Metaverse/s

I attended a press conference this morning about the metaverse/s hosted by one of the big global banks. Simply put, it’s one of the sectors we should be looking at right now. It has gone beyond gaming and NFTs. It’s beyond immersive experience and simple AR/VR. It has crept into commerce, industrials, and fitness. Soon it will be in healthcare and other mainstream industries.

My notes during the webinar/press conference. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

As a journalist, I always try to investigate on my own the things I am writing about. Just like in financial services, fintech, and e-commerce I’ve tried all the services and technology that are available to me so I could nitpick and see how it ticks and tocks. When I started covering the local stock market 15 years ago, I started investing in stocks so I could fully understand the mentality of an investor and see and write about companies how an investor would look at them. I went to visit power plants and control bases of power grids to see how power is dispatched and attended a looooooot of conferences so I know what I was writing about like an old grid choking or a power plant tripping.

So I have a pending story about a private equity firm that banks on heavily on the metaverse, through content and infrastructure. I haven’t written it yet because I needed to totally understand (even though I have already skimmed the surface) what makes it tick and how blockchain figures into the whole metaverse. With this press conference, I can finally complete that story.

Since the future of hyperscalers like Meta, Google, Apple, Amazon, Microsoft, and to some extent, Sony, are in this metaverse, I might as well get immersed into their world–into the world where it sprouted: gaming.

I have played games in the past but I wasn’t that so much into it that I got immersed. In elementary I played, like everyone else, Nintendo games like Legend of Zelda and Mario. Then in college I played PC games. My college friend (the friend who just reconnected with me a few days ago) gave me a copy of Pokemon when we were in our final year and I played it until the wee hours because I had too much time on my hands. I had only 11 units enrolled at that time because I was just finishing my thesis and I have already frontloaded some of my courses in the prior years. I had a boyfriend who introduced me to Final Fantasy and Worms. I stuck with Worms because I could play it on a PC at home but Final Fantasy has to be played on a PS, which I didn’t have. Besides, Worms is sooooo cute but it’s a strategy game, which I liked. When I was already working, I had a PSP loaded with games that worsened my carpal tunnel syndrome like God of War and Prince of Persia. I sold it to my brother because I couldn’t get things done.

The problem now is I have access to too many games (hello, Steam!) that I may not be able to get things done again. So I think I should just stick first to reading stuff on Reddit and Discord to understand the inner workings of the metaverse. These bankers who were talking about it this morning seemed like they have inhabited this realm.


I just finished a long article (I think at least 1,000 words) this afternoon and it was like pulling out my teeth. I should get back into the habit of writing three stories a day, like when i was with local media. I used to be a fast writer. I really lost my groove last year due to obvious reasons but I should be able to pick up the pace now that I declare this is the last time I will fall down on my knees because of him. He didn’t even care about me even when we were still together, so why should I let myself be still affected by him until now? He doesn’t even give a flying fuck about me.


B messaged me that she’s in Boracay right now. I told her K will be there next week. She said, “Oh dear, K is always here!” I replied, “He’s immensely enjoying himself there with all his sexcapades that’s why he keeps coming back.” B then said, “Why don’t you join him in Boracay next week?” She said she might visit. I said that I will just be a hindrance to his grand plans when all I want to do is to do is kite boarding. B said, “you don’t want to have sex?!”

“Uh no. I should be healing first.”

“Why don’t you heal and have sex?” B asked.

“Because I’m not like that. It has meaning to me,” I said.

I guess they don’t understand.

Even in my younger years I’ve never been like that. It’s the conservative side of me. It’s the sensitive artist/writer in me. I’ve never been reckless. I only slept with four people in my entire life. Four. And that’s the end of it. That’s why it hurts when my partner screws around.

“No, you guys go. I’m happy where I am right now,” I told B.

I’d rather be celibate like my cats.

Never doubt myself again

Jo and I were talking about gaslighting and how it affects one’s own ability to believe in her own gut feel and overall confidence. Constant gaslighting erodes a person’s sound judgment and in the long run her mental health gets warped. That’s how abusers take control of the situation and that’s how victims get stuck–they constantly second-guess themselves about feeling something was not right and she should take action. It takes a lot of mental unpacking to be able to heal from that kind of psychologically abusive relationship.

