Morning light streaming through my windows at 7 am. Let’s pretend things are OK. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
I know it’s so fake but in order for life to be tolerable, especially during this time that we’re facing a global financial crisis with an incompetent and corrupt president, it’s better to pretend that everything is pretty. Romanticizing life, just like what those content creators do on Youtube and Instagram. Because what can you do? These things are beyond my control and stressing over them is a health hazard. What I can control is how I react to them and my actions on how to ease the burden—-or anticipate the bad things that will happen so I can protect myself and my kids.
Rose tea. Zen mode before tackling work in the morning. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
I have a very strong internal locus of control so I get stressed over a lot of things, thinking I could change so many of them. I should loosen up and practice having some external locus of control; recognize the things I have little control over–kinda like make lemonade when life throws lemons at you.
So I will just trick my brain into making it believe that things are hunky dory in my neck of the woods, that my mornings are pretty and that troubles don’t go my way. Like I will just make my life beautiful and pursue all things bright and beautiful.
But in a way, it helps to make me less angry with the world. God knows that there are so many things to be angry about. There had been so much sadness and bitterness in my life the past two years and I no longer want to live like that. I no longer want to think about the actions of other people towards me and all the wrongs done to me. I will just let the universe do its thing.
I craved something spicy tonight so I made some vegetable ramyun with shitaake mushrooms, Chinese cabbage, and egg. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
Meanwhile, I realized that for 33 years I had been busy documenting my life, since Grade 5 until tonight. Writing my schedule, budgets, and to-do lists help me organize my life. But I do not understand why I am very diligent in recording things when I should be throwing away my planners and diaries from years past. However, as a journalist, I find archives like that helpful especially when I need to write my testimonial for my annulment case.
But then, why do I keep holding on to my diaries, these notebooks just take up space? No one would really be interested in reading them, not even my children. I’m not going to be famous that people from the future would be digging through my archives to write my biography.
I just thought about it today because I am mulling whether I go to Ikea to buy bins to store my diaries or just put them in a bookshelf. And my brain just rolled into questions upon questions why I’m doing this.
*I also want to check out some light fixtures or modern chandeliers.
My cousin told us today that she will undergo mastectomy soon to remove cysts in her breast that are thankfully benign but they’re growing (???). She also felt that her menstrual period has shortened and wildly irregular so that’s the next thing that she should be focusing on, she said.
We’re the same age but she’s a few months older than me. She’s single while I already have kids…I don’t know if that makes any difference.
This reminds me that I should pay attention now to my body, aside from the exercise part. Meaning I should have my executive check up soon. I will be asking for a time off on my birthday week to visit my gynecologist (in my hometown; she had been my doctor since college) and I will also request her for a cardiologist referral and for an executive check up. I haven’t done anything yet to address my high triglycerides, LDL, and uric acid (i.e. meds to keep them low). I need to know if I had any clots after my serious bout with Covid last year because what was worrisome with my experience was that I had long haul Covid symptoms.
In the meantime, I need to keep going with my exercises so I will not end up as a blimp again.
I had to content myself with indoor workout because it rained. At least I burned 240 kcal today and I was not just sedentary.
Working at my desk (checking emails and replying to them) while in workout clothes 😂
I had to use my screen and webcam to monitor my dumb bell exercises because I don’t have a full-length mirror in my room. The form is more important than the speed of the curls and lifts so I need to keep my shoulders straight, arms tight/clipped. You can only do that if you see your reflection so you can correct your wrong posture or form. We used to do some weights when I was still playing football. We also did aerobics to improve our footwork.
As I said before, I intend to live beyond 42 years old so I need to be disciplined about this. My children cannot rely on their dad for anything if I die early.
Speaking of which, I got incensed today because of his hare-brained idea to drive the girls from his province to Manila via my old small car. I mean that’s nuts. I doubt its reliability on long trips like that (800 km++) because he does not maintain cars well. The original plan was just I would let the girls stay with their paternal side in Shangri-la Mactan, Cebu (the girls’ airfare paid for by his siblings) then they would come back to Manila after four days. But noooo, he didn’t even tell me that they are going to be whisked away from Cebu to his province to stay longer for Todos los Santos/Dia de los muertos (All Saints’ Day/All Souls’ Day). However, only the airfare from Cebu to their province will be paid for by his siblings and since he doesn’t have money, he can only drive back to Manila with them.
