I didn’t realize how much anxiety I was carrying until today. All this time I was trying to be nonchalant about the chaos in my company and the uncertainties I’m trying to minimize.

I just broke down and cried all morning today.

I got my nth job application rejection from a rival company on Tuesday while I was waiting for my turn to do my teaching demo and interview with the faculty at my uni.

I feel like I’m slowly losing my identity because I know that once I leave, I will also be leaving the profession. It seems like I no longer have a future in journalism practice. For decades I have attached my identity to my profession.

The feeling of loneliness was amplified when a colleague, JW, suddenly announced via email also on Tuesday that it was her last day with us. And to think we were rushing three stories that we co-authored last week. 😭

It was bad enough that another colleague, VL, also quit last week. We were about to upload our story on the CMS but then I couldn’t find her name on the dropdown box. JW told me that VL just quit and was on garden leave.

No wonder she was immediately taken off the IT system.

I feel forlorn because everybody is moving on while I couldn’t. I’m still stuck. Companies in HK and/or Singapore are hiring but in my neck of the woods they aren’t. I mean, I’ve  been trying to apply for remote positions as correspondent or editor but for some reason I’m not a match.

I’m in the wrong part of the world.