I think I just slept the day away as a way to cope. I don’t want tomorrow to come. I’ve come to dread Mondays—that’s how bad it has become.
Somewhere down the road, I will find myself again. I’m in a season of transition. I don’t know how I will find my path again but somehow I will. I just don’t know how long it will take me. For now I am hurting, I don’t know why.
I have attempted to reinterpret one of the photos from NASA taken by the Hubble telescope.
Image c/o NASASo far so good. Art and photo by CallMeCreation.com
But I ruined it in the end because I overdid the white smokey effect. I had to pivot.
From my airplane window. Art and photo by CallMeCreation.com
I just did clouds instead. I need to practice how to make wispy smoke that is not only white. 🤔 I wonder if I should leave negative space to accommodate purple and pink.
Anyway, changing the painting to clouds is an exercise as well. I need to improve my clouds using gouache.
I have Sleep Token in the background while I pour out all my rage on to paper. This scene is reminiscent of my drives going east-southeast Luzon, with the Sierra Madre range closing in on me.
I want it to be a cross between this:
The mountain in my backyard. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
And this:
At Hitachi Seaside Park, Ibaraki Prefecture, Japan. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
I need to sleep this off first. Rage rarely produces good paintings from me so I let it marinate first.
Having progressive metal playing in the background makes a lot of difference in my mood. I usually have lo-fi beats when I’m painting. I’m not sure if it’s helping.
Meanwhile, I tried to resurrect this from the dead.
At least this doesn’t look as violent as before. Art and photo by CallMeCreation.com
Waiting for our turn at the pediatric clinic. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
Brought Twin I to our pediatrician because of her acute toncilitis + pharyngitis. She caught it from Twin A, who recovered quickly because her anti-TB meds somewhat helped in keeping the infection in check.
What started as a viral infection (flu-like symptoms) with Twin A became slight toncilitis that eventually resolved on its own. She was sick when we visited our hemato-oncologist at St Luke’s last Friday but during her physical exam, she only exhibited clogged nostrils but her throat and toncils were still fine at that point. Her toncils were swollen only for a day or two and then the swelling went away. Her anti-TB meds really are strong, no?
Now when Twin I caught it, she had a harder time recovering. She began to have fevers Monday night, which reached 39 decrees C. I had to bathe her under warm shower to bring down her temperature. Her fevers subsided on Tuesday but I had to wait for more symptoms to appear before bringing her to the doctor. Three days of fevers, you can already test for dengue. Since Twin I no longer had high fevers, I was able to drive to Makati on Tuesday to meet with my PR friend. She still had slight fever when I came home but she was much better. However, she couldn’t eat solid food because her throat hurt. Thursday, I couldn’t bring her to the pediatrician because she didn’t have clinic that day so we relied on Betadine throat spray and Bactidol to help bring down the swelling.
Little dose if happiness. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
The arrival of my new brushes cheered me up a bit today.
This was another rough week.
I got pummeled again by my manager. My reporter in Indonesia, who was in the email thread, told me on WhatsApp that he no longer likes how my manager treats me. He also wanted to quit; my Philippines reporter is feeling the same.
Why do Koreans treat me so shabbily? 🤬 I think I would have PTSD from dealing with Koreans. I don’t have any good experience with them—maybe except for my ex-colleague, 10 years my junior, who shadowed me in the field when he was here in 2017. His editor made him fly here because they didn’t have a local reporter for their publication (sister publication). He transferred to Wall Street Journal the following year.
Anyway, I had been feeling down and burnt out the whole week. Thursday night, my manager was still berating me on email until 10 pm for something that was out of my control. ðŸ«
This afternoon I wanted to tender my resignation but that is stupid, of course. What I did instead was I submitted an expression of interest for one contractor gig under one of the projects at ADB. Just to make me feel less trapped. I had reactivated my account in their consultant database, just to start the ball rolling. If I get the gig, then I don’t have to work as hard for my current company as I do now. It’s only for a short engagement but at least that would get my foot again at their door.
On Monday, I will be meeting with another prospective business partner or whatever you call it. I will be proposing a service contract that will likely solve his little issues without having to dip my hands into unpalatable aspects of PR. I will carve out the jobs that I like and do away with the things I don’t.
I have several services that I had been planning for several days now. For every income stream, I had already talked to the relevant people I could tap when I farm out these services.
Hopefully, this would pan out.
You know, art really restores the broken spirit. This piece of art was a joy to watch now that I’m suffering from anxiety and stress.
Brilliant choreography. It’s beautiful that I almost cried. Reminded me of Martha Graham Dance Company for some reason. Maybe because of the juxtaposition of tension and relaxation.
I have a business plan. It’s hard to write down what it is and how to do it. A friend taught me basically showed me how to start it, what network to tap, and how to manage it.
This. Without selling my soul to the devil.
He told me I don’t have to work everyday once I learn how to set goals and how to achieve these with minimal effort. I just need gumption, my wits, and my face.
Nebulizing because it’s hard to breathe. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
I’ve got another patient. Just when the other twin is already well, here comes another twin down with something. Quite a number of their classmates/batchmates are sick with I don’t know what, aside from the gastro problems that remain unresolved by the school. I’m getting irate already.
The children’s immunity really has been eroded so much by their confinement at home for several years. Now that they’re back in the petri dish that is school—without masks on—we have kids getting sick more often than usual
It will take years before their immune systems get used to germs again.
I had a dark cloud hovering over me the whole weekend. Monday was a bit better than I expected since my manager was off. Or maybe she was sick of making me her punching bag.
My younger sister told me that in order for me to survive and not get angry everyday, I should just treat this current job as a money-making venture and nothing more. Have my passion lie elsewhere.
Good advice but the thing is journalism is my passion. How can I be dispassionate about it?
Maybe quit it. Or quit it in my head. Transfer my passion until I find a new job.
How about home-making? I love my home. Maybe I should start homesteadying, id est starting my home “farm”, making my little patch of land productive and beautiful.
Maybe, I need to step down from my stressful managerial position and just be a freelancer for my current company so I can write a variety of things for other media companies. It’s a risky move but it could work. I become the brand. I would own my time so I can pursue other things such as taking a short course on data analytics at my university’s graduate school. Many of the jobs at my level involved data analytics already.
Let’s see what my meeting tomorrow would yield me.
Meanwhile, here’s the glaring truth about McKinsey and the other McKinseys of the world. 😂 I’m looking at you, Boston Consulting Group and Bain 😂. These guys are just around me all the time.
And here’s the short cut to the parody recruitment video:
