Dreaming of Diving. Mess and photo by CallMeCreation.com
I was painting purple petunias when I messed up—I spilled water. Lots of it. Then made the most of it and turned this into a dream sequence, with me dreaming about diving. I propped this against my computer monitor to remind me that I can still rescue something that completely went wrong and try to work with it and be flexible. This ain’t pretty but it’s a reminder. Then I will replace this with another mistake, then another. Until I get better with my mistakes.
I made a lot of mistakes in my life and I simply had to work with what I’ve got. I’m no stranger to grinning and bearing it until I see a breakthrough.
I used to think that when things go wrong, they’re punishment for my sins, for the things I did wrong. Blame my very Catholic upbringing for this way of thinking. Now I should know better. Things happen because I’m just human; I am bound to make mistakes. It’s not punishment but rather just a consequence of my very human judgment. Now the test of character comes after how I will pick up myself from this mistake. Will I let it sink me or I will swim? Blame the universe for being cruel? Blame other people for this mess up? <<<< Well this is what narcissists do when things don’t go their way. They blame others but themselves.
Today is a bit slow since China, Taiwan, and HK are on public holiday and Southeast Asia is not that in a mood to chase stories today either. I was able to cook baby back ribs in the slow cooker for more than 6 hours. It was so tender that you can shred the meat with just your fork. You can make a Philly cheesesteak with it only that it’s pork, not beef.
This day was a more relaxed one compared to yesterday when I was still working until 10 pm. I was able to cull dead leaves from my plants. So far so good; the ones I recently bought are still alive.
Photos by CallMeCreation.com
I think I have more room for flowers since the deadly heat of midday is no more. I just have to continue with companion planting so the plants wouldn’t suffer root rot due to soggy soil.
It’s so cumbersome to be living in QC if most of your business is in Makati central business district. The travel time is hellish due to the mind-numbing traffic jam that is back to pre-covid horribleness. However, this is compensated by the fact that QC has more wide open public spaces with trees compared to surrounding cities and people do not have to go to malls to be able to access public spaces where they can bring their children.
My kids and I had bento brunch today c/o of moi because I wanted to eat maguro sashimi. I pan-seared the tuna’s surface but the inside is still raw. I like it that way, I don’t know why.
I roasted my own sesame seeds for the rice.Photo by CallMeCreation.comChunks and chunks of tuna sashimi. I ran out of wasabi. Photo by CallMeCreation.comSoybean paste soup.Photo by CallMeCreation.com
I took a nap after lunch because I slept late again last night. I had been tinkering with my older sister’s laptop that I wanted to convert into a Linux machine. Because I can.
An old Asus Vivobook. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
I cleaned its innards and checked if the RAM has an expansion slot. Nope, the RAM is onboard, thus, I would be limited to just 4GB. The keyboard is ghosting so I bought a replacement to make this serviceable. The keyboard would come from Shenzhen, China so I would have to wait for weeks before I could perform another surgery on this thing.
Why am I resurrecting an old laptop? I don’t know. Maybe because I can? It has always been a hobby of mine to tinker with old laptops and Frankenstein it. I used to dual-boot computers with Windows and Linux but it’s a bit cumbersome to partition SSDs or HDDs and run out of space over time so might as well have separate machines for the two OS. Why? Because I need to brush up on Linux every now and then and teach myself how to compile drivers or work my way around GitHub. Why? Because I’m bored? I want complications? I don’t know. It’s just my way of educating myself with stuff that 95% of the people here don’t bother with.
Anyway, enough about the laptop.
So this afternoon we’re back in QC Circle because I wanted to buy more plants and have a very lush container garden again.
Tadah! I have more plants on the floor of the passenger side. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
I let the girls roam free in the amusement park again and ride whatever they want with the budget I gave them.
Pedal and Paddle amusement park, QC Circle. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
It was a lovely afternoon and we took advantage of the sunshine that has been rare every afternoon this week. After I spent like PhP 500 on additional plants, I watched the afternoon go by on this concrete bench and waited for the the girls to run out of money.
Waiting. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
I appreciate this city for having this Circle, UP Diliman, and LaMesa EcoPark (further up north near Fairview)—and other places I have yet to discover—so families can have affordable places where they can have picnics and have their kids run around safely. I could not imagine living in other cities and being stuck in a condo for months on end because of Covid lockdowns. I would have gone stir-crazy. Good thing I had the foresight and chose to live in QC still. I was thankful every time I could bike to UP campus in the evenings on unbearable days when I was still living inside my head and grieving.
