My Melody and Kuromi car key covers. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
Because I’ve gone crazy and bored out of my skull, I started dressing up my car keys so that no man would ever attempt to drive my car 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣. I got these from Shopee.
Seriously though, this solved my problem because one of the original car keys had a broken head so I couldn’t attach a chain on it. Now with these Sanrio covers, I could now put key chains and won’t get lost in my bag.
And in keeping with my penchant nowadays for bling, I bought a new bracelet for my smart watch so it would match my jewelry when I’m in my business attire.
Photos by CallMeCreation.com
Online shopping, you are fueling my insanity. 😂😂😂
One of these days I would purchase that T-Rex costume I had been eyeing on for years.
And start going around UP Diliman and UP Los Baños in this get up:
I always got a kick out of this costume. I always laugh out loud whenever I see them. I encountered a bunch of them in Takashimaya in Singapore in 2018 😂. I wanted to buy one ever since.
At Takashimaya. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
I have a weird sense of humor. I couldn’t stop laughing whenever I watch this:
“Mommy, why are you counting the days without a car?” Twin I asked me when she saw me drafting a blog entry the other day.
“It’s like counting days without alcohol, darling. I’m so addicted to having a car at my disposal that I already forgot how to use public transport,” I said.
So it has been 18 days since I went outside my 4-km radius. It’s like a self-imposed quarantine or something.
Meanwhile, I had been struggling with sleep again for a couple of weeks now. My hours are upside down again and this time I’m keeping London hours. I don’t know how long I will be like this but this should be fixed once I get out of my house again. Maybe when I’m in Singapore my hours will be saner.
Speaking of which, I learned that none in my cluster in our company has been coming to our office regularly so I guess I really don’t have to drop by our office and I should just go straight to our conferences. I’ll just work in my hotel if I need to. Even my deputy hasn’t been reporting to our office because there’s no strict back-to-office order for us journos. That’s some kind of relief for me since I don’t want to be hopping from one train station to another just to show my face to people I don’t really need to work with. Those who regularly report to office belong to a different cluster. Well I could try to be friendly but my schedule is just packed and I don’t even have room for that.
One of the realizations I have in my healing process is this:
I now know that I am more than enough.
I am a treasure to somebody else and I no longer want to recall that feeling I had for more than 1.5 years that I am trash, hence, I was treated like trash.
I will never allow myself to be in that position again. It destroys you.
Now that I’m ok, I am able to parse things more clearly. I am thanking God everyday that I chose this route and resisted friends’ suggestions to put myself in the market to heal. That’s not healing; it’s escaping. The problem will still persist and you’re just applying bandage upon bandage on a wound that is undergoing gangrene necrosis. In the end it will kill you. You’ll just realize that you’re already emotionally dead at age 50 and you’ve never had anything meaningful all those years.
And you wonder where has the time gone.
I have now learned to love myself and realized my real value so I don’t need another person’s validation for that. I am beautiful, intelligent, funny, caring, and dignified and I truly believe that, not just lip service to myself. Now that I’ve reached that stage, I think I would have a healthier relationship with the next person since I am not looking to become a whole person through my partner. I am already whole, with or without that partner. I don’t have to bend over and backwards just to accommodate that person and make him love me.
Just be.
And these are lessons I have already imparted to my girls this early.
This, my friends, is the president of the Philippines, who does not have any idea how inflation works. It hurt my head this afternoon while reading the transcripts of the live reports about his first presscon. As I tweeted:
“Dear BSP Gov Medalla, can you explain to him the difference between actual inflation and the BSP target inflation range? Can you also tell him that inflation is not opinion, it is not rumor.”
Speaking of BSP, the event on Friday is cancelled. I was told by fellow reporters that the Finance Secretary has COVID and yet he attended the turnover of governorship yesterday. So everyone is quarantined and likely infected. Including reporters. Some banker sources I have also have COVID. I called up Hotel Jen and asked for a reschedule of my booking given the circumstances.
And speaking of tweet, I had no outlet for this incident early this morning. I couldn’t scream, I couldn’t do anything but this:
It was Sushi. She was patiently waiting for me to open the door so I can marvel at her offering. It was 2 am and I wanted to go to the bathroom when I saw it. I needed to pee so badly so I just made my way down saying ewwww eeewwwww eeewwwww. Then I quickly headed back to my room and shut my door. I let Ate C deal with it. I was just so befuddled to get rid of a dead baby rat that crossed from the messy neighbors at 2 am.
Kimchi. Useless Kimchi but I still love her to bits. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
I asked Ate C if the mouse was intact. She said yes. Did it have any blood? She said no. Then I think Sushi just played with it. Good. I don’t want to think about my clean cats, whom I painstakingly bathe while they give me cuts and bites, eating a rat. *barf*
Because of that lovely present and disturbed sleep, I spent the rest of the day harboring this massive headache.
