A company sent me one complete set of PPE gear just in case we may need this for home care. This is so timely as one colleague from my former TV network just messaged us that his whole family is down with COVID and is at home isolating. I need to order more from Lazada, which I will be doing tonight. I wonder how much of this will I need? Probably seven? 10?
I hope that I will never have to use this.
Speaking of COVID, my second dose will be administered to me on 9 May and I hope the side effects won’t be as bad as the first one. I was so sick for 24 hrs after getting the shot. I had all the side effects listed here. But at least I know that the vaccine (albeit Chinese) is working. I just don’t know if I won’t die of COVID if ever I catch it.
Gaaaahhhh too much work today plus I feel sick so I wasn’t able to bike to buy veggies for the community pantry today (I still have leftover funds from my cousin donor). Hopefully, I will be able to do it tomorrow morning, for my health too. I can feel the lack of exercise is taking a toll on my body already.
Sunday brunch: Leftover oyakudon, sauteed mungbeans (that are almost sprouts), fried glass noodles wrapped in seaweed, English breakfast sausage (for the girls), tamagoyaki, rice, ginger ale, camomile tea, and oranges. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
It’s hard to find inner peace when there are so many stimuli to spark anger. Then this weekend (I hate weekends!) all of a sudden I got hit by nostalgia and began missing him. I thought I’m done with this–I was wrong. I told my friend that I’ve sunk again. I tried doing everything in my power to forget, so my friend said is I should do the opposite: I should confront this head-on one night and be done with it instead of running away, trying to cover grief by busyness. “I really wish you peace,” they said.
I’m at the stage in my life where I no longer want fancy titles and management positions. What I want right now until the day I expire is inner peace. What is success? I was already an editor of a newspaper before the age of 30. I thought I would be climbing up the corporate ladder, if not the media ladder, and become middle manager before I hit 40 (which happened). I had thought of earning a CFA badge and move on to finance after earning my master’s degree. But all that changed after having my girls. Having them pulled me back to what is essential in life.
To live simply so my income would be enough for our needs and a bit of luxury like travel. Saving enough so that I will be able to retire comfortably and not worry too much about tomorrow. Investing enough so I can send my girls to college. To dive more, to go on more roadtrips (just like I used to do before when I was younger) either on four wheels or two wheels. To hike again (which I used to do a lot and I even documented one of my hiking/camping trips for a newspaper I used to write for in college) like what I did when I was single, happy, and free.
I don’t think I’m meant to have a partner. I am too independent and very opinionated for anybody’s taste. I shouldn’t make myself small for someone who refuses to grow up and I’m fed up being like that for almost 18 years with the girls’ dad. And I shouldn’t mourn somebody who despises me, which J does; I have to constantly remind myself of that. Have some self-respect, some dignity. I deserve better.
Illustration by @Avogado6 on Twitter.
So these two women are teaching me how to achieve inner peace, little by little, by living slow. I will soon find my own place in this world.
So many things to be angry about these days. It’s difficult to contain it. When you voice it out, you will be red-tagged and that’s equivalent to a bull’s eye on your forehead for the military and police. Ted Herbosa, that effing DDS medical doctor, who gloated about the death of one balut vendor because of exhaustion while lining up at a community pantry organized by actress Angel Locsin. How can a doctor, who swore an oath not to harm anyone, be gleeful about a poor man’s death?
I’ve seen the lines personally when I brought the rice sacks. There are so many hungry people who suffer for hours just to be able to get food.
The length of this video is almost 2 minutes, that's how long the queue is of people lining up for one of the many community pantries that sprouted in the Philippines 🇵🇭
I knew in my head that many of us are hungry, but it is different when you see it.
— Karl Lester 'Kane' M. Yap (@karllesteryap) April 23, 2021
I can’t afford to be angry anymore because my heart is already black as it is. So much anger inside of me that I might implode. All I can do is to channel this anger to just helping others. I’m so angry that I no longer know what to do with it.