Since we live near Maginhawa St, I am making sure we dine once a week in some of the restaurants here so we can try all of the things on offer before we leave this apartment next year. I’m going to miss this place even though last year it was painful to be still living here. Through sheer determination, I was able to exorcise J’s ghost and learned to love this home that I call mine. My apartment in my city where I’ve been living for almost 20 years.
Here is Kimchi this morning, taking a nap with me. Squishy. 🐱🐾
Photo by CallMeCreation.com
Here is me a few hours later after giving her and Sushi a bath.
Photo by CallMeCreation.com
They hissed their way out of the towels when they were being dried. Sushi in particular wanted to kill us and acted like she’s dying at the same time.
Murderous cats. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
It’s Maundy Thursday today, (and in the Christian calendar) it’s when Jesus washed the feet of his disciples. It was His act of humility and service and his demonstration that we must love one another and that there is no ranking in God’s love.
“I have given you an example, that you should do as I have done to you” (John 13:15).
Love hurts. Love is humility. Love is service. There shouldn’t be any hierarchy in love because—I don’t know, you just love. I would die for my children if it means I could save them. Just as Jesus died for us to save us, without any hierarchy of who among us he loved the most.
I loved even though I hurt, thinking that love could turn a heart of stone softer. However, there are just some things that love can’t conquer so I just leave it up to Him. I did not seek revenge but instead I sought peace because it’s hard to live with so much hatred. In the end, it will just be up to God.
17 Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. 18 If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. 19 Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord. 20 On the contrary: “If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.” 21 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.
Romans 12:17-21
card from worldchallenge.org
We didn’t go yet to Intramuros because the girls aren’t finished studying for their finals on Monday until Wednesday next week. They should clean their bikes tomorrow morning so we can go in the afternoon. Friends had been posting on Facebook that the provinces are clogged and the traffic even going to Quezon Province is intolerable. A classmate of my girls said it took them 9 hrs of driving to Baguio.
This is the reason why I love staying in Metro Manila during Holy Week. The roads are clear and we can just do cartwheels in the middle of Makati CBD 😂
In the meantime, I transplanted some of my flowers and sowed some petunia seeds.
I hope they don’t die. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
So far so good. My existing flowering plants are doing ok.
Photo by CallMeCreation.comThe morning glory that I transplanted to a hanging planter because it is starting to grow vines. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
And finally, I now have a yellow bell! I had been looking for this plant for a long time because this one creeps along walls and fences. By next year, this will be ready to be transplanted in my new house and creep along the wire fence that we had erected between our lot and the neighbor’s. I can make a trellis out of yellow bells.
Photo by CallMeCreation.com
Now that I’m done doing manual labor, my creative side is itching right now. I want to order more watercolors. I held back and just ordered Staedtler mechanical pencils because it’s easier to sketch with it and not bother sharpening my pencil all the time. I’m now impatiently waiting for it.
Makeshift easel. Photo by CallMeCreation.comYellow bell.Art and photo by CallMeCreation.comArt and photo by CallMeCreation.comArt and photo by CallMeCreation.com
Today is Palm Sunday, traditionally a day that marks the the start of the Holy Week in this predominantly Catholic nation. The old practice was the oldies refrain from eating rich foods at the start of Ash Wednesday but with my generation, sacrifices (no eating of meat) and fasting usually start on Holy Monday. I remember there was this old practice of Filipinos eating only fish on Fridays as part of their penitence, regardless of the time of the year, that’s why galunggong (round scad) and mungbean soup were popular dishes in offices/canteens every Friday lunch.
Anyway, I don’t really follow these practices since I’m no longer Catholic (because for me Jesus’ death on the cross is enough to pay for my sins so no need for penitence) but fasting is a good way of making you focus more when you plan on meditating this coming Holy Week. I tried intermittent fasting before when I was doing my reflections in 2016-2017. I subsisted only on coffee during the day and then break my fast after midnight with a light snack.
