This is supposed to be a self-portrait, from my selfie in my previous entry. I only got to the shadows because I’m having difficulty in drawing my nose and my weird smile. I’ll wait for this drawing to be completely dry before I layer again. I still need to finish the highlights in the water and fix the sky. If I’m not confident about drawing my nose and smile, I’ll leave this as is. Aside from hands, I hate drawing noses.
I should practice drawing people. It’s hard to practice on myself 🤦🏻♀️
I swear the Philippines may have carved out itself from Earth and made its own orbit closer to the sun. It has been freaking hot this week that I’ve been looking at possible staycation venues just to cool off.
But I remembered that we still have the reservation at Blue Ribbon from last year so I asked management if we could book it on 17-19 April. I shortly got an email from them confirming the dates.
Wheeeeeeeeee!
So I could dive in the morning, then have breakfast, then work. Then dive again in the afternoon to take a break from work. Lovely. ❤️❤️❤️ I need to order the diving donut and new freediving flippers soon. ❤️❤️❤️
But before this, maybe I can book a room at Twin Lakes Hotel in Tagaytay to be able to have a cooler break this month before the AGM season starts after Holy Week. Face-to-face meetings are back so I may have to physically attend some of those.
I should also book succeeding Anilao trips early. Oh wait, I still have a Boracay trip with B. 🤪
Twin I said one of the reasons why she doesn’t want to live in Singapore is that there are no coral reefs there that we can go to in a heartbeat. Yep, that’s true. Only jellyfish in Palawan Beach 😂 Or you have to go to Indonesia to have a proper beach getaway.
In the throes of my anxiety attack because of that painting that was sent to me early last month, I ordered something from Shopee to make me feel a bit better, like a love letter to myself: a made-to-order planner cover for only PHP 600. It’s PU leather so it’s cheaper than the real leather version of this, which is around PHP 1,600. I think I will order that later. But this one still looks good and looks sturdy.
I’ve been a planner junkie since elementary. I feel more organized if I jot things down and not rely so much on electronic calendars (they’re for alarms only for me).
The manufacturer gave me a choice of colors for the cover and the hardware. I figured to get myself my school color and gold hardware to match. It looks lovely and I think this will hold up better than the Filofax Domino I bought from Kinokuniya in Singapore (always my first stop after dumping my stuff at my hotel whenever I fly in). That one was a bad binder as it got frayed within a short amount of time. So much for its advertised leather cover 🤨.
I make my own planner pages because I could customize it. I download it from this blog that I’ve been following for years since it also offers pages for Midori Travelers Notebooks (which I searched for in Osaka). The Filofax fillers are hard to come by in Manila plus they’re more expensive here compared to the ones I buy in Singapore.
The numpad from Mofii that I ordered from Lazada also arrived today. I discovered I could not work without a numpad since I do a lot of computations for work. 😂 very ironic for somebody who evaded Math courses in college. But I deal with a lot of financial reports and doing simple financial ratios are easier with a numpad.
I really don’t like pink but I was forced to get this to match my raspberry Logitech keyboard.
My colleague in Shanghai has been telling me that he has been feeling angry and betrayed by his manager who hasn’t been responding to him, especially now that he needs to renew his working visa. He has been all over the place a few days ago and didn’t feel like working. I said you owe yourself basura days because we are not robots and there are just times that we are not 100% up to the task. We should excuse ourselves when we don’t feel like it. I told him I learned this from one of my bffs who lost her daughter to placenta abruptio when she was giving birth. She suffered from depression after that and in her grief, she allowed herself to slide during some days when depression strikes and her thoughts go back to the events that led to the death of her precious daughter. She just couldn’t comprehend the death and she was the one who told me that we need to accept that there are just things we could not find answers for. So she allotted basura days for her mental health.
She also told me to treat myself once in a while and create our own happiness.
So I told my colleague, this has been the one I’ve been doing for over a year now—just accept there are basura days and just make up for it the following day. So yesterday was my garbage day and now I’m still doing the digest that I need to publish tomorrow. And I’ve been treating myself to simple things like what I’ve been buying for myself to make me feel better or make me inspired to do my work, like my keyboard, my planner, the materials for my urban sketching. Then tomorrow I will be going out to work, do some urban sketching in between, talk to fellow journos before the start of the presscon, just interact with the outside world so I won’t live in my head anymore.
My colleague said he will adopt my strategies.
We gotta create our own pockets of happiness because sometimes the world is unfair. Self-love, because sometimes the world is harsh.
This short animation is simple to the point that it’s already cliche but it strikes the heart. It reminds me of why I keep cooking for my loved ones even though somebody else could do that for us. Because you know, home-cooked meals remind you of your mom, of home, of comfort, of love…My mom was a terrible cook (she’s really more of a scientist) but she tried her best. It’s the meal shared with her that counts. I want my girls to remember me by the food that I cook for them—the taste of home. My food will always draw them back home wherever they will end up when they fly the coop. I cooked for J, to remind him that he had a home with me…but he threw that away. Oh well. *shrug* I sent home cooked meals to K’s condo because his family is in the US. He posted on FB one time that he loved my food and it reminded him of his mother. I cooked for my friends and cousin here at home or I send them my food when they’re sick.
