We’re on the third day of ECQ a.k.a. No One Leaves the House. It’s dragging me down mentally and emotionally. I couldn’t bike or walk outside the 6-9 am window because I’m a nocturnal creature so I wake up late. I tried exercising every morning a couple of years ago but I always end up tired by midday, which is hard for me when I need full concentration during writing or editing. So now I’m stuck.
I haven’t had any in-person intelligent adult conversation in weeks. This is driving me nuts. I just want to randomly call friends but I know I would just be a nuisance to them so I haven’t done it. Been ranting about this government on Twitter for God knows how long. It’s maddening. I must stop doom-scrolling in the next few days to ease the tension in my mind and body.
I had been sick the past few days; it’s probably psychosomatic. Probably too high gastric acids due to stress. I just woke up with this gut-wrenching stomach pain that I associate with hyperacidity, an affliction I haven’t experienced again since 2014 when I had my gall bladder removed. Following that stomachache on Monday was the debilitating diarrhea that left me weak and almost dehydrated.
But I had to work yesterday. I edited one story and wrote one story as well. The day before I did an hour-long interview despite the pain and overall weakness that I felt.
Cat loft. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
Again, thank God for cats. They’re my stress-relievers. It’s also a constant battle to keep Kimchi from climbing the curtains and going up the windows and the shelves.
Kimchi up again on the shelf. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
Despite that, they’re good company and they always crave my presence and always beg to be let in my room and just lie on the floor to be with me. For them, I am their mommy.
Sushi keeping me company while I sew curtains to replace the ones destroyed by her sister. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
The storm drain where we rescued my cats. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
It will soon be the first anniversary of COVID-19 quarantine. I don’t know how long I can take it anymore. One year. We’re now experiencing a second wave, with daily new cases reaching 3000 3,500. But this stupid government still doesn’t have a clear vaccination on program. 🤦🏻♀️
Anyway, this also meant that my cats will be almost 1 year old. We found them late April or early May at the back of Institute of Chemistry. I visited today on my bike that storm drain where we found them trapped. It was so overgrown with weeds and other debris.
My cats are so lucky we found them before they died of hunger and dehydration in this storm drain. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
I went around the Science Complex before proceeding to the vegetable shop for our weekly supplies. My bike now sports a new detachable handlebar bag from Decathlon so that my green leafy veggies will not get crushed in the other bag tied to my pannier. I’m so happy with it. I no longer have to carry a backpack (which is annoying when I bike).
I love my bike. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
This coming Holy Week I will be bringing the girls and our bikes to my hometown. Let’s see if I can reach other towns in Laguna with just my pedaling power. Maybe I’ll ride with some high school classmates. It’ll be a whole new adventure going around Laguna on a bike.
My cats trying to share the beer with me while I attend one press conference. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
My world has turned upside down. I used to look forward to the weekends because I can get off work. These days I dread the weekend because it leaves my brain idle…and against my own volition I just find myself walking down the memory lane. Then become haunted by his ghost and I go back to that cruel cycle of losing sleep and being unbalanced again.
So thank you, Lord, for making me busy these days because that leaves me little time to think about anything else.
So like today, I edited a couple of stories in the morning then had back-to-back virtual press conferences/webinars. It drains my brain but it’s better than having an active brain at night. To survive the busy day, I had one can of beer to stimulate my brain and keep me company instead of coffee. I can’t sleep these days if I drink coffee.
The downside of being busy is that I wasn’t able to have my exercise (either bike or walkathon) in UP.
It’s unfair that I get to be like this while he doesn’t fucking care if I’m still alive and he is able to enjoy life like nothing happened. He is sleeping with somebody else now while I have developed a revulsion toward anybody outside my circle of friends because everyone else is not to be trusted. As The Script sang, you don’t get breakeven in breakups. One of you will suffer more.
I wish events and meetings can be face-to-face again so I can be busier and won’t have mental space for anything else. So I won’t have to drink beer while attending press conferences because coffee keeps me up all night.
I made a cat tower by stacking up two sets of plastic shoe racks that I spray-painted gold. I hot glued abaca twine on the posts so my cats can climb. Cat towers in Tiendesitas cost PhP 8,000 and I simply refuse to spend that much on something as frivolous as a cat tower. The reason why I needed a cat tower is because my cat, Kimchi, keeps on clawing her way up on my curtains, destroying a number of them.
However, my DIY cat tower was a failure since they’re not that enticed to climb on it. Probably it was too high or it was unstable. So I demoted it into what it really was, a shoe rack.
Photo by CallMeCreation.com
Now they’re more willing to use this when it’s propped up against the sofa that they use as a launch pad when sunning themselves on this shoe rach/cat tower failure.
I removed two levels to use as another sleeping loft for them by the stairs as they got too big for their carrying crate that I initially used as their hiding/sleeping cave.
Photo by CallMeCreation.com
Now I’m darning all the curtains that Kimchi has ruined. I don’t want to throw them away just because of a tear. They’ll just end up in a landfill. I’m an ok seamstress anyway and my darning stitches are decent enough that they could disappear into the folds of the curtains.
