I struggle to stand up alone against the big wide sky. Among the grasses that are threatening to engulf me. How to go on?
So I lay a dozen roses for the lover that I lost
I stand by all my choices even though I paid the cost
Oh, all those nights, the lows and highs
I share them all with you
So I lay a dozen roses, I lay them there
I lay them there for you
Kaya hihigpitan ko ang yakap sa’yo
Alam ko na hindi ‘to magtatagal
Sana ako’y maalala mo na ganito
Hihigpitan ko ang kapit sa mga kamay ng oras
Nang ‘di na maiwan pa
Nais ko lang ang masilip ang nakaraan
(That’s why I will tighten our embrace
Because I know this won’t last
I hope that you will remember me this way)
(I will tighten my hold on the hands of time
So that I will not be left behind
I only want to peek into the past)
This pandemic has taken everything from me.
Maybe in another lifetime, in another parallel universe, we could be…we could be…
I’m waiting there.
In a parallel universe
Maybe you’d be my first
I could be your only one
Oh, this universe is a curse
Where’s timing so cruel to us
I don’t know how to be alright
Don’t want to live in a world where you are not mine
COVID-19 is really a traitor. It sneaks up on you and steals into the night.
My uncle, my mother’s younger brother and closest sibling, died last Sunday night. He was cremated in 24 hours or at 9 pm last night, as per Department of Health protocol for all suspected coronavirus deaths.
He had on and off fever since Saturday last week and a headache that didn’t go away. They had him undergo rapid antibody test but it turned out negative so this didn’t warrant a hospital stay. But on Sunday after waking up from a nap, he complained again of a debilitating headache. He became delirious and collapsed. He didn’t make it to the hospital.
He wasn’t able to take a swab test. Since he presented some symptoms of coronavirus infection and he was high risk (70 years old), he was treated as a suspect case. His wife and my cousin and those who helped in reviving him at home had to take the swab (RT-PCR) test.
Cause of death in his certificate: community acquired pneumonia.
It was so sudden. He was snatched away like that. I confirmed to my mom on the phone at midnight. She was wailing, more than she did when I told her my father already passed (exactly 15 yrs ago this month). Maybe because she already expected my dad to go anytime soon. Maybe she was shell-shocked.
But in the case of her brother, it was so unexpected that’s why my mom was hysterical.
And just like that, a life was stolen by COVID-19. An unseen menace. It feels like you are risking your life every time you go out of the house. It’s like you are on your own as this government doesn’t care since it’s busy trying to suppress people. It seems like, it’s just a matter of time that you will be the next.
Goodbye, Uncle Benny. You are in a safer place now.
Fireworks viewed from my neighbor’s roofdeck. This photo is owned by callmecreation.com.
Took a break from posting travel stories to say Happy New Year 🎉 to all of you. May 2020 be less stressful, filled with love and laughter, and more financial freedom so I don’t have to sacrifice one thing for another.
Christmas tree outside Manor Hotel, Camp John Hay, Baguio City on 25 December 2019. This photo is owned by callmecreation.com
God bless us all
I need to discipline myself again. I realized that I gained all the weight I lost the past year when I self-medicated again with food. I didn’t want to go through days of out-of-whack sleeping patterns again because I was taking pills that balanced my brain but messed with my sleep. And work. Although at that time, it helped me get through the dark days so I stuck with it. But I wanted my sleep back. So now I am off it for a year now and haven’t seen my shrink. I know it’s not recommended to just drop out of therapy but I did. Anyway, something happened again and I blamed myself… I went through self-flagellation and binged on junk food again. I was comforted by food. I knew I hit rock bottom when a friend found me in the dark munching on corn balls. I went through two bags. But it has to stop. I am taking my life back.