Anti-social

My cat, Sushi, still hates me. She’s hiding from me, under my bed, to be precise. When she feels a little bit social, I would take advantage of it and pour Betadine on her stitches and then she goes back snarling at me. Then she would then hide under the bed again, out of my reach.

She hates me. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

Her sister, Kimchi, on the other hand, is almost back to normal and is taking advantage of my mommy guilt by begging for more wet food.

Later on Sushi sort of forgave me, but I think it’s conditional, because she got hungry. She finally got out and joined her sister but she’s still haughty, like she would rather die than beg for food. “No, hooman, I’m not yet forgiving you but I’m hungry,” she telepathically told me. Meanwhile, Kimchi has no shame and pulls my heartstrings by meowing like she’s in so much pain and dying.

Nope, not yet interested in going back to their bunk beds. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

My entire day was unproductive because I was troubleshooting personnel issues. Things were simpler when I just handle writing stories and editing. But managing people… It’s a whole different ballgame. Much of the stress of this particular job of mine is managing people and dealing with egos. I remember a microbiologist told me (can’t remember if she was my mom’s research assistant) that the reason she chose this field is because microorganisms are more predictable than people. They also don’t bite back or tear you down.

So I find that journalism is 10-20% writing and the rest is human relations. A big chunk of that is mind games or battle of wits, especially when dealing with big people or difficult interviewees. That’s why I always recommended to junior journos and journalism students 48 Laws of Power (full version, not the abridged) to be able to know how to deal with egos and cunning people. It also applies to people who deal with investments or trying to win consultancy contracts.

So it’s kind of double whammy if you’re in my position–managing people and balancing quality with limited resources. Should you let go of this resource because he is a poor performer and risk not being able to hire again due to budget constraints (because ๐Ÿคฆ๐Ÿปโ€โ™€๏ธ pandemic)? Or you grin and bear it? It’s a constant battle. You deal with egos when pursuing stories to meet your KPIs, and outside of your KPIs you have to deal again with egos, culture, and self-esteem to keep the peace and have a fully functional team.

How to stay sane? Drink tea and move on.

Chamomile tea to the rescue. I’ll soon be ordering rose teas and hibiscus. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

Celibate for life

MY kitties being reassured by a resident kitty at PAWS. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

I finally brought my cats this morning to the Philippine Animal Welfare Society (PAWS) for spaying. I felt bad for them as they were meowing loudly like they were so tortured during the drive to PAWS. They’re not used to being in crates and being in the car because their vet is just walking distance from our apartment. They fasted for 12 hours (yes, I was able to make them fast!). Prior to fasting, I gave them heaps of wet food to make them happy before the surgery. It’s sort of a way for me to feel less guilty.

I felt compelled to give some kind of financial help to PAWS since they were sponsoring a lot of cats and dogs under rehab. Then I saw T-shirts for sale that I thought my girls would love as they had cat prints on them. Bought four before leaving and drove by our gate to hand it to our househelp to give to my girls. I then proceeded to drive to Shell to have my car’s engine oil changed and general check up.

Zoom conference while my car is being serviced. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

And yes, I’m being productive while doing errands. I attended a Zoom press conference while waiting for the change oil to be finished. I managed to write 75% of the resulting story while still in the waiting lounge.

The mechanic told me my brake light is busted so after my car’s preventive maintenance service, I had to make an unscheduled trip to the auto electrical shop that has been my go-to service center for over 12 years. It turns out my reverse lights were also busted so I had all malfunctioning lights changed (reverse, brake, park, and plate number lights).

I also asked for a quote for the autolocks and car alarm and the estimated number of hours. So I will likely have it done by Tuesday, if all goes well (i.e. no important calls).

I finished the rest of my story at home and then drove back to PAWS to fetch my four-legged fur babies. When I arrived, they were no longer sedated and seemed glad to smell me and the interior of the car. Once inside the house, we could no longer contain them inside their cages. I then drove to Tiendesitas (pet section) to buy that Elizabethan collar/funnel collar a.k.a. cone of shame to keep the cats from licking their stitches. Plus more cans of wet food, kibbles, and cat litter.

Sushi. The collar only stayed for less than 10 minutes. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

My cats are very cunning. They still managed to remove the collars even if I had put them tightly around their necks. ๐Ÿคฆ๐Ÿปโ€โ™€๏ธ I forget, cats are liquid!

