I’m not myself today. I edited 6 stories, I think, while doing some admin stuff. It was supposed to be ok but I wasn’t. I should have just let this be a basura day but I worked my ass off even after publishing two stories yesterday.
I felt ugly and fat today. I feel inconsequential. I just want to lay on a hammock and let this feeling fade away.
Being triggered so much last night reminded me that I should be kinder to myself. I need to put these feelings on paper, with color. Just to let this all out. I’m not good with drawing and painting but it’s an outlet that is different from my day job. Cheaper than photography too.
I clicked. Yes, I finally bought that Kuretake Gansai Tambi. I justified the expense as necessary for my mental health. And that #1 brush.
Art and photo by CallMeCreation.com
I put them in frames temporarily so that the cats wouldn’t be able to destroy them. The Baguio trees would be given to Kr while the flowers would be hung downstairs until I produce better ones.
UPDATE: I couldn’t sleep
Art and photo by CallMeCreation.comI used paintbrush #000 and it’s freaking hard! Art and photo by CallMeCreation.com
My gay friend, K, told me he’s in Makati Med for a burst appendix. He should’ve told me earlier so I could’ve visited him. He said it’s ok, he was in a lot of pain anyway. I told him I’m gonna send him home cooked food when he comes home to his condo. He says he loves my cooking and was delighted. I’ll throw in a Chinese botanical drawing to cheer him up. He has been very supportive of my art therapy.
I have a lot of friends, I have to remind myself. They love me and I love them. I should count my blessings.
This feeling should fade away. Tomorrow will be better. I’ll just have to adjust and work somewhere else probably.
Maybe on Saturday we can go to National Art Museum and then to Intramuros. Have lunch or dinner along Manila Bay.
This clip makes you think Metro Manila is ok. 😶 So deceptive.
So the economist of a global bank told me today that Thailand will take a huge battering this year given that tourism is sooooo down plus global trade is weak, hence, it will continue to register huge current account deficits. Its currency would be the worst performing one this year in the region given that its economy is heavily dependent on external demand like tourism and exports. It is also hurting from the spike in oil since it is also a net importer of petroleum.
Meanwhile, the Philippines—which has been leaning heavily on internal/domestic demand to run its economy—will a bit insulated but with a caveat: its consumer demand will be dampened by a quickening of inflation. The food basket makes up a huge part of of its CPI and it will surely take a hit from the rise in fuel and electricity. Our fuel and power are not subsidized by the government so the full effect of the rise in world market prices easily hurts us. We have the highest power cost in Asia after Japan because we bear the full weight of market prices. Indonesia, which has an inflation rate of 2% mainly due to govt subsidies on fuel/power, will be the least affected by the spike because of this artificial stability in costs of goods and services. But this is at the expense of its national budget that would come under strain—public spending for services and infrastructure would be sacrificed. Malaysia to some extent will enjoy the rise in oil prices and super cycle in semiconductors but at the same time it would have to absorb the costs of these rise in commodities since it also subsidizes fuel and power.
As I said yesterday, the spike in commodity prices will redound to other industries.
This affects all heavy industries dependent on steel and other alloys. If you’re a trader, it’s nerve wracking to short your position these days. Its suicide. Wild, wild market that we have now.
Despite sleeping late last night because of last-minute portrait sketching exercises (and waking up in the middle of the night because I was angry), I had a surprisingly good sleep thereafter so I was able to wake up in a good disposition. I was able to attend back-to-back meetings today without feeling exhausted and got a couple of stories.
Refreshed, waiting for the Zoom meeting/press briefing to begin this morning. CallMeCreation.com
I’m not good at drawing or whatever I’m doing on paper but it makes me feel great. I like it that I see progress in whatever I’m doing. Expressing myself in colors. Seeing colors. Dipping the brush in pans of colors…it’s like creating a world from what’s inside my head. Whatever I draw doesn’t have to be a replica of what I’m seeing but rather whatever I put on paper is what I see in my head or what my heart tells me I feel I should put on paper.
Here we are, my gay friend, K, and I are chatting and we’re talking about visiting museums when they reopen. I gave him a list of the places that we should go to.
Views of Rodel Tapaya’s work exhibited at the second floor of Artinformal gallery | PHxOTO: Tatler Homes PhilippinesPhoto: MCAD Manila
I told him I woke up on the right side of the bed this morning. “Art therapy does a lot to me,” I told him. “Art really helps no?” he remarked.
