Category Archives: personal

Revenge spending

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Chairs in SM Department Store. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

I know I could have bought these chairs online but for some reason I was on a revenge spending binge for some random shit from brick-and-mortar stores this week. Maybe because I allowed myself to spend on the bathroom. Maybe because I was too cooped up at home because of the never-ending lockdown. Whatever the reason, I bought these chairs to replace my daughters’ battered computer chair that I passed down to them a year or so ago and the red plastic chair that’s unstable.

I bought again a new humidifier, which I really don’t need but I just want to have a beautiful scent wafting in my bedroom while I slave away on the computer. I’ve been buying random stuff online as well. 💣

I almost bought a guitar online. Good thing I checked myself and asked, do I really need this?

😁 Better bathroom now. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

So taking showers are much better now that I no longer have a grungy bathroom. I couldn’t add a small sink without chipping away at the walls and burying pipes on concrete floor. Besides this carpenter is a crook. Too long a story to tell but he is a jackass that I just want the job to end. Because he did a bad job, I had to bring in another guy to rectify the errors, including a clogged shower drain.

New contact lenses and eye glasses for me. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

And since my headaches coincided with my revenge spending, I had my eyesight checked yesterday for any changes on my nearsightedness before buying a new set of contact lenses. My suspicion was right that my astigmatism got worse. So now I ordered new toric contacts and will have my eye glasses fitted with new lenses. Too much screen time 🤦🏻‍♀️

I now gained back all the weight I lost biking a few months ago. The last time I biked to buy veggies was two weeks ago. Too exhausted by work to ride.

Vegetable run. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

I will try to get back on the saddle again this weekend. I need to reclaim my physical health and sanity. And to make me stop shopping for random stuff online because I’m bored.

When the propaganda machine loses

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A lot of poor people who lined up early morning today are heartbroken. Jervis Manahan has been tweeting his conversations with them. This is truly heartbreaking. I was supposed to be there today to give rice packs but I waited until this got cleared up. The organizer of this community pantry called out the police for red-tagging her and the volunteerism that has been rising all around as people responded to the failures of this government. As you know, red-tagging means you can be shot anytime by the police and the military.

I don’t think I cried to my mother when my marriage was failing. But this morning I called up my mother and cried to her and said this is breaking my heart so much. A lot of hungry people out there who are left empty-handed. I told her this is like Marcos’ martial law all over again, when you can be killed by the government anytime. She said this is worse compared to the 1970s; Marcos was not as brazen as the demon in Malacañang right now…This is coming from a former activist who joined the Kabataang Makabayan in her youth.

This government wants to kill the little people.

It’s all concerned about its propaganda. When the propaganda is ruined, the government goes into offensive. This is the foundation of this government–no governance, all propaganda.

#OustDuterte #DutertePalpak

Scars are souvenirs you never lose
The past is never far
Did you lose yourself somewhere out there?
Did you get to be a star?
And don’t it make you sad to know that life
Is more than who we are?

When sadness envelopes you, you get overwhelmed by all other things such as the things you try hard to suppress. It comes up, gurgling, then explodes like a geyser.

Prepare, for the end is near

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Pulse oximeter. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

My pulse oximeter has finally arrived. I should make a Covid pack to prepare for home care just in case somebody gets infected and needs isolation. I should be getting the disposable and washable PPEs next.

I’m praying that I wouldn’t need all those things ever.

The situation is not easing up. Everyday my social media feeds are filled with people who express sorrow over a relative or a friend’s death because of COVID-19. Everyday. I’m getting tired and frustrated of saying condolence everyday.

My mom finally got her vaccine shot but I won’t feel at ease until she gets the second dose since protection comes seven days after the second shot. My second dose is scheduled on May 9. Seven days after that I would be confident of taking care of anybody who needs to be nursed back to health.

Meanwhile, one of my cats is in heat again. 🤦🏻‍♀️ After 3 weeks. I only had 3 hours of sleep because of her. She’s soooooooooo noisy doing her mating calls and rubbing herself all over, knocking down stuff. I finally rebooked their spaying, which was originally scheduled after Christmas. I wasn’t able to bring them to PAWS on their appointed date because I was still dead during those days 💔. Hopefully things will go well with their surgeries on the 28th. 🐈🐈

Still alive and kicking

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A parody of Weekend At Bernie’s, a movie my family enjoyed in the early 1990s.

So the old man is still alive and kicking, as shown in his sort of recorded press briefing, whatever proof-of-life broadcast they did last night. Based on the snippets of whatever is posted on Twitter, there was nothing there of note, just ranting against his critics, no concrete plans about the frickin’ lockdown, no plans–period. And yet the DDS keeps on applauding.

Meanwhile, I am much better today compared to Sunday night and yesterday. I felt so rotten for 24 hrs because the side effects of Sinovac were so pronounced. I was itchy all over and felt like I had flu but not full-blown flu. I just wanted to sleep and stay in bed but I had three calls yesterday so…oh well.

So that means my antibodies are fighting off the inactivated coronavirus? I don’t know but damn it should work, after all the crappy feeling I had yesterday.

