Some friends from the industry messaged me earlier tonight that they were at the Vietnamese restaurant near my apartment. In two minutes I was there. I had dinner of chicken pho and then we proceeded to the wine cellar a block away and they had a few glasses of rose while I had a sip (because I really can’t drink).
It was nice seeing them again in person. The last time we had virtual drinks was in August when we were talking about that girl that J was chasing. Anyway, we were talking about what happened to me in February (the painting that was sent to me, the cheating discovery, etc) and my road to recovery now. M, who was the only guy in the group tonight and the chauffeur, said my story was so wild and he said that I was a strong person to have endured such kind of treatment.
Then we talked about our anxieties and stresses. Like Mdz, she is so stressed about her boss who is not that bright and she’s looking for another job; Lou, who was so stressed with what happened yesterday during her first face-to-face coverage and then her story didn’t come out because of office politics; and M, who is so stressed with his new boss that he already wanted to quit the newspaper business and justfigure out his next move. He’s rich anyway so he can afford not to have a plan B. So the three of them just said they would want to open a business and M would be the financier. <<< This is the type of talk among friends who are already weary with life. They’re all single so why not???
I invited these friends for dinner or lunch at home; we can grill something and I will cook a full set meal. I still have wine. Mdz said she will bring wine, M said he’ll bring the steak, and Lou will bring whatever. I’ll just have to plan it. Perhaps the weekend after the elections. Maybe we will all commit harakiri if BBM wins.
Prior to the message and the dinner and drinks with them, the girls and I went to Gateway to get our glasses. The style and brand (Ann Taylor) of my glasses were the same with minor changes. But I still miss my old glasses because this new one doesn’t sit on the bridge of my nose well like the old one did. Anyway, I’m glad it’s here so I can draw again.
Photo by CallMeCreation.com
Tomorrow we’ll go biking with our Leni T-shrts, baller and watches in solidarity with those who will be at the Grand rally in Makati.
I already paid for the girls’ school tuition this afternoon. Writing the check and handing that amount to the school cashier every May is always a leap of faith.
They will be having a hybrid setup where the children will be divided into batches: some kids will be physically in school on MW while the others are at home; then they will be at home for T-TH while the others will be in school. Thank you for small mercies like this because my kids are tired of online school. I would have been tired too if I were in their shoes.
I have also paid for their high school entrance exam review tonight. They will have the sessions starting June every weekday afternoon and by August through September they will be having it every Sunday, for 4 hrs every morning until noon.
Alongside that are their regular Kumon sessions.
Twin I complained that they already have too much on their plate. I told them that was nothing when I was their age. I had high school entrance exam review classes, Math tutorial, Sunday (Catholic Church) school, and Rondalla practices, piano lessons, and goodness knows what else. I rode public transport through all of these. I didn’t complain because it was expected of me and there’s this unspoken pressure that 1) must always be an honor student; 2) must pass UP high school and UP (college) or else I will fail my parents and bring them shame since my brother topped those exams; my older siblings always graduated with honors, if not valedictorian. I was not given a choice not to pass those exams. I was not given a choice not to be an honor student.
It was not an option.
My kids are luckier because they know I have a Plan B. My parents had no Plan B for me then. It was taboo. I was the only one among my siblings who didn’t take the Philippine Science High School exam because right off the bat I knew I will not pursue a science career. My other choice then was Philippine High School for the Arts but I was confused whether I would be pursuing theater then or creative writing so in the end I didn’t take the screenings, but I already had in my hand the application forms. In the end I just rested my entire future in one entrance exam and it was only now that I realized that I would have been truly fucked if I didn’t pass UP high. My mom said, just a few years ago, that she was confident that her children would pass. I just don’t know where she got the confidence that I would.
My kids are now pressured to choose what their career paths would be–Twin I came to me one night and told me she doesn’t know what high school track she should pursue. I told them they could be whatever they want. They wouldn’t know what they wanted to do in life even after they graduate from college. I told them some friends keep reinventing themselves 20 years after. So they shouldn’t lose their hair trying to figure out what they wanted to do because things change.
I was the rare person who knew at 16 what she wanted to do for the rest of her life. Twenty-six years after, I’m still doing it and I have no regrets.
This song by Sam Smith is so apt for me right now. I used to always downgrade myself, thinking that I didn’t deserve so and so things, this person, this…Blame it on low self-esteem growing up. It took me 40 years to realize that no, I’m not so bad after all. That I’m ok. Sometimes more than ok. If only I knew what I know now back when I was in my 20s, I could’ve saved me a lot of heartache and sorrow.
But then adulting is like that, isn’t it?
