And the economic crisis is sinking us deeper and deeper

This should make dollar-earners like me happy. But no, this makes all goods more expensive because we are a net oil-importing country. Among other things that we also import are rice, durable goods, and just about everything. We even import onions and garlic from Taiwan.

WTF.

Jeepney drivers are already sleeping inside their jeeps because they could no longer afford to go home because they no longer earn anything as gas prices continue to climb.

The group of journos I am with right now are starting a movement to create news content in bite sizes for Tiktok to combat disinformation on such platforms. A friend just did a Tiktok of the horrible commuting life in Metro Manila. I took it upon myself to create a Tiktok about the impossibility of PHP20/kg rice that was the campaign promise of Marcos Jr. Another friend will be releasing tomorrow a Tiktok of the forex situation now.

Because Marcos trolls are very active on social media now, trying to paint the false picture that things are hunky dory and that they claim only detractors are saying we have a crisis. That’s what they did to that friend’s Tiktok video about the horrors of commuting in Manila; they mass-reported it as “dangerous” so her video was taken down even without the benefit of being properly reviewed by Tiktok.

A crisis of food accessibility, economic, and information. We are in deep shit.

And I and my colleagues have an important role to play.


How many times do I have to experience being fished by a fake profile on Instagram? Since I don’t look like I’m in my 40s, they think I am single and ready to mingle. When they message (even if my profile is set to private, they can still message me) I always tell them, I’m 42 and a single mother, so go away. On IG, it’s usually those claiming to be Chinese/Taiwanese or Korean living out of their home countries. On Twitter, it’s usually American servicemen and I ignore them because their kind always think Filipino women can easily be bought with dollars and promises of being flown out of the Philippines.

Oh sorry, I’m not one of those. I don’t blame those who belong to the lower economic strata for targeting AFAMs (A Foreigner Assigned in Manila) so they can get out of poverty/Philippines. However, these foreigners shouldn’t generalize that all Filipino women are into that kind of thing. It’s insulting.

Men are dirty. I’ve truly lost trust in them.

I sound so bitter. But can you blame me?

While attending an ADB financial forum in my house clothes and a four-legged officemate.

I was so busy today that I only had 30 minutes to eat lunch and have a bathroom break. I had to write a story, edit, do admin work, and attend conferences/webinars. On top of that I had calls in between and trying to have my internet connection fixed. I finally succumbed and contacted the corp comm team of my ISP and asked them to expedite my internet repairs. After a few hours, my connection was fixed ๐Ÿ™„. I really don’t want to use my connections for such things but Internet is very critical to my job.

Oh, and those white earbuds that I’m wearing in that photo are my new Oppo earbuds that I was able to buy on sale. I didn’t realize how freeing such thing could be. I was talking somebody on my phone, that was just on my phone stand on my desk, while I was walking around in my room. Good for driving as well. I don’t know why I resisted buying this for so long. Ah, because I’m an audiophile and I always thought their bass is pale at best compared to the sound of my over-the-ear Audiotechnica bluetooth headphones. Well, the earbuds are just ok for exercising and for phonecalls but for listening to music, nothing beats the over-the-ear ones and of course, speakers with a subwoofer.

Today is much better. I finally reconciled that yeah, a double-digit raise is not so bad even if I didn’t get the pay level I wanted. As for my people, I will just have to ask for concessions for transportation allowances for them given the high cost of transportation and generally everything else.

Let’s see.

Oh hello, Monday

Back to work.

With no fixed broadband Internet.

WTF!

And I had a lot of VOIP calls today. I couldn’t respond to a week’s worth of emails because I am just using my mobile phone as a hotspot.

And the promotions I asked for my people weren’t granted and salary increases for them and mine were minuscule.

My second-worst performer still has a higher salary than me.

Now this. ๐Ÿ˜ค

And yet they still limit our access, we legit journos who have code of ethics and strict guidelines to follow before we publish anything.

I’m super pissed.

Oh hello, Monday. You haven’t changed.