My officemate sleeping on the job. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
So today my foul mood is gone and the other effects of the booster shot. Was busy fulfilling my duty as an underpaid manager; so with that thought, I took a break and slept for 3 hours this afternoon before trying to draft another story. An underpaid manager is entitled to all the breaks she deserved, right?
Had a good session with my shrink earlier this evening. She could see that I’m in a better place now and told her my realizations. “I don’t know if this is the antidepressant talking but I’m good,” I told her.
Just like any good doctor would do, she is dialing down my dosage to half tablet every night for a month, then half a tablet every other night for another month before my consultation with her in September. She said she just couldn’t pull it out altogether; we need to have my body/brain adjust to the changes before we pull out the antidepressant completely.
But still no coffee. 😑
Healing on my own, without going into a rebound relationship, is sweet. It was hard but it was for the best and I’m reaping the benefits. I congratulate myself for being brave and strong. It was a slow and arduous process but I made it. I never thought I could but here I am. ❤️
I asked Twin I how she would feel if I started seeing other people. She said she’s ok as long as he likes them. I said that is the top criteria for me, that he should love them as he loves me. It’s a tall order but there is zero compromise there. My daughter hugged me and said, thank you, Mommy.
I felt guilty. They had faced so much rejection from the men in my life that I feel like I didn’t prioritize them and I’m just too wrapped up with myself and my personal happiness that I neglected their welfare.
Not this time.
You don’t like them? Then I don’t like you. Go away. You don’t deserve to have a life with me.
They’re my life.
I will start applying for SKorea visa right after my Singapore trip. I would be there for at least two weeks before things get really cold there. I’m meeting a PE executive in their office as they are gearing up for a SPAC listing in the US for one of its portfolio companies. I would be meeting some lawyers as well as there are lot of things going on there with Vietnam and the rest of Southeast Asia. Maybe I can work for a week or less and then take off a week to go around. There’s always Google translate. 😂 I’m also meeting up with a friend there who would help me navigate. Besides, half of the fun of traveling is getting lost. 🤣
My Singapore trip, on the other hand, is packed and I don’t think I would be able to meet all the people I need to talk to. Even my dinner with my lifelong friend who works as BD in a law firm there would have to be carefully planned. 😶 I wonder if I would still have the energy to go around to see people outside work. I hope the company just wouldn’t instantly pull me to host one of the panel discussions there just like what they did to me in one of our conferences a few years ago. That was nerve-wracking.
I could stay longer but I’m not that enticed to do that. I don’t know why but staying there for more than 8 days would make me go nuts. It’s just too confining for me. That’s one of the reasons why I was also not that hot about transferring there, aside from the regular 30% jump in rental rates because of the increasing transplants from Hong Kong. My colleague-friend told me she has to move from her studio again because of the skyrocketing rent. That’s just bad; she would have to room again with others in an HDB. So on a net basis, I’m doing better here compared if we lived there and I get to own my home. Rent there would just gnaw into my subconsciousness. Regular trips to Singapore would just suffice. Living in the Philippines is like living with somebody with a bipolar disorder but you just have to get used to it. It’s home.
But Scotland sounds nice and my friend is near to convincing me of that. 😂
That second booster was nasty. I was sick and spent a very restless night, waking up almost every hour. Then I slept the rest of the day today and did nothing else. I’m still aching, still in a foul mood, and I still want to kill people. I must be having my pre-menstrual syndrome as I want to bite everyone’s heads off. I’m a hazard to humanity so I’m locking myself up here in my room in the meantime.
I didn’t want to think about what to serve my kids for brunch so I opted for the easiest, which is omurice with leftwovers combined to make fried rice. We’re supposed to go to the health center of a nearby barangay for my 2nd booster shot later in the day.
Omurice. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
Surprisingly it was easier to book Grab today. Probably because our destinations are all nearby.
Coming back from the barangay health center. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
Unfortunately for the girls, the booster shots for their age group haven’t been approved yet. So they just had to settle for a trip to the salon to fix their disastrous haircuts.
Twin I with a better haircut. She’s quite happy. Photo by her.
We had an early dinner at the nearby Vietnamese restaurant because I was feeling sick after the booster and was not in the mood to cook.
Pho and fried spring rolls. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
I took a nap after this as I was already aching all over, my head was pounding and that my eyelids were ready to shut. I thought the booster #2 would be easier. Nope, I was still feeling sick despite having 4 vax shots now.
Meanwhile, my journalist group chat has been discussing that the Imelda Marcos-style living is back in Malacanang, without any regard for the citizens who are suffering from high prices and struggling with high transportation costs or the lack of means of transportation.
It will be a very long 6 years.
Right now I’m not in the mood to be sociable and I just want to shut myself in my room. The girls are going to be fetched by their dad in a few minutes. I’m so irritated with the world today. People think that just because you’re responding to them, they can just take you for granted.
I’m tired of it. It happens again and again. So no, I choose myself this time. Goodbye.