So today I grilled blue marlin steaks because Twin A asked for it, not because it’s Palm Sunday. 😁 I was surprised at how well I seasoned the fish before grilling. 🥰 I cooked meatless hotpot with tofu to accompany the fish. The smell of the fish while I was grilling it reminded me of beach outings we had when I was growing up. We always grilled something when we go to the beach during summer holidays. 💓
I then attended to my garden again to re-pot the plants that were not thriving and transferred the ones that already outgrew their containers into the clay pots I bought from Marikina yesterday. Now that I have a good look at my inventory, I can assess now what are the additional flowering plants I can buy next week. It took me four hours to finish. No wonder people during lockdowns were so into gardening. We can pass the day just gardening.
Twin I taking a photo of me while I was busy.
My morning glory plants are thriving and I may have to transplant them next week into hanging planters because they’re already growing vines. The marigolds are sprouting but I haven’t seen any sign of the calendula and aster. The leeks have also sprouted. This encouraged me to plant kale and lettuce in my spare mini pots. Let’s see if my black thumb only applies to vegetables.
As I said, gardening is trial and error. So I realized that the loam soil I was buying retains water too much and my area does not encourage evaporation that quickly so a lot of my earlier plants became victims of root rot, especially my expensive roses. Now I learned I must mix this soil with coco peat and humic plus soil conditioner.
And clay pots do make a difference.
Clay pots allow the soil/roots to breathe since the pots are porous compared to plastic pots. Yes, plastic pots are cheap and convenient to have but they easily encourage root rot. So what I’m going to do with my existing plastic pots and rectangular planters is I will drill holes not only at the bottom but also at the sides to encourage aeration. I already did that to my big plastic planter, that’s why some of the current plants there are surviving. However, it seems like the holes aren’t enough because my cosmos are nearly dying. So I transferred them to a clay pot and into an area that receives full sunshine throughout the day. I just hope it works.
Tomorrow will be the formal turnover of duties from my boss to me during the team call. Then on Wednesday will be a follow up call with my new manager (APAC head) as my outgoing manager will be transferring to the data team and by June she will be transplanting herself to London. I have to fix my schedule again to see if I can fly to Singapore before July (probably next month?) to introduce myself to PRs and renew my connection with firms and sources after the formal announcement of my promotion (and also my salary raise–a lot of paperwork and admin work).
As the newest reporter under my wing said, I will be busier but not much difference since I had been leading the team for quite some time now. Well, she has no idea how long I was like that, the invisible team leader that was underpaid. 🙄
My very old TV has stopped working so I ordered a new universal TV remote for it. If it doesn’t work, then I think I have to retire it and buy that 50-inch TCL Android TV for Netflix marathons with the girls. I will then mount it on the wall when we transfer to my new house and make it disappear by creating a gallery wall around it. Like this:
New paintings on the wall. Art and photo by CallMeCreation.com
I started the day with hammering picture hooks on the wall again to replace my sister’s red and black painting of hell with more wholesome pictures—of flowers. Twin I, who sits on that table, agrees with the changes.
But she commented that the orange opium poppy flowers looked like corals. 🤨
A nap after lunch then off we went to Marikina to indulge my container gardening hobby. Bought several clay pots. 😂 At least my flowers live compared to my vegetables. I will try growing vegetables once again starting tomorrow. Will see if my compost will be worth the hard work.
At Flora CafeTina in Marikina. Photo by CallMeCreation.comMore pots. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
After this, we went to Tiendesitas to buy cat supplies and to check out Decathlon to see if I can buy fins.
Ransacked. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
Everybody bought swimming/snorkeling/diving gears in preparation for the Holy Week exodus to the beaches next week and Decathlon no longer has my size. Even online. I am giving Twin I my old fins because she again outgrew the new ones I bought a few months ago.
So now I have to order online from Divers Point Co. (after we got home) for that Beuchat freediving fins I had my eye on for a year now.
BEUCHAT MUNDIAL ONE LONG FINS
And the diving buoy.
DP FREEDIVING RING BUOY
And a fin bag
DRAWSTRING BAG FOR LONG FINS
I hope my orders arrive on time. I didn’t buy weeks ahead because some fuck-ups may rear their ugly heads again, just like what happened last year when the world shut down for the nth time due to COVID surge after I booked our reservation at Blue Ribbon. This time, even if it rains, we will forge ahead. I’m so tired of delays and more shit keeping us from diving again.
For other diving needs like reel and line to attach myself to the buoy, diving flags/early warning device, diving belt and weights, I would just have to rent them from Blue Ribbon. I’ll buy them next time in-store from Divers Point when we go for another Anilao trip or when I push through with my Palawan trip.
