Anilao, Batangas. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
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MISOGYNY, GASLIGHTING AND PARTNER AS AN APPLIANCE
I got triggered with this viral post that the original poster has already taken down because it backfired. I wanted to cry, I feel so bad for many women out there who are reduced to being appliances and servants of their partners, becoming cleaning ladies instead of real partners.
Summary, the wife said:
“It has been 10 years since I graduated, it seems like I don’t have personal achievements”
To which the guy immediately responded:
“Don’t say that. My achievements are your achievements. I can’t do them without you.”
Then he listed all the things he made his wife do, like–no joke– he said:
- the small things that I don’t notice anymore because you are there, like you pick up the towels I throw down anywhere
- You flush the toilet when I don’t
- when I throw out my clothes and I don’t notice anymore because I know you are there…
THIS MAN DOES NOT HAVE A WIFE. What he has is a nanny. An appliance.
Misogyny (/mɪˈsɒdʒɪni/) is hatred of, contempt for, or prejudice against women. It is a form of sexism that keeps women at a lower social status than men, thus maintaining the societal roles of patriarchy.
HE GASLIGHTED HIS WIFE. She is asking for personal growth, he dismissed her concerns and he put himself at the forefront of this narrative, citing all the things he made his wife do and he said that his achievements are also her own personal achievements. THE FACT THAT SHE ASKED THIS THING means she is looking for some personal fulfillment outside her role as caretaker. He made it like, your role in life is to support me and not have your own personal dreams and ambitions.
A caring partner would respond like this:
Why do you feel that you don’t have personal achievements? What are your personal goals? How can I help you achieve them?
Sadly, I have yet to hear those words spoken to me, ever, by anyone who had been with me. I felt like I was alone in my battles, in my climb to where I am now. Love meant sacrificing yourself, your physical, mental, and emotional well-being, leaving you not even headspace for yourself, without receiving the same in return.
I can feel now hot tears rolling down my cheeks.
I remember after changing J’s bed sheets at his condo and had lain on the bed because I was tired since I cleaned the bathroom and swept the floor. Then he pointed to the groceries that are yet to be unpacked…I was hungry because I didn’t have lunch that day. I ordered Grab and he demanded why? “It would take you longer!” he angrily said. I responded weakly that I was already dizzy because of hunger, let me eat first. He wanted to get rid of me quick. I asked, why are you treating me this way?
It’s so hard to live in a world where women are reduced to being servants instead of partners. And yet they demand more…then leave you on the wayside all dried up and empty. They leave you for somebody who still has the flush of youth, undamaged by childbirth and age, because these women have yet to run on empty like you did. They leave you for somebody shinier because you’ve already lost your luster in the course of serving them head to foot.
It’s hard to live in a world where your partner has just reduced you into a caricature of your former self.
How many are we out there, victims of misogyny, who are left licking our wounds, trying to find our dignity, self-love, and self-worth? How many are we out there, trying to heal from the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, as Hamlet once phrased it?
I pity this woman, this man’s wife. Girl, I hope you find your footing because once your husband has sapped all of your strength and dignity, he will just leave you like one leaves an old appliance.
I didn’t know I still had tears to cry. I thought I’m done. I’m still bleeding from my chest.
One day these will just be scars. One day.
Betrayal
Now that the complete admin reins are with me, I have a clearer picture of how betrayed I was/am. I carried the whole team for years while my recent ex-manager was dysfunctional. I worked my ass off. Now I saw how undervalued I am and my team mate from Manila were. Our salaries are really low even when the cost of living in Manila is second to Singapore among the cities in the region. I haven’t gotten a raise in three years. I was so incensed yesterday when I saw that my salary was a little more than half of what the worst performer in the team is getting and his cost of living is lower than mine. And yet my ex-manager kept dumping work on me. I think my ex-manager has a thing against Filipinos.
Of course I ranted to my APAC boss/new manager. I said I worked my ass off for a long time and yet he is getting almost double than me??? My new manager said she just heard about it, meaning she didn’t have a hand in it. Once my new contract comes to me and I still get lower than this guy, I will tell my new manager I’m going to quit and they go fuck themselves.
