what my father told me when I failed SocSci 2: Fighting the system is a lonely fight. Fighting for the truth is inconvenient.
In this age of “history is chismis” and “6.1% inflation is not high”, we communicators must always fight for the truth. There’s this artista na itago na lang natin sa pangalang Giselle who graduated magna cum laude from CMC who is now trying to spin the truth, participating in historical revisionism. Did she forget the things that were taught to her by her alma mater? Or because the truth is inconvenient?
We in CDC are equipped with the right tools (such as research skills) to bring out the truth and give voices to the powerless. Tayong graduates ng CDC ay may may kakayahan na makatulong sa mga nasa laylayan. How to communicate with them and for them to facilitate change. Because we are at the forefront.
Ano nga sabi ng isang senador? That Development Communication is irrelevant daw, outdated daw. Mali sya. She’s very wrong. More than ever Devcom is needed now, this moment of 6.1% inflation, of rising interest rates, of supply chain disruptions, of economic downturn that would hammer especially those who are at the bottom of the pyramid.
We can be agents of change for development. Di ba yun naman ang essence ng Devcom? Pero ang pagbabago hindi lang dapat nasa gitna, kung hindi dapat isasama natin ang laylayan. Ang pagtatrabaho para sa pagbabago ay mula sa baba at sa taas at magtatagpo sa gitna. Pagtulong at pagsama sa laylayan. Pedagogy of the Oppressed. Hindi yung, “Let me educate you.” Kungdi let’s educate ourselves about the plight of those who were misinformed, who believed the lies fed to them because they no longer had anything else to believe in. It’s not us teaching them because we were more educated but it’s also about them teaching us. You know, if you remember our FGD days…Always remember that it is strategic communication and not merely information dissemination. And we bring that to the table to effect change.
I also challenge the CDC to fight disinformation and misinformation. To fight against the red-tagging of people like me who speak the truth. I was waiting for CDC to come out with the statement against one of its natatanging alumni who was fond of red-tagging us and the rest of the University.
I told you, it will never be convenient. We are up against a smooth and powerful machinery. Misinformation and disinformation are being used to serve the interests of the powers that may be.
Opposition voices are being shut down, one by one, as we have seen in the 1970s and in recent weeks and months. The cogs are turning. The doors are being closed on the faces of journalists like me. Eventually, on the faces everyone.
Where are you in this? Will you accept the lies to get good grades? Or stand up for the truth and be inconvenienced?
Yan ang hamon ko sa inyo.
Padayon!
###
Probably my best friend or my Greek-letter organization sister told the admin that I don’t have any UP apparel that I can wear when I watch the UAAP, especially during UP Men’s Basketball games.
They also gave me a beautiful woven malong, a traditional Filipino-Bangsamoro wrap-around skirt, from Zamboanga. I have two malongs already from Davao and they are very versatile. Usually I use them as a wrap when I get cold or as a beach towel where I can sit. Never as a skirt yet because I don’t know how to securely wrap it around myself.
One of the most fascinating indigenous dances I watched is the Sambi sa Malong performed by the Bayanihan Dance Troupe. Very complicated dance, like the singkil.
AAAAAAAAND I’m still working. Damn it. I just had a story published a few minutes ago.
We had our weekly call yesterday and I was trying to recall my leads that I got from the conferences last week…and OMG I really couldn’t say something coherent. My notes and my thoughts were all scattered because there were so many! I mean everyday I was talking non-stop from morning until evening and throughout all that, I couldn’t take down notes lest I scare or offend the person I was talking to. I had trained myself to be a walking encyclopedia but I guess age is catching up on me.
I just edited today and did some small admin stuff but the brain cells to write all the stories I needed to push out this week have died last week. I still don’t have the capacity to think lucidly because I am attending to a million things: poaching people, trying to interview candidates, emailing people I met last week, connecting my reporters to sources.
If I were going to a regular office, this would have been a lovely lunch bag for myself. I was tempted to buy my own but I knew if would just be a waste because I wouldn’t be using it.
Tada! Lunch. Soy chicken noodles. Photo by CallMeCreation.comCouldn’t help myself. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
I played truant later in the afternoon. At 3 pm I went to Raffles City to check out some bag styles on 50% off at Desigual there. Well, I didn’t like the ones that were left there so I went to Challenger to check out some things. And I saw some mechanical keyboards that are cheaper than Razer. I called up Twin A if she wants to replace the Royal Kludge that she bought because it has connectivity issues that I couldn’t resolve. Apparently it is a known bug according to Reddit; the 2.4G dongle doesn’t work well since it gets in conflict with other wireless devices. Anyway, Twin A said she’s happier with a membrane keyboard as she finds it easier to use when she’s playing Minecraft. Which is weird.
