Obnoxious

Kimchi, cat with an attitude. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

My obnoxious cat thought she could prevent me from working and could earn a treat by being bossy like this. I could still work from my main computer, silly little cat. ๐Ÿฑ

Yesterday, my new Maya debit card arrived. This is my new card I applied for (via the Maya app) after their rebranding into a digital bank with e-money features. I use Maya (formerly Paymaya) more than G-Cash since the latter is full of bugs or is usually down.

We broke the story of PLDT via Voyager applying for a digital bank license and their Series fundraising rounds are for this purpose. โค๏ธ

Speaking of work, while I was busy chasing 3 stories today, I was also doing some admin work—re-hiring a reporter who left and wants to come back because I am the new manager. I never thought this would be so complicated and the amount of justification needed is more compared to just doing a new hire. ๐Ÿ˜ญ

It’s mind-numbing.

And they have yet to approve my promotion and raise. ๐Ÿ˜‘

Too much red tape here.


I had a video call with a journo friend (the bureau chief of a competing news wire) and we were both wearing tank tops—basically comfortable house clothes— and she said, hurray for working from home! Indeed! I said, that’s why it’s ok to work late as long as we can do it in our tank tops ๐Ÿคฃ and bare-faced. No need to put on make-up and uncomfortable shoes. And no more driving for hours.

The aircon guys reinstalling my room AC. Photo via webcam

And here I was yesterday, working with the aircon guys at the back. I had my AC units cleaned as part of their quarterly maintenance. I just woke up so that’s why my hair was in a messy bun and my face is really bare and shiny.

Even though I barely come out of my room during work days, I always end up exhausted with the amount of brain cells I needed to overwork everyday. This is what my friend and I were talking about: our brains are elsewhere i.e. pursuing national and international news but we’re stuck inside our rooms. Can’t complain though. It’s a privilege to work at home when we feel like it.

Maybe next week I can attempt to work in Makati and have dinner with friends. I need stimulating conversations with humans face-to-face. Thankfully, most of my friends have great minds so every conversation with them enriches my life.

I don’t think I can live with someone who is small-minded—we will run out of things to say to each other. If you and I cannot carry a conversation about anything interesting, we’re doomed. You don’t need to agree with my ideas and vice-versa, but at least we know each other’s minds. If you are as shallow as the water on a saucer, no matter how good-looking you are, you are only just that, a face. I remember having drinks with the most good looking guy in my sister’s class but he was as boring as a doorknob. We never went beyond discussing people. ๐Ÿ™„ I don’t want to end up having dinner or drinks with him again if it’s just the two of us. Besides, he only goes after literal beauty queens. Maybe he was just testing the waters if I could fit his criteria…errr no.

Anyway, I need to schedule this coffee date with another friend who is recovering from a stroke. She was overworked that’s why her neurologist recommended that she let go. I was advising her to just take a consultancy gig so she can work remotely most days of the week. Anyway, she just came back from abroad and she just finished graduate school. I will help her draw the terms of the contract and the deliverables. We will also draft the communication plan for this particular office.

And if we’re successful, we can tag-team later on and do consultancy work together. โค๏ธ

Manic Monday

Starting the Monday with a full to-do list. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

When I dedicate one entire screen for my music, I mean business.

I didn’t even stop for breaks today. I had my weekly call with the team, then non-stop editing and I still had to write my own story that I must publish by hook or by crook tomorrow. Or else I would be taken over by events.

Then my requests for interviews have been trickling back to me and I have to schedule my interviews away from my week-long break. My brain was so exhausted today that I fell asleep at around 6:30 pm trying to book a Zennya massage. And that of course didn’t go well.

Sushi, sleeping ON my clothes while I slept beside her.

I woke up with Sushi beside me on my bed. She just loves my stuff and my smell. They feel comforted that I’m just around. Although they aren’t the lovey-dovey cats that I see on social media, I know my cats love me especially when they meow like crazy to be let in my room or when I arrive home from somewhere. It’s like they’re scolding me, “Where have you been?!”