So during the performance review, I told this slacker dude he doesn’t have any excuse for performing that bad. Considering his supposed experience, he shouldn’t just be covering startups and giving me half-baked stories with no value. I gave him measurable targets and demanded x number of articles a week. I told him that he should be aiming for large caps and grade A investments, not the USD 5m deals, the low-hanging fruits. Don’t tell me you’re running out of companies because yours is a very large market and there are so many things to cover there, from regulatory changes to left and right unicorn deals, I said.
I frankly told him that, “your slacking off for three years is ending. I will be checking up on you every quarter and show you your numbers every month. I expect more quality from you and no more low-hanging fruits.”
He has been giving me a lot of excuses. Every excuse he gives me, I give him a counter-argument. He really has zero excuse. Period.
I’m so angry right now. 🤬🤬🤬
No one is going to fucking undervalue me again.
This feeling of betrayal was similar to the one I had in February when I learned about how the demon J cheated on me, how he undervalued me, how cruel and evil he was. The similar hurt feelings. The anger burning inside me is the same. I told a colleague this morning that this is the problem, I was too nice. I didn’t put a premium on myself, hence, I get this treatment from others.
No more. No more. I will not play nice anymore.
No wonder I was so much of a mess the past two to three years. I was being fucked over by my ex-manager and by my ex-partner. This is unforgivable. Getting abused like that because I was too nice really does things to your mental health. This is the year I will be looking out for myself first and watch my back for Judases around me.
I will just let God avenge me.
19 Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord.
Romans 19
As the ball-less misogynists lick their wounds…
…a gentleman calls out these dickheads.
I really, really wanted to do house to house campaigning but my number one duty as a Filipino is to abide by journalism ethics. I have to restrain myself like the rest of my colleagues. We can express our political leanings but we cannot actively campaign for any personality as part of our sworn duty to be fair and just.
Speaking of journalists and elections, I just attended this webinar by Twitter for us journalists and the measures they put it place to prevent manipulation of the political discourse by preventing trolls/certain political candidates with well oiled machinery to manipulate public opinion (hello, Facebook!). Since this is a private webinar, I cannot disclose the things they have shared with us except for those they have already shared with the public such as 300 Marcos-related accounts (i.e. troll farms) taken down. This active policing of tweets has incensed Elon Musk so much that he is busy with his hostile takeover bid for Twitter. He is angry that Twitter is muzzling freedom of speech. Well Elon, if you go by Facebook, which has destroyed the Philippines, then I wish you just go to Mars and stay there. Don’t be an instrument in destroying democracies like ours.
Mr Musk has said he believes Twitter is limiting freedom of speech on the platform and he reiterated this at the Vancouver event. He has said his primary motivation would be to expand free speech – a US Constitutional right – on Twitter.
BBC.com
Was busy today with admin work that I barely had time time to edit and no time for writing three stories that I must finish until Wednesday. Because on Thursday, we will be leaving here at 5 am so that we would be in Anilao at around 7:30 am so we can dive early!!! Then work I start working at 10 am.
My head is pounding now, damn this headache. My psychiatrist’s secretary has not yet confirmed my schedule. I think this is a withdrawal symptom from stopping alprazolam ahead of schedule. I keep forgetting to take that thing. Maybe because I’ve been very calm the past few weeks that I keep forgetting that I still have to cure my anxiety. I haven’t been triggered since March and that’s a good thing and I hope it stays this way.
This is what I get for giving too much of myself to a man who doesn’t deserve me. Never again. Yeah, I’m hormonal right now and I’m angry again.
Meanwhile, aside from art, my other sources of serotonin are:
Simple things.
I’m running out of places to put my frames.
I don’t feel well. Good night.
Scrambled eggs for Easter Sunday
A lot of people online (myself included) have declared that the male presidential aspirants have lost their balls/eggs with their stupid press conference today. If I were the journo covering this event, I would be cursing up to the high heavens for disturbing my day off.
