My world has turned upside down. I used to look forward to the weekends because I can get off work. These days I dread the weekend because it leaves my brain idle…and against my own volition I just find myself walking down the memory lane. Then become haunted by his ghost and I go back to that cruel cycle of losing sleep and being unbalanced again.

So thank you, Lord, for making me busy these days because that leaves me little time to think about anything else.

So like today, I edited a couple of stories in the morning then had back-to-back virtual press conferences/webinars. It drains my brain but it’s better than having an active brain at night. To survive the busy day, I had one can of beer to stimulate my brain and keep me company instead of coffee. I can’t sleep these days if I drink coffee.

The downside of being busy is that I wasn’t able to have my exercise (either bike or walkathon) in UP.

It’s unfair that I get to be like this while he doesn’t fucking care if I’m still alive and he is able to enjoy life like nothing happened. He is sleeping with somebody else now while I have developed a revulsion toward anybody outside my circle of friends because everyone else is not to be trusted. As The Script sang, you don’t get breakeven in breakups. One of you will suffer more.

I wish events and meetings can be face-to-face again so I can be busier and won’t have mental space for anything else. So I won’t have to drink beer while attending press conferences because coffee keeps me up all night.

I want my sleep back.