I’m still here at my table trying to write my to-do list tomorrow since I know I will be editing multiple stories again and I must respond to emails that have long been forgotten in my mailbox. My Gmail has 8,000 unread emails and who knows when I will be able to clear that. My Outlook has 1,329 unread emails that I need to clear soon, too. My Yahoo has like 10,000+ emails that I think I will never be able to clear. Those are mostly press releases and newsletter subscriptions from way back.

I need to sort through my receipts because some of those carry warranties. I don’t know how they fitted in my wallet but they did. ๐Ÿค”

Meanwhile in our daily news…

Like what the hell? Erwin Tulfo does not have any…๐Ÿ™„ Never mind. I’m done. Just done. I’m skipping most of the news these days and I haven’t checked FB much because the level of toxicity is beyond what I can endure daily.

I need to bike tomorrow to let off steam. Even if it rains.

Now it has begun

The demonization of media and the legitimization of disinformation peddlers like Think*ng P*noy and M*rk L*pez has started. The more that we will get harassed, the more that we will be suppressed by this government. This red-tagger is now more empowered to call us communists that will automatically put us in the shoot-to-kill order of the military and the police.

How can you even feel safe in this kind of environment? In the US, the level of harassment of newsmen is not as dire as in the Philippines, where journalist killings are as rampant as in war zones in other countries.

He is now threatening the media owners that, hey, ABS-CBN will not be an isolated case anymore.

The incoming Sec Gen of the National Economic and Development Authority is a nice guy and I often had bets with him about the outcome of GDP numbers every quarter when I used to cover the macroeconomy. However, this does not negate the fact that he used to work with Marcos Jr when the latter was the governor of Ilocos Norte and I doubt his capacity to say no to shenanigans as he is more if a “yes” man more often than not.

This is the reason why my brother is/was invited to be an undersecretary under this administration. This guy and my brother have almost the same specialization and they had worked together on my brother’s doctoral dissertation. My older sister and I already expressed our disgust if he accepts the offer.

My mom was offered a director position to head a unit at the Department of Science and Technology. But the papers would have to be signed by Jr so my mom declined and said she’s already deaf but in truth she cannot stomach working under Marcos. She said two candidates for National Scientist declined the award because Jr has to present them the award. That’s how reviled he is.


Meanwhile, I got so frustrated this morning because I got disturbed by a journo in India last night. She was the one asking me for favors and yet she’s the one who appears to be more demanding than my own reporters. ๐Ÿ™„ She thinks that editing analysis articles is a piece of cake.

Learning to say no.

I had a journo messaging me at 8 pm asking to discuss her analysis piece. I said no, we will discuss tomorrow since I have children to attend to now.

A content editor was asking many simple questions about a story I edited, I asked, can you address your concerns to the journalist who wrote this? It is 11 pm and I am already in bed.

I have started turning off my Microsoft Teams because they always mistake I am available 24/7. Is there a way that makes Teams put you on an “away” mode automatically at a certain time? I have no problems with emails because I can ignore them. But instant messaging is really intrusive.

my FB post

And I spent most of my day today dealing with that story.

Boundaries. We need boundaries. I hate co-workers nagging me during off-hours for work-related matters. I’m no machine! All bosses should also know how to stop this bad habit like their staff is working 24/7. Ghad, we’re not slaves!


STRESS RELIEF

#catloaf. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

This is not a perfect cat loaf as Sushi’s front paw is showing. I can’t resist squishing them when they’re in a complete cat loaf position. I don’t know why. They evoke squishy stuffed toys of my youth?

Photo from comfortzone.com

My cats had been my stress absorber since my erst-while babies are all grown up, so by substitution my cats are now my babies.

Ain’t this the truth?!

Another stress-buster for me is scrolling through IG, looking at drawings, figuring out how I can do a similar thing. I learn by looking at their step-by-step posts.

I also browse through Amazon before sleeping and check out prices of Daniel Smith and Rembrandt watercolors and Lazada for Holbein sets. As if the prices would change ๐Ÿ™„ These friggin’ brands are sooooo expensive and yet…I want them. I know the joy of jumping from student grade to almost-artist-grade and they’re miles apart. What more if I get to use artist-grade colors? ๐Ÿฅฐ I couldn’t bring myself to buy Rembrandt because that thing costs USD 180!

