Twin A last night asked me, “Mommy, can I be a lawyer?”
Me: Of course, yes!
Twin A: I want run for president like Leni. I want to be a lawyer and help the poor farmers who do not have homes, just like Leni.
And there I was, crying yesterday, losing hope, feeling betrayed and defeated. Thinking of giving up on my country.
And here is my child, giving me a reason not to give up.
My other child, Twin I, had been reading up on the Marcoses and she is now on the part where Imee Marcos–the current senator and head of the senate committee on elections (surprise surprise!)–had the young Archimedes Trajano killed in 1977 because he dared to speak out. She said she is annoyed with Imee Marcos that she’s so plastic and that she had the temerity to tell the court and Trajano’s mother that, “It’s none of your business.”
Yesterday, they have started the old practice of using guns to instill fear into the hearts of those who have opposed Marcos 50 years ago. They are now soon going to start the witch-hunt among us journalists.
JUST IN: It was reported earlier today that several of our student-athletes were stopped by the police on their way back to the campus, simply because of their affiliation with the University of the Philippines as an institution.
— UP Fight Club | #FiredUP🔥 (@upmaroonclub) May 10, 2022
I was so heartbroken yesterday, I cried myself to sleep. I talked to my mom this morning and she said:
“We are living in dangerous times right now. The media is the next to be targeted. Come home here and we will talk about your Plan A, Plan B, and Plan C because your profession is a threat to them. We have to continue to fight. Our mistake then was we became complacent after 1986, but the Marcoses had been plotting this for decades. We became complacent that’s why we had all those missteps after 1986. This is the time for us to regroup and fight a tougher battle.”
My older colleagues who were stringers for international publications during the Marcos era were covering business at that time as well. It doesn’t mean that since I am an international correspondent, I’m already shielded. State sequestration of private corporations—just like what Duterte threatened to do with Manila Water and Maynilad—is within my purview. Every journalist now is threatened, as they had been back then. Look at what BBM did to Lian Buan.
At least I know if something happens to me, my brother and my older sister can take in my daughters.
My essay about Marcos and Radiowealth will remain where it is. I will not delete it—because it is the truth.
Marcos has not yet been sworn in but the nightmare is already starting.
“Courage will now be your best defence against the storm that is at hand-—that and such hope as I bring.”
― J.R.R. Tolkien, The Return of the King
Gandalf
I had sent messages to older friends who were high ranking government officials, CEOs, and VPs who were imprisoned during martial law. I asked for forgiveness, said sorry and that I never thought I would see another Marcos presidency.
One of them said:
“Hi CallMeCreation. Thank you for your touching note. Life is just the way it is. We fight a good fight, sometimes we lose and sometimes we win. The important thing is we don’t lose the will to fight. To fight for a better future. Am pretty sure those who stood with their conviction during Martial law understand that it will be a continuing advocacy for a better PH. Thanks again.”
The other one said: There’s nothing to forgive. We just need to continue to help our country.
My tears couldn’t stop flowing. This is the only election that I was emotionally invested in and the only one I truly cared about because it is pivotal. Now we are on our road to hell.
I just attended a briefing on private equity deals in Southeast Asia this morning. The speaker said (paraphrased):
The Philippines has never been the first port of call when it comes to private equity deals (compared to Singapore, Indonesia). As for the impact of the latest political developments on FDI, FFI…your guess is as good as mine.
This is as bad as it gets. The other webinar I attended this afternoon was about renewable energy in Southeast Asia and of course they had to discuss the Philippine market. The panelists had an embarrassed laugh of some sort and one of them said, “There’s a new president now but he’s not exactly new as they had been controlling the Philippines for years now…” and then they said they do not know in what direction the policies will go.
Well, because he doesn’t have any platform. He doesn’t have any plans. Nothing.
And today the Philippines received its first investment downgrade. It would soon be a series of downgrades.
Screenshot of the PSE today.
Even the Philippine Stock Exchange couldn’t handle the madness today. The market fell 3% at some point today and is now in bear territory (I think). The website crashed and for an hour it was like that.
My siblings (two economists) and I were chatting about the macroeconomic implications and my sister asked what is the possibility of us entering stagflation.
I said:
“There are too many headwinds. The companies are holding out on expansion, no growth seen in the private sector. The companies we interviewed said there are new orders, no new product launches, only core products. They’re holding cash because that’s the one they will use to buy raw materials as it is risky to borrow for capex due to climbing interest rates. We are heading for stagflation. Liquidity is the best policy. This is why I’m not buying a new car and will just have the Crosswind have cosmetic repairs since it’s not the best time to have a mortgage. I don’t know how long the BSP can keep keep its monetary policy stance when the USTr is rising, the peso is weakening.“
“Good luck to Filipino consumers because of the high commodity prices in the world market…palm oil, grains…because of supply chain disruptions. Even if you keep importing rice to lower the cost to fulfill BBM’s campaign promise of PHP 20/kilo rice, you have to remember we’re not the world’s biggest importer of rice (ergo we cannot dictate the price)—it’s China and it’s hoarding supplies. The run up in palm oil prices is a result of the protectionist stance of Indonesia because they banned palm oil exports to keep local prices stable. All countries are being protectionist now due to supply issues.“
Soon there will be capital flight.
This is scary. The vote for Leni is not just for ego and not just to fight Marcos’ evil reign. It is also the fight for investor confidence, better macroeconomic policies.
It’s just so sad that all the things I fought for all my life have come to naught. I taught high school students in Mindoro so they can enter UP, climbed mountains in Batangas to fight for farmers’ lands, climbed mountains for indigenous people so they can have a better shot in life… Cambridge Analytica, Facebook, and Tiktok took that all away.
It’s exhausting.
Many will lose their jobs, many will go hungry. But of course, they do not understand the implications of what they did. You tried to explain to them, but then they just have thrown dirt at your face and accuse you of elitism and “respect my opinion” shit.
Now they’re bringing you down with them.
It was a struggle editing today. I cried. I slept. Tried to finish tasks at hand. I need a mental health break (because you know, heartbreak is heartbreak) but I can’t because I’m a manager and I can’t just be a wuss.
I worked through my heartbreak for 15 months. How many heartbreaks can I take? How much more can I endure? How many dark tunnels must I walk through?
Whenever I get upset, I go back to my favorite books for comfort.
‘But in the end it’s only a passing thing, this shadow; even darkness must pass.’ – Samwise Gamgee
We’ve done everything we could. It’s just that… There are too many people swayed by “fake news” and believe the lies.
My kids want to apply for passports now. Said we need to visit one target country.
My banker source said we need to stay. We fight.
Let me cry first tonight. This country is breaking my heart. Over and over and over. It’s hard to love you, Philippines. My heart is tired.
Why? Why do I keep fighting for you? Why do I keep holding on to something that is visibly not worth fighting for? Happened to me in 2019-2020, still happening now. Should I just let go? It seems like you don’t want to help yourself. You continue romancing the corrupt, inept, and evil beings and yet I continued to have faith that somehow you will see the light.
But no, it’s a lost cause. My children seem to have no future in you.
My anxiety and heartbreak over the mess that is today’s national elections is something I should manage by ignoring news altogether.
But the mess today (“dysfunctional” voting machines, manual counting, etc) opens doors for Marcos and Duterte to cheat. A lot of people have reported—nationwide—of the same things. Reports of vote-buying by their camp are also rampant.
Video of vote-buying in Iloilo posted on FB by a concerned netizen
I’m letting go of this anxiety and let God’s will be done.
Love thy will be done.
I cannot control such things happening right now. It is causing me so much sleepless nights the past few days. My country has given me so much heartbreak and is pushing me to seek my fortune elsewhere. But then my love for it is pulling me to stay. Who will be left to love and defend it?
Twin I and I changed location today and we tried biking in a busier area than we are used to because I want to teach her again how to bike with more cars and stop lights around.
Photoby CallMeCreation.com
I was teaching her how to cross intersections. She has more confidence now in biking alongside cars compared to the first time I brought here to bike.
Water break near Philippine Stock Exchange. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
Since Twin I is braver now, we crossed 5th Avenue to reach McKinley Road and went to McKinley West for steeper inclines and car-free roads. Then we went back to Lawton Avenue to go back to BGC.
Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf at Bonifacio High Street. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
We took a break and I had cold coffee with a cookie while Twin I had a vanilla drink and cupcake. The sun was already setting so we decided to go back to our parking area.
But we couldn’t locate our parking area.
It took us a while so we had more exercise than we had bargained for. 😂 Burned all the calories we gained at Coffee Bean.
Photo by CallMeCreation.com
This is the painful part. I had to fold up the bikes again and load them back into the Crosswind. Good thing I am no helpless woman as I can carry a bike by myself.
I need more practice again as I got tired easily. Prior to yesterday, the last time I attempted to bike was in November last year when I tried to check if I can expend energy that much after Covid. And wow, it took me six months to get back on track. I gained a lot of weight in between those months.
I need to buy my girls new helmets because they have already outgrown the ones they have now. Just like their swimsuits.
Tomorrow I need to have Twin A’s gear shifter fixed/change cables before we can bike again inside UP for our daily exercise. I need to lose all the weight I gained post-Covid so my breathing will be better and I can resume my freediving practice. I plan to bring my sister-in-law and nephews to Anilao before my girls start their entrance exam reviews. The rainy season is slowly creeping in.
Here’s to a fitter 2022!
Ugh! Tomorrow I’m supposed to be on holiday because of the elections but I cannot just sit back or else I will spend the day as a nervous wreck (and all of the people I’ve talked to who are voting for Leni are also tensed and anxious). I think I need to work to keep my mind off the elections.
