Lupang Hinirang in unison

https://youtu.be/_TZAiluBw5A

Hearing this many people sing the national anthem in unison made my skin crawl. A lot of my friends and even my sister said that being there was surreal, something that you would only experience in extraordinary times.

That’s why when they said (social media is abuzz) that the next grand rally will be in Makati, along Ayala Avenue on 30 April, I told my sister we should book a room in Manila Peninsula for two nights to have a good view and at the same time my mom can also experience this.

I was asking my friend from my old TV network if the Makati venue and date is confirmed (he’s covering all campaign sorties/rallies of Leni nationwide), he said we can only know a week before the event because this is only arranged by the volunteers.

So let’s see if I can book with free cancellation, just in case they change.

UPDATE: It’s Paseo de Roxas, Makati


Today was so hot that my Twin A bought me an ice cream cone ❤️ while I was working this noon.

Selecta ice cream. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

And it’s still March. It would be a lot hotter in the coming weeks. I’m already melting.

I don’t know how I spent the rest of my day but the time flew fast and I didn’t even do much. I just edited one story and for the life of me I could not figure out what else I did. Mostly admin tasks that really eat up my Mondays.

I just cooked egg drop soup with mishua and leeks for K and sent it with the Himeji Castle Gardens gate sketch tonight. He said he gets bloated with certain foods after his surgery but he can slowly take in rice in the form of rice porridge.

Tomorrow I think I’ll do bulalo since I bought beef shanks. I will make a clean soup out of this and lots and lots of veggies. I’ll cook it for 4 hrs on high or 8 hrs on low on the slow cooker.


The board under my desk’s drawer became loose so I had to repair it. I had to take out a lot of stuff and among the found stuff lurking in there were plastic pictures of Spirited Away and My Neighbor Totoro I bought from Donguri Republic in Taipei in 2016. It’s only now that I was able to frame it after hoarding frames from Ikea yesterday.

Chihiro no Sen. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
My Neighbor Totoro. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

It took me 6 years to have this framed and see it up. 😂 At least it would be there to lift my spirits when I am having a basura day.

I created a sanctuary here. When the world throws shit at you, you can retreat to your sanctuary and be surrounded by things that you love. That is the essence of home. Home is a place where your heart can rest, soothe your ruffled feathers, and feel protected. This is the first real home I had since I left my hometown. I never felt safe and really comfortable in all the houses that I lived when I got married. I never considered those houses mine because I never had a say in those houses. This apartment was truly a sanctuary for me, even if it’s just a rental. I created this home with my own hands.


I found my Sony Walkman mp3 player and I got to hear my playlist that had so much history for me on my Edifier speaker. 8 GB worth of songs. At this moment I’m listening to Porter Robinson‘s Shelter and before that was Yoko Kanno x Aoi Teshima’s Because. These songs brought me back to the a time and space I thought things were just right. When I was happy.

These songs also tugged at my heartstrings when I was broken.

When we transfer to our new home, I will have the freedom to play music as loud as I want. I don’t have to deal with neighbors. Especially when I play Soundgarden 😄


It’s that time of the month that I have to deal with finances. This is the amount of receipts that I have to tally and check where my money went.

Too many receipts. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

I don’t throw away receipts quickly because I need to check them and record them on my daily diary to track spending. I have an Excel file of my monthly budget and I have to adhere to it. That’s how I get to have room for spending for frivolous things because I have earmarked xx amount for “fun money”. Sometimes I go overboard (like this month) but I have enough wiggle room as not to destroy my monthly spending.

When I was growing up, I often saw my mom hunched over the tocador (Spanish – dressing table) with a calculator and a little notebook, balancing the household budget. She’s very careful with money, which I think I and my older sister inherited. Whatever I spent for the month, it has to come from somewhere i had budgeted. This is the reason why I have many bank accounts—I treat them like my wallets where I distribute my income, including investments.

I’m teaching my children self-control and they are somewhat successful with it. They hold off spending the money they received from aunts/uncles (they just received advanced birthday money from their paternal aunt and uncle) when they are saving for something bigger, like the rollerblades that Twin I wants. For the little things they want like milktea via Food Panda/Grab or stationery from Shopee, they use their chore money (money they earned for doing chores). At least they know the value of the money they’re spending. When they pick up an item from the grocery store or mall, they equate it to how many hours they will spending on doing chores just buying that thing. That’s time value.