Maybe when I’m good enough to exhibit, I will brave it and spend PHP 9,000+ for a tin of watercolors. ๐Ÿ˜ถ

I will buy this as a gift to myself. I’ve reached my quota of gifts to myself (new piano, computer keyboard), maybe I will do this in December???

Or or or…maybe when I go to Japan I will buy myself a huge set of Holbein watercolors and all the pens I could cart away in my bag.

In the meantime, let me browse through e-commerce sites for these babies until I fall asleep. ๐Ÿ˜‚

Anilao sunset and my life-long penchant for winging it

Art and photo by CallMeCreation.com

This sums up my feelings last week.

Meanwhile, my cats are having none of those stresses and are just chilling on my bed while I have my zoom meeting.

I envy my cats. They don’t give a fuck. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

I need to get back to work and ignore this government. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

No more basura days because the month is halfway gone and I need to push the team to chase stories. Myself included. I have an interview tomorrow and I must process my travel plans, book tickets and hotel.

And damn it, the rains are already here! We are having heavy rains in the afternoon everyday. I guess camping in the mountains this coming weekend is already out of the question. I checked the NOAA satellite view, there’s no typhoon or low pressure area; it’s pure southwest monsoon, or what looks like it.

It came really early. Drats.


Went around the village this afternoon for errands and had Twin A’s gear shifter and brakes changed. Hopefully, it won’t rain as meeehhhh, according to weather.com it would be thunderstorms for the rest of the month. So I guess the best bet is to go to my hometown this weekend to bike, even if it’s raining, it’s perfectly fine. I actually like cycling (and playing football) under the rain when I lived there.

We also went to the girls’ school to get their report cards. I’m happy to say that their GWAs are above 90. They have a fighting chance to pass the UP high exam. They need to have this kind of GWA from 5th Grade to first two quarters of 6th Grade and high entrance test scores to pass. I’m keeping my fingers crossed.

I remember when I was their age, I needed to keep my GWA above 90 as well but my internal target was 92-95. Sometimes I messed up, sometimes I hit the target…But I don’t remember studying as much as my classmates who were also in the honor roll. Like they even had pie charts of their daily study schedule whereas I was just winging it ๐Ÿคฃ. I guess if I really studied hard back then I would have been one of the “bright kids” that the teachers loved. But that wasn’t me. I had too many things going on (extra-curricular activities and socializing) that’s why I was always distracted.

Of course, I won’t tell my kids this. ๐Ÿ˜‚

And when I got to UP high, I told my parents I promise I will pass the UP College Admission Test, but let me have fun in high school. So I did. I was just an average kid among the the “bright” ones because I wanted to be just that. I didn’t want to bother with being on top of the class because… I don’t know. I wanted to pursue other things like theater, glee club, sports, and social life. I was a popular kid back then but I wasn’t cool enough to be the “It” girl.

I was qualified to take the Advanced English class but I skipped the screening exam one summer because I was vacationing with my cousins in our parents’ hometown. Well, it turned out ok in the end because none in our batch’s Advanced English became writers or journalists. I think it boils down to grit and guts + skills in pursuing such goals. So in the end I didn’t lose much for not being in any advanced classes before but I had rich life experiences. Like I missed screening exams but that summer (and the following summers) we hiked regularly on the mountain to have a beautiful view of Taal Lake and West Philippine Sea whenever we were bored, bathed in a pool of spring water, we made lifelong friends with the children of our parents’ neighbors and classmates, reconnected with distant relatives, and grew closer to our grandparents, aunts and uncles. We had so many escapades that I wouldn’t exchange for any academic recognition when I was in high school.

I only got back to being serious with my academics when I was in college. I think that was the only time I did study, but I still didn’t have good study habits because I loved winging it since I still had a lot going on. I remember going around campus with just a ballpen and a steno notebook. I only had a few pesos in my pocket. I was a good note-taker but my notes were chronologically ordered. A normal human being would arrange it according to subject/course, but not me. So my classmates got confused when they photocopied my notes ๐Ÿ˜‚ Little did they know I typed my notes into word documents at home and saved them into little diskettes in rainbow colors. I think that’s how I studied back then, that’s how I can afford to wing it.

