Change of scenery

Oh hello, Maria. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

Mission accomplished. I finally applied for water connection this morning and the utility company’s engineering team went to my house in the afternoon to arrange the right of way issues. Once that’s out of the way by tomorrow and after I paid for the connection fee and bond, my house will be connected to the mains.

Now, next on the agenda is Converge connection. I already told their corp comm head about my intention to transfer my account from here in QC to my new house. HOWEVER, I still can’t do it because I’m still using my line here. Oh well, let’s see how that could that be arranged…

Photo by CallMeCreation.com
Photo by CallMeCreation.com

After the darkness of my current bathroom, my new bathroom seems very bright. My current water heater is still perfectly fine so I will pull it out of this apartment and transfer it here instead of buying a new one.

Cleaning up the floor tile.

I opted to keep the original tiles, to mimic Vigan tiles of the old houses there. Plus these are very durable so I don’t need to worry about dinging it–or worse, cracking it–like when you have the shiny porcelain ones. The girls’ loft beds will arrive on the 22nd so hopefully by then I will have an idea of how much space will be left for the storage system I will be buying from Ikea for their room.

Photo by CallMeCreation.com

Only a few days more before the kitchen cabinets are done.

Photo by CallMeCreation.com

They will start with the welding works next week so this house will be inaccessible for quite a bit since they will remove the old staircase and manufacture a new industrial- sttength one. After that, I can start moving the books and the kitchen stuff that we don’t normally use.

Tea break. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

After finishing a call and uploading one digest for publication, I walked around for a bit at 5 pm to buy my girls cookies from my favorite pastry shop and hopped to Infinitea. Then I went to the university park for some air and to drink my milk tea in peace.

Photo by CallMeCreation.com

My sis-in-law later joined me here and we talked until 8 pm, which was a good time to drive back north (1.5 hrs). The change of scenery has done me good, in the sense that I feel I can write a long article tomorrow.

That’s the thing with writing, if your brain is not ready, then no matter how you try, you can’t really force words to drip out of every orifice of your body. It’s like extracting blood out of stone.

Hopefully, I can finish the story tomorrow because our marketing team in Japan is ready to tweet it next week. Talk about pressure…

Meanwhile, today’s soundtrack is brought to you by Breaking Benjamin. I had been playing it while driving (to and from my hometown) so that I can keep myself awake.

Evil Angel

Hold it together
Birds of a feather
Nothing but lies and crooked wings
I have the answer
Spreading the cancer
You are the faith inside me

No
Don’t leave me to die here
Help me survive here alone
Don’t remember
Remember

Put me to sleep evil angel
Open your wings evil angel

I’m a believer
Nothing could be worse
All these imaginary friends
Hiding betrayal
Driving the nail
Hoping to find a savior

No
Don’t leave me to die here
Help me survive here alone
Don’t surrender
Surrender

Put me to sleep evil angel
Open your wings evil angel
Fly over me evil angel
Why can’t I breathe evil angel?

Put me to sleep evil angel
Open your wings evil angel
Fly over me evil angel
Why can’t I breathe evil angel?

This song, Evil Angel, sounds like it’s about substance abuse, which Ben Burnley has written extensively about in some Breaking Benjamin’s songs. He battled alcoholism for a while and he was almost a non-functional alcoholic. His health issues today are a result of his battle with the the bottle. Dear Agony album’s cover was Ben’s brain scan after he was diagnosed with “wet brain” or Wernicke-Korsakoff Syndrome due to alcohol abuse.

More than the heavy guitar riffs, what attracts me to Breaking Benjamin are the melodies and the relatable words, which echo in your mind especially if you have suffered from depression and substance abuse. Lucky are the people who did not have to suffer such things. They shouldn’t judge because they have no idea how we survivors are able to get out of our hellhole. They have no idea how it is to live without proper sleep for months…in my case, two years. It’s kind of sad that the only respite I had then was Covid.