Car-lessness and lack of delicadeza

Inside a taxi on the way home. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

I left my car at the auto shop. I am car-less for a month and I pray that I won’t have any event in Makati that I need to go to because OMG it’s so hard to book Grab today and all days. ๐Ÿ˜ญ

Rainy Sunday. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

I feel forlorn. I’m immobile. First time I am car-less in Metro Manila since 2009. I hope I will have it back before July 22. ๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿ˜ญ

Meanwhile, the girls are having dinner with their dad and paternal aunts and uncles tonight. All is supposed to be well but suddenly Twin A sent me this screenshot (from I don’t know whose phone). It’s an FB post of their dad that says “Happy Fathers’ Day, regular customers!”

I don’t care if he has a harem or he takes out prostitutes regularly but he forgets he has children who can see his social media posts and they’re all girls ๐Ÿคฌ No delicadeza at all!

Now I don’t know how I would do damage control but I have to talk to my children about female dignity and we are more than sex objects. This is all upsetting.

You see, they have developed abhorrence towards the male sex because of what their dad did/is doing and what Tito J did/is doing. They no longer call J as Tito J but they call him by a codename or sometimes he goes nameless when they happen to remember him/or an incident with him in it. That’s how they hate him now. It doesn’t help that they saw and keep seeing J’s gf online who they think is a slut or not different from the women in the above screenshot. They adored him before. They looked up to him. Twin I was even copying his habits like tea drinking and she came to like vegetables. Now she dropped the tea drinking after she discovered about his gf. I could only feel pity towards my girl whose only male role model became eroded.

And now they’re seeing their dad’s perversion.

They told me once when they slept in their dad’s house that they used his laptop and saw a lot of “photos of women” (oh dear lord, I hope is not porn) in the hard drive or somewhere in his computer.

This is what I’m afraid of. Without a proper male role model, they may have a distorted view of the opposite sex and may get into wrong/troubled relationships in the future. I grew up seeing my mother’s co-dependence so that’s what I learned from her, hence, I inherited the same behavioral defect, which my first shrink told me.

I am afraid that my girls would only see their value if they’re all “sexed up” because that’s how the men in their lives see women: as sex objects. If the women that the the girls’ father figures keep always show their boobs, are preoccupied with their looks, and are scantily clad in public, they would think that is the beauty standard. Since I don’t do those, they would think that must be the reason why I always get cheated on. Even though they know it’s not, at the back of their minds it could be one of those things. Right now, both of them feel they’re ugly and have very low self-esteem. Despite my best efforts to lift up their self-esteem and their morale, if they don’t have a male authoritative figure who can say that they’re beautiful and smart, they would forever have these chips on their shoulders. How do I know? Because I grew up like that. I always thought myself ugly and unworthy of anything because my father is a narcissistic idiot.

Now I’m treading treacherous waters. How do I navigate this difficult narrative? My closest male friend is gay. They’re all gay! So who to talk to about this? I need to ask my brother to help correct this distortion.

They’re adolescents now. How do I talk to them about healthy self-image when I struggle with it myself?๐Ÿ˜ฅ

Back to school shopping

Bento brunch. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

Made bento brunch today because I wanted to make soybean paste soup with mushrooms and tofu. It goes well with rice balls, salted spinach with sesame oil, and chicken drummets.

Got the text message from the girlsโ€™ school that we could claim their school text books so we hopped into the car and off we went. Along with the books came the list of school supplies that we needed to buy.

Paying for our purchases. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

Then we went to the farthest SM we can go to: SM Mall of Asia in Pasay. Why the heck did we go there? Because this will be the last day we will have the car at our disposal because tomorrow I will bring this to the car shop for major body repairs and other mechanical repairs. I will have the radiator replaced with the bigger and thicker one, too.

Anyway, the girls and I bought new school bags and shoes that would go with their new school uniforms. They would be starting classes on the 11th of July and I guess I still donโ€™t have the car by then.

All that shopping called for calories. The nearest restaurant with the shortest queue was Genki Sushi.