And these critters could no longer be contained in their crates after having their fill of wet food (of course, gotta spoil them a bit after surgery!). So now we have to watch them carefully to keep them from licking their wounds. The volunteers at the center said I need to apply Betadine on their stitches to keep them somewhat sterile and bandages are a no-no. I hoped that this would discourage them from even tasting the surrounding skin as I imagine the iodine solution tastes baaaaadddd… But nope. Persistent cats are drying my patience. So I need to guard them inside my room to keep them from moving too much so they will not tear their stitches.

Oh dear, we’re only on our first day. 6 days to go.

So now my cats and I are all celibate for life. ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿˆ

No Air

University Ave. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

It’s almost a month since I last visited/biked here. I finally had the time to bike here today and get some air after editing time-sensitive stories and writing my own. My brain has too many cobwebs that I should sweep away–the reason I have been haunted by so many memories.

Alone. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

I took my time and relished my aloneness, the dark, the breeze, the peace. I plugged in my earphones and listened to my Spotify playlists. Simple things like this somehow bring me calmness and allow me to refocus. I’ve been out of sorts the past few days; I must be low on serotonin and high on progesterone while my estrogen levels are out of whack. I resorted to oversleeping and consumption of copious amount of chamomile tea. Then added to my online cart some random shit again.

I’ll be bringing the girls to my hometown this weekend to spend the rest of the summer vacation with their cousins. They can also bike around the immediate neighborhood because it’s an enclosed compound. I’ll be bringing my own bike as well and see if I can bike around before going back home. Need to come back to my cats who will be spayed tomorrow.

Poor kitties will be stuffed in these cages. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

Getting ready

In battle gear. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

A company sent me one complete set of PPE gear just in case we may need this for home care. This is so timely as one colleague from my former TV network just messaged us that his whole family is down with COVID and is at home isolating. I need to order more from Lazada, which I will be doing tonight. I wonder how much of this will I need? Probably seven? 10?

I hope that I will never have to use this.

Speaking of COVID, my second dose will be administered to me on 9 May and I hope the side effects won’t be as bad as the first one. I was so sick for 24 hrs after getting the shot. I had all the side effects listed here. But at least I know that the vaccine (albeit Chinese) is working. I just don’t know if I won’t die of COVID if ever I catch it.

Gaaaahhhh too much work today plus I feel sick so I wasn’t able to bike to buy veggies for the community pantry today (I still have leftover funds from my cousin donor). Hopefully, I will be able to do it tomorrow morning, for my health too. I can feel the lack of exercise is taking a toll on my body already.

Finding peace

Sunday brunch: Leftover oyakudon, sauteed mungbeans (that are almost sprouts), fried glass noodles wrapped in seaweed, English breakfast sausage (for the girls), tamagoyaki, rice, ginger ale, camomile tea, and oranges. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

It’s hard to find inner peace when there are so many stimuli to spark anger. Then this weekend (I hate weekends!) all of a sudden I got hit by nostalgia and began missing him. I thought I’m done with this–I was wrong. I told my friend that I’ve sunk again. I tried doing everything in my power to forget, so my friend said is I should do the opposite: I should confront this head-on one night and be done with it instead of running away, trying to cover grief by busyness. “I really wish you peace,” they said.

I’m at the stage in my life where I no longer want fancy titles and management positions. What I want right now until the day I expire is inner peace. What is success? I was already an editor of a newspaper before the age of 30. I thought I would be climbing up the corporate ladder, if not the media ladder, and become middle manager before I hit 40 (which happened). I had thought of earning a CFA badge and move on to finance after earning my master’s degree. But all that changed after having my girls. Having them pulled me back to what is essential in life.

To live simply so my income would be enough for our needs and a bit of luxury like travel. Saving enough so that I will be able to retire comfortably and not worry too much about tomorrow. Investing enough so I can send my girls to college. To dive more, to go on more roadtrips (just like I used to do before when I was younger) either on four wheels or two wheels. To hike again (which I used to do a lot and I even documented one of my hiking/camping trips for a newspaper I used to write for in college) like what I did when I was single, happy, and free.

I don’t think I’m meant to have a partner. I am too independent and very opinionated for anybody’s taste. I shouldn’t make myself small for someone who refuses to grow up and I’m fed up being like that for almost 18 years with the girls’ dad. And I shouldn’t mourn somebody who despises me, which J does; I have to constantly remind myself of that. Have some self-respect, some dignity. I deserve better.

Illustration by @Avogado6 on Twitter.

So these two women are teaching me how to achieve inner peace, little by little, by living slow. I will soon find my own place in this world.