Food cooked at home is not just food. It’s love in a pot. Mothers, especially single mothers, do their very best despite the tiredness of raising children alone. I hope it’s not too late for children to say their appreciation to their moms before they’re gone.
I couldn’t contain myself so I drove to Katipunan, went to Fullybooked and bought the other Tokyo Finds artist-grade watercolor palette.
Then I tried to squeeze each pan in one tin tray so I would only be carrying one when I do my urban sketching.
I can buy empty half-pans from Lazada and put them all in the second almost empty palette tray and I will be buying—sloooowly buying—more expensive half-pans or tubes that I could squeeze the contents of in the empty pans for more saturated colors. The difference of the artist grade pans from the student grade paint box that I first bought is that the former has more saturated colors and is “cakey” compared to the latter. I’ll save money for the artist grade Winsor and Newton. Its field box version is already almost PhP 5,000
Same with Daniel Smith.
In the meantime, I’ll practice some more using this Tokyo Finds Bento Picasso artist grade until I get better. Well, my earlier watercolor drawings were just created using Pentel watercolor tubes and they haven’t faded yet. I think I can live with with Tokyo Finds and Sakura Koi.
I finally adjusted the colors on this watercolor drawing. I think I’m already satisfied with this one.
Then I decided to play truant today instead of finishing my articles so I made another one.
Broadcast City tower here looks odd. Hahaha! I’m still debating whether I should add tiny humans but I may just destroy it. Maybe tomorrow I’ll layer this.
I need to practice everyday. On Thursday I’ll be sitting in UCC almost all day so I can do this while I write and edit in between.
I’ve spent this month’s budget for plants…they became watercolors. Oh well. All for my mental health/self-love.
The paper is still wet but when it’s completely dry I think I should make the left side darker, like grey-bluish purple clouds because it was raining in some parts of the Metro Manila when we were there.
I wonder if I could come back to this place again.
As I mentioned yesterday, there were several miscalculations that Putin had in his invasion of Ukraine. He had underestimated the resistance from ordinary citizens of Ukraine and across the world.
Nonetheless, given Russia’s overwhelming forces and Mr Putin’s ruthless nature, expect the invaders to make gains in the coming days. The attacks on Kyiv will grow fiercer. One consequence of that? Growing anger in the West—among ordinary people as well as national leaders. More military gear, including, remarkably, anti-tank rockets and Stinger missiles from Germany, is heading to Ukraine. Sanctions on Russia are becoming more severe. Beyond the exclusion of some Russian banks from the SWIFT system, more serious are the efforts by Europe and America to stop Russia’s central bank accessing much of its $600bn-plus in foreign reserves. Watch on Monday how markets react to that. It’s unlikely to be pretty for Russia, especially the rouble. Some sort of Russian retaliation towards the West should be expected. The price of oil and gas could yet surge.
The Economist’s
Adam Roberts, Digital Editor
Now its currency tumbled 40% while interest rates climbed 20%. Such rough economic fallout will surely make ordinary Russians grow angry at Putin and bolder in their opposition to this war. Ukraine is now urging Visa and Mastercard to suspend the facilitation of payments in Russia, further hurting its people.
And apparently some people in the US are preparing for a possible nuclear war, giving rise to the Cold War era fear harbored by people on both sides of the Atlantic for decades before the fall of USSR.
On the home front, the price of liquefied petroleum gas—the main fuel for cooking in Filipino homes—is now increasing by at least PHP 7 per kg = PHP 77 more for an 11kg tank. I think it has now gone above PHP 1000 per 11kg tank when a few months ago it was just at PHP 700+. The Department of Energy said its petition to suspend the excise tax on fuels is still pending in Congress, the delegates of which are already busy campaigning. If we don’t halt the excise taxes on the fuels, the cost of goods and services would skyrocket in the next week or two.
The market volatility would send valuations askew again and some deals would have to be delayed given the instability. I had been busy scanning the news for developments and how the markets are behaving since it is now determining the angles for the news I should be aiming for.
With this so much tension in the world today (including the escalating deaths in HK due to a belated spike in Covid cases), my colleague now asked me is the apocalypse here now?
If such is the case, I’m glad I’m out of my former hellhole so I can concentrate on my remaining time on earth with my daughters. I was chatting with a fellow editor-journo who told me he is escaping from the city and is moving his family to Sta. Rosa, Laguna. His house will be finished this week and they will start moving next week. Good for you, I told him. I will be following you but further down south because I’m tired of the city too. If the world is going to end, at least we will be more comfortable than being stuck in the city and Metro Manila is the worst place to be during an apocalypse. EDSA is already an Armageddon in itself.
