Category Archives: personal

On minimalism

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I’ve always admired people who are able to live minimally, like the girl here in this video. I tried picturing myself as a minimalist but couldn’t. Although I have less stuff than other people I know (i.e. the girls’ dad and my ex-in laws), I still need closets and cupboards to store them.

The reason why I am thinking about minimalism is because I am planning in my head the closets I will have to have my contractor make in my flat. My place will be small so my closets should not take up precious floor space…

I clearly have too much stuff.

So I started purging yesterday. I put my old shoes in shoe boxes and put them outside of our gate this afternoon. I also put the rubber slippers that my girls have outgrown in a plastic bag along with the shoe boxes. They disappeared the next moment I went out of our gate to run errands. Then I culled clothes that I haven’t worn in more than 3 years or clothes that I’m no longer interested in wearing and chucked them in a paper bag for donation.

I have adopted Steve Jobs’ style of having a monochromatic wardrobe to take out the complexity of choosing what to wear for the day. People barely remember what I wear anyway and they only take note of the accessories I have to dress up my plain dark clothes. Jewelry take up just a tiny space. However, my bags do take up room. I can’t give them up yet since a lot of them are expensive (I won’t give up my Michael Kors, Kate Spade, and Coach bags. Nope.) I think I may have to have a special cupboard made to store them…

Come to think of it, I have a lot of bags but less than 10 pairs of shoes.

When the girls come back (I’ll pick them up at the airport tomorrow), we will have a de-cluttering session before we usher in the new year. It’s just going to be 1.5 years before we move again and I will be hauling boxes upon boxes of stuff. And I will be spending 6 months unboxing them, just like when we moved here in this apartment. The last stuff I was able to unbox and organize are my books. Teehee!

Meanwhile, the girl’s apartment in the video above also gave me an idea how I can have an efficient pied-à-terre in Makati after I’m finished with my flat in my hometown and buying a new car. A studio will be enough, which I can AirBnB if I’m not there.

Worsening nearsightedness

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It has been a while since I wore my contact lenses because the one on my left eye doesn’t seem to stick. Or if I manage to put the contact lens on my eye, my vision remains blurred so it’s hard to drive. I thought my astigmatism worsened.

Well, it’s worse than I thought. My nearsightedness jumped from – 2.75 and -3.75 to -4.00 and -4.25 with astigmatism remaining at 100. This is just in a span of 6 months 🤦🏻‍♀️. No wonder I’m having these random headaches. This means I’m legally blind.

I had to change both of my toric contact lenses and eyeglasses again. This time I got a new frame because I think my half-rimmed eyeglasses wouldn’t be able to hold my thickening lenses anymore, even if I am already using the ultra thin ones. I got myself an Ann Taylor catseye frame that was on sale. If I were to remain a thick-lensed, four-eyed monster, might as well be a stylish four-eyed monster. I’ll claim all these by Wednesday.

It was an expensive trip to the optometrist today. 🙄

New running shoes to motivate me. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

I took advantage of the sale in stores today at Gateway Mall where I had my contacts and eye glasses made. I bought myself a pair of New Balance running shoes that were on sale to motivate me to walk again at the UP academic oval. My old Fila are still intact but the soles are already too thin that they hurt my feet. Anyway, they’ve been in service since April 2018 so I’ve already maxed out its utility.

Once I get fit again, I’ll proceed to buy hiking shoes. I want to go to Masungi Georeserve to restart since I got so out of shape after Covid. I’ll video document it for my YT channel and for our KG talk show.

Web-style viewing platform at Masungi Georeserve.

My cats have missed me after leaving them on their own for more than 24 hrs. Now they don’t want me out of their sight. They even watch me sleep 🤣

I woke up to this. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

Merry Christmas!

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It was just a simple affair today. Last night’s dinner was early and we just ordered from fastfood stores because we’re all lazy. We retired early. For lunch today I grilled steak for my sisters and mom, brought chardonnay but they didn’t have a wine bottle opener 🤦🏻‍♀️

Steak for my sisters. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

Meanwhile, I just indulged in blueberry cream cake (there was no cheese in it) because when I come back to my apartment, I will continue with my simple diet of lazy food. Sandwich or dumplings and soup.

