COVID cometh, COVID taketh away

crucifix illustration
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

My high school classmate died of COVID-19 yesterday afternoon. He had to be intubated after complaining that he couldn’t breathe after getting positive for COVID. He had undergone dialysis. Only in a span of two days…

He used to play keyboards for my band because he was a better keyboard player than I am (yes, I used to have a band 21 years ago). But he had to drop out because he had a day job. We were fresh college graduates then who had a hangover of college life. He was my uncle’s godson and he and his wife were the next tenant after my older sister gave up her condo unit when she left for Australia some years ago.

He is more than a statistic.

Damn this government.

Yesterday we logged the highest daily new COVID-19 cases since the pandemic began. And Octa Research projects that we will be hitting 10k-11k before the month ends if the government doesn’t do anything to keep the people from moving about unnecessarily.

The situation is getting worse. We are a hot mess and those nincompoops in government do not have one iota of goodness in them.

Just read this: Fil-Chinese business group being ‘blocked’ from buying COVID-19 vaccines – Locsin

There are so many news items and anecdotal evidence of other things that point to incompetence, negligence, and self-interest reigning over this administration. I am really losing hope and I’m emotionally drained. Bankrupt.

One of my best friends is now thinking of migrating to Canada. I can’t do the same since a single mother has limited options. Countries like Canada and Australia would put single parents in the bottom of their list as desirable migrant because the thinking is that people like me will just weigh on their welfare system. My present company will not sponsor my migration since my skills are more needed in this region. That’s why a tourist visa to the US is tricky for a single parent unless I prove I have above average income, investments, and properties here. The two items I can easily provide but I haven’t invested in properties until the annulment is granted by the court.

I was distressed last night that I had had sewn by hand my new muslin kitchen curtain. In one sitting. I needed to be busy and mask sewing doesn’t cut it anymore. I need a more complicated project to take my mind off my classmate’s death, the sorry state this country is in right now, and my own personal grief.

My tiny hemming/felling stitches that I learned from Bernadette Banner on Youtube. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
It’s more of a window skirt to soften the window that overlooks the utility/laundry/cooking area of my apartment. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

UPDATE: We’re going to be on a lockdown starting tomorrow, but the government doesn’t want this to be called a lockdown because that meant they had to give financial support to the most vulnerable people–the poor. The poor who had no choice, cannot stay at home because they need to work or else they would go hungry.

Duterte approves 2-week GCQ for M. Manila, nearby provinces with add’l restrictions

They keep on saying we cannot afford it but they have yet to show where they spent the money they have borrowed for social amelioration. They have borrowed billions of USD for vaccine procurement and yet they are forcing the private sector to donate half of the vaccines they are procuring for their employees (because they cannot wait for the government’s verrrrrrryyyyy slooooooowwwwwwww vaccination program–if there is indeed a program). Because people like me had been very noisy/vocal about this anomaly on social media, the government now is singing a different tune.

Private sector need not donate vaccines to gov’t, ECOP chief says

Where is the money we borrowed for vaccines gonna go if they’re forcing the private sector to donate? Your guess is as good as mine. This is blatant corruption and this government is really taking advantage of the pandemic that keeps us from doing protest actions like the Burmese.

Or Filipinos no longer care.

Another impending lockdown

They’ve started hoarding San Miguel beer at my neighborhood grocery store.

On the first anniversary of the Philippines COVID-19 lockdown, we are facing a threat of another lockdown as cases continue to rise to 5,000 daily. My city has started to ban alcohol (I don’t understand the logic behind this when people can stock up and have drinking parties at home), gyms, and spas.

People started hoarding beer because the ban starts today. I managed to stock up on beer in cans, vodka, and I still have red wine to tide me over the coming weeks.

The market did not take the news very well.

So basically, I need to do off-hours shopping for food again to avoid long lines at the supermarket and curfews. Trying to keep everyone sane because we’re going to be stuck again at home since Quezon City will start implementing the quarantine pass requirement again.

Which is utterly ridiculous. People need to go to work, keep their jobs, and feed their families. Quarantine passes are just instruments to bully people. There are households with more than one adult who needs to go to work. Limiting it to only one adult who can go outside is against the basic human right to earn a living. If this government only implemented a good contact tracing program, testing, and quick and wide vaccination program, this wouldn’t be happening. All they know how to do is to praise themselves because of this delusion they are doing a good job for the benefit of the DDS. Like how delusional Trump was.

I am completely drained right now. I don’t have anything to look forward to in the coming weeks.

Smaller world

Taking shelter from the rain. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

5000 new cases yesterday, the highest since August. This is why they try to curtail movement again. That’s the only thing this brainless government knows how to do. No comprehensive vaccine program, no useful contact-tracing program where our records are not stolen by scammers, no nothing. It’s like being in Myanmar right now.

It’s kinda like being on a semi-lockdown again on the anniversary of the COVID-19 lockdown. I can’t explain what I’m feeling right now because I am trying to suppress any strong emotion these days. The closest thing I can say is I’ve given up hope that we will be ok.