But before the world ends, I have a press conference to attend on Thursday in Makati and our Manila reporter and I would be working again in a coffee shop somewhere near the company HQ that will hold the conference. Face to face meetings are coming back and the government is going to bring down the Covid Alert Level to number 1 starting tomorrow. They finally decided to live with Covid as the new normal instead of following China’s/HK’s stance of zero-Covid policy.
Metro Manila and 38 other areas will be under Alert Level 1 from March 1-15
Read more: https://newsinfo.inquirer.net/?p=1561207#ixzz7MBdIWszb
Follow us: @inquirerdotnet on Twitter | inquirerdotnet on Facebook
Hopefully face to face schooling will follow because the children are really suffering from two years of remote learning. These are the “lost years” for them.
And before the world ends, I still have transcriptions to finish. Hopefully I can publish two stories tomorrow.
And oh, let me go diving first. It’s so freaking hot these days.
If there’s one thing that Putin must learn from the Americans, it’s Vietnam. A superpower cannot win against a country that is defended by volunteer citizens who had everything to lose. That’s what the US miscalculated about the Vietnam War. Drunk with its success in WW2 and Korean War, it thought it could win any war it can dip its bloody hands on. It did not see that the Vietnamese, fighting with what was equivalent to sticks, could win a war. The Americans were fighting a war that is not theirs.
As Ukraine continues to wage a surprisingly successful resistance against Russia, Ukrainian civilians and volunteers are playing a crucial role in defending their county— one for which they have been preparing for the past eight years, since the last major Russian incursion in 2014.
Putin’s war is not Russia’s war. Its citizens have boldly spoken, even to the point of risking death in a country where anything against the government spells “disappearance”.
Russian rapper Oxxxymiron cancels shows: “I know that most people in Russia are against this war”
I read one opinion that this is Putin’s miscalculation. His power/influence in Russia is waning, hence, this desperate act of a despot. Russians may start pushing back and oust him. Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky has shown grit and determination by being in the frontlines together with the resistance.
As Russians assail Kyiv, Zelensky says Ukraine has ‘derailed their plan’
US defense official says Moscow’s troops increasingly frustrated by ‘very determined resistance’; Ukrainian president urges Russians to pressure Putin to stop invasion
NATO can’t do anything right now because Ukraine is not yet part of NATO. But has NATO done anything of significance in any of the wars in Europe? I really can’t remember…as a student of international affairs/news, I really can’t. I may be wrong but please do remind me. In any case, trade embargoes by US and EU can’t do anything to Russia. It has gas, it has oil, it has rare earth minerals, it has a lot of the raw materials needed to manufacture semiconductors. It can easily turn to China and other rogue states for trade.
Then why on earth people from Asia like me watching the situation in Ukraine with bated breath? Because our version of Russia is China. If US and EU could not stop Putin from invading an independent democratic country like Ukraine, then nothing is going to stop China from invading Taiwan and other parts of Asia like the Philippines (it has been encroaching on our territory, mind you). Xi Jinping is just clapping in Beijing, watching with glee as things unravel from Eastern Europe.
God help us all.
Writing yesterday’s blog entry riled me up so much that I barely slept. I kept waking up every 30 mins and now I have a very nasty headache despite being asleep for most of today. Maybe every conversation with these friends should come with trigger warning signs.
The thing I should learn now is how to train myself from being triggered. My blogging and long-hand journal writing should have helped me with that. I should tell my shrink that it’s not making a dent now…I still exhibit PTSD. How long will I be like this?
In some cases, particularly where it is not treated, PTSD can last a very long time, perhaps the remainder of one’s life. Most people with longstanding PTSD find that the symptoms are not steady in their severity. For some people, PTSD symptoms gradually fade over time. Other people find that symptoms may increase when they encounter reminders of their traumatic events.
Brain & Behavior Reserach Foundation
My reactions to triggering events and my preference to stay indoors and not meet people is my “fight-or-flight” response to this trauma. My abhorrence towards dating and my retreat to my hometown is a manifestation of that. I’m just preserving myself from abusers/predators like J. Survival mode. While I didn’t fight back and didn’t act on getting even with him, I cannot say the same for my friends in the industry and allied industries. I cannot control them.
As a predator, he is the type who will chase anyone with a vagina and I’m not going to be surprised if he’s chasing after some random salesperson or he goes after every one he employed in his lab. The girl he cheated me with is in some kind of networking or multilevel marketing shindig that is equivalent to scamming people. She even calls herself CEO. Duh. I no longer care who he chases, but if his shenanigans reach my doorstep or my turf, he will suffer the consequences.
Fight or flight. One day I will fight back. But I choose my battles. Not today though. Not today.
OOOhh I’m still angry. I’m still riled up. I should light up my lavender candle and start sketching until I fall asleep.
I shouldn’t be angry. Anger means I have feelings for him, even if it’s negative. I should teach myself how to be apathetic. Apathy is the best revenge.
Ahh, this song is satisfying. Nice to sing while taking a shower.