Photo by CallMeCreation.com

I left home at around 3 pm, distributed some gifts to friends, and drove back to QC. But then K messaged me if we can have a quick dinner in Makati at around 6 pm. I arrived at 5 pm and did some revenge shopping. Bought tops from Uniqlo, shoes and bag from Hush Puppies, and necklace and earrings from SM. Because why not? It’s Christmas! It has been two years since I bought shoes and clothes for myself.

I quickly changed shoes and top and put on the jewelry in a bathroom at Glorietta 5 before my dinner with K. This gay friend of mine always urged me to look decent and to work out to lose my flabs. He even brought me to his gym once to force me to exercise. He has been pushing me to lose weight for 15 years already. 🤣 However, I’m really not an indoor girl. I’m more motivated if I exercise outside.

Anyway, during dinner we talked about a lot of stuff and as usual he told me about his sexcapades in Boracay during his break. I’m not really sure if his being gay made him promiscuous (because they can’t procreate) or it’s just in his personality. Whatever. It’s funny how we can talk about work when we’re from competing news wires.

When I drove him to his condo, he told me he’s happy that I’m my perky self again, unlike the previous dinners/lunches we had this year when there was still some kind of shadow lurking behind my eyes. Especially last year when he came to the rescue and pulled me out of my apartment and treated me to a pre- new year’s eve lunch to help me verbalize what just happened i.e. the breakup. I rarely went out to dine this year and if I did, it was with him. I knew he was trying to cheer me up. So he is in the best position to judge how far I have come. He was the one to message me after the breakup to get out of my bed and take a shower and brush my teeth. He always asked me if I was able to sleep. He did it everyday for a couple of months after the breakup.

That’s how friends are. They prop you up when you’re dead until you live again.

Every girl needs a gay friend. Someone to remind her that she looks like trash so she needs to smarten up. Someone to criticize her shoes and makeup. Someone to tell her that she’s fat so she needs to exercise and nags her until she does. And someone to tell her that the world will be alright after a breakup.

Explosion came too early

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My tire burst ahead of New Year fireworks. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

My tire burst while I was driving along a provincial road. Good thing it was along a populated area dotted with vulcanizing shops. And they were still open even if it’s Christmas Eve.

Good thing the vulcanizing shop is nearby or else I would have to change the heavy tires myself. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

Good thing also that it didn’t happen while I was driving at 90 kmph along the expressway! God knows what would have happened to me.

Small tire shop still open. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

And when I reached my hometown, it was just pure luck that I chanced upon this small tire shop that was about to close for Christmas Eve. I bought two new 205s for the front and had the old front wheels transferred at the back. The lone old back wheel was demoted as a spare tire.

The last time I had a tire issue was last year when we went to Anilao in August. At that time I didn’t make it an issue that J left me to do all the work under the rain.

I was soaking wet.

Looking back I don’t know if he knows how to change tires or he just really didn’t care. I was hurt at that time but I didn’t want to dwell on it because I needed to function. I HAD NO MORE HEADSPACE for such things at that time.

Anyway, after my business with the tires today, I got home ate a very late lunch (at 3 pm) and slept. It was a tiring ordeal.

My mom’s Christmas decor. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

Obviously they don’t have a cat.

Speaking of J, I had a strange dream him about him this morning before I woke up at 9:30 am. We were in my bed in my room here in my mom’s house. When my mom opened my door, she asked me in a plain curious way why J is still here. I couldn’t explain. I was searching for good excuses but I couldn’t come up with any.

When I woke up, I ruminated over it. It was probably my subconsciousness asking my rational self why is J still dwelling in me. And I couldn’t come up with any explanation other than the obvious. Then I calmly told my rational self that I will get over him in due time. I’m still fixing myself. This time last year I was a zombie who couldn’t sleep. Nowadays I sleep too much and I’m feeling so much better than 12 months ago. I was playing music tonight and sang for almost 3 hours. (Although my younger sister said I have so much pent up emotions to be able to sing for 3 hrs straight).

Am I still angry? I don’t know. I can’t hold on to anger and I don’t know who should I be angry at. Him? I have already accepted that he’s not a nice person. Am I angry with myself for ignoring that fact and that I have many flaws that’s why he was like that to me? I shouldn’t be hard on myself. It’s not my fault. ⬅️ I’m still coming to terms with this.