We witnessed them scrambling their eggs on national TV on Easter Sunday. Yuck.
The nerve of these men. They probably have received orders from Bong-bong Marcos to tell Leni this absurd thing because he is already so threatened. Those who are politically savvy know that Marcos (ultimately, Gloria Macapagal Arroyo) is behind why these men are running for president—to divide the votes among those who do not like Marcos.
Only three weeks away. This is the most important election I have witnessed, save for the snap elections of 1985 that led to the Edsa Revolution because Ferdinand Marcos Sr cheated.
Another widow is running against a Marcos. And this Marcos is also threatened big time so he is employing all the dirty tactics to bring his demon of a family back to Malacanang.
But this time, the widow is not a clueless housewife. She is very capable and has a good head on her shoulders.
I’m scared.
Since it’s the end of Lenten Season, we had red meat today.
As I planned, today is a lazy day—Not actually. I did some carpentry job as it’s Twin A’s turn to have her table repaired. Good thing I already bought the Fixa cordless electric screwdriver from Ikea so I can reinforce the table with its existing screws and new screw.
I love my my Bosch impact drill but it’s too heavy and powerful for small jobs like screwdriving because you need two hands to operate it. Plus it’s not cordless so it’s cumbersome to use for furniture repair or assembly. But it’s perfect for heavy duty jobs drilling through masonry like when I am attaching curtain rods and shower heads.
I have now in my Lazada cart a cordless drill (for light jobs) and a jigsaw. One day I will have my own workshop/studio where I can confine all my DIYs and art projects. But one thing at a time. In the meantime, I will let those power tools stew in my online cart because I blew my budget this month because I bought too many frames. In true artist (wanna-be) fashion, I am surrounded by frames and art materials.
Speaking of art materials, my mechanical pencils were delivered. The Staedtler one has 0.5 B leads while the Monami one has 0.5 HB leads. I can get away without outlining drawings using micron pens if I use B lead. For situations that I need to erase the sketch, I use the HB.
Meanwhile, this crazy initial practice sketch of Manila Cathedral is driving me nuts all because I took the photo from a weird angle.
This is why architecture and engineering students are never without their mechanical pencils. It’s annoying to constantly sharpen your pencils for drawing things like the one above.
Because I’m the queen of procrastination, I diverted myself into doing a manga-inspired drawing because I’m stumped with this Manila Cathedral one.
And because I am swimming in frames, I decided to give these manga-inspired drawings some dignity by putting them in cheap Fiskbo frames. I made the matting myself because, why not? I no longer have walls to accommodate these so they would be given away.
The yellow bell that I did the other day is framed and will also be given to my mom. Since I liked this one, I scanned it, printed it, and hung it near the kitchen sink to replace my old cross-stitch project. Not bad.
I don’t know if my hobby is cheaper than my sister’s because I keep buying frames. Oh but wait…she keeps having her acrylic paintings framed professionally so…I think hers is more expensive. Her paints are also more expensive on a by-inch/cm basis. While my watercolors are expensive (and I will be buying more expensive ones because they do make a lot of difference), they last forever because I’m not painting on huge canvases like my sister does. The painting that hangs above my bed headboard and the painting of farmers near my stairs are already too big for me.
I should also try to get back to pencils and charcoal. 🤔
Ah, I should sleep earlier. I have an interview at 10 am. Then a call at 11 and 2 pm. The 2 pm one is with Twitter—they selected me among the many local journos for their experimental program for this election. I wonder what this would be. 🤔🤔🤔
Inside the walls
To start the day, I cooked egg fried rice (with dried seaweed and Vienna sausage) and special egg drop soup for us.
We didn’t bring our bikes to Intramuros because 1) it was going to rain; 2) it was too hot. We first went to Fort Santiago because it was the nearest spot near our parking area. When you’re in Intramuros, you go on foot because parking areas are few and far between so better stay where you are parked. I covered the Department of Finance for years and the Bureau of Treasury was just right there, plus my old newspaper’s office was just spitting distance so I know how hard it is to find parking space there. I was always in danger of being towed by the Manila Traffic officers everyday when I parked around the area.