I first listened to Breaking Benjamin when I still didn’t have kids. Then “I Will Not Bow” became my anthem while I was trying to keep myself together while my girls were battling with life and death in the ICU.

After going through the difficult recent two years, I could relate more to BB’s songs. Thanks to therapy, my faith, and friends, I got past it.

The daily rant

A colleague from another region was messaging me while we were attending one of our regional townhall meetings today, ranting to me about his line manager who doesn’t get what is happening. So he asked me what is really going on. Then that messaging spiraled down from there, to the usual rants about how incompetent the manager is…

So when it was time for Q&A, I asked the global head about travel. “During the presentation earlier, you said TRAVEL. Can you expound on this one? You mean there would be no restrictions on travel in terms of cost?”

The global head said, “I’m not sure what you’re talking about. We didn’t have cost restrictions before. We only had travel restrictions because of Covid. We encourage you to travel if there is a business case, like meeting sources, having our brand out there.”

And that colleague from another region said: Ha! So she doesn’t know that we had budget restrictions.

I wonder who was really keeping me from staying longer in Singapore, which is technically where my office is located, therefore I should be completing all the things I should set out to do whenever I’m there? Who is keeping me from going to Singapore this month so I can meet the sources that my colleague is passing on to me, interview candidates, and do more stories from there?

I have to confront my managers about this in the coming weeks. This shit can’t go on.

I will fight until I have nothing left to fight for. If they didn’t listen to me before and will not listen again to me this time, then it’s time to move on. I’ve been fighting to keep this team afloat despite the difficulties.

I will play this song over and over until I get some kind of enlightenment.

Yeah, Breaking Benjamin has been my voice of encouragement for more than 12 years now.


Some words of wisdom from my social media feeds today.

Hurrah for narcissists! May you destroy more lives in your wake.

Of course I’m being sarcastic. That’s the only thing you can do now after surviving narcissists, right? Being tongue-in-cheek about things that had killed you.

And this post deserves a near-perfect rendition of my favorite song of defiance.

Another Breaking Benjamin song, this time in acoustic.

Trying to get out of that funk

The UCC coffee I had last night kept me up until 5 am today. I was so groggy the entire day.

So for tiny house updates, my contractor told me the Meralco guys will be coming to install power lines next week. I need to apply for a water line next Friday.

Mommy, why is our bathroom fancy? Well, darling, those are tiles from Spain, which mimic microcement or slate. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
I told Twin I that it would be fancier once the lavatory and fixtures are installed and the artwork are hung. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
Overhead lighting in the girls’ room. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
Sanding down what was a very red wooden floor. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
The newly varnished bedroom door. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
The cabinets are up. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
The Kohler moveable kitchen faucet to make life easier for my dishwashers 😂 Photo by CallMeCreation.com
Cutlery drawer. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
Condo-sized but I’m making up for it by using durable materials and fixtures. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
Outdoor lighting. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
Another outdoor lighting. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

I went out to meet with my BFFs for coffee and bakery goods at Wildbreads this afternoon. Had a good laugh for 3 hrs but we had to break up before dinner because, you know, weekends are for errands 🤷🏻‍♀️. My bestfriend T and I both suffered from anxiety and low serotonin this past few days. We both hate our admin work but that’s part of what we got appointed for. I told her about the other issues that I’m struggling with, which I don’t know how to deal with right now.

Photo by CallMeCreation.com

Maybe, it’s the season. I scanned blog entries from last year and I could see a pattern.

But it’s good to see friends and laugh our butts off.

Meanwhile, Ate C sent us this pic of our cats waiting for us. Awwwww. 😢

Kimchi and Sushi waiting for us to come home.

I need a little trip

Kimchi waiting for me to come home from my mommy errand this morning. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

We will be driving tonight to my hometown. I need a change of scenery to ground me and to chase the blues away. To see my BFFs to cheer me up. Perhaps take a little hike to the forested upper campus. I need to let go of things that I cannot control.