I also remember going around campus in loose jeans, tank top, baseball cap and hard ground football boots like the one below so I don’t have to bring too much when I played in the field every afternoon.

I deliberately dressed like a boy because I was trying to be low key, to stave off male attention. I had been the subject of jealousy among some female classmates (spreading rumors and lies) because one heartthrob kept sticking with me because he found my company more enjoyable because there was no pretension on my part. I knew he wasn’t interested in me because he was courting a really girly girl on campus. It was just he was a theater major in the Philippine High School for the Arts (which could have been my track if I pursued it), we both watched Beavis and Butthead and Daria on MTV, and liked the same music, books, and movies. It was just… What can I say? The attention from other people was overwhelming. I also learned that there were guys who watched our scrimmage in the football field every afternoon because… I was really uncomfortable with that. So for a year I pretended I was a boy so I can continue with my carefree life.

Top Gun

It was every boy’s fantasy to be part of Top Gun after it was shown some thirty-plus years ago—my brother included. The aerial dog fights and anything about flying jet planes tickled their imagination. So I guess my brother is looking forward to watching Top Gun: Maverick. I also remember a poster of Top Gun Tom Cruise in the old house I grew up in…I asked my older sister why she put that up and she said she can’t remember why ๐Ÿ˜‚ I’m thinking twice if I should brave watching this movie in theaters but this kind of movie should be watched on the big screen. I’m wary of being in enclosed spaces because Covid is still very much with us. One of the reporters in my bureau was reinfected with Covid, two months after of getting it in February. I don’t want to get bogged down by Covid again. It was just a nasty experience.


https://www.instagram.com/p/Cb55eZZBCw4/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link

THIS!!! Louder for the people at the back!!!

This is the reason why it’s better to completely heal first instead of using another person to “heal”/forget. To basically rebound. You’re still being toxic yourself so it’s gonna be hard to have a healthy relationship with anybody who still carries a lot of baggage.

Some friends don’t understand. It’s not me just holding on to the past; it’s me trying to be healthy first before anything else. I need to learn to completely love myself first before I love another person outside my immediate circle. But I’m not doing this with the goal of meeting a new person. I’m doing this for myself because I OWE it to myself. I’ve been through so much shit and it’s about time I prioritize me.

So right now I’m trying to start my week with good vibes. Like this, a clean workspace to motivate me to be productive on Mondays.

I bought a new desk mat because I’m tired of my mouse pad moving around my table. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

These are the little things I regularly do to love myself and appreciate life again.

Tomorrow I may go to Marikina to look around a pottery maker’s showroom for reasonably priced decorative clay pots and pedestals.

Pink is the color of tomorrow! Photo by CallMeCreation.com

My big roses have started to bloom again. Lots of patience and moving around of pots to learn the optimal sun exposure and watering frequency of these flowering plants. Good things come with patience. You can’t just rush things.

While the world is busy with Ukraine and its effect on each region, Myanmar has been largely ignored these days. The Myanmar central bank suddenly came out with a directive regarding forex:

A Myanmar resident, who asked not to be named for security reasons, expressed concern about being able to access their deposited savings and how much could be withdrawn.

“If we can’t withdraw, everything we earn will be stuck in the bank,” the resident said.

The official central bank exchange rate for the kyat is currently 1,850 per dollar, but this tends to be well below the unofficial black market rate.

Myanmar central bank says FX deposits must be converted into kyat, Nikkei Asia

The country’s economy is spiraling down further. It’s hard to do my reportage remotely when nobody is willing to talk to me, even anonymously.

silhouette of hot air balloons
Balloons over Bagan, Myanmar. Photo by Boris Ulzibat on Pexels.com

Looking forward to the Holy days next week. Metro Manila will be empty of people eager to go to the provinces as they do their revenge travel. The beaches will be teeming with people. As for me, I’m staying put since I know the provincial roads will be super clogged with SUVs. Maybe the girls and I can go to the Intramuros churches to do visita iglesia and at the same time I can do sketching. We can bring our bikes. We can also bike along Roxas Boulevard, along Manila Bay.

light city art street
Manila Cathedral. Photo by Gerald Escamos on Pexels.com

Before that, I still need to help them review for their upcoming tests and I’m giving them some pointers for their music lessons.

