A company sent me one complete set of PPE gear just in case we may need this for home care. This is so timely as one colleague from my former TV network just messaged us that his whole family is down with COVID and is at home isolating. I need to order more from Lazada, which I will be doing tonight. I wonder how much of this will I need? Probably seven? 10?
I hope that I will never have to use this.
Speaking of COVID, my second dose will be administered to me on 9 May and I hope the side effects won’t be as bad as the first one. I was so sick for 24 hrs after getting the shot. I had all the side effects listed here. But at least I know that the vaccine (albeit Chinese) is working. I just don’t know if I won’t die of COVID if ever I catch it.
Gaaaahhhh too much work today plus I feel sick so I wasn’t able to bike to buy veggies for the community pantry today (I still have leftover funds from my cousin donor). Hopefully, I will be able to do it tomorrow morning, for my health too. I can feel the lack of exercise is taking a toll on my body already.
Sunday brunch: Leftover oyakudon, sauteed mungbeans (that are almost sprouts), fried glass noodles wrapped in seaweed, English breakfast sausage (for the girls), tamagoyaki, rice, ginger ale, camomile tea, and oranges. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
It’s hard to find inner peace when there are so many stimuli to spark anger. Then this weekend (I hate weekends!) all of a sudden I got hit by nostalgia and began missing him. I thought I’m done with this–I was wrong. I told my friend that I’ve sunk again. I tried doing everything in my power to forget, so my friend said is I should do the opposite: I should confront this head-on one night and be done with it instead of running away, trying to cover grief by busyness. “I really wish you peace,” they said.
I’m at the stage in my life where I no longer want fancy titles and management positions. What I want right now until the day I expire is inner peace. What is success? I was already an editor of a newspaper before the age of 30. I thought I would be climbing up the corporate ladder, if not the media ladder, and become middle manager before I hit 40 (which happened). I had thought of earning a CFA badge and move on to finance after earning my master’s degree. But all that changed after having my girls. Having them pulled me back to what is essential in life.
To live simply so my income would be enough for our needs and a bit of luxury like travel. Saving enough so that I will be able to retire comfortably and not worry too much about tomorrow. Investing enough so I can send my girls to college. To dive more, to go on more roadtrips (just like I used to do before when I was younger) either on four wheels or two wheels. To hike again (which I used to do a lot and I even documented one of my hiking/camping trips for a newspaper I used to write for in college) like what I did when I was single, happy, and free.
I don’t think I’m meant to have a partner. I am too independent and very opinionated for anybody’s taste. I shouldn’t make myself small for someone who refuses to grow up and I’m fed up being like that for almost 18 years with the girls’ dad. And I shouldn’t mourn somebody who despises me, which J does; I have to constantly remind myself of that. Have some self-respect, some dignity. I deserve better.
Illustration by @Avogado6 on Twitter.
So these two women are teaching me how to achieve inner peace, little by little, by living slow. I will soon find my own place in this world.
So many things to be angry about these days. It’s difficult to contain it. When you voice it out, you will be red-tagged and that’s equivalent to a bull’s eye on your forehead for the military and police. Ted Herbosa, that effing DDS medical doctor, who gloated about the death of one balut vendor because of exhaustion while lining up at a community pantry organized by actress Angel Locsin. How can a doctor, who swore an oath not to harm anyone, be gleeful about a poor man’s death?
I’ve seen the lines personally when I brought the rice sacks. There are so many hungry people who suffer for hours just to be able to get food.
The length of this video is almost 2 minutes, that's how long the queue is of people lining up for one of the many community pantries that sprouted in the Philippines 🇵🇭
I knew in my head that many of us are hungry, but it is different when you see it.
— Karl Lester 'Kane' M. Yap (@karllesteryap) April 23, 2021
I can’t afford to be angry anymore because my heart is already black as it is. So much anger inside of me that I might implode. All I can do is to channel this anger to just helping others. I’m so angry that I no longer know what to do with it.