I am advocating for women to seek counseling or therapy if they suffered from traumatic breakups. It’s not petty. It’s not nagiinarte. One’s healing or non-healing will dictate the course of her future relationships (not just romantic) with other people and also with herself. The problem with a patriarchal society is that women are told to “just sleep on it” or “here, eat some ice cream” when we undergo this seismic shift. Jo said that it’s unfortunate that she knows three people who are like this and are not seeking proper counseling.

Gaslighting is cruel. It’s a form of manipulation by narcissists by invalidating the victim.

I should never doubt myself again.


I did not sleep at all. If I did, I only had 30 mins of uninterrupted sleep last night, despite taking 6mg of melatonin. Then every so often I wake up that I finally gave up sleeping. I should stop my brain from thinking at night.

Lavender candle during a webinar. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

I had a hard time concentrating today because of my lack of sleep so I lighted my lavender-scented candle to help me feel good while listening and taking down notes during a webinar where they talked about widespread loan restructuring and interest rate differentials.

Now I’m writing a long-ish article since I find that I can concentrate better at night. Which should not be the norm because this time should be down time already.

I want this nightmare to end.


There’s this guy with a Chinese name who wanted to connect on Instagram via direct message. I was to dismiss him but my curiosity was sparked since there were a lot of Chinese bots that followed me (which I eventually blocked) on Twitter. It’s not a secret that CCP monitors journalists abroad, especially those who have retweeted the HK protests and the West Philippines Sea debacle.

So I chose to engage. Who are you, I asked. He said he is a dentist in Belgium but originally from Taiwan. Hmmm suspicious. Why do you want to follow me, how did you come by my profile when it’s private? He said he was scanning for someone on IG when he came across my profile and wanted to be friends. Still very suspicious. Since I have no way of checking his IP address, I investigated whom he was following.

Well, they were all random Filipino women. All 600+ of them.

Dear God, why am I always in the line of sight of predators?! I never provocatively posed in photos, I always dress conservatively, and my all my social media profiles are always private (except for Twitter because that’s for monitoring purposes). Even on my LinkedIn, which is a professional networking platform, there are those who attempt to use it as a pick-up platform like Tinder. I have reported and blocked those predators.

The only way I can stay safe from predators is to stay away from all men.


Meanwhile, here’s my quick coloring of Imee Marcos’ caricature as A Witch Named Imee as a Mango. Stuff of nightmares.

Art and Photo by CallMeCreation.com

Twin A asked me to draw a picture of the three of us and she specifically asked for bunnies.

Art and Photo by CallMeCreation.com
Art and Photo by CallMeCreation.com
Art and Photo by CallMeCreation.com

Mending fences

I had a very good guy friend (if there was a best guy friend, he was it) in college and we were close. He was there every heartbreak I had. He was protective of us girls in the group. I often had drinking sessions with him. Right after we graduated he confessed: that he liked me from the beginning, on the first day our block met. He said he was in love with me and he took the same classes I took so that we would be classmates. I was so clueless then; I had no idea. And the reason why he didn’t pursue me was I had a boyfriend who was his fraternity brother. When I was free, he was in a relationship with our common friend. He said it was not meant to be.

So I brushed it off and it was like my rejection of him. I did not entertain him.

But his girlfriend knew she was just playing second fiddle to me and was very insecure of me. Since I was also her friend, I chose to cut the ties with both of them so they can live in peace. I had since transferred to Manila.

However, he was being weird and was sending me weird messages on YM and emails. I had to lie that I was already married (but I wasn’t) but the message got warped and it made a whole lot of mess, to make the long story short. His girlfriend was so angry that she called me names and other stuff on the phone. I don’t know why she was angry when I was the one who was already cutting her bf off. So this gf and her bestfriend slandered me online and so on and so forth. Later, things soured between the couple that they split. This guy friend was so angry with me (and I don’t know why when he was the one who was being weird) and that finally burned our bridges.

Years later, the former gf and her bestfriend apologized to me and said it was jealousy and deceit by the guy that propelled her to do what they had done to me. For me it was a non-issue anymore since they were so far removed from my reality…I mean I was leading a very different life and they no longer mattered.

A few months ago, this guy friend requested to follow me on Instagram. I was glad that he no longer has issues with me. Today, this guy friend reached out to me on IG and asked about my kids that he often sees on my posts. I also commented on his kids and we were talking about kids, his wife, raising children, etc. It was like nothing happened. We are finally mending fences after 20 years. He said when we come back to our hometown, he’ll bring his kids to meet mine.