I am not your typical Filipino since I’m not really that interested in going to the US even for a visit. I mean it’s a lot of hassle getting the visa and all. I only entertained the idea because of J. But otherwise it’s not a priority. If I get seconded to our New York office (two-week trip for senior staff), I’m just interested in visiting museums, seeing musicals and straight plays, and eat. That’s it. My older sister did a three-week European trip in 2019 to see museums there because she was already running out of ideas. She was stumped and her painting stopped for a while. I want to do that trip as well. The girls are older now and since we will be moving closer to my mom, the girls can stay with her if I’m away for two to three weeks. I can do that during spring, when they’re on their summer vacation from school. They’re the reason why I limit my trips within Asia. I only can be away for a week or less than two weeks. Once I was away for 11 days (Japan), they were asking and crying why was I away for so long?
Let’s see if I can go to a photography exhibit this weekend.
The markets are on a tailspin and commodities traders are going nuts. I’ve never seen prices like this before, not even in 2008 when the world had gone mad.
Nickel miners here in the Philippines and Indonesia must be very happy right now but industrials are not. Steel bars are going to be very expensive and it would hit real estate companies that are building high rises. I remember one former Ayala Land president getting fired for hedging steel bars in 2007-2008, when prices were sky-high (according to grapevine). I was the one who interviewed him when he revealed that they hedged. That was also the problem with Philippine Airlines around that time, they hedged jet fuel—and registered losses when it just exited receivership. I clearly remember those times when I had been busy writing about those things…writing about going into the red. By that time I was already used to writing so much negative news having been seasoned by the global financial crisis–especially after Lehman Brothers fell.
I remember asking real estate companies then if they would make their units smaller or scale back project launches given that all prices of raw materials shot up. Their answer: both.
Younger local reporters ought to ask the corporates the same questions now if these reporters are enterprising and not boxed in like the usual lazy reportage that I had seen in my time with local media. During this time I should also have to ask them about possible refinancing or deleveraging given that interest rates would soon swing to an unfavorable direction. Let’s see how their financing programs would pan out with this crazy market that we have right now.
I’ve been watching sketching and urban sketching lessons online along with my Domestika subscription to level up my basic skills whenever I couldn’t sleep. I draw until I feel sleepy. It’s hard to have your mind blank when you’re waiting for your brain to stop working.
My facial proportion exercise no. 1. Art and photo by CallMeCreation.com
I purchased this course but I haven’t been following it step by step because I have a day job.
Initial oputput. Art and photo by CallMeCreation.com
I let this scene of Metro Manila viewed from Padi’s Point, Sumulong Highway, Antipolo dry first before layering.
Waiting for it to dry again. Art and photo by CallMeCreation.com
It’s hard to get the light colors right because the watercolors sometimes look like they’re enough when wet but when they dry up they look very transparent. So I need to layer again and again just to get it right. I’ll do the third layering tomorrow. My sister-in-law said this looks like the start of a zombie apocalypse.
Two nights ago I had a dream that I was performing in the musical Beauty and The Beast. I was at the backstage changing costumes. I was layering a costume underneath and was putting another one on top—the usual technique for actors when they had to deal with quick wardrobe changes. I was playing Belle.
When I woke up, I searched in my heart if I was missing theater. I think I do. It has been more than 20 years since I last performed on stage.
I played a nagging wife here circa 1890s. My partner here died in Oct 2020 but not due to Covid. RIP to you, B.This was so blurred!I haven’t seen my co-actor here, E, for 25 years!
Theater was so much part of my high school and college life that I still dream about acting on stage. That’s why I love watching musicals and plays. The last adult musical I watched was Les Miserables, (I think), which was the Sydney production, which also performed in Singapore after their Manila run. Before that was PETA’s Rak of Aegis (the original cast) and ohhhh that was a very good one! The very last musical I watched was Repertory Philippines’ Beauty and The Beast when I watched it with the girls. The girls and I also watched one Ballet Philippines performance but I can’t remember if it was Rama and Sita (it’s the Philippines’ version of the Indian epic Ramayana–all Southeast Asian countries influenced by Hinduism have their own versions of Ramayana) or Ballet Manila’s Ibong Adarna
I wish theater will come back. I wish live concerts are back. They were my life then. Now that the girls are much older, I can bring them along with me to more stage performances. When I didn’t have kids, I vowed that I will expose my future children to the arts. Which I eventually did. Even when they were little, I brought the girls to different museums so they can be exposed to visual arts.
The girls at BenCab Museum, Baguio City 2017. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
Hmmm…Maybe we could go back to Pinto Art Museum this weekend. I’ll check also some art galleries that might be open now.
Gallery 7, Pinto Art Museum 02 February 2020. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
Woke up a few hours after I dozed off. I should go back to sleep but I can’t. I’m angry. Oh fuck you.