My aunt had a stroke and is now suffering from pneumonia. She is diabetic and in her 80s. No hospital in Manila took her in because they are so full so not even non-covid cases could be accommodated. My sister assisted them in finding a hospital in my hometown and thankfully they were able to admit her at 1 am yesterday. My cousin drove back to QC to get clothes and other stuff since it seems like they would be staying there for quite a while. She didn’t have enough masks to allow her to double-mask so I bought a box of surgical masks and gave her all my cloth masks when she stopped by my apartment so she could double mask in the hospital. She went back to my hometown to isolate in one of our rooms in my mom’s house until she could bring home her mom.

So now I’m back to sewing cloth masks again because I don’t have any left. Plus my cousin may need more.

San Miguel Light to keep me company while I sew new masks. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

Something horrific happened earlier. I was supposed to message my brother and send him the Lazada link to a laptop that he can check out for his son but damn it I mis-sent it to J. I was wondering why my brother wasn’t responding. Too late, I realized that I sent it to J, because his chat box was next to my brother’s. I had to quickly recall it but it would still show that I sent something. In disgust, I deleted J altogether.

I should have deleted the chat box a long time ago. Now he would think I’m trying to get his attention. Fuck. I’d rather die than do that. I no longer have anything left in me except my dignity. I can’t lose it again.

He may not be my biggest error but he’s my biggest regret. No more, I will never be duped again.

Come to think of it, I don’t know if he really knew me. I bet you he even doesn’t know when my birthday is.

Aside from feeling horrible physically, I am also feeling crappy about that mistake. I needed something to make me feel Ok-things-are-shit-right-now-but-you-will-be-fine-later so I came back to music. I used to listen to “The World I Know” by Collective Soul way back in college when I feel like I’m going nowhere. I would just lie down on my bed and feel the lyrics. I need this right now, after ranting to a friend this morning about work and how I hate it these days and I already wanted to resign but I still don’t have an alternative lined up.

I need this right now.

When it hits, it hits hard

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https://www.instagram.com/p/CNLKr3BgzNo/?igshid=3hooleqvryh5

As I said before, when anger hits me, it hits me hard. To the point that I regretted that I loved him that much. To the point that I wished that I never met him.

Because you know, it’s hard. I just want peace. I just want to be left alone. I just want to be… Just be…

I just want this to be over. Because it hurts bad. I don’t deserve this.

Power tripping

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A doctor cycling last Sunday was arrested by a stupid policeman for not wearing a face shield while riding. Of course the doctor resisted arrest since the DOH and IATF already issued memos that bike/motorcycle riders are exempted from wearing a face shield because this is more of a hazard than a protection.

Incidents like this add to my roiling anger deep inside. I called the attention of my colleagues in local media outfits like CNN Philippines, Philippine Star, etc. so that they would be able to cover this. The Philippine National Police is the center of all things corrupt and stupid since 2016. I just can’t stand this. I no longer know how to contain this anger.

Meanwhile, I’m trying my best to help in the donation drive for Silungang Molave, which has been turned into an isolation facility in UP Diliman. I spoke yesterday with Ms. Perlynn and asked for e-money and bank accounts where we can deposit our donations. She also said their priority now is to secure N95 masks and latex gloves.

Paymaya 09173009064 Aleli B Bagawan and GCash 09173009064 Ma. Fatima B. Sapno.

A cousin has just sent money from abroad and I sent half to UP and the rest will be used to buy masks and face shields for delivery guys and to hospitals that may need mattresses or PPEs.

So last night I slept again very late (2 am-ish?) I was booking my vaccine schedule and what I got was 11 April. My neighbors, one of whom is a cancer patient and her mom has several co-morbidities, were able to have theirs today and they were quick. Unfortunately, the venue I chose is one of the busiest and my neighbor said it took her classmate 5 hrs of waiting even if you booked your slot and got assigned to a specific time. So I may have to rebook this again because the 11th is my daughters’ birthday and I can’t be away for 5 hrs.

The email I received after booking my vaccination schedule last night.

I booked via EZConsult, Zuellig Pharma’s telemedicine platform that the Quezon City government is using. It’s easy to use and hopefully the backlogs in the vaccination centers would be ironed out soon. I also need to go to a pulmonologist by Friday so that my medical records can be pulled out of the polyclinic near my house where my recent records are. I need to present a medical certificate that I have chronic respiratory disease i.e. asthma to show at the vaccination center. Good thing also I scanned all my past Rx including Symbicort, which is used for asthma and COPD. I belong to A3 (18-59 years old with co-morbodities) that’s why I should be qualified to be included in this batch. I’m not really eager to get the China vax but you have to get what you can. I’m a single parent and my children have no one else but me.

I’m also preparing for the event that there might be COVID home care at some point so I will have to buy 1) pulse oximeter, 2) disposable and washable PPEs, 3) look for vendors of oxygen tanks, 4) stock up on flu and asthma medicines. The first two items can be ordered via Lazada. 3 and 4 can be obtained from Mercury. Being prepared can’t hurt because Philippines’ healthcare system is collapsing.

Doctors’ group laments ‘doomsday’ situation in Metro Manila hospitals

CNN Philippines file photo