You got to start them young. That’s how my mom taught me while I was growing up.

Art therapy working

As I said yesterday, I will pick myself up today. Art has helped me channel my anger into something more productive. I chose a difficult subject so I can concentrate on it and in the end it was all worth it.

I sketched in between editing stories. It took me almost an hour to finish the pencil sketch because there were so many adjustments. I was debating whether I do a wet-in-wet or layering. I decided on layering so it took me several hours to finish this because I needed each layer to be dry before I do darker coloring.

Making slow progress. Art and photo by CallMeCreation.com

I really have to master wet-in-wet to produce a smoother color gradation. In the meantime, wet-in-dry layering would suffice.

I’m happy with the results. Art and photo by CallMeCreation.com

I’m excited with what I can do when I have the Kuretake Gansai Tambi. 🥰

I took it easy today, edited only a couple of stories and did not exert effort to write my own (I’ll do that next week). So I played with my cats more.

Kimchi trying to be cute. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
She continued to beg for some petting. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

I haven’t attempted drawing my cats. If I do draw my cats, I’ll make them into cartoons 😄

Meanwhile, my new 10-year passport arrived and I’m stuck with that ugly passport photo for a decade. The good thing is I can now fly to Singapore once I get the go signal from my bosses. Our company is already implementing return-to-office (RTO) in phases so it would take a while before I can fly to our different offices. Except for HK as its government (or Beijing for that matter) is still having delusions that they can keep up with the zero-Covid policy. My colleague in Shanghai was complaining to me that he had to cut short work yesterday to shop for supplies because they’re going to have another lockdown and mass testing.

In a related development, I had been looped in the entire communication thread of another platform in our company and it seems like I have another reporter placed under my wing. He was the one who I had helped with raising funds for his daughter’s hospitalization and burial. So today I gave him two assignments to pursue and gave him the agencies he needs to talk to, the questions, the angles to pursue. It seems like I need to co-write that story with him.

I have to attend a lot of conferences and meet people so I can be in the loop when it comes to the topics published by that platform since I will be straddling two titles now.


So my plan to go to National Art Museum and Intramuros is thwarted as the girls will be spending the weekend with their dad. I think I’ll just take advantage of their absence by staying home, catch up on some sleep, and finish pending tasks like the curtain panels that I should be finishing but had just been stewing on my other table for 10,000 years. My girls asked me why do I keep on beautifying the apartment when we’re moving soon anyway? I said as long as we’re here, I want my environment to be pretty and enjoyable. I mean, I’ve been through hell and back (and back). Might as well make myself happy now and not wait until when we’re in our new home. I planted morning glory seeds and now they have grown and soon the plants will be creeping on the trellis and the courtyard will be filled with flowers. I have no idea what the colors will be. It doesn’t matter; I will leave them here when we move.

Photo from Almanac.com

We live in the NOW, not for the tomorrow, not for yesterday. So might as well make myself happy now even if it means I would be dismantling everything soon when we move. I have exactly 12 months to enjoy what I have created here.

I should remind myself that I do not live in the yesterday as well, that he already belongs in the past and he should no longer hurt me. But I can’t help it that at times I get angry that he gave me so much hell.

I hope I no longer experience basura days and I no longer get triggered. I will no longer talk about him with friends. I don’t know if I could avoid this with my shrink though.

I’ll just cook for my friend K tomorrow. It makes me happy that somebody else is happy with my cooking. Love in a pot.

Fuck Boi

“O my gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad! He’s a fuck boi!” my bff, L, told me today after I related to her what happened and the things I learned during the entire month of February—the reason why I was missing in action.

“Yeah, that’s why I’m into art therapy now. One sketch/painting a day. It helps me a lot along with the medication,” I said.

“Medication helps a lot if you’ve gone through something heavy like that,” said this friend who lost her daughter to placenta abruptio. She knows grief.

“Wait, he went after a transwoman???” She exclaimed after showing her the FB profile of the slut. I told her that making my children as an excuse for breaking up with me was bullshit from the very start.

“No, she’s a woman,” I said.

“But she looks like a gay person! If she didn’t have dyed hair, she looks like the lady who’s selling bananas at our street corner,” she pointed out.

“She’s a woman. And they fuck each other on the bed sheets I gave him. On the sofa cover I bought him. Basically all the stuff in his condo I bought for him.”