That’s 48 freaking hours. In bad monsoon/typhoon season.
He doesn’t even think about the safety and comfort of his own children 🤬
Yeah, we used to drive from Manila to their province for Christmas when the girls were smaller but we had stops and spent the night in Legaspi or Naga plus we took turns in driving. But the experience was always exhausting because the ferry that shipped us and the car from Sorsogon to Samar (vice-versa) was ALWAYS delayed by 6-12 hours because of scarcity of trips or bad weather. And we drove using my big car.
And if we go by what Twin I has been reporting to me about the condition of my kei car when they get fetched by their dad, I highly doubt if they will not break down along the highway. We’re talking about very rural highways. The last time they were with their dad, she said there was no airconditioning. 😤 I could no longer get mad because it’s already beyond my control. I painstakingly took care of that car when it was my daily ride because it was so convenient to find parking space for it and I can easily slip in between bigger cars in really bad traffic. Plus it was economical so there is less guilt when I drive all around with just me as a passenger.
I told Twin I to tell her dad that if he doesn’t produce plane tickets from his province to Manila for the girls, I will not even drive them to NAIA for their flight to Cebu.
So he told Twin I that they will just leave Cebu and fly straight to Manila.
I talked to his youngest sister (who’s in California) on the phone this afternoon to tell her my concerns about the girls’ safety and the ridiculousness of that plan. She saw my point and agreed that they shouldn’t be doing a land trip.
I’m very sure that my BP shot through the roof when I was hyperventilating and I had palpitations when I learned about that stupid plan. So I called my mom to release my pent up fury. She said, “Well, it’s you who said that your ex-husband is more evil than your friend L’s ex-husband. So what do you expect?”
🤬
Another thing that alarmed me today was that my electricity consumption cost me PHP 1,500 more this month because of my Instant Pot use. I mean, everything was constant from last month to this month. And if you compare my consumption with last year’s, the September 2022 bill is still higher even though my fridge in Sept 2021 was still the old one that was already so inefficient.
That’s a serious bump in my consumption. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
So no, I don’t think I would be using that for simple dishes again. If I have enough lead time, I’d rather use the slow cooker. I will only use the Instant Pot if I don’t have enough time to make the meat tender. Besides, I should lay off the beef since I should consume less red meat.
Good thing I have my stress relievers…
Kimchi waiting for her wet food. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
I saw that the young journo that J was chasing last year has resigned from her network. It’s either she will be getting married to her bf or she is marrying J. Whatever. She would be of little use to him now. Heh.
I stopped talking to her last year when I learned about that thing between them. She knows that I know and she shouldn’t be surprised that I had dropped her. People in our industry who knew don’t think well of her after this. It’s not my fault; I had just kept quiet because that’s the dignified thing to do.
Anyway, I already muted her in social media since then but I probably forgot to turn her off on FB so that’s why I was able to read her announcement. It seems like she’s quitting the industry. I no longer get triggered by her but she still annoys me.
Meanwhile, I’m getting back into my regular rhythm so I have more time to procrastinate today. I pulled out all the keycaps and cleaned the keyboard. I’m waiting for the new keycaps I bought from Shopee. Having a white keyboard triggers OCD tendencies.
Royal Kludge 60 keys with blue switches. Photo by CallMeCreation.comBut this color scheme is not any better than my current white one. LOL! It will still get dirty easily. Photo from Shopee.Next target is this one.
Because I want my work desk to be pretty. I should love my work space because I spend most of my waking hours here.
Oh wait, I need to cook. I’m cooking Hainanese Chicken Rice. I have cooked bak kut teh yesterday using the spices I bought from SG. Today is chicken rice day!
Lol been saying this over and over again. Dati noong maliit pa ang Pinto, tuwing may opening exhibit nandoon si madam Imelda Marcos in her mestiza long dress. I saw her once there kasama mga bodyguards niya. Old style pero still treated like a queen.
I would never support enablers. I’ll stop going to Pinto; there are other galleries out there.
I just learned Dr. Cuanang is also the doctor who issued the questionable medical opinions for Gremlin a.k.a. Gloria Macapagal Arroyo to escape prosecution. No wonder this doctor has a lot of money; he serves the biggest crooks in the world.