You know, when the friendship is true, it doesn’t matter how far and how long you had been away from each other. You will still be friends again at some point. Because you respected each other and if you hurt each other in the past, in the end it won’t matter anymore because the ties that bound you are still there.

I can’t say the same for romantic relationships that were built on lies and deceit.


My little pink rose. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

This rose struggled but against all odds it bloomed again. It started out as plain pink rose but now it bloomed into a variegated mini rose.

They lived! Photo by CallMeCreation.com

My flowers survived days after their transplant/re-potting. Yey! The real culprit in many of my plants’ death is the root rot because the water didn’t drain well. The planter’s holes were blocked so I spent almost an hour just punching holes in this one and changed soil. Now I have to condition it with humic acid fertilizer that I buy online. This was effective in helping my dormant roses and mums flower again.

My garden at night. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

My goal is to fill every nook and cranny of this small courtyard with flowers before we leave this apartment next year. I want this to bloom all year-round.

Slowly. One step at a time. I am building myself up again, mending fences with the past, and forging a new future with new self-respect, love, and appreciation for myself and for whatever I have. Because as I said before, all I want is to have peace and be content.


Time check: 3:42 am. Damn, I only slept for 30 mins. I could no longer go back to sleep. ๐Ÿคฆ๐Ÿปโ€โ™€๏ธ

Self-care

Self-care pack received today. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

This came via Grab I think, sent by my corp comm friends. Unfortunately, I’m still not allowed to drink alcohol so I’ll keep it until I’m off alprazolam.

While working. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

I have lighted the lavender-scented candle for good vibes because I’m still working past 8 pm. Rushed a billion-dollar deal story and did some admin stuff. I don’t know if I can continue with my daily art journal entry. I just started a new one but hmmm…I can’t figure out how to continue with this. I need inspiration.

Maybe I need to get out. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

My friend M said he likes how I am healing myself (gardening, crafts, drawings, cooking) and friends could see that via Instagram. I told him that it’s nice that my work is very flexible and I can station myself anywhere. I can spend a week in Singapore if I want to or a week in Vietnam to escape. But not right now since Covid is still nasty. I have a few moments for myself for hobbies. I’m stabilizing now that I found that melatonin is helping me have better sleep quality. I should take 6 mg before 9 pm so I won’t have to wait until 5 am to fall asleep. Although I still get awakened at 4 am…and I don’t freaking know why.

As part of my healing process, I am purging one of the fondest memories I had of Valentine’s day. I am letting this go. This event may be part of the play-acting to manipulate me.

Victoria Peak at sunset. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
Overlooking Hong Kong. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

I held on to this memory of us trekking to Victoria Peak in Hong Kong to see the sunset. Then we crossed the bay on a ferry to Kowloon to have dinner. I thought it was very sweet. But I guess it was all a lie, ain’t it? I’m letting this go and this no longer belongs in my folder of precious memories.

Now I call this one below the Tower of Sauron. It’s all a lie.

Crossing to Kowloon. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

Next time I fly to Hong Kong, I will supplant this with a better memory. It will all be gone like in the Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. I’m already desensitizing myself by digging through my folders and letting this out.

I know he’s charming others now to manipulate them to do his bidding. Classic characteristic of a narcissist. It was all about them, never caring for the other party. Even if they know that one thing is already wrong, they will insist on their own twisted reasoning, all for one-upmanship. It’s all about getting even or “winning” over the other person, be it an enemy or a partner.

It’s sad, actually. Sad for me because I thought I was loved, even for a moment. But in truth I was really targeted as the next vulnerable victim. During our first meeting, he lied and said all that stuff about Philippines being the Pearl of the Orient Seas before and how his firm wanted to invest in the country to bring it back on the world map. Later on when we were already together, he told me his firm doesn’t really give a crap about the country–it’s all about the deal. And that they have white-guy biases. I hated that he lied to me just to charm me. I was having doubts all throughout the relationship (bits and pieces here and there) and the big glaring warning was during the time we were in Bohol. But I guess that’s how he gaslighted me all those 2.5 years. I’m so gullible, right?