Lemon honey soda. Photo by Twin A.
Wait staff donโ€™t serve the food. The food comes via a miniature Shinkansen. Video by CallMeCreation.com
Busy tucking in food. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

Since we had to maximize the diesel I wasted on this trip, I picked up a drawer, a saucepan (because the old one is already leaking), and some kitchen sink organizers from Ikea.

Good luck to me building this thing. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

Ah, retail therapy. I have a love-hate relationship with you.

UPDATE:

It took me two hours to build this tiny drawer ๐Ÿ˜ข

Basura day

wrecked home furnitures interior
Photo by Wendelin Jacober on Pexels.com

I have accomplished nothing today.

My total sleep for today is 10 hours.

The only thing I did was to clean the exhaust fan in the bathroom and cook dinner. Otherwise I was horizontal the whole day because I needed to enter the zen mode after last night’s trigger episode. I don’t want to take my anti-anxiety/tranquilizer as my shrink told me to do when such event arises because I want to completely be off it. I want to be better soon. I want meds off me. I only have been taking escitalopram (antidepressant) since April and my goal is to stop it by August, according to my shrink’s timetable.

It’s enough that he destroyed me and my mental health. I don’t intend to prolong it. I had given him too much power over me. He doesn’t deserve me and this power. Sending me that painting was an attempt to regain that power but I didn’t let him. Even my shrink was flabbergasted with that action but she didn’t offer any explanation. She was probably waiting for how I would act on it. Being a person with full mental faculties still intact despite nearly going insane, I had the will power to shut him out by ending it with “thanks, got it” as I still had my self-respect with me. If I didn’t, I would have started a conversation and that would open Pandora’s box. But I didn’t because I loved myself more at that moment. It was a painful fall, though, but I bounced back with the help of friends. But it was hard.

He must be messing up other people now.

Not me. No longer me.

But I have to admit I’m still struggling with anger and a whole gamut of other inexplicable emotions.

I was able to overcome yesterday’s anxiety attack without the tranquilizer though, which is already a feat. I just need more will power to continue fighting this. I need to be stronger to be healthier.

As my colleague-friend said, I need a distraction. She asked, do you have Bumble? I said no and people there are worse scammers. I would rather hang myself. She conceded and said, yeah, I guess you’re right.

So I guess I need to have my house built soon so I can be distracted. I don’t need to date to distract me. That’s suicide.


Brunch. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

My brunch is comprised of side dishes. ๐Ÿคฃ Well, it’s better this way.

Meanwhile, I found that consumer companies have started adjusting their packaging in response to the current high prices. Cream is not necessarily a staple in Pinoy pantries; a smaller package would make it affordable so buyers won’t have to skip it when doing their food shopping. During times like this, consumers stick to basics.

Photo by CallMeCreation.com

This has been my question to companies in the past few weeks: how are you adjusting your services and your products as people continue to tighten their belts? They have done this in 2008. Some companies survived but some didn’t. As for Monde Nissin, they told me they’re not reducing their packaging/weight but they’re adding “pairs” so that consumers would feel more value for money compared to competition, which have shrunk the sizes or weight. I remember in 2008, I had to ask Jollibee, the bellwether for Filipino consumption, how they would twist and turn as prices of rice and oil skyrocketed. If I remember it correctly, the CEO’s response was they would have smaller rice portion (Jollibee is the largest private sector rice importer in the country). I remember showing in my article the gross and profit margins of that company and computing the differences for several quarters to illustrate how inflation compresses them.

It’s tricky. If your products and services are discretionary, you would have to do gymnastics to be able to ride this crisis. As I have learned during several economic cycles, when you’re not part of the “basics” basket, you should increase marketing spend while sticking to producing your core products and innovations have to take the backseat. This is something that Microsoft and Apple did during the Global Financial Crisis of 2008-2009. This is what I learned, too, in my classes at the Asian Institute of Management.

Let’s see how other sectors would respond. I have yet to receive their email responses to my questions.