Twin I inside one of the galleries of Pinto Art Museum, the first time they went there when they were 4 years old Photo by CallMeCreation.com
I had been chatting on Telegram yesterday with a friend, who taught me the mantra, “All is well. All is well,” whenever bad thoughts about the past come to invade my head. He told me that not all men are like my exes so I shouldn’t lump together all men under one category.
Well, I told him, I will only change my opinion of men if I meet creatures of their sex that are the opposite of my exes. But as far as I’m concerned, all of them are the same (sorry friend, that includes you). He got pissed, of course, since he was cheated on by his gf who slept with his officemate. 😑
Why is that my friends and I are in this predicament? Because we’re nice? Maybe we shouldn’t play nice anymore. It’s a dog-eat-dog world anyway. The nice ones die quickly.
This friend got depressed for two months and just got out of this funk this year (the cheating happened last year) and he told me I had dwelt too long in my grief. I said this is precisely the reason why I went to a shrink so I can get out of this clinical depression alive. I was too late in consulting a professional (already 8 months after the fact) that’s why it got protracted.
And I pointed out to him that his ex-gf didn’t send him a painting to destabilize him like mine did. The friend did acknowledge that the ex-gf was not as cruel as my ex.
Hah, it’s already 10:34 pm I’m still working on an energy story. Being workaholic makes me dull. I haven’t drawn anything in weeks. This is what it is like having your ass always on the line. I have back-to-back calls tomorrow with the sales team and then in the afternoon, I need to talk to one of my people to tell him that our bid for his promotion wasn’t granted. So I needed to push him further to improve his stats so I can make another attempt by end of the year to push for his promotion.
Meanwhile, I needed to handhold the newest member of the team because of her language issues and she isn’t used to the Western-style journalism, so I need to co-write her stories until she gets the hang of it. If I don’t do it, she will be kicked out by end of the year. I keep on losing people due to language issues and/or not being able to cope with Western standard journalism.
As my former APAC editor told me, the hardest bureau to run in Southeast Asia.
I will campaign for another raise for me by end of the year because of the headaches I’m having.
This should make dollar-earners like me happy. But no, this makes all goods more expensive because we are a net oil-importing country. Among other things that we also import are rice, durable goods, and just about everything. We even import onions and garlic from Taiwan.
WTF.
Jeepney drivers are already sleeping inside their jeeps because they could no longer afford to go home because they no longer earn anything as gas prices continue to climb.
The group of journos I am with right now are starting a movement to create news content in bite sizes for Tiktok to combat disinformation on such platforms. A friend just did a Tiktok of the horrible commuting life in Metro Manila. I took it upon myself to create a Tiktok about the impossibility of PHP20/kg rice that was the campaign promise of Marcos Jr. Another friend will be releasing tomorrow a Tiktok of the forex situation now.
Because Marcos trolls are very active on social media now, trying to paint the false picture that things are hunky dory and that they claim only detractors are saying we have a crisis. That’s what they did to that friend’s Tiktok video about the horrors of commuting in Manila; they mass-reported it as “dangerous” so her video was taken down even without the benefit of being properly reviewed by Tiktok.
A crisis of food accessibility, economic, and information. We are in deep shit.
And I and my colleagues have an important role to play.
How many times do I have to experience being fished by a fake profile on Instagram? Since I don’t look like I’m in my 40s, they think I am single and ready to mingle. When they message (even if my profile is set to private, they can still message me) I always tell them, I’m 42 and a single mother, so go away. On IG, it’s usually those claiming to be Chinese/Taiwanese or Korean living out of their home countries. On Twitter, it’s usually American servicemen and I ignore them because their kind always think Filipino women can easily be bought with dollars and promises of being flown out of the Philippines.
Oh sorry, I’m not one of those. I don’t blame those who belong to the lower economic strata for targeting AFAMs (A Foreigner Assigned in Manila) so they can get out of poverty/Philippines. However, these foreigners shouldn’t generalize that all Filipino women are into that kind of thing. It’s insulting.
Men are dirty. I’ve truly lost trust in them.
I sound so bitter. But can you blame me?
While attending an ADB financial forumin my house clothesand a four-legged officemate.