“Gurrrrrrrrrrrlllllll. I’m so sorry you have to go through this. My baby is now more awake at daytime so I had been busy. I wasn’t there for you,” L exclaimed.

“It’s ok. I have my support system here. Plus intensive art therapy.”

He has another one after moving out of the condo we had leased together, I told L. And chasing others as well at the same time, I told her. She knows how extensive my network is. I don’t want to know anymore.

“What a fuck boi. I’m sorry,” she said. “No wonder you keep buying a lot of Ikea frames,” she added.

“Now you know why I no longer trust people. That’s why I’m coming back home.”

Before this conversation with L, I had dreamed about him that’s why I got so triggered and kept waking up every hour until 7 am today. I have to take alprazolam tonight to help me sleep.

I’m so triggered today that I’m attempting do a more complicated Chinese botanical painting on a 5×7 watercolor paper that would require 100% concentration so it doesn’t leave me headspace to think about other things.

Half of the drawing. This would be full-on botanical. Art and photo by CallMeCreation.com

I’m so triggered that I would click on that button to buy that Kuretake Gansai Tambi after I finish this thing above.

UPDATE

Turn your anger into more productive things. Art and photo by CallMeCreation.com

I’m so triggered that I doubt I would be sleeping tonight so I would be making two small watercolor paintings. I’m so triggered that I just want to sleep and wake up in 2023 and not remember anything.

I want this nightmare to end.

Domino effect

So the economist of a global bank told me today that Thailand will take a huge battering this year given that tourism is sooooo down plus global trade is weak, hence, it will continue to register huge current account deficits. Its currency would be the worst performing one this year in the region given that its economy is heavily dependent on external demand like tourism and exports. It is also hurting from the spike in oil since it is also a net importer of petroleum.

Meanwhile, the Philippines—which has been leaning heavily on internal/domestic demand to run its economy—will a bit insulated but with a caveat: its consumer demand will be dampened by a quickening of inflation. The food basket makes up a huge part of of its CPI and it will surely take a hit from the rise in fuel and electricity. Our fuel and power are not subsidized by the government so the full effect of the rise in world market prices easily hurts us. We have the highest power cost in Asia after Japan because we bear the full weight of market prices. Indonesia, which has an inflation rate of 2% mainly due to govt subsidies on fuel/power, will be the least affected by the spike because of this artificial stability in costs of goods and services. But this is at the expense of its national budget that would come under strain—public spending for services and infrastructure would be sacrificed. Malaysia to some extent will enjoy the rise in oil prices and super cycle in semiconductors but at the same time it would have to absorb the costs of these rise in commodities since it also subsidizes fuel and power.

As I said yesterday, the spike in commodity prices will redound to other industries.

Chinese metal giant faces heavy losses on wild nickel ride

Company bet on decline in prices but market has surged

The price of nickel soared as much as 250% in two days to briefly trade above $100,000 a ton early on March 8.   © Reuters

This affects all heavy industries dependent on steel and other alloys. If you’re a trader, it’s nerve wracking to short your position these days. Its suicide. Wild, wild market that we have now.


Despite sleeping late last night because of last-minute portrait sketching exercises (and waking up in the middle of the night because I was angry), I had a surprisingly good sleep thereafter so I was able to wake up in a good disposition. I was able to attend back-to-back meetings today without feeling exhausted and got a couple of stories.

Refreshed, waiting for the Zoom meeting/press briefing to begin this morning. CallMeCreation.com

I’m not good at drawing or whatever I’m doing on paper but it makes me feel great. I like it that I see progress in whatever I’m doing. Expressing myself in colors. Seeing colors. Dipping the brush in pans of colors…it’s like creating a world from what’s inside my head. Whatever I draw doesn’t have to be a replica of what I’m seeing but rather whatever I put on paper is what I see in my head or what my heart tells me I feel I should put on paper.

Here we are, my gay friend, K, and I are chatting and we’re talking about visiting museums when they reopen. I gave him a list of the places that we should go to.

Views of Rodel Tapaya’s work exhibited at the second floor of Artinformal gallery | PHxOTO: Tatler Homes Philippines
Photo: MCAD Manila

I told him I woke up on the right side of the bed this morning. “Art therapy does a lot to me,” I told him. “Art really helps no?” he remarked.