I had told my friends before that I’ll be ok–that when I look back when I’m already 60 years old, I can say that I’ve been loved and it’s all that counts…Well I am wrong. I was never loved. It was all in my head. I, who had come out of a failed marriage, wanted to believe what I only wanted to believe. See what I only want to see. Big red flag was when I mistakenly opened his Facebook logged in on her ex-gf’s account. He was still stalking her. And he wasn’t over her because he still wanted to chase her to California and settle there, even to the point of staying with his sister even though they’re not in good terms. He told me to prove to the ex that he “made it” after she told him that he is dumb to throw his medical career away. To prove her wrong. Well, if it’s not being over her, what was I doing there??? As I said before, I was a void filler.

What is love? I don’t know what it is anymore. I no longer know how it is to be loved since I’m always the one expending the energy and giving all.

So fuck Valentine’s Day. It’s an invention of Hallmark cards.

Memories. Fucking memories. I am letting them all go now. They were all lies anyway.

Thank God it’s Friday

Kimchi having a good stretch. Photo by CallMeCreation,com

After one week of drama, I’m a little bit better today. Writing down all those feelings and processing them helped me regain my confidence and self-worth. I should never lose sight of that. I may be fat and unglamorous, but at least I’m not a bimbo or a bitch. I think I’ll be fine in the coming weeks.

As part of my purging, I finally used the Dr. Jart face mask that J gave me from his trip to S.Korea in 2019, which I had been saving for some unidentified special occasion. Well, there’s no more reason to hold on to the only thing he deliberately gave me as a present. It’s done. It’s gone. And my girls facilitated the application. Actually, it was their idea to finally use it.

I finally gave up the pretense that I will be productive today. I just finished one edit today and the rest are admin tasks. Then I brought the girls to Centris for their Covid jabs.

Looks like party. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

I expected more chaos since we’re talking about kids 5 years-11 years old but the QC admin did a great job of facilitating a sane vaccination program for children. There was some kind of entertainment, food, and giveaways so the children can be distracted. It took us 2 hrs since there were a lot of kids. At least the venue is airconditioned and had enough seats for both the children and parents/guardians.

We have to be back on March 4 for the second jab. Then we can go diving!!!

QC Memorial Park. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

After the vax, we went to Manila Seedling Bank (again!) to buy more plants/flowers. The girls had been inspired now that the front of our apartment is now pretty. Even our neighbors admired my flowers. It’s much more pleasant now within the compound and you tend to forget the mess that my neighboring unit has.

Photo by CallMeCreation.com
Photo by CallMeCreation.com

Don’t ask me how much I’ve spent on my plants–I think enough to buy me a brand new Nintendo Switch. I don’t know which hobby would benefit my mental health though.

Among the long-neglected chores I did today is to have my car washed after months of letting it get dirty. After dropping off the plants, I went to the car wash and distracted myself with a milkshake.

Photo by CallMeCreation.com
Photo by CallMeCreation.com

It was ok. Enough sugar to keep me going because I wasn’t able to compensate for the lack of sleep today. Even though I took alprazolam last night, I still woke up at around past 4 am and God knows at what time I fell back to sleep. I was so sleepy all day. I now took melatonin but only 3 mg. It’s not knocking me out yet. Maybe I should hike it to 10mg.

This is the consequence of having a hyperactive brain. Can’t stop thinking even at night, hence, the sleeplessness. I haven’t had deep sleep for a long, long time now.


Some friends from Philippine Star published this on Facebook and I tweeted it and tagged one editor of Philstar.com. “Hey, @xxx, who did this? (laughing emoji),” I tweeted. He tweeted back, “We’re still searching for the culprit.”

Then I posted this on IG and said “We’re the ones whose hearts are being broken all the time.” An ex-journo-turned-lawyer friend commented with a lot of laughing emojis. Ahhh, she is one of the many journo friends I had whose heart got trampled on. After the big split, she went to law school.

If she went to law school to heal, then maybe I should go for that CIIA exam instead of CFA. A colleague told me this is more relevant to our work (she’s preparing for her CFA level 2 exam) and investments in general if I want to jump into fund management. Or should I finally pursue my PhD? I was about to apply for graduate school in 2009 under a Reuters scholarship program in NYU and internship in Washington, D.C. I didn’t pursue it because my new (now ex-) husband then didn’t want to come with me. I knew if I left, I wouldn’t have any husband to come back to.