Have you ever felt like being somebody else? Feeling like the mirror isn’t good for your health? Every day I’m tryin’ not to hate myself But lately, it’s not hurtin’ like it did before Maybe I am learning how to love me moreIt used to burn Every insult, every word But it helped me learn (yeah) Self-worth I had to earn So I tried every night To sit with sorrow And eventually, it set me freeHave you ever felt like being somebody else? Feeling like the mirror isn’t good for your health? Every day I’m tryin’ not to hate myself But lately, it’s not hurtin’ like it did before Maybe I am learning how to love me moreJust a little bit (love me more) Just a little bit (love me more) Oh, no (love me more) Just a little bit (love me more)I used to cry myself to sleep at night I’d blame the sky when the mess was in my mind I couldn’t see, I couldn’t breathe So I sat with sorrow And eventually, it set me freeHave you ever felt like being somebody else? Feeling like the mirror isn’t good for your health? (If you have, let me hear you right now) Every day I’m tryin’ not to hate myself (yeah, yeah, yeah) But lately, it’s not hurtin’ like it did before (sweet child) Maybe I am learning how to love me moreJust a little bit (love me more) Just a little bit (love me more) Oh, I’m gonna try to (love me more) With a little bit of love (love me more)Love me more Love me more (just a little bit) Love me more (love me more) Love me moreOh, gonna love me more (gonna love me more) Oh, gonna love me more (yeah, yeah, yeah) Oh, gonna love me more (gonna love me more) (Oh) oh, gonna love me more
This is me while working, my cat Sushi joining me in my press conference.
Photo by CallMeCreation.com
The weekend is soon here. Saturday we will stick near our apartment because there will be a gigantic traffic jam as people will be gathering in Makati CBD, and the stage for the Leni x Kiko Grand Rally will be located at Ayala Ave cor Paseo de Roxas. I think this will attract one million people and will spill over to Edsa. The whole of Makati CBD will be clogged—there will be a domino effect so everything else is going to be frozen.
I wanted to go there, but my hotel reservations came a week earlier and I don’t have room in my budget this month for another staycation in the CBD area. My sister said it’s difficult to attend these rallies because you have no place to pee, it’s hot, and parking is a nightmare. My fear of Covid is winning over my FOMO (fear of missing out). My kids and I will just probably bike around with Leni x Kiko posters all over us.
And these text spams by Marcos? I fight back…
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I enjoy trolling them.
With Fabian Ver‘s daughter and Loren Legarda‘s son disowning what their parents did, I am hopeful that this generation and the generation of my daughters will continue to side with what is right.
Screen cap from Rappler.com
This story of Wanna Ver’s discovery, education, and later acceptance of the evil her father did is very powerful. I want to cry.
Wanna Ver is offering one apology at a time for the crimes her father helped commit, and stands by the accounts of victims and survivors
Fabian Ver is the second-most evil man after Marcos during the latter’s reign. He was the the berdugo, the executioner, during Marcos’ reign of terror.
Meanwhile, Lorenzo Leviste’s rejection of his mother’s political choice tore him apart and had to denounce it publicly.
‘My mother is an example of how fascism takes hold, is made acceptable, normalized, facilitated, ushered in’
I don’t like his brother (I interviewed him a couple of times), but this Lorenzo sounds like he has a good head on his shoulders.
Only a few days away…
My stomach is in knots.
To ease my anxiety, I continued with my bookmark painting.
Art of photo by CallMeCreation.com
The board paper does not absorb watercolors well so it was hard mixing colors and the gradation is quite messy. But it will do. Plus I’m legally blind. My contact lenses do not allow me to work at close range and I couldn’t take it off like I do with my eyeglasses. I had to take my contacts off when I lined this with Uni pin 0.5.
I can’t wait for my eyeglasses so I can go back to normal.
Speaking of anxiety, I went to a spa near my apartment to have a deep tissue massage on my shoulders, back, and neck. I could feel that I would be having a stiff neck tomorrow because my muscles in these areas are frozen. This despite having a 1.5-hr Zennya massage in Makati this weekend. The knots on my shoulders and back are so tight that it was so painful sleeping on my side.
At the neighborhood spa. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
I and my S.Korea boss were the only editors today so I had to edit some stories from Australia because of this. I submitted a story I wrote and of course no one picked it up. I guess everything has to wait until next week. If I remember it right, this week is Japan’s Golden Week as well, which coincides with China’s week-long holidays.
I doubt if I can work well next week when my whole body would be contorted with anxiety due to the elections.
Rough sketch. Art and photo by CallMeCreation.comArt and photo by CallMeCreation.comBuilding views, Makati central business district. Art and photo by CallMeCreation.comPoolside. Art and photo by CallMeCreation.com
I decided to make bookmarks and use urban sketching style to draw pictures as I have a lot of board paper off-cuts here.
When Kr and I met last Friday, I gave her the 400 pcs of business cards I ordered for her, the Baguio City pines painting I promised her, and a print out of the yellow bell I painted for my mom. She was surprised that the print was not a real painting and she said I can make Christmas gifts out of such prints. I said I will try making book marks and the original ones I will give to special bookworm friends and the prints will be given to other bookworms. I will have them plastic laminated.
I was inspired by this urban sketcher last night so I went back to drawing again today, even if these are just quick drawings.