I decided to cook hotpot today.

Lots and lots of different mushrooms that I bought from Sarang Mart, meat, tofu and dumplings. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
Just letting the main ingredients boil first. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

I really need to shake this bad vibes off and clear away the cobwebs. I don’t know what else I should be doing to lift the dark clouds over my head.

A few hours later…

Photo by Twin A.

Remind me to leave much, much later on a Friday night. 🫠

It’s one of those days

Hiding in a corner. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

It’s just one of those days when I just want to rock back and forth and hug myself. Things are not ok and I don’t want pretend that I’m fine by masking how I feel.

As my bosses said, don’t carry the weight of the world on your shoulders. Drop everything and just concentrate on one task.

I’m not fine. I’m overwhelmed.

I’m not fine. I’m tired.

I’m not fine, I’m sad. I feel alone.

Art and photo by CallMeCreation.com

Maybe tomorrow will be better. Maybe I will get some answers. Maybe I just need some assurance that it will be all right.

I’m not broken yet.

Art and photo by CallMeCreation.com

Art and photo by CallMeCreation.com
Art and photo by CallMeCreation.com

Discontent brews

Another bookmark in the works. Art and photo by CallMeCreation.com

I just got off from Microsoft Teams after chatting with my colleague in Japan for more than an hour about our colleague (L) who just resigned. You see, I held a farewell call for her during our team’s weekly call. Then after that I sent an email to APAC editorial mailing list about the Kudoboard for her, announcing her resignation.

Anyway, my MS Teams chat went from one topic to another and my colleague (N) was ranting about xxx and yyyy. He threatened to leave and told my manager about in February 2022. His former manager, M, who left us in March last year for some consulting firm, told him to stay in journalism. He said he sensed M misses journalism. M told him that in hindsight, her years with our company wasn’t so bad at all compared to her current company now where she is managing director.

It was a matter of the grass is always greener on the other side, I guess.

I told N that I also feel that discontent sometimes when I feel like the company is being unfair to me. L and I had been chatting as well and she was sending me names of companies that are hiring. I was looking at the job descriptions and nothing excited me. She said, maybe you would like to try something new. I said, I think I’m happy with journalism. And if I want to try something new, it would be data journalism/analytics that’s why I’m going to enroll in a training program for data analytics. Besides, none of the job openings are remote.

OMG, I didn’t realize that remote working is so important to me now, like it’s on top of my criteria. 🙀

During this chat with my Japanese colleague, N, we were talking about our angst about certain things. Then I sent him a photo of me (actually, my laptop) with a swimming pool in the background (the one I took after Christmas). He couldn’t believe I could work by the poolside or by the beach. I said whenever I feel shit about my job, I look at photos like this and tell myself that being able to work anywhere, according to my pace and comfort level, is something I cannot quantify yet. That flexibility as a single parent is very important, I just realized. Being able to turn off my Outlook or ignore it during the weekends is critical that most of us take for granted.

Even though being a journalist means you are always “on”, I can still afford to tune out when I need to.

Being at home to see my children and cook for them is precious. My kids always drag me out of my room to have proper meals with them at the table. It’s important to them.

L told me to just go through interviews, just to see what’s out there and how I compare against industry. Yes, she makes sense. But deep inside I feel it’s too exhausting and would just be wasting my time doing all that when I’m not ready to jump yet. I would know if a job description will click within me.

N said, you are doing good. You are where you’re supposed to be.

I don’t know how to turn off the confusion sown inside my chest. I don’t know how to quiet it down.

I don’t know. This disquiet is fueled by this desire to earn more so maybe if the company grants me the 8-point agenda I sent my bosses, maybe the noise will die down?

Twin A’s bookmark artwork. ❤️ Photo by CallMeCreation.com

This morning my thought was “If only I could just continue creating like draw/paint and make things with my hands, maybe I won’t be having this anxiety every Monday morning…”

Again, I don’t know where or how to reach that happy compromise.