I was so busy today that I only had 30 minutes to eat lunch and have a bathroom break. I had to write a story, edit, do admin work, and attend conferences/webinars. On top of that I had calls in between and trying to have my internet connection fixed. I finally succumbed and contacted the corp comm team of my ISP and asked them to expedite my internet repairs. After a few hours, my connection was fixed 🙄. I really don’t want to use my connections for such things but Internet is very critical to my job.
Oh, and those white earbuds that I’m wearing in that photo are my new Oppo earbuds that I was able to buy on sale. I didn’t realize how freeing such thing could be. I was talking somebody on my phone, that was just on my phone stand on my desk, while I was walking around in my room. Good for driving as well. I don’t know why I resisted buying this for so long. Ah, because I’m an audiophile and I always thought their bass is pale at best compared to the sound of my over-the-ear Audiotechnica bluetooth headphones. Well, the earbuds are just ok for exercising and for phonecalls but for listening to music, nothing beats the over-the-ear ones and of course, speakers with a subwoofer.
Today is much better. I finally reconciled that yeah, a double-digit raise is not so bad even if I didn’t get the pay level I wanted. As for my people, I will just have to ask for concessions for transportation allowances for them given the high cost of transportation and generally everything else.
The only thing I did was to clean the exhaust fan in the bathroom and cook dinner. Otherwise I was horizontal the whole day because I needed to enter the zen mode after last night’s trigger episode. I don’t want to take my anti-anxiety/tranquilizer as my shrink told me to do when such event arises because I want to completely be off it. I want to be better soon. I want meds off me. I only have been taking escitalopram (antidepressant) since April and my goal is to stop it by August, according to my shrink’s timetable.
It’s enough that he destroyed me and my mental health. I don’t intend to prolong it. I had given him too much power over me. He doesn’t deserve me and this power. Sending me that painting was an attempt to regain that power but I didn’t let him. Even my shrink was flabbergasted with that action but she didn’t offer any explanation. She was probably waiting for how I would act on it. Being a person with full mental faculties still intact despite nearly going insane, I had the will power to shut him out by ending it with “thanks, got it” as I still had my self-respect with me. If I didn’t, I would have started a conversation and that would open Pandora’s box. But I didn’t because I loved myself more at that moment. It was a painful fall, though, but I bounced back with the help of friends. But it was hard.
He must be messing up other people now.
Not me. No longer me.
But I have to admit I’m still struggling with anger and a whole gamut of other inexplicable emotions.
I was able to overcome yesterday’s anxiety attack without the tranquilizer though, which is already a feat. I just need more will power to continue fighting this. I need to be stronger to be healthier.
As my colleague-friend said, I need a distraction. She asked, do you have Bumble? I said no and people there are worse scammers. I would rather hang myself. She conceded and said, yeah, I guess you’re right.
So I guess I need to have my house built soon so I can be distracted. I don’t need to date to distract me. That’s suicide.
Brunch. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
My brunch is comprised of side dishes. 🤣 Well, it’s better this way.
Meanwhile, I found that consumer companies have started adjusting their packaging in response to the current high prices. Cream is not necessarily a staple in Pinoy pantries; a smaller package would make it affordable so buyers won’t have to skip it when doing their food shopping. During times like this, consumers stick to basics.
Photo by CallMeCreation.com
This has been my question to companies in the past few weeks: how are you adjusting your services and your products as people continue to tighten their belts? They have done this in 2008. Some companies survived but some didn’t. As for Monde Nissin, they told me they’re not reducing their packaging/weight but they’re adding “pairs” so that consumers would feel more value for money compared to competition, which have shrunk the sizes or weight. I remember in 2008, I had to ask Jollibee, the bellwether for Filipino consumption, how they would twist and turn as prices of rice and oil skyrocketed. If I remember it correctly, the CEO’s response was they would have smaller rice portion (Jollibee is the largest private sector rice importer in the country). I remember showing in my article the gross and profit margins of that company and computing the differences for several quarters to illustrate how inflation compresses them.
It’s tricky. If your products and services are discretionary, you would have to do gymnastics to be able to ride this crisis. As I have learned during several economic cycles, when you’re not part of the “basics” basket, you should increase marketing spend while sticking to producing your core products and innovations have to take the backseat. This is something that Microsoft and Apple did during the Global Financial Crisis of 2008-2009. This is what I learned, too, in my classes at the Asian Institute of Management.
Let’s see how other sectors would respond. I have yet to receive their email responses to my questions.