I am not your typical Filipino since I’m not really that interested in going to the US even for a visit. I mean it’s a lot of hassle getting the visa and all. I only entertained the idea because of J. But otherwise it’s not a priority. If I get seconded to our New York office (two-week trip for senior staff), I’m just interested in visiting museums, seeing musicals and straight plays, and eat. That’s it. My older sister did a three-week European trip in 2019 to see museums there because she was already running out of ideas. She was stumped and her painting stopped for a while. I want to do that trip as well. The girls are older now and since we will be moving closer to my mom, the girls can stay with her if I’m away for two to three weeks. I can do that during spring, when they’re on their summer vacation from school. They’re the reason why I limit my trips within Asia. I only can be away for a week or less than two weeks. Once I was away for 11 days (Japan), they were asking and crying why was I away for so long?

Let’s see if I can go to a photography exhibit this weekend.

Disaster

Brent was quoted $12.73 higher at $130.84, while U.S. crude rose $9.92 to $125.60.   © Reuters March 7, 2022 09:12 JSTUpdated on March 7, 2022 11:54 JST

Brent crude hits $130 a barrel; Nikkei plunges

U.S., Europe ban on Russian products and delayed Iran nuclear talks spark fears

A friend posted on Instagram the cost of filling up his SUV. It’s more than PHP 3,000 = the cost of a new tire. Another friend posted that Grab Car costs PHP 500 from Mandaluyong to QC.

It’s really getting out of hand. By tomorrow, gas would increase by at least PHP 5 a liter. It’s going to be a nightmare for basic goods and services.

When Nikkei dropped this morning, I was able to buy ETFs in a momentary dip and it climbed back up before the market closed. Good for my portfolio, bad for the rest of the country overall.

I would be attending a webinar tomorrow by another global investment bank about this Ukraine crisis and how it is affecting ASEAN. At the same time, I have a regional conference to attend tomorrow until Friday and I’m still figuring it out how to split myself into three persons since I also have a press conference on Wednesday and a couple of deadlines.


I was craving for fish. And sushi. So I made some for our dinner.

I finally bought again a bamboo rolling mat. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
Maguro sashimi. I bought frozen tuna from SaveMore last week. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

I made a dip with soy sauce and roasted ginger and wasabe. Mmmmmmmm 🥰 I seared the surface of the tuna on a hot pan but it’s still raw inside.

For those who did not like raw tuna, I made Spam-egg rice rolls.

Now I ran out of ingredients to make gimbap/maki on a whim. I always must have these ingredients on hand if I suddenly craved for such. I also have on my Lazada cart dashi powder and I’m still searching for bonito flakes so I can make other Japanese dishes. I still have a tub of soybean paste for soups.


Kimchi keeping me from working this morning. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

So my cats wouldn’t want me to work. This morning Kimchi kept me from opening my notebooks and I was about to lead a meeting in a few minutes after this photo was taken. Such an obnoxious cat.

All they want to do is hang out with Mommy. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

They just want my attention. 😂 Just like the girls.


Spoke with my shrink an hour ago or so and I related the latest hiccup in my psychotherapy (i.e. the painting and the subsequent anxiety attack that ensued). She said she is keeping the current dosage of my alprazolam because she is unsure whether another similar incident would occur in the very near future that could send me into a tizzy and derail my recovery. I told her about my propensity for buying stuff to make me feel better. She said it’s ok as long as it’s under control. When she says “under control”, it’s relative to how bipolar people spend—when they’re in their mania stage (very happy), they would spend so much that they would run their credit card to the maximum credit limit. In my case, it’s the opposite; I soothe my hurt feelings (very down on serotonin) to boost my morale and I’m not spending much vis a vis my income.

She says just continue with my art therapy and always have my support system so when I get derailed I won’t sink. She also said she is validating my feelings towards the incident and I have a very good reason for feeling that way. She said it is very understandable. And she says it’s very strange that after 14 months he sends something like that when I am already trying to live my own life so it’s hard to gauge what the intention was/is. Hence, she is keeping the same dosage for my meds because the situation is unpredictable and we wouldn’t know if I would have another anxiety attack if I get triggered again for some reason. She also recommended that I go out regularly to distract me and have a healthy relationship with society.

Probably I’ll go out on Thursday or Friday and work in some coffee shop under the trees. There used to be a coffee shop at Vargas Museum in UP where I worked from time to time. Or I’ll book a diving session at Dive Plunge Club to release energy.