Chairs in SM Department Store. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
I know I could have bought these chairs online but for some reason I was on a revenge spending binge for some random shit from brick-and-mortar stores this week. Maybe because I allowed myself to spend on the bathroom. Maybe because I was too cooped up at home because of the never-ending lockdown. Whatever the reason, I bought these chairs to replace my daughters’ battered computer chair that I passed down to them a year or so ago and the red plastic chair that’s unstable.
I bought again a new humidifier, which I really don’t need but I just want to have a beautiful scent wafting in my bedroom while I slave away on the computer. I’ve been buying random stuff online as well. 💣
I almost bought a guitar online. Good thing I checked myself and asked, do I really need this?
😁 Better bathroom now. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
So taking showers are much better now that I no longer have a grungy bathroom. I couldn’t add a small sink without chipping away at the walls and burying pipes on concrete floor. Besides this carpenter is a crook. Too long a story to tell but he is a jackass that I just want the job to end. Because he did a bad job, I had to bring in another guy to rectify the errors, including a clogged shower drain.
New contact lenses and eye glasses for me. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
And since my headaches coincided with my revenge spending, I had my eyesight checked yesterday for any changes on my nearsightedness before buying a new set of contact lenses. My suspicion was right that my astigmatism got worse. So now I ordered new toric contacts and will have my eye glasses fitted with new lenses. Too much screen time 🤦🏻♀️
I now gained back all the weight I lost biking a few months ago. The last time I biked to buy veggies was two weeks ago. Too exhausted by work to ride.
Vegetable run. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
I will try to get back on the saddle again this weekend. I need to reclaim my physical health and sanity. And to make me stop shopping for random stuff online because I’m bored.
68 kg of rice. Photo by CallMeCreation.com Kgs and kgs of rice and other goods to share.Photo by CallMeCreation.com
The Maginhawa Community Pantry reopened today and there’s a very long queue. I arrived late in the afternoon because I was swamped with work. However, I managed to somehow get away and buy 68kg of rice divided into 2kg packs. Then I checked the supply the organizers have to see which is abundant and which items must be replenished. I will come back after wrapping up work for the week.
I was preparing for my morning live report when a man on a cart selling goods (on pic) passed by the pantry. He handed me a plastic bag with three packs of noodles.
Not knowing what to do with it (and I was busy preparing), referred him to a volunteer. 1/n pic.twitter.com/uXXinPKhui
UPDATE: I finally got in touch with the guy! His name is Alberto Calanza. They used to have a canteen in Technohub but was forced to stop business during the pandemic. So Mang Alberto resorted to selling goods! His children want to buy him a new cart.
The littlest of people, those who have next to nothing have the biggest heart. I’ve been reading and hearing about the generosity of Filipinos and it warms me and pains me at the same time. Prepandemic there are a lot of hungry people neglected by society and government. This pandemic created more of them.
Meanwhile, I am proud of my daughters. They’re good kids. They prodded me to take PHP 500 from their birthday money to spend on surgical masks to donate. I told them to keep the money and I will do the donation. They said, no Mommy. We still have money. We want to help.
I think because they have been aware of what I keep on doing while they were growing up. When they see their parent helping those who are in need regardless my emotional state and financial status, they pick it up. When they see me feeding homeless cats, they develop sympathy and then empathy. One night I called one of my girls to come out of the house with our plastic container of cat food and water for a kittykat near my bank. She was meowing loudly by the lamppost. I drove by our gate, picked up the food and water and drove back to the kittykat. After making sure she is fine (she was being looked after by the homeless man nearby), I went back home and tell the story to the girls.
Kindness to all humans and animals must be taught from the very beginning. No ifs and buts. I also emphasize to my girls that they should be polite to everybody, regardless of age and economic status, hence the constant use of “po” and “opo”. I always correct their manner of speaking.
Kindness and respect, generosity and empathy for all are basic things I’m teaching my girls. It will guide them all throughout their lives.
