The reason why this meme resonated with a lot of people is that this is the vibe of the 35+ year-old people around the much younger crowd. They do their thing, we do ours, immersed in our own nostalgia, feeling the rhythms of our youth.

The original music that Jon Hamm was dancing to in this clip was mehhhh, but now it’s overlaid with Kato’s Turn Your Lights Off makes it more relatable and resonates with people my age. This is the EDM that we danced to in late 90s to early 2000s. I remember getting in the car with my cousin who just learned how to drive and we went to a club in what was then Marco Polo. There was no alcohol involved but we danced on the ledge later that night. It was the summer of ’95, right before my senior year in high school.

I also went to a gay bar with fairygaymother K in QC when were still in our 20s and all I remember was I was really hammered one time and was dancing on the ledge with some gorgeous gay men. I didn’t feel unsafe because I knew the men there will not harass me.

So yes, seeing Jon Hamm immersing himself in this EDM that is already 15 years old is somehow…joyous melancholy. A time before marriage and kids; a time when we were carefree even though we didn’t have money. Jon Hamm here looked so… free.

I miss that.

It has been exactly five years since I’ve been thrown out the window and watched myself break into a million pieces. I didn’t realize it then, but that is the best thing that happened to me because that forced me to slowly rebuild myself.

It took a while before I found myself. It took me years before I can finally tell myself, this is me.

Have I forgiven the person? No, not necessarily. It’s just after five years, I no longer cared whether I have forgiven him or not for treating me badly, for treating me like a human appliance. Like it no longer matters whether he’s alive or not. 🤷🏻‍♀️ It’s not true that you need to forgive someone to move on. Time does that for you. In the end, forgiveness doesn’t matter anymore when you’re free. Because forgiveness is for the person who needs to forgive, and not for the person who should be forgiven.

So if it doesn’t matter, why do I still remember the exact time I got broken? It’s because it’s the start of my journey to myself. It’s like doing a deep dive into myself and now that I’ve found that little girl lurking underneath all that mess I had become, I’ve come to celebrate.

No one knew the struggles I had to go through. I was directing my energy at the wrong things. I remember the exact moment that a voice in my ear told me this: focus on your children. Look at them closely. The exact moment was when I saw this sunset.

And a week later, Twin A was sent to the hospital to fight for her life. I didn’t see that she was sick. I was so wrapped up in myself that I didn’t see she was wasting right before my eyes.

All of it was part of my five-year journey into myself.

I needed to love myself so as not to be self-absorbed and see the world through a different lens. I needed to become me so I can give myself grace and other people that same grace.

I needed to love myself so I can let go and be kind to myself when I finally admitted that I am not happy managing people and I’m bad at it. The younger me would have berated myself and be ashamed that I quit because that meant that I am a failure. The more mature me has recognized that stepping back and down meant that I am recognizing that my strengths lay in journalism and not in management. That it’s ok to step back and I’m not lesser for it.

Five years I’ve learned to be alone and be happy about it.

I had lunch and coffee chika with some people in the last 2 days, just keeping in touch so I wouldn’t lose the personal and professional connection. This is what I like about my profession, it’s the connection with people and the knowledge-sharing.

Surprisingly, the traffic was not as bad as last week. Only took me 1 hr and 30 mins or less to get from my place to Makati or BGC and back.

I had my last interview in the morning with an executive from a US company and I have to write that story on the last day of my working day for the year. 😭 My editor from the land of bubblegum pop has one of my stories last night arrested and it seems like it would have to be carried over next week. WTF!

I won’t work next week. Let that story die.

Filipinos are really blessed when it comes to music.

Of course, it goes without saying, Lea Salonga.

Nicole Scherzinger (Filipino American)

And all Filipinos know how to sing. We are in tune.

That’s like almost 100k people singing in unison and not one out of tune moment.

So dear Lord, if I may be reborn in another dimension, please give me the ear of Lea Salonga and the pipes of Ann Wilson.

It’s funny how a few years have changed me. Last night, my friends and I were out of our high school gates by 8 pm. About two years ago I would have gone to the afterparty and drunk myself silly until 2 am. A high school classmate who was with us last night told me this morning at the weekend community market that he was the only one left in our class when we have gone home. 🤣 When the batch one year older than us asked where is the rest of our class, he said, oh the oldies (my friends and I) already went home to sleep. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

The truth is, we rushed home because C left her two kids in my house and Twin I was babysitting them. She was worried that the two kids were already burdening my kids. But they were good children so Twin I didn’t have much to do except for making them take a break from playing Minecraft on my kids’ laptops and giving them dinner that I ordered via GrabFood.

Now let me take a nap…

This is what I do everyday, every fucking day… It never ends! I’m tired.

Ah yes, the 1990s. I was there in the thick of it. The music, the clothes, the gadgets or the lack thereof. It was fun. We didn’t need much back then. We had more patience (imagine waiting up for friends at the designated meeting place without cellphones) and were more resourceful.

It was a simpler time but it was also a difficult time as I was wrapped up in so much insecurity.

As I told one of my bffs, I loved my life before but I won’t go back to my teenage years and my 20s. I was a mess then. I love what I have become now as I have come into my own person, beginning when I reached 43 years old. I have mellowed and I learned to love myself.

My friends and I are going to our high school homecoming tomorrow for nostalgia and to see people. But no, we won’t relive what is all in the past.

I finally was able to write my third story for the week yesterday and it was such a relief to have all those interviews out of the way. I still have two more interviews to make into articles and some more interviews in the pipeline, hopefully, these would be scheduled in January. I hate scrounging for stories after the Christmas holidays.

It’s surprising to be ok working until the 19th. Last year I couldn’t wait to be off by the 11th because I was so stressed and exhausted. Dealing with reporters and their productivity issues day in and day out has sucked the life out of me.

This time, I’m just responsible only for myself and that has made a tremendous difference. Because of that, I’m not so ragged by the end of the year.

I just don’t know how long this relative calm will last though.