Anyway, it was a lovely afternoon to visit so I can help my kids strengthen their Araling Panglipunan (Social Studies) knowledge without using rote learning system, plus I want them to see two of the oldest churches in Manila.
I think the last time I was here was a decade ago when my mom received an award and the ceremony was held here.
Media Naranja is also the area where the ships of the Galleon trade (Manila-Mexico) stopped, if I got it right. If you look down through grills of this courtyard, you will see the prison cells below. It was an inhumane prison because there were openings on the side that allowed the water from Pasig River to flow through when the tide was high. The prisoners would be soaked, if they were lucky. If there was a storm, they would drown.
Fort Santiago fell into the hands of the Japanese and Media Naranja was where 600 Filipino and American prisoners of war were found, already decomposing.
This is the first time I’ve seen the dungeons after 1987 when we had a field trip here. The last time I was here in Media Naranja was when I was with my cousins from the US but the dungeons were under construction because it was already crumbling so I wasn’t able to show them these.
The feeling I had when the girls and I entered the dungeons was similar to the one I had when I was in Corregidor in 2007. It was heavy. The air was oppressive, not just physically.
Right off the bat, the heaviness was all around me. If you’re claustrophobic, better not go inside. It’s also eerie and macabre.
They had photographs of how the American military found the 600 decomposing prisoners when Manila was liberated from the Japanese.
You can climb the walls of Fort Santiago and it was made that way for the guards to patrol the area. My mom told me it was where she and my father had their dates when they were in college 🤣. My father’s campus was south of Manila and my mom’s campus was north of Manila so this is some kind of halfway for them. When I told my kids this story, they were like, whaaaaat? Hahaha! The top of the walls were already made into a park but they couldn’t imagine how it looked like up there because they were too lazy to climb.
We walked out of Fort Santiago towards Manila Cathedral. I wasn’t able to get a good photo of the facade of the church that I can use to practice sketching parts of Intramuros.
We couldn’t enter the church because the temperature reader registered my body heat at 37.5. I was so hot at that time and was sweating a lot, hence, the reading. The guard didn’t let me in. Oh well.
So in the classic Hispanic arrangement of plazas, adjacent to the church should be an administrator’s building. In this case, it was the Palacio del Gobernador, the residence of the Governor-General before an earthquake destroyed it in the 19th century. After that, the Spanish governor-general lived in Malacanang Palace along Pasig River and it has been the residence of whoever is the head of the Philippine government until today.
I know this building very well because it used to house the Bureau of Treasury (BTr) and I covered the Treasury bill auctions here every Monday and Wednesday—the event that determines the benchmark interest rates in the country. In 2018, BTr transferred to the Ayuntamiento de Manila (Manila City Hall), just right across the plaza after the reconstruction of the building was finished.
They were able to reconstruct this well. It is very pretty inside and the last time I was here was in August 2018 when I hosted an economic briefing that was televised.
We no longer went to San Agustin Church because it was already late and it was about to rain. There’s always the next time. Rizal Museum was closed, as well as the other notable museums like Balay Tsinoy and Casa Manila because it’s Black Saturday. San Agustin Church also has its own museum. I also wanted to show the girls the old site of Ateneo de Manila and University of Santo Tomas but it was already getting dark and big fat raindrops were already pelting the windshield of my car.
While driving out of Intramuros, I showed the girls the old and present offices of the newspaper I used to work for. I told them Intramuros was like home to me for almost 6 years.
I drove along Roxas Boulevard and showed the girls where the notorious dolomite beach was. Then we proceeded to SM Mall of Asia because we needed to buy Twin A a new mattress since her current one is already giving her backaches because it was already sagging. I know that it was substandard because it was the foam that came with the bunk bed. The girls also wanted to buy something from SM Department store with their birthday money.
It was a nice day out.
Tomorrow later today, Easter Sunday, the girls will resume their review while I will be spending the entire day drawing or sleeping because Monday will be hectic with back-to-back-to-back calls.