However, I do hope he’s having a nice Christmas, wherever he is.

First death anniversary

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Nabe.Photo by CallMeCreation.com

We made ourselves happy by going to Bijin Nabe at Greenhills. It’s still delicious like the last time we have been there two years ago. The last time the girls went there was with J and they barely ate the hotpot and just went for the karaage. This time they got so full–mushrooms, radish, and all–from eating too much of the the hotpot that we couldn’t finish the extra collagen soup and ramen so we had them packed for takeout.

Mmmm. Chicken and its collagen soup. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

Then we proceeded to the gadgets section of the Theater Mall to do business.

Selling my iPad 7 and having my iPad 9 installed with a tempered glass screen protector. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

We went around Virra Mall to look for keyboards but it turned out that they were too expensive for Twin A. She had self-restraint and didn’t want to spend on something she really doesn’t need. She’s saving up for a camera.

We were so preoccupied that I almost forgot that today is my first death anniversary. I only got reminded of it when a friend from high school was telling me she is breaking up with her partner because he could not commit, saying some stupid thing like being traumatized by the soon to be ex-wife. (I don’t understand why he couldn’t divorce his wife when divorce is not that hard to get in Singapore unlike here where there is no divorce and annulment takes years to be granted, if you have enough money).

I told her it’s hogwash. I was in the same boat as this guy is but I never made an excuse like that when in fact I am really traumatized by my ex and that marriage. But I gave my all and didn’t hold back. I loved J unconditionally and did not hesitate with committing. It was he who didn’t want to commit.

I told my friend that he didn’t love her enough. Better walk away.

She said yeah, he didn’t want to put a label on whatever they had. He neither wanted to commit. She said, what are we, fuck buddies?

Looks like it, I said. Then I told her:

R was an instrument for you to realize what was important to you just as God showed me what kind of love I deserve. The unconditional love I gave J is the kind of love that I should have and not just the loose change that I received from him and from the girls’ dad. Because I grew up not knowing what a healthy love looks like. So in a way God let J into my life to make me realize that even if I forever remain single, it’s ok. Because I learned now what unconditional love is. It just so happened it was me who gave it instead of receiving it.

It’s kinda sad, right? But I’m still healing, a year after. It still hurts, I have to admit but I know it always will. It’s just a matter of managing that hurt and the degree by which I will allow myself to be affected by it.

He has moved on a long time ago. He started messaging that girl in April, so I was told. Four months after we broke up. How convenient.

I hope I won’t get triggered after today. I’m so tired of riding this roller coaster ride of emotions.

I’m getting better. I will be ok.

Dreaming of books

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I wish I have a huge wall in my future flat to house a big bookshelf like this. But I have to content myself with a few shelves scattered all over the place because I need to prioritize windows over the need for bookshelves. Light vs books. We’re not even talking about keeping the flat cool because the two rooms and main living area would be airconditioned.

But for a writer/editor, not having enough books in my house is hurting my brain 😜 They’re sort of my security blanket. My escape from this uncertain world. They were my friends when I withdrew from society.

I’ve swapped our rooms so it makes more sense. But when I showed this to the girls, they protested and they want me to bring back the loft beds and want the smaller room so that there would be less area to clean. 🤷🏻‍♀️ Well then, if that’s what they want, I will swap again and retain the original plan drawn by the contractor. I will have a bigger cave all to myself.

My fridge finally arrived and it’s much bigger than my old one. Twin A, who is over 4 ft or nearly 5 ft, stood beside it. The freezer has 3 shelves so it’s roomy enough and it can fit a month’s worth of meat and fish and other frozen food. I can finally lessen the frequency of my grocery run.

Photo by CallMeCreation.com
Photo by CallMeCreation.com

Tomorrow is Greenhills day so I can sell my iPhone and iPad 7 as I got myself a new iPad 9, 256GB. I can look at keyboards and pen for the iPad so I can also make it my alternative laptop when I travel–for emergencies. I’ve experienced traveling for my holiday and some work emergency sprung up because some deal is closing or whatnot. I don’t want to be lugging around a heavy laptop when I go to the beach or I go roaming in Vietnam or Cambodia.

I need to cheer myself up because tomorrow midnight will be my first death anniversary.