Cats have this habit of lying on the things you’re working on like sewing projects or computer keyboards. They’re like petulant children constantly wanting your attention. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
My cats’ claws are destructive, alright. I got scratched a number of times when I gave them a bath last week. I gave it a rest this week but sometime this week I will have another round with them.
Photo by CallMeCreation.com
Oh my children, the four-legged and the two-legged ones, have been keeping me occupied. The two-legged species have been pestering me about bicycling now that they learned how to. I have to make time for that since I can’t just leave then cycling around the village by themselves with cars all over.
Bought another second-hand folding bike so my other daughter won’t have to hostage mine when we go out. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
So now we have four bikes at home, which includes my purple Japanese-style commuter single speed bike that I would bring to my mom to give to her househelp.
So yesterday we cycled around the village along the streets with less cars. Cycled for at least an hour. It was good exercise and that took my other daughter away from the computer screen. Now that her twin has her own bike, we three may have another go tomorrow if I finish work early.
Kimchi and Sushi munching on catnip before testing their new scratchpad. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
My cats are clingy for cats. They’re not normal. They always–as in always–want to be near me. When I work, they insist that they should be with me in my room. At night they wouldn’t want to leave me; they wait at my door and grab the chance to sneak in when it cracks open. And when I get up from my chair, they will follow me to the door assuming that I would be getting out of the room.
Photo by CallMeCreation.com
Sushi demands to be petted. If she couldn’t get it from me, she goes down to the girls and asks for it. Kimchi, on the other hand, becomes a spidercat and climbs the window screens just because she can.
Kimchi sunning herself
They make a lot of mess. They require work and money (vet visits!). They’re my fur babies. And because they’re clingy, I could not go anywhere this Chinese New Year weekend since I cannot leave them without human supervision or else they would tear this house apart. That’s what pets do when they feel like they’re abandoned by their humans. I planned to go to Caliraya Lake in Cavinti, Laguna to bike and have new views but the scheduling might be tricky with my maids going off on Saturday.
Lake Caliraya. Photo by Carl James from Flickr. Found in www.vigattintourism.com
The alternative is to go to East Ridge in Binangonan and bike around there so I will be back by evening.
Until my cats complete their vaccines, I don’t want to risk bringing them out on walks with a leash or bringing them out on trips. Plus cats aren’t really fond of trips like dogs–at least the cats that we’ve had since I was a kid aren’t that adventurous.
I want to get away. So I can forget.
Amnesia
I drove by all the places we used to hang out getting wasted I thought about our last kiss How it felt, the way tasted And even though your friends tell me your doin’ fine.
Are you somewhere feeling lonely even though he’s right beside you When he says those words that hurt You, do you read the ones I wrote you? Sometimes I start to wonder Was it just a lie? If what we had was real How could you be fine? ‘Cause I’m not fine at all
I remember the day you told me you were leaving I remember the makeup runnin’ down your face And the dreams you left behind you didn’t need them Like every single wish we ever made.
I wish that I could wake up with amnesia And forget about the stupid little things Like the way it felt to fall asleep next to you And the memories I never can escape ‘Cause I’m not fine at all
The pictures that you sent me They’re still livin’ in my phone I admit I like to see them I’ll admit I feel alone And all my friend keep asking why you’re not around.
It hurts to know your happy, Yeah it hurts that you’ve moved on It’s hard to hear your name when I haven’t seen you in so long It’s like we never happened, What is just a lie? If what we had was real, Gow could you be fine? ‘Cause I’m not fine at all
I remember the day you told me you were leaving I remember the makeup runnin’ down your face And the dreams you left behind, You didn’t need them, Like every-single wish we ever made
I wish that I could wake up with amnesia And forget about the stupid little things Like the way it felt to fall asleep next to you And the memories I never can escape
If today I woke up with you right beside me Like all of this was just some twisted dream I’d hold you closer than I ever did before And you’d never slip away You’d never hear me say
I remember the day you told me you were leaving I remember the makeup runnin’ down your face And the dreams you left behind, you didn’t need them Like every-single wish we ever made
I wish that I could wake up with amnesia And forget about the stupid little things Like the way if felt to fall asleep next to you And the memories I never can escape ‘Cause I’m not fine at all
I’m really not fine at all
Tell me this is just a dream I’m really not fine at all
What to do on a Friday night during quarantine, when cases are climbing fast and no vaccination program yet? Watch cats. Specifically, watch cats watch a printer printing and wait for it to spew out paper then kill the paper.
I’ve been printing vintage images to stick on my journal. Because after an 8-hr day of writing and editing, I still do more writing to decompress 🤦🏻♀️
My decorated journal. Because I don’t have anything else to do. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
21 years ago, you wouldn’t catch me sober on a weekend night. Now all I want is a nice fluffy bed and a good book.or movie.
If I’m feeling social, I will have a glass of wine or two at Barcino or some wine bar in Makati with friends. Because pre-Covid, driving home on a Friday night is torture as you get stuck on EDSA.
Tomorrow, I cook, clean, garden a little then buy veggies from UP. I’ll coax the girls to come with me to Binangonan for some mountain views and fresh air. If not, then…🤷🏻♀️