UP Diliman started banning joggers and bikers again until further notice. My daughters and I tried cycling along University Ave but it rained. We had to go back and just bought Korean ice cream from Seoul Meat on the way home to make them feel better.

Finishing their “dirty” ice cream near Mang Larry’s during our exercise last week, before UP campus had shut down. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

I couldn’t bring them elsewhere to have our exercise. Police had set up checkpoints at the border of QC and Rizal so we can’t go to Angono or Binangonan for biking. I guess that would be the same case everywhere. No more going home to Laguna this Holy Week. I can’t have my Laguna biking trip. I wonder if we can still go to Anilao a week after that. I booked Blue Ribbon resort for four days before cases started spiking.

Circumstances are really forcing me to live inside my head again. I want to scream. I want to cry but I’m tired of crying. Been crying for exactly three months now. I’m stuck. In my room. The worst place to be stuck because I shared this room with him for two years. I couldn’t move houses because at the moment it’s better to be in this location since it’s near UP. My brain needs the openness of my university, figuratively and literally. It’s also convenient to have supermarkets within walking distance when you are trying to avoid people.

I want to be in Japan right now. To be in Gifu and Ishikawa. Once this madness is all over, that’s where I will be.

It’s almost a year of quarantine

The storm drain where we rescued my cats. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

It will soon be the first anniversary of COVID-19 quarantine. I don’t know how long I can take it anymore. One year. We’re now experiencing a second wave, with daily new cases reaching 3000 3,500. But this stupid government still doesn’t have a clear vaccination on program. 🤦🏻‍♀️

Anyway, this also meant that my cats will be almost 1 year old. We found them late April or early May at the back of Institute of Chemistry. I visited today on my bike that storm drain where we found them trapped. It was so overgrown with weeds and other debris.

My cats are so lucky we found them before they died of hunger and dehydration in this storm drain. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

I went around the Science Complex before proceeding to the vegetable shop for our weekly supplies. My bike now sports a new detachable handlebar bag from Decathlon so that my green leafy veggies will not get crushed in the other bag tied to my pannier. I’m so happy with it. I no longer have to carry a backpack (which is annoying when I bike).

I love my bike. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

This coming Holy Week I will be bringing the girls and our bikes to my hometown. Let’s see if I can reach other towns in Laguna with just my pedaling power. Maybe I’ll ride with some high school classmates. It’ll be a whole new adventure going around Laguna on a bike.

I offer thee

Photo by CallMeCreation.com

Pahinungod (Cebuano) {pa-hi-nu-ngud}– dedication (n), offering (n), dedicate (v)

When I was a college freshman, I joined the UP Pahinungod, the volunteer arm of the university. During the summer break I was sent on a mission to Mindoro Oriental to teach English and History to incoming fourth year high school students in a sort of bridge program to prepare them for the UP College Admission Test. My time and experience there was a rude awakening, prompting me to write a scathing article about the sorry state of education in this country, especially in the rural areas.

In high school (also under UP) I was already an activist. I didn’t take things sitting down; I had to fight for what I believed was right and just. I was always pushing the envelope. I used theater and writing as instruments for my activism.

I knew at some point I would end up teaching or writing or both. Which I did in 2013 until 2014. It was my payback to the university that employed my family and that gave me free education.

I’ve stayed in this country because I wanted to use my pen to change things for the better when I could just have packed my bags and sought a better future elsewhere. Messiah syndrome. But aren’t all journalists like that? I had been dedicating my life to this cause and it brought me joy and grief.

I wonder if this love is worth fighting for. This love of country that has been tested over and over the last five years. I was almost giving up.

Because you can only fight so much.

Now that I don’t have anything, except my children (plus I am already emotionally bankrupt), I’m thinking of throwing myself at it again, one last time. I’m going to use my pen and voice (podcast?) again to fight. I don’t have anything to lose now.

And if I end up giving up, because loving this country is madness, I would have to pack my bags and lick my wounds somewhere. Heal.

Carve another road.

Dreaming small

He once wanted to live in a cottage by the sea. I no longer know if this is still true. I lost sight of what he wanted. What his dreams have evolved into. He retreated from me as if he disdains me.

From our balcony in Anilao, Mabini, Batangas. Photo by callmecreation.com

Anyway, I still hold that dream of living small by the sea. I’ve always wanted to live by the sea or by the mountains (I grew up by the foot of Mt. Makiling so it makes sense). Since I was a child, we always went to the beach at least once a year. My love for the sea is coupled with my interest in snorkeling and now freediving.

I never wanted to live in a big house. I’m a simple provinciana girl who just wants to manage a small but comfortable household; a small homestead growing our own food and keeping a few animals. I want to live sustainably. A cottage by the sea is perfect. I never tire of sunsets by the sea; it’s one of the most beautiful things to witness in life. Staring at the horizon, wondering what’s beyond it. Hearing the splash of water against the shore is calming at night, rocking me to sleep.

Ever since highschool, I’ve been fascinated with small interior design. Until now I watch Youtube videos of small homes. Like I’m preparing myself for a future in a small cottage by the sea. Simple life in the province. A condo in the city for business.

Dreaming small.