I’m not proud to say that I again procrastinated today and was just busy emailing and chatting with people online. Well, it’s still work, right? There are days when creative juices just don’t flow and I needed to seek it elsewhere, hence, the drawings today. Besides it’s a holiday today here in Manila (and the rest of Southeast Asia) so my brain knows I really don’t have to work that hard today.
I read somewhere (I don’t remember if I already blogged about this) that executives and creatives have different workflows. Executives function well if they divide their day according to chunks on a per hour basis. They can easily finish daily tasks like that. Creatives, however, cannot block time like executives do. So when visual artists or writers block their days, they do it by how many hours it takes them to finish because you cannot just cut thought or creative drive like executives cut their calls per hour. That’s why a lot of writers tend to skip meals because it’s hard to cut their train of thought when they’re deep into writing.
It’s the same with starting a creative process like writing. I need to be in the zone to write so there are days that I really procrastinate—which is bad since I’m a manager too. So my days now are filled with executive work that involves talking to a lot of people and emailing, fixing admin stuff, etc. So the more I procrastinate doing executive tasks, the more the creative process gets delayed.
I have to fix my workflow better. This blog entry gives good tips on how to manage your daily tasks. Since I was a semi-manager in the past, winging it was ok. But now I have my entire ass on the line, I cannot just wing it like I did before.
To complicate matters, I must still manage my household like a chief executive, including weekends. Single mom manager and super journo—I don’t know how but I will get through this.
A week from now, Filipinos will determine if we sink or rise from this disaster. I’m scared. I’m anxious but I’m hopeful.
The surveys that had been coming in are flawed. Several statisticians from UP and the former head of the National Statistics Coordination Board (NSCB, now part of the Philippine Statistics Administration) have already pointed out the methodology flaws of those surveys that they were structured to favor the class D which tended to favor Marcos.
Horror of horrors, in 7 out of the 17 regions, there are more registered voters for May 2022 than the population 18 years or over!!! The percentage of “over-registration” ranged from at least 1 percent to at most 11 percent. How on earth could this have happened?
Dr. Romulo Virola
Pulse Asia (PA) overrepresented those who did not reach college representing more than 78 percent of the PA sample and almost 70 percent of the PSA 2015 Census of Population and consequently underrepresented those who did:
Sampling bias by Pulse Asia, according to Dr. Virola
Meanwhile, I was arguing on Twitter with a Filipino journo based abroad for his crass words today. He has no idea what it is to be on the ground here. Now.
I can’t keep my words from flowing. The last time I couldn’t, I went viral on social media.
I was talking to my taxi driver this evening about Leni. Just one conversion is already a good one. Doing 10 conversions makes a world of difference.
Because I’m fighting for the future of my children. It’s not just for me or about me, unlike those people who are voting for Marcos who just say, I’m voting for him because I like him better than “lutang” (floating) Leni.
We are doing our best to change the mindset of the majority of the electorate who are not reached by social media and proper education.
Go mom! Photo by ArtCave
Here’s my mom yesterday talking to some rural folk somewhere in the middle of a farming community in the province, campaigning for Leni. Giving a talk and leading focus group discussions. There are millions of her doing this, volunteer on the ground campaigning, house-to-house visits to persuade people, correcting false information and propaganda.
Bills,bills,bills. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
It’s that time of the month again when I have to record/tally my expenses or trace where my money went. I always pay my credit cards in full every month. I don’t want consumer debt hanging over my head and I always make sure I have savings and petty cash for unexpected stuff like this:
Eyeglasses for us all. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
I lost my new eyeglasses. I don’t know where and how but I just couldn’t find it anymore. I had been wearing contact lenses the entire weekend and it’s only yesterday that I discovered my eyeglasses were missing.
Since I couldn’t live with wearing contacts full-time, I immediately went to my optometrist to have new eyeglasses made. I also had my girls’ and Ate C’s eyes checked. It’s not surprising they have astigmatism because of the amount of screen time we all had the past two years…so I had four pairs of eyeglasses made (Ooohh boy they’re not cheap!). Only Twin A’s were ready tonight and the rest will be picked up on Saturday because I ordered ultra thin lenses for us.
My girls will now join their four-eyed kuyas. 😁
Chasing each other with booger (eewww). Photo by CallMeCreation.com
My cats missed me. When we arrived home at 1:30 am today, my cats were all over me. Then they settled on my bed while I unpacked and searched all around for my missing eyeglasses. I slept at 4 am and I woke up at 9 am with my cats still in my bed. ❤️
SushiKimchiThey missed me! Photo by CallMeCreation.com
Today Southeast Asia is dead: Eid’l Fitr celebrations across Southeast Asia while Vietnam celebrates its liberation with a holiday that began April 30 until tomorrow. I had been sending requests for interviews again and I think I have several lined up for this week.
I thought I was fine, I thought it’s over. But I had a dream that rattled me for a day, but I quickly bounced back. It’s probably an indication that I’m still healing and sometimes I would still stumble and fall.
But it’s ok. I have to be nicer to myself. This is not a race.
I will be me again, probably better as I have more understanding of myself and the world compared to four years ago. I’m in a better place now.