HOT! HOT! HOT!

I swear the Philippines may have carved out itself from Earth and made its own orbit closer to the sun. It has been freaking hot this week that I’ve been looking at possible staycation venues just to cool off.

Anilao Awari Bay Resort. April 2019. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

But I remembered that we still have the reservation at Blue Ribbon from last year so I asked management if we could book it on 17-19 April. I shortly got an email from them confirming the dates.

Wheeeeeeeeee!

So I could dive in the morning, then have breakfast, then work. Then dive again in the afternoon to take a break from work. Lovely. ❤️❤️❤️ I need to order the diving donut and new freediving flippers soon. ❤️❤️❤️

In Maricaban Island, Batangas. May 2019. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

But before this, maybe I can book a room at Twin Lakes Hotel in Tagaytay to be able to have a cooler break this month before the AGM season starts after Holy Week. Face-to-face meetings are back so I may have to physically attend some of those.

I should also book succeeding Anilao trips early. Oh wait, I still have a Boracay trip with B. 🤪

Twin I said one of the reasons why she doesn’t want to live in Singapore is that there are no coral reefs there that we can go to in a heartbeat. Yep, that’s true. Only jellyfish in Palawan Beach 😂 Or you have to go to Indonesia to have a proper beach getaway.


In the throes of my anxiety attack because of that painting that was sent to me early last month, I ordered something from Shopee to make me feel a bit better, like a love letter to myself: a made-to-order planner cover for only PHP 600. It’s PU leather so it’s cheaper than the real leather version of this, which is around PHP 1,600. I think I will order that later. But this one still looks good and looks sturdy.

Tadah! Maroon (color of UP) side by side with the plastic ring binder planner that it will replace. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

I’ve been a planner junkie since elementary. I feel more organized if I jot things down and not rely so much on electronic calendars (they’re for alarms only for me).

Gold hardware. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

The manufacturer gave me a choice of colors for the cover and the hardware. I figured to get myself my school color and gold hardware to match. It looks lovely and I think this will hold up better than the Filofax Domino I bought from Kinokuniya in Singapore (always my first stop after dumping my stuff at my hotel whenever I fly in). That one was a bad binder as it got frayed within a short amount of time. So much for its advertised leather cover 🤨.

Planner pages. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

I make my own planner pages because I could customize it. I download it from this blog that I’ve been following for years since it also offers pages for Midori Travelers Notebooks (which I searched for in Osaka). The Filofax fillers are hard to come by in Manila plus they’re more expensive here compared to the ones I buy in Singapore.

The numpad from Mofii that I ordered from Lazada also arrived today. I discovered I could not work without a numpad since I do a lot of computations for work. 😂 very ironic for somebody who evaded Math courses in college. But I deal with a lot of financial reports and doing simple financial ratios are easier with a numpad.

I really don’t like pink but I was forced to get this to match my raspberry Logitech keyboard.


My colleague in Shanghai has been telling me that he has been feeling angry and betrayed by his manager who hasn’t been responding to him, especially now that he needs to renew his working visa. He has been all over the place a few days ago and didn’t feel like working. I said you owe yourself basura days because we are not robots and there are just times that we are not 100% up to the task. We should excuse ourselves when we don’t feel like it. I told him I learned this from one of my bffs who lost her daughter to placenta abruptio when she was giving birth. She suffered from depression after that and in her grief, she allowed herself to slide during some days when depression strikes and her thoughts go back to the events that led to the death of her precious daughter. She just couldn’t comprehend the death and she was the one who told me that we need to accept that there are just things we could not find answers for. So she allotted basura days for her mental health.

She also told me to treat myself once in a while and create our own happiness.

So I told my colleague, this has been the one I’ve been doing for over a year now—just accept there are basura days and just make up for it the following day. So yesterday was my garbage day and now I’m still doing the digest that I need to publish tomorrow. And I’ve been treating myself to simple things like what I’ve been buying for myself to make me feel better or make me inspired to do my work, like my keyboard, my planner, the materials for my urban sketching. Then tomorrow I will be going out to work, do some urban sketching in between, talk to fellow journos before the start of the presscon, just interact with the outside world so I won’t live in my head anymore.

My colleague said he will adopt my strategies.

We gotta create our own pockets of happiness because sometimes the world is unfair. Self-love, because sometimes the world is harsh.