Chairs in SM Department Store. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
I know I could have bought these chairs online but for some reason I was on a revenge spending binge for some random shit from brick-and-mortar stores this week. Maybe because I allowed myself to spend on the bathroom. Maybe because I was too cooped up at home because of the never-ending lockdown. Whatever the reason, I bought these chairs to replace my daughters’ battered computer chair that I passed down to them a year or so ago and the red plastic chair that’s unstable.
I bought again a new humidifier, which I really don’t need but I just want to have a beautiful scent wafting in my bedroom while I slave away on the computer. I’ve been buying random stuff online as well. 💣
I almost bought a guitar online. Good thing I checked myself and asked, do I really need this?
😁 Better bathroom now. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
So taking showers are much better now that I no longer have a grungy bathroom. I couldn’t add a small sink without chipping away at the walls and burying pipes on concrete floor. Besides this carpenter is a crook. Too long a story to tell but he is a jackass that I just want the job to end. Because he did a bad job, I had to bring in another guy to rectify the errors, including a clogged shower drain.
New contact lenses and eye glasses for me. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
And since my headaches coincided with my revenge spending, I had my eyesight checked yesterday for any changes on my nearsightedness before buying a new set of contact lenses. My suspicion was right that my astigmatism got worse. So now I ordered new toric contacts and will have my eye glasses fitted with new lenses. Too much screen time 🤦🏻♀️
I now gained back all the weight I lost biking a few months ago. The last time I biked to buy veggies was two weeks ago. Too exhausted by work to ride.
Vegetable run. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
I will try to get back on the saddle again this weekend. I need to reclaim my physical health and sanity. And to make me stop shopping for random stuff online because I’m bored.
A lot of poor people who lined up early morning today are heartbroken. Jervis Manahan has been tweeting his conversations with them. This is truly heartbreaking. I was supposed to be there today to give rice packs but I waited until this got cleared up. The organizer of this community pantry called out the police for red-tagging her and the volunteerism that has been rising all around as people responded to the failures of this government. As you know, red-tagging means you can be shot anytime by the police and the military.
I don’t think I cried to my mother when my marriage was failing. But this morning I called up my mother and cried to her and said this is breaking my heart so much. A lot of hungry people out there who are left empty-handed. I told her this is like Marcos’ martial law all over again, when you can be killed by the government anytime. She said this is worse compared to the 1970s; Marcos was not as brazen as the demon in Malacañang right now…This is coming from a former activist who joined the Kabataang Makabayan in her youth.
This government wants to kill the little people.
It’s all concerned about its propaganda. When the propaganda is ruined, the government goes into offensive. This is the foundation of this government–no governance, all propaganda.
#OustDuterte #DutertePalpak
Scars are souvenirs you never lose The past is never far Did you lose yourself somewhere out there? Did you get to be a star? And don’t it make you sad to know that life Is more than who we are?
When sadness envelopes you, you get overwhelmed by all other things such as the things you try hard to suppress. It comes up, gurgling, then explodes like a geyser.
My pulse oximeter has finally arrived. I should make a Covid pack to prepare for home care just in case somebody gets infected and needs isolation. I should be getting the disposable and washable PPEs next.
I’m praying that I wouldn’t need all those things ever.
The situation is not easing up. Everyday my social media feeds are filled with people who express sorrow over a relative or a friend’s death because of COVID-19. Everyday. I’m getting tired and frustrated of saying condolence everyday.
My mom finally got her vaccine shot but I won’t feel at ease until she gets the second dose since protection comes seven days after the second shot. My second dose is scheduled on May 9. Seven days after that I would be confident of taking care of anybody who needs to be nursed back to health.
Meanwhile, one of my cats is in heat again. 🤦🏻♀️ After 3 weeks. I only had 3 hours of sleep because of her. She’s soooooooooo noisy doing her mating calls and rubbing herself all over, knocking down stuff. I finally rebooked their spaying, which was originally scheduled after Christmas. I wasn’t able to bring them to PAWS on their appointed date because I was still dead during those days 💔. Hopefully things will go well with their surgeries on the 28th. 🐈🐈