Maybe I should have pursued it then. But then my girls told me if I did, then I won’t have them. They have a point.

Goodbye, Philippines Part 2

This is so fucked up. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

This is really making me consider going to Canada. Apply for a graduate school scholarship there (but it’s fucking cold), go with my kids (free basic education) and kapoof! Or to New Zealand but I may just end up milking cows because they don’t need my skills there. They have enough of my type there.

Anyway, it’s not an option right now since my passport is going to expire next month and I still couldn’t get an appointment with the Dept of Foreign Affairs. WHY IS IT SO HARD to get a simple government service??? I need to fly to Singapore in May and June.

Meanwhile, this other table shows that the bigger the N=, the smaller the gap between Marcos and other candidates. So there might be some *hope* there.

The other surveys’ sample sizes are 1,500-3,000 vs RP MDF’s which had an N=10,000

Also in 2016, Leni trailed in the surveys but she won in unlikely places.

Praying for a miracle right now.


I’m on alprazolam right now but it’s not doing me any good. I slept at 3 am today and woke up at 5 am. what kind of sleep is that???

Melatonin good for a month. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

My psych said I can take melatonin because of my sleeping issues. She can’t just jack up my dosage of alprazolam–that would really mess me up. This was also prescribed to Covid patients who have trouble fixing their body clocks. Why it’s only now I asked about melatonin from my doctor, I don’t know. Maybe I was scared if it has any conflict with alprazolam. Or maybe I was afraid of no longer waking up. If I didn’t have kids, yeah, why not? But I have kids and I love them so I can’t risk dying.

But this sleeping problem is really affecting my productivity.


My friend, B, has booked herself a one-month stay in Boracay and she asked me if I want to join her for our own version of “Eat, Love, Pray” hiatus from the world. I said, why not? I’m about to send my girls to their grandma to attend an entrance exam review school for the summer and I can work remotely in a resort with B. I said I can join her after the girls’ birthday. She and I will be kite boarding every morning before we go to work.

My older sister also said the same thing; she wanted to book a month’s stay in some seaside resort. I said Anilao will be good since she doesn’t have to fly and she is a certified scuba diver so she has something to do. So I need to find a place for her so I can join her from time to time.

I told B about my solo Palawan trip and she said she could tag along. We could do El Nido; I’ll see how long we can stay there.

I just need to get rid of this toxicity that surrounded me since Friday. It doesn’t help that the girls kept looking at the girl whom J cheated me with on Facebook and kept watching her vlogs. “Mommy, she kept on talking about ‘Do you want to earn extra money?’ but she only shows her boobs!'” I told Twin A to stop it because I don’t want to know! My girls call her bakla because they said she looked like a gay man cross-dresser. It was cruel, I know. Maybe they are that angry with J. They refuse to refer to him as tito anymore. It was my friend, Jo, who lives in the same condo who told me about her. She always sees the girl walking along the riverside. “Yeah, she’s the type who wants a quick ticket to live abroad. Many of them in this condo who are with foreigners are like that. You know the type,” she said. Yeah. Many of them love to hang out in Poblacion, Makati. In the red light district, feeling like it’s the coolest place to be. That’s why I always beg K not to book dinners there (being a gay man, yeah, he likes it there).

I remember working in a Starbucks branch there with J because we were meeting with a startup guy. We saw an old Korean uncle with his very young plaything. J commented, “Very typical of these old uncles.” Little did he know that he has become an old uncle himself who got his own maldita hija de puta.

Jo said, “I can’t believe that he also chased M*** at the same time!”

I said, “Ah yeah, you were also there in that E*** awards party, right?”

Ugh. The world is really, really small.


So yeah, I think two weeks or just a week in Boracay will do wonders. Kite boarding in the morning. B and I can have our breakfast along Bulabog beach. Then work. She cooks and I also cook. Run along the beach for exercise until sunset. I can take a week off in May or June for Palawan–if I’m not flying to Singapore or Thailand. B just came back from the US and I haven’t asked her yet regarding her status with her guy in MD. But we have all the time in the world to talk about that in April. She just needs to go to Masbate after April or in March to visit some family properties.

It would be nice to get away from all these. I’m getting tired of the city but I really don’t want to be near family. What to do???

The world seems bigger than both of us

Yet it seems so small when I begin to cry

– Splender –

Ah, truer words have never been spoken.