My drawing for my girls’ music lesson. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

Now I know why I had to go through those rigorous piano lessons and rondalla practices all those years: so I can teach my children music down the road. ๐Ÿค” I even had to teach them how to properly write a G clef. One day they will learn how to transcribe music notation on music staff, the least favorite of my duties as a music student ๐ŸŽน and glee club member.

After the first batch of their final exams, we will be celebrating the girls’ 11th birthday. I need to order food before everything closes down for the Holy Week.

Friyay!

Kimchi sleeping on my iPad. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

I’m quite satisfied that I had been somewhat more productive this week despite my sleeping problem that I have yet to solve. I still keep waking up at 3 or 4 am. But so far I’m getting the hang of it now. The company I wrote about yesterday didn’t have issues about the article that came out today despite my earlier report about their stuff without their blessing. I hate it when companies file complaints when nothing was really wrong–it just so happened that I was able to dig information about them and I get to write about them without their spin. Anyway, that’s life for me. You can’t last in this business without having nerves of steel.

Speaking of cats, my neighbor had called a home service vet to spay the stray orange mommy cat and she’s recovering inside our cage stationed by my neighbor’s side/back door. I just have scheduled a neutering surgery for the white stray cat on the 24th but PAWS has yet to email me if my schedule is confirmed.

Painting everything, including my nails. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

My hands were restless last night while I was attending our townhall meeting for the global editorial staff so I had my nails painted. Applying nail polish on myself without errors is an exercise to master holding and painting with an unwieldy brush. By the time I was done with my fingers and toenails, the meeting had ended.

Twin I complained about her cheap wireless mouse no longer working so I finally had an excuse to pass down this very reliable Logitech keyboard and mouse set to her and ordered my own Logitech mechanical wireless keyboard and mouse combo. It was more expensive than I was aiming for. I was initially thinking of buying the Royal Kludge mechanical wireless keyboard that I had been eyeing for a few months now but I saw the very colorful and retro Logitech one...I’m shallow like that. But hey, Logitech has been tested and my old set is working perfectly fine and the battery life lasts two or three years.

Lying down, staring at the lights and the ceiling. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

I’m finally more relaxed this Friday compared to two weeks ago when I had to parse in my head the chaos that happened. I’m listening now to piano music while I lay sprawled on my bed. I’m thankful that I have settled down a bit and anxiety is slowly ebbing away. A lot of self-love and good support system are needed to be able to get up from every stumble like that. I thank my friends for being my crutches when I go through moments like that. K had been checking me every now and then and has been concerned about my lack of sleep. B has been reminding me that I am an ok human being and it is him who is problematic.

I am thankful that I no longer had this weight to carry with me around. He keeps chasing things but it seems like he doesn’t know what he wants. He is never really happy and I constantly worried about making him happy and satisfied when we were still together. But he never for once thought about my own happiness, about what I liked, what I wanted. It’s hard. Until he figures out whatever that he is supposed to be chasing, he will keep bouncing around. I couldn’t keep up with that, I finally realized.

With every stumble I had, I keep realizing things that I lost. The first time I grieved his physical loss. The second time is I grieved over the person I thought he was. The third—and hopefully the last time—is I grieved over the realization that I wasn’t really loved. I had to let go of that illusion now that I have digested all these–everything.

Giving my unconditional love, opening up my home and my life, and building up a family for him so he would no longer be alone was too costlyโ€”it was at the expense of my entire well-being. I am now going through therapy and God knows when I will be all right. Fourteen months is a long time. Although I can look at it this way: it gives me a better perspective on what I should be pursuing instead and found my true self in the process. I lost her somewhere along the way. I was so busy adulting and pleasing other people that I neglected myself.


As part of my art therapy, I will try urban sketching. I will be going out to work in a coffee shop and from time to time I will try to sketch my environment. Like the urban sketchers I follow on Instagram.

I feel excited whenever I start a new drawing.

I’ll probably start next week so I can finally finish three pending articles I have on my to do list.

I should buy lots and lots of sketch notebooks. I’ve been looking at them online…hehehehe.