After our disappointing trip to Decathlon—I only got to buy a new water bottle cage for my bike—we had an early dinner at Pancake House. To keep me from doom scrolling on my phone while we waited for our food, I tried sketching again.
Initial sketch. Art and photo by CallMeCreation.comAlong the hallway. Art and photo by CallMeCreation.comArt and photo by CallMeCreation.com
We stopped by Mr DIY for some notebooks (for Twin I), a stuffed toy pillow for the swivel chair (for Twin A), and cat leash…
Kimchi giving me the side-eye as she was really annoyed with me. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
…that our cats rejected with their whole being. We tried it on them and they hated us from their core of their souls. See how Kimchi just kicked it out of the way. It was the body leash—the least invasive version of it (compared to the body wrap) but still they hissed their way out of them.
It was every boy’s fantasy to be part of Top Gun after it was shown some thirty-plus years ago—my brother included. The aerial dog fights and anything about flying jet planes tickled their imagination. So I guess my brother is looking forward to watching Top Gun: Maverick. I also remember a poster of Top Gun Tom Cruise in the old house I grew up in…I asked my older sister why she put that up and she said she can’t remember why 😂 I’m thinking twice if I should brave watching this movie in theaters but this kind of movie should be watched on the big screen. I’m wary of being in enclosed spaces because Covid is still very much with us. One of the reporters in my bureau was reinfected with Covid, two months after of getting it in February. I don’t want to get bogged down by Covid again. It was just a nasty experience.
This is the reason why it’s better to completely heal first instead of using another person to “heal”/forget. To basically rebound. You’re still being toxic yourself so it’s gonna be hard to have a healthy relationship with anybody who still carries a lot of baggage.
Some friends don’t understand. It’s not me just holding on to the past; it’s me trying to be healthy first before anything else. I need to learn to completely love myself first before I love another person outside my immediate circle. But I’m not doing this with the goal of meeting a new person. I’m doing this for myself because I OWE it to myself. I’ve been through so much shit and it’s about time I prioritize me.
So right now I’m trying to start my week with good vibes. Like this, a clean workspace to motivate me to be productive on Mondays.
I bought a new desk mat because I’m tired of my mouse pad moving around my table. Photo by CallMeCreation.comWatering and pruning my plants everyday to keep them healthy. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
These are the little things I regularly do to love myself and appreciate life again.
Tomorrow I may go to Marikina to look around a pottery maker’s showroom for reasonably priced decorative clay pots and pedestals.
Pink is the color of tomorrow! Photo by CallMeCreation.com
My big roses have started to bloom again. Lots of patience and moving around of pots to learn the optimal sun exposure and watering frequency of these flowering plants. Good things come with patience. You can’t just rush things.
While the world is busy with Ukraine and its effect on each region, Myanmar has been largely ignored these days. The Myanmar central bank suddenly came out with a directive regarding forex:
A Myanmar resident, who asked not to be named for security reasons, expressed concern about being able to access their deposited savings and how much could be withdrawn.
“If we can’t withdraw, everything we earn will be stuck in the bank,” the resident said.
The official central bank exchange rate for the kyat is currently 1,850 per dollar, but this tends to be well below the unofficial black market rate.
The country’s economy is spiraling down further. It’s hard to do my reportage remotely when nobody is willing to talk to me, even anonymously.
Balloons over Bagan, Myanmar. Photo by Boris Ulzibat on Pexels.com
Looking forward to the Holy days next week. Metro Manila will be empty of people eager to go to the provinces as they do their revenge travel. The beaches will be teeming with people. As for me, I’m staying put since I know the provincial roads will be super clogged with SUVs. Maybe the girls and I can go to the Intramuros churches to do visita iglesia and at the same time I can do sketching. We can bring our bikes. We can also bike along Roxas Boulevard, along Manila Bay.
Manila Cathedral. Photo by Gerald Escamos on Pexels.com
Before that, I still need to help them review for their upcoming tests and I’m giving them some pointers for their music lessons.
My drawing for my girls’ music lesson. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
Now I know why I had to go through those rigorous piano lessons and rondalla practices all those years: so I can teach my children music down the road. 🤔 I even had to teach them how to properly write a G clef. One day they will learn how to transcribe music notation on music staff, the least favorite of my duties as a music student 🎹 and glee club member.
After the first batch of their final exams, we will be celebrating the girls’ 11th birthday. I need to order food before everything closes down for the Holy Week.