Of course, I cannot buy one twin without the other having the same. So I asked Twin I if she wants one as well because her cheap keyboard that she bought from Shopee is already falling apart. She says pass because she doesn’t have money. I said no, this is a gift from me because her keyboard and mouse are already not working properly. Yey, she exclaimed. She said she is happy with any keyboard that looks cute.
So there, I got one white and one pink and a pink Logitech Pebble mouse to match. Twin A already has her own new Logitech Pebble that she bought with her own money. Logitech lasts forever so better to pay premium for keyboards and mouse. My own Logitech slim keyboard and mouse combo (grey) are already a couple of years old. If I’m not mistaken, these are already 7 years old.
And I would be getting the Royal Kludge mechanical keyboard and try to solve the connectivity issues. I think I would buy new key caps because white will not remain white with my sweaty hands and obnoxious cats who love sitting/lying on my keyboards.
On my way back to the hotel. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
I went back to the office at 5:30 pm and continued to work while having my dinner at my desk. I got out of the office (the last person and I had to turn out the lights AGAIN) at around 8:45.
It was already too late to swim so I just stayed a bit at the pool area of the hotel.
Looks inviting. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
Here’s the thing: I always book hotels with pools but I couldn’t find time do laps because I’m too busy. I just assure myself that I’m getting plenty of exercise with all the walking I do around here.
At the pool area for some fresh air (I took off the mask when no one was there. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
I started packing at 11 pm-ish. I finished past midnight. And I barely made it to the 30kg weight limit.
I don’t know if I’m going to get sick or this is just exhaustion. I went home early after we wrapped up our 4-day conferences.
I wasn’t able to get a proper team photo so I just resorted to just doing a selfie. This was taken in the afternoon when everyone’s a zombie already. Something soupy to soothe my tired mind and body. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
I still have to go to the office tomorrow to finish some edits and articles.
Being in Singapore is like being in a bubble. You’re so far removed from the happenings in the outside world. You tend to forget that things are not as hunky dory as it seems. I say this because I was not aware that there was a strong earthquake back home and only when my twins messaged me this morning did I get to learn about the calamity. The newsfeeds on social media are not as loud as whenever I am back home.
In the train on the way to Westin.
The conference today is half-day only but I was able to have meaningful connections today. Longer conversations with people since we are not that hurried.
My colleague and I went to our new office at Raffles Place so I can work. I initially didn’t plan on working there, but changed my mind since my hotel room is not conducive for working. Well good thing I did because I was more productive today than I thought I would be.
My temporary desk. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
Our new office is a lot bigger than our old one because this also includes the other divisions of our parent company. The setup now here is that we no longer have our own “cubicles” or permanent working spaces. Here, we hot-desk since most of us anyway are always out on interviews or client calls/are transients (like me), or are not coming to the office regularly due to the pandemic. Another colleague told me that people at the financial district usually work from home on Fridays that’s why it’s going to be just me here on Friday.
This is just a third of the office. It’s almost empty. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
What I like about this new setup is that logging into our system is not as painful as before. You just scan the QR code of the terminals you will use, plug in your laptop, then you’re already connected to the system/internet. Plus all stations are equipped with dual monitors. Just bring your laptop, external keyboard, and mouse.
We have a bigger and better stocked pantry.
You no longer have to eat at your desk or at the conference room. Photo by CallMeCreation.comI welcome the various teas that we have. There were also multiple coffee machines just like in our HK office before. Photo by CallMeCreation.comAnd seriously, we have a lot of wine. Photo by CallMeCreation.comLounge area. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
I doubt if the lounge area is used since most of the people here are knee-deep in work. It was hard taking a nap in our old sofa since it was near our entrance. I was told today we have a room in our new office where I can station myself when I check out from the hotel on Tuesday.
And of course, the obligatory bathroom selfie for the OOTD. View of the Singapore River from one of our conference rooms. Photo by CallMeCreation.comOutside Raffles PlacePhoto by CallMeCreation.com
I got out of our office at 8:55 pm I did overtime because I had to finish two stories tonight and some edits. I should come back here on Friday to finish emailing people whom I have met in the past three days during our series of conferences. I need to email them or else I would forget them and they will forget me, too.
Omurice and Teriyaki Chicken. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
Good thing there was a Kopitiam near the hotel where I am staying because I’m already tired and I’m not in a mood to have GrabFood.
I need to sleep now since tomorrow is my big day. It’s my own conference.