Thief in the night

Night snack. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

My sister and I are supposed to be on a diet. We have to keep ourselves healthy since we’re already in our 40s and everything goes downhill from here.

I have one high school classmate who lived in the UK and was about to be promoted to be CEO of his company. He just dropped dead in his bathroom a few weeks ago but we only learned about it this week. He was diabetic so his health was constantly monitored but they were baffled why he suddenly dropped dead like that. Later on it was revealed that he has fatty liver disease that went undetected, which was odd.

In any case, I don’t want to just drop dead like that; I have two humans and two cats depending on me. So I have to start cleaning my act together. No more late nights so I have to have enough sleep and wake up early to bike. If not cycling, I should walk early in the morning. I’m supposed to go to a cardiologist for a check-up post-Covid during my leave (which I only have tomorrow left). I should also have this osteoma removed. Oh well, only half of the things I’m supposed to do were accomplished.

I should find time for my health.

Speaking of high school friends, my bestfriend, T, bought tickets to the Red Velvet concert that she and my girls will be watching on 22 July. I would be their chauffeur.

Red Velvet concert tickets. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
The foundation that will be the recipient of the concert proceeds. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

I claimed the tickets this afternoon from this office, a foundation that supports persons with disabilities (PWDs), which is the recipient of the proceeds of this Kpop concert. So this means I have to bring my car on Saturday to the car shop for the repairs so that I can claim my car before the concert.

Then I booked my plane tickets and hotel reservation for my trip to Singapore. I would finally be back there after more than two years. I haven’t seen our new office at Raffles Place and I doubt if I have a desk there but I should. So many things to arrange and so many people and clients to meet. ๐Ÿ˜‘ Unfortunately, the conference I was supposed to attend in Bangkok coincides with our own conferences in Singapore so I have to skip Bangkok.


I had a weird dream last night.

I was being pursued by a creepy guy who thought I liked him because I was just being generally nice to all people. Because when you’re networking, you need to put on your nicest smile and charm the socks off people. However, this creep took it differently. Then I spent rest of my dream running away from this guy, which involved me slipping through doors and flying (literally) through windows.

Perhaps this is a warning to dial down on the charm offensive during my networking chore in Singapore.

I remember being pursued by this Chinese guy who attended a conference in Makati where I had to interview several shipping execs and government officials. I had left him in Manila Peninsula after I had coffee with him at the hotel lobby, because you know, he was BD of a big Chinese SOE and I thought it was worth having that kind of contact. I went to a lunch press briefing in another hotel. After that event, I was supposed to fetch my car and passed through the underground pedestrian crossing and encountered that Chinese guy in that unlikely place. And he stuck to me like glue the entire time. I asked my journo friend, L, to fetch me but she said she already left CBD.

Long story short, networking is hazardous for journos like me who need to dig a lot of info from people who may misinterpret my friendliness. ๐Ÿ˜ถ

stop sign
Photo by Mwabonje on Pexels.com

And I met J through this kind of networking and it just so happened I was very vulnerable at that time. This should serve as a big warning to me. People who I meet in these circumstances do not have the most noble intentions in mind. I have more respect for people who lay their cards right there and then: I use your info, you use my info. We do horse-trading and I don’t have to go through shit, like you pretending to like me to extract what you need from me. That’s just so low.

He just used me so he can move here in Manila with minimal difficulties, because as he had repeatedly said, it has been his intention to move here and see how it would work out given that the cost of living is much lower than in Singapore.

I’m soooooo gullible.

Bawal maging marupok. Wag ka nang maging tanga, OK?

I cannot afford to be stupid anymore.


What the fuck. I got triggered. After a long, long time.

I cannot sleep. I’m having palpitations and I’m very angry. My eyes are filling up with tears of anger as the feelings I’m keeping buried are trying to get out.

I need to schedule my session with my shrink ASAP because I need new prescription for escitalopram.

Oh God, when does this end? It’s exactly 1.5 years tomorrow and yet I’m still like this.

If this is what loving deeply costs, I don’t want to encounter it ever. Ever.